₦airaland Forum

ebenezer4o2:
Ofcourse,it's the season of Love and everywhere is characterized with colours associated with the season.Ladies are happy 'cos the elections have been postponed and the guys are like 'why postponed the elections?'

As soon as I left the banking hall this evening,one of Our staffs showed me a note written by a lady at the back of a teller together with her cell number that reads 'will u be my val?'So,I now decided to come up with these few points of top 10 categories of people that won't bother about this val,so relax and read.

1.The Gays/Lesbians:These types of people do not need elaborate explaination to convince everyone that they have lil or no interest in valentine's day.

2.The Real Born Again Christians:These sets of people in which I belong to don't regard or recognise anything such like this.It's highly unacceptable in the 'christiandom'.The bible says 'don't be an equally yoke with the unbeliever',hence,christians don't engage themselves in valentine's celebration.

3.Those In The Battle Field: [/b]Our patriotic and beloved Nigeria soldiers in Maiduguri and other parts of the North-East will definately not be having a one-out time with their loved ones this season.

4.[b]The Singles: I know many will be on this lane.Many broke up before the celebration in the aim of dodging his responsibility during this season whilest some don't have a date.Majority of these people are the guys 'cos the ladies are always engage and it's their norm.

5.The Handicaps:By handicaps,I don't mean the handicap the bettors give to a club whilest staking his game oh,lol.Such people in this group may include,the dumb,the blind,the deft,the lame etc.These sets of people would likely go to their plantation tomorrow being saturday or even stay indoor to watch GoTv,hence,they don't bother about valentine's day.

6.The Minor Or Under-aged:When I was a lil boy,I used to see people put on reds cloths,caps on val's day but I didn't know why they were puting on such on that day not until I was matured enough to know the reason behind it.So,a minor is less concerned about val's day,all he cares for is to get his parents' attention,play around and get his stomach filled to the brim.

7.The Typical Hustler:The truck pusher,wheel Barrow pusher,the undertakers,the itenerant trader,the pedestrians,the hawkers etc hardly think about Love 'cos they don't have the time for such and hence,less bothered about it.

8.The Village 'papos' And 'Mamos':These are the old people in the village usually the Grandpa and grandma.They can hardly move out 'cos they are too old and those who can,don't even remember anything like val's day let alone celebrating it.

9.The Experienced:These categories are the ones who try to advise their younger ones/sibblings to steer-clear from guys this period 'cos they've seen the bad side of val's day.These ladies are in their late 30's trying to caution their sibblings who aren't adult at the moment.They are experienced and as such not so bothered about the season as the youths do.

10.The Ugly ones:]These sets of people have been forcing themselves on the opposite se.x long before the val's day but as soon as the day approaches,they all alone.These categories of people are commonly ladies who don't have any swag,who put on un-attracting skirts that are long to their toes,they have no features on their body to attract a guy,the least goes on and on.As such,they relax in their single apartment all day.

Feel free to add urs,thanks 2 u all.

The realist, practicalist, and the non commercialise person. Why pick a day to show your love, how about the rest 364 days. Don't suck into these commercialise day. The flower, candy, restaurant, gift, diamond ppl are happy. Just care and love your sweetheart everyday, forget the candy. I don't celebrate this holiday, it's an insult to women or men for that matter. Some do under pressure, so you dont know who is real

Stomach infastructure

benromeo39:
atheists and agnostics are repugnant.

Inasmuch as I hate to say this, the greatest Christians find it almost impossible to win a religious argument against an average atheist.

They can turn virtually every scripture in the bible in their defense.

Yes, most humanist know the bible more than your pastors, that is why they reject the foreign written book. So listen to them for their views.

igbo2011:
Africans love celebrating their oppressors holidays. Do Jewish people celebrate German holidays and customs? Do Armenians celebrate Turkish (Ottoman) holidays? Do Arabs celebrate Israeli holidays? What is wrong with us? We are still slaves and we don't even know it. Then we call our own holidays and festivals evil and backwards. Africans are slaves and don't even know it.

Gbam!! We love everything foreign, in name, food, clothes, religion etc.. We are lost ppl. Colo Mentality

igbo2011:
Africans love celebrating their oppressors holidays. Do Jewish people celebrate German holidays and customs? Do Armenians celebrate Turkish (Ottoman) holidays? Do Arabs celebrate Israeli holidays? What is wrong with us? We are still slaves and we don't even know it. Then we call our own holidays and festivals evil and backwards. Africans are slaves and don't even know it.

Gbam! We luv everything foreign in our name, dress, food and their holidays. Do want to promote our own, bcus we were told by them, it is not civilise. Colo mentality, lost people we are.

igbo2011:
Africans love celebrating their oppressors holidays. Do Jewish people celebrate German holidays and customs? Do Armenians celebrate Turkish (Ottoman) holidays? Do Arabs celebrate Israeli holidays? What is wrong with us? We are still slaves and we don't even know it. Then we call our own holidays and festivals evil and backwards. Africans are slaves and don't even know it.

Gbam! We luv everything foreign in our name, dress, food and their holidays. Do want to promote our own, bcus we were told by them, it is not civilise. Colo mentality, lost people we are.

