₦airaland Forum

The Maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to the serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart.

This is due to a willful malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units.

This defect has been technically termed, "Sub-sequential Internal Non-morality," or more commonly known as SIN, as it is primarily expressed.

Some other symptoms:


[a] Loss of direction

[b] Foul vocal emissions

[c] Amnesia of origin

[d] Lack of peace and joy

[e] Selfish or violent behavior

[f] Depression or confusion in the mental component

[g] Fearfulness

[h] Idolatry

[i] Rebellion


The Manufacturer, Who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this SIN defect.

The Repair Technician, Jesus, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required.

The toll free number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R.

Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure.

Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component.

No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:


[a] Love

[b] Joy

[c] Peace

[d] Patience

[e] Kindness

[f] Goodness

[g] Faithfulness

[h] Gentleness

[i] Self-control


Please see the operating manual, HOLY BIBLE, for further details on the use of these fixes.

As an added upgrade, the Manufacturer has made available to all repaired units a facility enabling direct monitoring and assistance from a resident Maintenance Technician, The Holy Ghost.

Repaired units need only make Him welcome and He will take up permanent residence on the premises!

WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids the Manufacturer's warranty, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded.

For free emergency service, call on JESUS.

DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace.

The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility.

Thank you for your attention.

1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have candy. (try for more than once but less than 10)

2. Multiply this number by 2

3. Add 5.

4. Multiply it by 50

5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1755... If you haven't, add 1754

6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.

You should have a three digit number

The first digit of this was your original number, that is how many times you want to have candy each week.

The next two numbers are... YOUR AGE!

Now tell me Layi is wrong! 

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

The list is increasing. Actors/actress who now sing:

- Mr Hollywood
- Ramsey Noah
- Segun Arinze (used to sing before acting though - he's got a good voice)
- Desmond Elliot
- Stella Damasus (she's leaving out the surname Aboderin)
- Omotola
- Genny <translation: Genevieve Nnaji>
- Saheed Balogun
- Bobby Micheals

1. Marriage is not a word. It`s a sentence (a life sentence).

2. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind

3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor`s Degree and the woman gets her masters.

4. Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.

5. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBOR listens.

6. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead.

7. There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.

8. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.

9. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
Father: I don`t know son, I`m still paying for it.

10.Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn`t know hiswife until he marries her.
Father: That happens everywhere, son,EVERYWHERE!

11. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

12. They say that when a man holds a woman`s hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.

13.When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

14. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through HELL.

15. Con*bleep*ius says: man who sinks into woman`s arm soon have arms in woman`s sink.

16. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

17. Eighty percent of married man cheat in Nigeria, the rest cheat in "rest parts of the world".

18. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin. They just can`t face each other, but still they stay together.

19. Marriage is when a man and a woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

20. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage the "Y" becomes silent.

21. I married Miss right, I just didn`t know her first name was Always.

22. It`s not true that married men live longer than single men, it only seems longer.

23. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

24. A man was complaining to a friend: I HAD IT ALL-MONEY,A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE, THE LOVE OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, THEN POW! IT WAS ALL GONE. WHAT HAPPENED, asked his friend. He says MY WIFE FOUND OUT

25. WIFE: Let`s go out and have some fun tonight.
HUSBAND: OK, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway lights on.

26. At a *bleep*tail party, one woman said to another: AREN`T YOU WEARING YOUR RING ON THE WRONG FINGER?
The other replied, YES, I, AM. I MARRIED THE WRONG MAN.

27. Man is incomplete until he gets married, then he is finished.

28. Women are unpredictable. Before marriage, she expects a man, after marriage she suspects him, and after death she respects him.

Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!

Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice.

Are your parents siblings?

As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?

Better at sex than anyone; now all he needs is a partner.

Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people.

Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?

Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?

Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you?

Don't you have a terribly empty feeling - in your skull?

Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?

Don't you need a license to be that ugly?

Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege!

Go ahead, tell them everything you know. It'll only take 10 seconds.

Have you considered suing your brains for non-support?

He has a mind like a steel trap - always closed!

He is living proof that man can live without a brain!

He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.

He's not stupid; he's possessed by a retarded ghost.

Here's 20 cents. Call all your friends and bring back some change!

Hi! I'm a human being! What are you?

How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?

I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.

I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.

I bet your mother has a loud bark!

I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?

I don't consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.

I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!

I don't think you are a fool. But then what's MY opinion against thousands of others?

I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.

I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter?

I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!

I heard you went to have your head examined but the doctors found nothing there.

I know you are nobody's fool but maybe someone will adopt you.

I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo.

I would ask you how old you are but I know you can't count that high.

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

I'd like to leave you with one thought...but I'm not sure you have anywhere to put it!

I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.

I'll never forget the first time we met - although I'll keep trying.

I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

I've seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission!

