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 Jokes Etc / Great Truths About Life That Little Children Have Learned by Labans(m): 7:41pm On Apr 16, 2007 |
Great Truths About Life That Little Children Have Learned * No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats. * When your Mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair. * If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person. * Never ask your 3-year-old brother to hold a tomato. * You can't trust dogs to watch your food. * Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot. * Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. * Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac. * Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time. * School lunches stick to the wall. * You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. * Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. No matter how cute the underwear is. |
| Jokes Etc / All Men Hear by Labans(m): 7:35pm On Apr 16, 2007 |
"All men hear is blah, blah, blah, blah, SEX, blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah, BEER." --Dennis Leary |
| Jokes Etc / A Holiday In The Caribbean by Labans(m): 1:46pm On Apr 13, 2007 |
A woman goes on holiday in the Caribbean, whilst staying at her hotel she meets a big black guy. After a night of mad passion she asked for his name. He replies: |
| Jokes Etc / And What Did Your Father Do? by Labans(m): 1:44pm On Apr 13, 2007 |
The teacher says, "Let's discuss what your fathers do for a living." Mary says, "My Dad is a lawyer. He puts bad guys in jail." Jack says, "My Dad is a doctor. He makes all sick people better." The teacher says, to Dirty Johnny, "John, what does your Dad do ?" Johnny says, "My Dad is dead." She says, "I'm sorry to hear that. But what did he do before he died?" Johnny says, "He turned blue and shit on the carpet." |
| Jokes Etc / A Newly Wed Couple by Labans(m): 1:42pm On Apr 13, 2007 |
A young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition that the best man dance with the bride for the first song. Well, this happened, but then they danced for the second song too. And the third. By the time the fourth song came on, the groom ran up and kicked the bride between the legs. A riot broke out, and all the invited guests were hauled off to jail. In court the next week, the judge asked the best man what happened. ''Your honor, we were just dancing, and the groom ran up and kicked the bride between the legs.'' ''That must have hurt,'' said the judge. ''No kidding,'' said the best man. ''I broke three of my fingers.'' |
| Jokes Etc / A Married Couple With An Age Difference by Labans(m): 1:39pm On Apr 13, 2007 |
At 85 years of age, Morris marries LouAnne, a lovely 25-year-old. Because her new husband is so old, LouAnne decides that on their wedding night, she and Morris are to have separate bedrooms. The newlywed is concerned that her new husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together. After the wedding festivities, LouAnne prepares herself for bed, and for the expected "knock" on the door. Sure enough, the knock comes, the door opens, and there is her 85-year-old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, whereupon Morris takes leave of LouAnne, and she prepares to go to sleep. After a few minutes, LouAnne hears another knock on her bedroom door. It's Morris! And he's again ready for more action! Somewhat surprised, LouAnne consents to further coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Morris kisses LouAnne, bids her a fond good night, and leaves. LouAnne is set to go to sleep again. However, after a few short minutes, there is another knock at her door, and there he is again. Morris, as fresh as a 25-year-old and ready for a bit more action. And again they enjoy one another. As Morris is once again set to leave, the young bride says to him, "I am thoroughly impressed that at your age, honey, I've been with guys less than a third your age who were only good once! You're a great lover, Morris." Morris, somewhat embarrassed, turns to LouAnne and says, "You mean I was here already?" |
| Jokes Etc / The Best Toast Of The Night by Labans(m): 1:37pm On Apr 13, 2007 |
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said. The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary." She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come." |
| Jokes Etc / How To Feel Like A Woman by Labans(m): 1:35pm On Apr 13, 2007 |
n a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die," she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?" For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stare. Eyes riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then a cowboy named Jack from Carmichael Saskatchewan stands up in the rear of the plane. He is handsome: well built, with dark brown hair and blue eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt. One button at a time. No one moves. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest. She gasps, He whispers, "Iron this -- and then get me a beer." |
| Jokes Etc / Blonde Carpenters: by Labans(m): 7:27pm On Apr 11, 2007 |
Becky and Sally Ann were doing some carpenter work on a house. Becky who was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either use it or throw it over her shoulder. Sally Ann, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?". Becky explained, "When I pull out a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end, so I throw them away". Sally Ann got completely upset and yelled, "You slowpoke! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!". |
| Jokes Etc / Pregnant by Labans(m): 7:26pm On Apr 11, 2007 |
An 18 year-old girl tells her Mum that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the Chemist and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father and the mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life. Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?" At this point, the girls father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You shag her again." |
| Jokes Etc / A Study by Labans(m): 7:22pm On Apr 11, 2007 |
A college professor was doing a study testing the senses of first graders using a bowl of lifesavers. He gave all the children the same kind of lifesavers, one at a time, and asked them to identify them by color and flavor. The children began to say: Red, cherry Yellow, lemon Green, lime Orange, orange Finally the professor gave them all honey lifesavers. After eating them for a few minutes none of the children could identify the taste. "Well"' he said, "I'll give you a clue. It's what your mother might sometimes call your father." One little girl looked up in horror , spit hers out and yelled, "Oh, my God! They're assholes!" |
