₦airaland Forum

5minsmadness:


I tried to warn him...

Pls explain further

ignorance and fear.

Amhappy:
@Lateralmaths you are a good counsellor. However there are no two methods for everyone. A collegue told me a painful story of how her brother's wife died. She was this dovey loving,submissive and humble type to the extent that she was condoning her husband's bad behaviours ;infidelity and keeping late nights even to the dismay of her MIl and Sil. She saw it as a way to get into his heart and stop his bad ways. To cut the long story short,the husband mistress killed her and now he is married to that woman.

Thanks.

Like it has been said stooping is not foolishness. You need wisdom to understand what stooping is. No woman should stoop at the expense of her life.

EfemenaXY:
Let's assume for the sake of this argument I have no religious afflictions.

How would you level with me?

#In your own words#

What religious affiliations did our fore fathers have? we know marriages were more successful those days compared to our days.

As we worship in Your presence there is healing.
The Holy Spirit's gentle touch is flowing.
Jesus we believe
Jesus there is healing Your name.

Almighty Father we thank You for we know that You hear us when we call.
Father we lift up your son DJ into your hands, we ask that the Holy Spirit moves over Him and uproot every disease afflicting him. Cause him to have a personal encounter with You even this moment.
Father let Your name alone be glorified in his life.

Thank You Father for answered prayers. In Jesus name we pray.
Amen.

ChikezieU:
now whats ur target as a first son, what are ur responsibilities, how do u hope to acheive that whats the results like. What are the things u risked or sacrificed. See if u r very lucky u acheive 45%. Being wealthy does not encompass money alone as its not even a responsibily for being a first son despite needing the "money" to propel others

hmmm

EfemenaXY:
And what does stooping mean to you?

Why must she "stoop" to get across to him? Is she his inferior?

Efemena mavo? to me stooping means this

chaircover:
The wifes greatest weapon" is to be able to have her husbands listening ear & soft spot and she needs to find out how to do acheive that posiiton.

All men/marriages are different so she should work out what exactly "trips" her own husband

Not all men want a woman to kneel down and not all men want to be called "My Lord" and not all men want their women to go head to head with them, so what suits A may not suit B

When a wife has her husbands listening ear and his soft spot, he would want to do everything to please her and make her happy. So very early on in the relationship the woman needs to find those spots and establish her self there.

When I have time, I will post my thoughts on the "Husbands greatest weapon" thread as well.

pickabeau1:
You will get it soon

ok I am waiting.

chaircover:
The wifes greatest weapon" is to be able to have her husbands listening ear & soft spot and she needs to find out how to do acheive that posiiton.

All men/marriages are different so she should work out what exactly "trips" her own husband

Not all men want a woman to kneel down and not all men want to be called "My Lord" and not all men want their women to go head to head with them, so what suits A may not suit B

When a wife has her husbands listening ear and his soft spot, he would want to do everything to please her and make her happy. So very early on in the relationship the woman needs to find those spots and establish her self there.

When I have time, I will post my thoughts on the "Husbands greatest weapon" thread as well.

I agree with you ma. Every woman find your man's soft spot (warri people call it 'mumu button') and establish yourself there.

EfemenaXY:
And what do you get in return?

Or were you trained to believe that a "good" wife is one who bends over backwards to give the man everything, yet expect nothing in return for herself?

stooping to conquer. The aim is to conquer him (to find his mumu button,and knowing how to press it).

Ewuro4:
Very true.

But today's women mistook 'stoop' for being 'stoopid'.

lol stoopid

ChikezieU:
Its always tough but cant say its a burden though trust me luck is not always on their side. And nothing frustrates more than the unending struggle to live up to expectation whether ur parents is there or not or relations complying or not u always battle to set the goals which is never happening ur way

I disagree that luck is not always on their side.

Mathematical:
[b]first born are always given certain measure, line to cross, coz You're the eldest. Like the popular Yoruba adage (eshin iwaju ni teyin wo sare )meaning setting a perfect example for the siblings, that's a measure.am born into an average family circle where things aint that bouyant, its always like You're bn punished buh reverse is the case,
And I can’t let it be a negative impact. That’s enough reason to worry about what I’m doing, whether it’s the right thing or not, blah blah. Seriously speaking, I DISLIKE IT! As if I don’t have enough to worry about already! I can’t take a single decision without thinking more than twice about it. Yes, I don’t want to hurt my parents. But I wish they wouldn’t expect so much from me, that they would just let me explore life and live it, even if it means falling down or failing once in a while. With all these expectations, there’s too much on my mind. And there are times when I wish I could just do something to take it all off my head! I’m going through a similar phase right now. And it sucks,
In a hilarious twist of fate, you were taught at a very young age that you would have a great deal to do with your siblings’ upbringing, as those poor, poor children would look up to you as their greatest role models. Sigh..You were blamed for everything because even if you weren’t the one at fault, “you are older and you should know better.”You never know just how much to tell them and how much to hold back because in your eyes they are still these innocent little kids that don’t want to hear anything..
[/b]

exactly.