If I ever need a brain transplant, I'd choose yours because I'd want a brain that had never been used.

If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.

If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!

If what you don't know can't hurt you, she's invulnerable.

If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

If your brain was chocolate it wouldn't fill an M&M.

Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent.

Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!

Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.

So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.

Some day you will find yourself - and wish you hadn't.

There is no vaccine against stupidity.

Imagine a world which is just the opposite of the one we are in now.

Imagine it...a world where white people in US. UK, Canada, France,etc. are struggling, sweating and falling over themselves to get a visa to go to Nigeria.or Ghana...Liberia...Botswana...Rwanda...Somalia!

Imagine a world where Yoruba is the official language in US, UK, Canada and Australia.

Imagine a world where Obasanjo is the most powerful president in the world!

Imagine a world where our own "Nigeria" and Liberia, Somalia,etc. are "The West" and US, UK, etc. are developing or underdeveloped countries and we actually colonized them.

Imagine a world where YOU and I can shout at a white and say:
"Go back to America, bloody Caucasian!"
And we also have a slang for Caucasian like "Caucky" or "Cocky" and we can say bloody "Cocky!"

Imagine a world where there are 30 million whites in Nigeria who are AAs-American Africans.

Imagine a world where N1=$145=£250

Imagine a world where all the hi-tech advancements like computers, airplanes, jets, rockets, cars,etc. were made in Nigeria...and Gabon...Niger Republic...Togo

Imagine a world where CNN is actually in Nigeria and BBC is in Sudan and we show sick, poverty-stricken children in Washington D.C., London, Paris, Milan calling on President Obasanjo for aid.


Imagine...Imagine...Let me get more unserious now....

Imagine a world where Seun is president of Microsoft Nigeria and Bill Gates is the webmaster of Nairaland.

Imagine a world where Lizzy is a super model and Naomi Campbell has to be the one handlin rubbish from all 'em stalkers.

Imagine a world where Layi is a pop superstar and Michael Jackson is the one writing this...

SOMEBODY WAKE ME UP!!! 

*clears throat*

She'll scream either with her mouth, hands or anus...anyhow

Childbirth aint icecream. I've witnessed like 7 till date...they all spoke in tongues.

HotA is right. I've been present as a paramedic durin a childbirth. The 'redman' didnt cry and was like  . At first i thot it was a still birth. I was asked to spank him but "i no get liver..i too like pikin". The worst was when a nurse took him and forced a tube down his nostrils. I was like  The baby cried anyway.

I've heard this stupid dogma all my life "When people touche u on your right shoulder..they must touch the left one as well so u don't give birth to 'shoulderless' kids" 

Funny stuff. Nice one 

*we need a thumbs up icon here*

What did u think you were supposed to do?

Nice ones

WesleyanA:
it's not a regular number. that's why.

I wont buy that. U had better tell us why..so d church would know where to direct their prayer darts

Its my favorite as well.  I might use it on someone soon...(but i pray my teeth don't reduce by 1) 

Welcome cutie

Latoya:
ha u guys are funny!!! Mycutiepie na number 1,she fine no be small.
...........

Then u must be # 0 cos aisha u r too fineful

  Nice one

Nice one

Em *clears throat* remember ikeja bomb blast? Dat one na "auto-terrorism" (self induced).
Truth is Nigeria is insecured. God help us

Nice joke anyway. 

Chineke n'igwe - Esther Ebigbo

I'm on Vmobile

Life has taught me that lots of people merely exist (without goals) while only a few really live.

Life has taught me that its never over till its over.

This is their 2nd yr runnin. U r late.
Anyway Styl Plus is an R&b grp based in Abuja, Nigeria.
Check out www.styl-plus.com for more info

@whiteshark

Antichrist simply means against christ. All those u mentioned are still antichrist children.

@Donnie
Wher then is the seat of conscience ? Spirit or soul?

I love beign simple. Mood swings have mininimal effect on my choice of dressin
Happy- Sleeveless Tshirts, faded jean plus a plain white kicks
Moody - Kente shirt and trousers plus nice slip-on.

When u see me on Black sleeveless Tshirt, white jean,customzed belt and white kicks topped wit a black fezcap. Just know i'm very happy (sum'n happened).

Ok girl.

[quote author=hot-angel link=topic=749.msg49936#msg49936 date=1126885337]Who eats pounded yam and ewedu together? Do they match? I prefer pounded yam and efo.[/quote]I thot i was the only one.
U want me to bless you..just give me pounded yam plus including with efo elegusi  omg!

True

tpbm is a lady

@Nike
Read in your journal that u made a song with the soundtrack...U talkin bout the instrumentals?

By the way Congrats..Keep showin them the stuff u'r made off. Get the next award.
Its urs. Take it (...like Troy)
Go Go Go Go Go Demi 

true

tpbm would get married soon.