| Jokes Etc / A Wee Button by Labans(m): 7:17pm On Apr 11, 2007 |
Angus Broom of Glasgow comes to the little lady of the house exclaiming, "Maggie, cud ya be sewin on a wee button that's come off of me fly? I canna button me pants." "Oh Angus , I've got me hands in the dishpan, go up the stairs and see if Mrs. MacDonald could be helpin ya with it." About 5 minutes later there's a terrible crash, a bang, a bit of yelling and the sound of a body falling doon the stairs. Walking back in the door with a blackened eye and a y nose comes Angus. The little lady looks at him and says, "My god, what happened to ya?? Did you ask her like I told you?" "Aye," says Angus. "I asked her to sew on the wee button an she did. Everything was goin fine, but when she bent doon to bite off the wee thread, Mr. MacDonald walked in. |
| Jokes Etc / The Twist by Labans(m): 7:12pm On Apr 11, 2007 |
Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Bobby's a pretty hip guy with his own car and a ducktail hairdo. When he goes to the front door, Peggy Sue's father answers and invites him in. "Peggy Sue's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?" he says. "That's cool." says Bobby. Peggy Sue's father asks Bobby what they are planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie. Peggy Sue's father responds "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it." Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby and he says "Whaaaat?" "Yeah," says Peggy Sue's father, "Peggy Sue really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!" Bobby's eyes light up and smiles from ear to ear. Immediately, he has revised the plans for the evening. A few minutes later, Peggy Sue comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt with her saddle shoes and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door while dad is saying "Have a good evening kids," with a wink for Bobby. About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her father: "DAMMIT DADDY! THE TWIST!!! IT'S CALLED THE TWIST!! |
| Jokes Etc / The Cure by Labans(m): 7:10pm On Apr 11, 2007 |
A woman went to the doctor's office and was seen by one of the new young doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she started screaming and ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he told her to sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the first doctor was and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?" The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and, without looking up, said, "Does she still have the hiccups?" |
| Jokes Etc / Pet Monkey by Labans(m): 7:07pm On Apr 11, 2007 |
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little jerk. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" "Now what?" asks the patron. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that cue ball he measures everything first!" |
| Jokes Etc / Captured Cowboy by Labans(m): 7:03pm On Apr 11, 2007 |
A bunch of Indians capture a cowboy and bring him back to their camp to meet the chief. The chief says to the cowboy, "You going to die. But we sorry for you, so give you one wish a day for three days. On sundown of third day, you die. What is first wish?" The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse." The Indians get his horse. The cowboy grabs the horse's ear and whispers something, then slaps the horse on the ass. The horse takes off. Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked blonde. She jumps off the horse and goes into the teepee with the cowboy. The Indians look at each other, figuring, "Typical white man - can only think of one thing." The second day, the chief says, "What your wish today?" The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse again." The Indians bring him his horse. The cowboy leans over to the horse and whispers something in the horses ear, then slaps it on the ass. Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked redhead. She gets off and goes in the teepee with the cowboy. The Indians shake their heads, figuring, "Typical white man - going to die tomorrow and can only think of one thing." The last day comes, and the chief says, "This your last wish, white man. What you want?" The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse again." The Indians bring him his horse. The cowboy grabs the horse by both ears, twists them hard and yells, Read my lips! POSSE, damn it! P-O-S-S-E!" |
| Jokes Etc / Body Parts by Labans(m): 7:02pm On Apr 11, 2007 |
The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven, which part of your body goes first?" Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands." "Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy? Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first." "What a wonderful answer!" the nun said. Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your feet." The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. "Now, Little Johnny, why do you think it would be your feet?" Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, "Oh ! God, I'm coming!" "If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her." The Nun fainted, |
| Jokes Etc / Two Tall Trees by Labans(m): 6:59pm On Apr 11, 2007 |
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in." |
| Jokes Etc / Circus by Labans(m): 6:58pm On Apr 11, 2007 |
A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a good looking, older retired navy chief in his mid-sixties and the other is a gorgeous blonde in her mid-twenties. The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you guys better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?" The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About half way there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her; feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet. The circus owner's mouth is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the retired chief and asks, "Can you top that?" The tough old chief replies, "No problem, just get that lion out of the way." |
| Jokes Etc / A Couple In A Car by Labans(m): 6:56pm On Apr 11, 2007 |
A cop was patrolling at night in a well-known spot. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing. The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, knitting. Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and gently raps on the driver |
