₦airaland Forum

ArewaSweetheart:
Yea, that's exactly my thought too.

you too know book.

carefreewannabe:
I would break up with someone who does not know how to handle finances before we would get married.

isokay

carefreewannabe:
There is nothing like A husband! People are different and have different desires.

there is something that is common with all men.

carefreewannabe:
The possibility that I will marry this kind of a man does not exist.

why?

ArewaSweetheart:
Well its obvious our views differ, but i'm still of the opinion that wisdom is the greatest weapon in the hierachy of weapons ; not submission.

Ok I get you now. Wisdom is the greatest because wisdom is the right application of other weapons. Without it other weapons could be misused.

Timbuktou:
Hmm. Let me try to wriggle my way outta this.

When I say I don't believe in love, what I mean is, people don't love and expect nothing in return, which is unconditional love. So, if as a husband, I show/practise love to my wife I expect her to show me love/submission in return.

Also, her submission to me isn't out of a desire to submit for the sake of it or her love for me but, to have a happy home, a "loving", happy husband, etc.

The point at which we realise that our love/submission will not bring the desired results; a loving husband, a submissive wife, is when marriages tend to break down.

Even when the marriages do not break down, we tend to play our roles in a bid to experience a change of fortunes for the better/status quo. Perhaps, our spouses might see the error of their ways because I'm playing my part, blah blah blah. Gettest thou, I, sis?

I get you now.

mytime24:
@op, dis tittle 2ur thread is mis-leadin sha, i evn tink say na weapon of mass destructn........#fearcatchme

na weapon of home building.

carefreewannabe:
I will become the Finance Minister of the marriage institution.

You are asking me questions like I am a marriage counsellor when in fact I am very far from it.

However, what he does with his money is his business at the end of the day. I will have my money, he will have his money and we will hopefully equally contribute to the shared budget so when he meets his responsibilities, I have no right telling him what to do with the rest of the money.

what do you think is a husband's greatest desire from his wife?

ArewaSweetheart:
Sure. But what i meant is that submission alone doesnt guarantee happy marraige. Most men desire more than mere respect/submission from their woman. To some, submission might just be what they want, while for others, submission alone aint enough.

Modified:

@lateralmaths, you can see that no two men are the same even from donpeey's post below

that's why the topic is a wife's greatest weapon. there are other weapons

crackhaus:
Except that submission isn't about being a dummy.

true. submission is not foolishness.

crackhaus:
You are actually typing a lot and saying nothing, while confusing yourself in the process.

Let's do a recap:
- First, you equated submission to intelligence and I corrected that by explaining what submission entails...you even said your understanding of it was about yielding and letting one partner lead.

- On your next response, you went back on the intelligence talk by stating that if you were a woman, you would not be submissive to a man less intelligent than you are - I subsequently asked you why a woman (who has a thing for intelligence) would marry a man less intelligent than she is in the first place.

- On this particular retort, you're now going on about your understanding being different...which is entirely off point as we're still talking on intelligence.

The point is this:
If intelligence is a prerequisite for submission (as this is your own understanding of marriage), then it's up to the woman to either marry a man she is more intelligent than to avoid submitting to him or marry a man who is more intelligent than she is and submit totally to him - can you see the direct result of your logic?


For more clarity on what submission entails, refer to my earlier explanation - it is not about who is more intelligent, neither is it about being a slave.

I agree with you.

Timbuktou:
No such thing exists, whether in heaven or earth. No, I don't believe in it.

it exists bro.

Timbuktou:
And you practise unconditional love? Seriously? As in, unconditional. You show this love irrespective of what your wife does. Note I didn't ask if you're working towards it o.

yes

carefreewannabe:
Whether he is an angel or the devil himself does not matter. What matters is my understanding of a relationship. For me a healthy relationship is one that is based on an equal footing and not a slave / master, servant / boss something. All decisions will be made based on consensus and the consensus will be reached after we have TOGETHER carefully considered the pros and cons, the costs, the efficiency and legitimacy. The only exception will be made when a decision requires expert knowledge, which I lack or vice versa. If he, for example, is a computer expert and we want to buy a new computer, he can make the decision because he is an expert and not because he has got a joystick. If a decision requires expert knowledge that he lacks but I have, then he should trust me.

I don't need a head, I have my own and I don't need a leader, I know the way myself.

We can support each other in the journey called life but you are not my daddy, not my master and not my boss. We are best friends and partners or we will go our separate ways.

do you need a husband or a partner?

carefreewannabe:
Whether he is an angel or the devil himself does not matter. What matters is my understanding of a relationship. For me a healthy relationship is one that is based on an equal footing and not a slave / master, servant / boss something. All decisions will be made based on consensus and the consensus will be reached after we have TOGETHER carefully considered the pros and cons, the costs, the efficiency and legitimacy. The only exception will be made when a decision requires expert knowledge, which I lack or vice versa. If he, for example, is a computer expert and we want to buy a new computer, he can make the decision because he is an expert and not because he has got a joystick. If a decision requires expert knowledge that he lacks but I have, then he should trust me.