Mathematical:
REGARDLESS OF THE FINANCIAL BACKGROUND,CULTURAL STRUCTURE ,AND RELIGION,ITS ALWAYS A TOUGH BURDEN

I agree with you.

BTW are you a mathematician?

benuejosh:
Has never been so with me, my Dad wanted me to be a doctor made all efforts of me accepting the course i refused and i did Economics. he said Oya do ICAN, for where that one ma i no gree. for my younger ones he pays for their school fees and do things he should do as a father, the only time i come in is when my younger ones come to me that they need LITTLE money as per elder bro na. and our last born each time i go out with her i dare not pass near or go with her to a supermarket. well maybe for now as my both parents are still living they are taken care of the family issue till when they are no more then i can take charge. am living my own dreams for now.

good for you.

psucc:
Not a burden but a call to duty.

lol call to duty ke? that's burden jor

chuksey1:
being the first boy is a great challenge especially if ur family is not wealthy and u lose ur dad at a young age and ur oda relatives are not cooperative. also bin d first boy makes u the arrow head of d family and u are the target of spiritual and dibolical attacks. thats why some first born boys are made useless in life.

like seriously

crackhaus:
Or sponsor her trip (first class) to Dubai once every year...

Now do you understand why unconditional love is a God-quality not easily possessed even by the best of us?
Everyone is in it to get something in return.

We have God in us.

crackhaus:
Or sponsor her trip (first class) to Dubai once every year...

Now do you understand why unconditional love is a God-quality not easily possessed even by the best of us?
Everyone is in it to get something in return.

We have God in us.

I think it's more than just having poor parents.

What of rich parents that impose their dreams on firstborns?

Lateralmaths:
In the bible Sarah called Abraham her lord. Is that submission?

Abraham also listened to Sarah.

pickabeau1:
Its like you are new here

The anathema here is one word that begins with S

I don't get you sir.

In Nigeria being a firstborn child comes with so many responsibilities. You are expected to set good examples for your younger siblings, as you come of age you have to help your parents bear the family burden. From my observation, most firstborns live to fulfil their parents dreams. They hardly live their dreams. They always find themselves trying to be the perfect child.

For me,I will say most firstborns see their position as a burden.

What's your opinion?
Is being the firstborn child a burden?
what should be the ideal upbringing for a first child?
should a firstborn live his parents dream?

A man should love his wife just as Christ loves the church. Datz all.

In the bible Sarah called Abraham her lord. Is that submission?

Ezeanna:
in as much as I admire your desire to counsel people to have succesful marriages by insisting that the woman be submissive and the man love unconditionally, I would like to point out to you that your expectations are impossible.

The hearts of humans is inherently selfish; and asking one partner to submit without limit and expecting the other to be true and just and not take advantage of the situation becomes an impossible concept.

In my opinion, marriage needs love and respect from both parties to grow. That is what makes it a partnership.
The concept of demanding total submission from the one and then exhorting the other to love without reserve is equal to saying marriage is meant for the gods alone. Cos neither the man nor the woman can achieve that kind of perfection.

Mytwocents.

the foundation is God. with God all things are possible.

Smartestelvis:
haha, hope u r not a marriage activist

if you say so.

Ezeanna:
Op,
As a counsellor that you said you are, I would avice you to tell your counsellees to love and respect their spouses.

Stop harping on submission; that over-emphasis has been known to destroy homes.

Telling a woman that because she has said I do to a man, she should throw away her intelligence and bow to every whim of that man is just like advocating that her brain be purged so she is less aware of herself and more pliable to her husband.

P.S
submission is not love; don't confuse it. And, after all is said and done, what we all need, you too OP, is love.

this thread was created to address wives. Another thread also addresses husbands to love unconditionally.

bukatyne:
Hmmm

Correct though a husband is to love first and wife submits.

However when they are in the flow, your post happens

And yet when a guy/lady says a wife/husband must play their part, it looks like blame shifting

Lol @ wriggling your way out

a husband should love first before the wife submits?

In marriage the two parties can't always be wise,sometimes one or both parties have to be foolish for the good of the marriage.

carefreewannabe:
How does a wife treat her husband like a king?

you women know na

carefreewannabe:
@Lateralmaths

Came to think of the name of this thread and it struck me that "weapon" has actually a negative connotation. Why would someone want to use a weapon against his / her spouse?

I am wondering if the title of this thread reflects on your own, subconscious notion of marriages.
Why do you think of weapons when you think of marriages?

weapons can be used for or against.

carefreewannabe:
And that is? Apart from the obvious.

everyman wants his woman to treat him like a king.