| Jokes Etc / Little Mary by Labans(m): 6:55pm On Apr 11, 2007 |
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep. A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted. |
| Jokes Etc / The Phone Call by Labans(m): 6:52pm On Apr 11, 2007 |
The Phone Call ((((RING)))) (((RING))) **Pick Up** "Hello?" "Hi honey, this is Daddy, Is Mommy near the phone?" "No Daddy, She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank." After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Frank." "Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now" Brief Pause, "Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway." "Okay Daddy, just a minute." A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. "I did it Daddy." "And what happened honey?" he asked. "Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!" "Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Frank?" "He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead" ***Long Pause*** ***Longer Pause*** Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool  , Is this 555-7039??" |
| Jokes Etc / Perfect Girl by Labans(m): 6:50pm On Apr 11, 2007 |
A friend asked me the other day why I never got married. I replied "Well, I guess I just never met the right woman, I guess I've been looking for the perfect girl." "Oh, come on now," said my friend. "Surely you have met at least one girl that you wanted to marry." "Yes, there was one girl, once. I guess she was the one perfect girl -- the only perfect girl I really ever met. She was just the right everything, I really mean that she was the perfect girl for me." "Well, why didn't you marry her?" asked my friend. I shrugged my shoulders and replied, "She was looking for the perfect man. |
| Jokes Etc / A Blind Man by Labans(m): 6:49pm On Apr 11, 2007 |
A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from there." A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes, that's what I'll have -- meatloaf and mashed potatoes." Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife. He tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves. Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man." "I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork." The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great. I'll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli." Walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him. The blind man eats and leaves. He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man." Mary complies and hands her husband the fork. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting. "Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you." The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff, and says, "Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here, " |
| Jokes Etc / A Former Prostitute by Labans(m): 6:44pm On Apr 11, 2007 |
A former prostitute with a rather well-used vagina that has been somewhat stretched is given a proposal of marriage by a man she meets in a bar one night. She thinks it over, and she decides to accept his proposal. Her private parts are somewhat oversized from her former occupation, but she decides to approach the problem after they are married. On their wedding night, she explains the problem by saying that when she was a small child, she got her privates caught on some barbed wire while climbing over a fence, which explains why her vagina is so big. They make wild and passionate love for most of the night, and in the early hours of the morning, her husband, after regaining his breath, turns to her and says, "I can understand your private parts being stretched by this barbed wire, my dear, but just HOW far across the field were you before you noticed?" |
| Jokes Etc / A Night Out by Labans(m): 6:42pm On Apr 11, 2007 |
A couple were going out for the evening. They'd gotten ready, all dolled up, dog put out, etc. The taxi arrives, and as the couple start out, the dog shoots back in the house. They don't want the dog shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the dog out. The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver:"He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long" he says. "Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching and biting me as I hauled her ass downstairs and tossed her in the back yard! She better not shit in the vegetable garden again either!" 1 Like |
| Jokes Etc / Annoying Boy On Bus by Labans(m): 6:36pm On Apr 11, 2007 |
A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.'' The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.'' The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was a drunk and your mom was a prostitute?!'' The kid smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!'' |
| Jokes Etc / A Pirate by Labans(m): 3:07pm On Apr 09, 2007 |
A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible". "What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine" "What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before." "Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now". "Well, ok, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?" "We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really". "What about that eye patch?" "Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them shit in my eye". "You're kidding," said the bartender, "you couldn't lose an eye just from some bird doo-doo?" "It was my first day with the hook" |
| Jokes Etc / Drunk Driver by Labans(m): 3:05pm On Apr 09, 2007 |
A female police officer arrests a man for drunk driving. The female officer tells the man, "Sir, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you, " The drunk replies; "Tits." |
| Jokes Etc / Things To Ponder by Labans(m): 3:02pm On Apr 09, 2007 |
Things To Ponder A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night? Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks? Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car. There are no new sins, the old ones just get more publicity. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. It could be a right number. Think about this, , No one ever says "It's only a game" when his team is winning. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow. If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs. I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap. Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket. Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo. After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead. |
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