₦airaland Forum

Nice one. You should use 'mobile phone' in place of 'cell phone'. The latter is only of American English usage.

Good job.

Nice story.

Mynd_44: You guys tell me when you decide I wan watch ball

There's nothing to decide; I endorse Iyawo Nylon Bag by Ishilove. I've already posted the link.

HumbledbYGrace: seriously? AGAIN

Mine made frontpage twice, Tamisho made frontpage at every chapter updated. There's no big deal in that.

Mynd_44: **Strong face**

Your highness, please consider my client.

HumbledbYGrace: Oga Larry is it love or

I think the thread had already graced the front page stages not a long time ago.

It is

But, there's no harm in the thread making the frontpage again.

Rap maestro: insult

That's not an insult. It's a polite request.

Iyawo Nylon Bag by Ishilove

https://www.nairaland.com/1205583/iyawo-nylon-bag

Mynd_44: Amen

Mynd, do you have Moss's phone number?

Iyawo Nylon Bag by Ishilove.

Happy Easter to all Nairaland literary geniuses and humble readers. God bless us all.

Great job, Ishi. You're a writer, that's the truth. Nice metaphors there too.

However, there are some teeny-tiny errors I caught in this one :

Error of inclusion [Reread paragraph 6]

Keyboard error [Povertym for poverty]

Spelling Error ['Phantom(ghost)' instead of 'fathom(understand/explain)']

By the way, Happy Easter.

The name 'Arthur' reminds me of Merlin, I think the OP meant 'author'.

Where's Foxy?

frank3.16:
hmnn, i thot of this too. but i thought: couldnt there be possiblity that she got the info of what happend in her absence from her siblings and parents? i mean, couldnt she have gotten it from their own narration? but...
i need professional writers to tell me what they think. the floor is open pls.

Let's face it, there's no possibility that the narrator could get the info of the phone conversation between her dad and his boss or welder. Her dad's words, yes, but people on the other line, no. Linda was in her room when her bad-tempered sibling's room was searched. It's either the conversation there was very loud (which you should point out) or she was informed verbatim (which you should also point out).

In addition, writing in the first-person singular is quite a daunting task, therefore, it calls for some serious attention in the tense usage. From your narrative, I'd surmise to say that Linda was reporting in the past-tense form. But, some were given in the present-tense, which is inconsistent with the narrative style already employed.

Linda is ten years old, right? Everything should be seen right from the point-of-view of a ten-year-old kid. [Purple Hibiscus by Adichie could really help in this regard]

Some syntax and spelling errors were also staring at me:

...nook and cranny... [that is a cliché, but since it was a kid narrating...it can pass]

The use of 'fund' for 'fond'...

After the phrase 'high time...' the next verb should be in the past form.

There're some others though, but I'm sure you'll see them when you take a second look.

(Just from my personal viewpoints. Ishilove is more versed in this field than I am. )

But above all, you're doing a great job. One thing I enjoy mostly in your writings is your sense of dialogue. Your imagination is...wow!

And...oh, I'd rather you use 'The Lost Key'; that's a direct and more catchy title.

Kudos, sir.

Merry Easter.

mabebe1: nice work 2 all writers bt y r u guys behind schedule..hope al iz wel

Thanks Mabel, for your concern. All is well, just a slight bump on the highway.

Mazi_Omenuko: What's happening? Someone missed his/her update and no official statement to that effect! Where's the japanese guy and why hasn't larry made an official adjustment yet?

No one's gonna take us serious if we don't take ourselves serious! (Mazi Omenuko, March 2013).

We're hoping to have Foxy's updates today. Senb went AWOL...again.

iykmora: hope all is well...whr are yu guyz and who is not accomplishing his task? #Concerned

Thanks Iyk. Senb was expected to update three days ago but he's gone off the grid. We're hoping to read Foxy's chapter sometimes today.

Bless you.

HumbledbYGrace: Swahili is not a local language

Okey dockey!

Well-written. Weldone.

Foxy_Ultimate: Larry... I no get any beef with you. I was only remembering when we chatted here plus made contributions (tho i dont contribute), it was all fun. Not until you felt we should stop talking. Now you call me a clown... Na so I play reach wey dem tell you?

LOL! I'm sorry, bro. I had a bad day yesterday. About the clown issue, I take it back But for every Midsummer Night's Dream, there's always a Puck!