I don't need a head, I have my own and I don't need a leader, I know the way myself.

We can support each other in the journey called life but you are not my daddy, not my master and not my boss. We are best friends and partners or we will go our separate ways.

hmmm. what then is the role of a husband?

Sophyrocks:
Honestly, the best guide for christian women making the right choices of partners is to marry a man they can easily be submissive to. If a man has traits that would make submissiveness very difficult, do not marry him. For me, a cheat or a brute or an irresponsible man who has no respect for women and who isnt well grounded spiritually isnt in my bucket list. submission would be extremely difficult for me to such a man.

true. how can you tell that he is a brute or cheat during courtship?

donpeey22:
Then my earlier opinion still stands because if I were a woman, I will never yield to or be led by a man who is less intelligent than I am. At best we could be equal partners with equal rights to decision making in the relationship, but to let such man alone decide what holds in the family is a recipe for disaster. No wonder why so many homes are in shambles.
It is just like saying that in an organization a man must be the MD simply for the mere fact that he is a man while there are more intelligent women who are better qualified to hold such positions.

then why did she marry him. does she know the role of a husband?

carefreewannabe:
Definitely and as soon as his mouth utters the word submission, he is a suspect.

lol

crackhaus:
That's basically what it is.

Nothing to do with who is more intelligent, or who makes more money.
Recognizing that the husband is the head, leader, and administrator of the home is the concept of submission.

How the woman chooses to go about her interpretation of submission is where wisdom comes in, which is basically what stooping to conquer entails as mentioned in the OP.

thank you

obowunmi:
1) her brilliance

2) her cooking skills

3) bedmatics

pls explain

Sophyrocks:
What? now you getting things mixed up. Have you read that portion i mentioned at all? What does it mean to show someone Honour?

it also said women are the weaker vessels. If you look at the thread for husbands,a husband is supposed to love his wife unconditionally no matter what,that also involves honouring her.

ArewaSweetheart:
Submission is one out of the many other attributes men desire from their women. Mind you, what is good for one might not be good for all. Thus, a wise woman will study the likes & dislikes of her hubby & try her best to maintain peace & tranquility in her home.

you will agree with me that disrespect is something most men can't live with.

carefreewannabe:
But not every man has got ego issues.

true

Sophyrocks:
The bolded is very funny to me. Men naturally respect? With the many instances of female discrimination and absolute unbridled dominance? thats respect to you? Are you kidding me? Do you know what 1st peter 3 vs 7 says? Husbands are told to show their wives honour. What is honour? If you scan through the bible, you will see that it preaches mutual respect for both husbands and wives. Its not a quality restricted to just wives.

A man can't love without submitting, but a woman can.

ArewaSweetheart:
Love encompasses all other virtues including care & the ability to meet the needs of one's spouse (of which financial need is one). As such, a man who truly & sincerely loves his wife would always do his best to satisfy the needs of that spouse. He would avoid making his spouse sad or unhappy the best he can. And if indeed he knows his best isnt still good enough, he will not hesitate to seek help in the right places pending when he is able to get on his feet.

you too know book jor.

crackhaus:
Therein lies the problem.

Do you think every woman will appreciate unconditional love even when she's not satisfied in some other aspect she believes is important to her?

unconditional love will make the man look into those aspects.

carefreewannabe:
A man with ego issues? No thanks, I will pass.

all men have ego. you hear?

donpeey22:
Everybody needs respect and love. If you think otherwise, don't respect your wife and don't expect her to love you, and then enjoy a 'blissful' marriage.

men respect naturally that's why you can't find guys having issues amongst themselves like ladies. Women love naturally that's why you see ladies greet each other with hugs,pecks etc.
In marriage above all a man must learn to love more and a woman must learn to respect more.

ArewaSweetheart:
lol at stooping to conquer

Maybe i dont really get your question sha, but in my opinion, a wife's greatest weapon in her marraige is wisdom. She has to always apply wisdom in whatever decision she makes. She should avoid acting before thinking.
So to me, wisdom is key; & not necessarily stooping.

wisdom will make her know the importance of submission.

crackhaus:
Unconditional love can only last so long, it has to be reciprocated or at least appreciated for it to grow roots and blossom - we are nought but humans.

every woman will appreciate unconditional love.

Timbuktou:
You're not married. Come back and share the results of unconditional love after your tenth year of marriage. Goodbye

I am happily married bro.

donpeey22:
I am not a supporter of the 'wife must submit' syndrome ravaging some Nigerian homes.
My reason is not far fetched and is given below:

Those who proposed that a wife must submit to her husband's whims and caprice must have had a generalized view that men are more Intelligent than women which in reality is not the case.
Therefore, if all men are not more intelligent than all women, it will be very foolish to say that a woman must submit to her husband regardless of who is more intelligent and can make a better decision, unless the submission we are talking about here is a kind of artificial one that's only meant to make the men feel better.
So, op I don't agree with you.

will you agree with me that men and women are wired differently and so have different needs. What a man needs most from his wife is respect and what a wife needs most from her husband is love.