SaintRobs:
Top 10 Outdated and/Or Made-up Words in Nigerian English
By Farooq A. Kperogi, Ph.D.

http://m.allafrica.com/stories/201212160073.html/

Nigerian English has a wide variety of words that have either run out of fashion in the contemporary English of native speakers of the language or that are entirely peculiarly Nigerian, that is, can’t be found in any English dictionary. In what follows, I identify and discuss top 10 such words:

1. “Rearer.”In Nigerian English this word almost always collocates with “cattle,” as in: “cattle rearer.” I have never heard anyone referred to as a “goat rearer” or a “sheep rearer” in Nigeria, perhaps because Nigerians don’t raise goats and sheep in as large numbers as they raise cattle. The first hint that “rearer” is an unusual word came from Microsoft Word, which disfigures the word with its cheeky red underline to indicate that it's is not in its internal dictionary. But Microsoft doesn't always offer a reliable guide of a word’s acceptability. First, its word bank is severely limited, especially for academics like me who use “big,” unusual, and sesquipedalian vocabularies in our academic writing. Second, it has a notoriously pro-American bias in its linguistic idiosyncrasies, especially if your computer is bought in America.
It turns, however, that “rearer” is actually an old-fashioned or obsolescent British English word. When I searched for it on Google, I found that it appeared only on Nigerian, Indian, and British Guyanese themed websites. I found no contemporary use of the term in British newspapers. Nor did I find it in American, Canadian, Australian or New Zealand websites. So I searched for “herder,” the term I’ve heard native speakers use for what we call “rearer” in Nigerian English and found millions of contemporary uses of the term in British and American news media websites. I modified the search to “cattle herder,” and my keywords yielded over 3 million matches. But a search for “cattle rearer” turned up only a little over 66,000 matches, mostly on the websites of former British colonies.
It is obvious, based on the foregoing, that “rearer” is an archaic British English word that has been replaced with “herder.” However, as is often the case, people on the periphery of the development of a language (such as Nigerian English speakers) are usually the last to catch on to new vocabularies, semantic shifts, and novel usage patterns that occur in the center of development of a language.

2. “Disvirgin.”As I’ve pointed out in previous articles, there is no such word as “disvirgin” in the English language. It is an entirely Nigerian English fabrication. No other variety of English in the world, except perhaps Ghanaian English, uses the word. Native English speakers use “deflower” to express the sense Nigerian English speakers seek to convey when they say “disvirgin.” A rarely used alternative to “deflower” is “devirginate.” The word is so rare that many reputable English dictionaries don’t have an entry for it. For instance, it doesn’t appear in the the most current edition of the Oxford Dictionary of English.

3. “Opportuned.”Like “disvirgin,” this word does not exist in any English dictionary. It is an entirely Nigerian English word that was formed in ignorance. What exists in English dictionaries is “opportune,” without “d” at the end. Opportune means “timely” or “well-timed.” E.g. “Wait for an opportune moment to tell him how you really feel.” In Nigerian English we use “opportuned” where “privileged” is the appropriate word to use. Where we would say “I am opportuned to speak to this august gathering,” other speakers of the English language would say “I am privileged to speak to this august gathering.”

Why are we so obsessed with this foreign english language. Is it another Colo mentality. Since when you see the Queen of England attempt to speak your language properly. The Chinese, French, Spanish and others are proud of their father's language, but the africans are sooooo into proper speaking of this european language. I know english is widely spoken language in the world, not the most however; that is chinese, but we like everything foreign soooo damn much. Shai this oyinbo ppl worked on our head well well. Same with wearing suit & tie in a tropical climate at 90+ degree, we forgot suit & tie were created for cold climate. Like Fela says, Suffering and Smiling. When the Queen speak my languages, Hausa, Yoruba, Ibibio well, then I will speak her language well. With all these grammar we are still 4th world with zero respect for us. You keep speaking your grammar, while I am busy acquiring wealth like Dangote, Razak Okoya of Eleganza, Zuckeberg-Facebook, Gates etc. All are school dropouts, but are super rich. Shio.

poseidon12:
'Top non Igbo legal luminary'. So which foreign law school did you attend.

Certainly not Nigerian one that nobody in the world respect, except nigerians beating their chest with their yeye SAN. They can even win Bakasi, little Cameron beat them. Anywhere but Nigerian Legal or Medical education.

Collynzo22:
www.punchng.com/news/ihejirika-files-n100bn-libel-suit-against-australian-negotiator/

Ihejirika should have sue for slander not libel, since the focus is on the broadcasting. The "lawyers" shld've known better, but they are probably nigerian trained, nobody in the world recognised the so called SAN or nigerian legal education. This Ibo bigot, that only promote his Ibo brothers in the army, just want money or try to make u think he is not culpable. I do not know the details, but he should have go to Australia to ask for relief. While jurisdiction make have long harm, but safe us the headache, go to Australia to file your case.

Eziachi:
Why do people, especially Nigerians call every 4 x 4 SUVs (Four wheel drive) car a jeep?
There are no such thing as Toyota, Nissan, Mercedes or Hummer Jeep. Jeep is a brand of its own with models like Pathfinder and Wrangler.
Its so annoying, especially among those that should know better.

Makes us look so stupid. Not every SUV is a Jeep. If u try to correct them, they will laugh at you. Ignorance in the highest order. Not all SUV is 4x4. U hv 2x4, All terrain, off road vehicle also. My ppl wise, be a little informed.

Chillext:
Chai!

Hummer and Jeep are not same make. Hummer is made by General Motor Corp. Jeeps are made by Chrsler Corp. They are brand names. Why Nigerians called all SUV a Jeep. You are promoting Jeep brand.

messpero90:
This question has been in my head for years now, while couples go on honeymoon? Ok they have dated for years and spent memorable times with each other which other which are unforgetable then why the need for honeymoon?. 'Everyday is a honeymoon for a great union so i dont really see the need to travle to one place after wedding just for the name honeymoon.

Honeymoon is a waste of time and money, just like engagement and wedding rings. If u truely love your bride, you should make everytime with her an honeymoon. This is another ploy by travel industries to suck up your money. Your focus after wedding should be how to save enough money to leave a comfortable life. You can travel to anywhere after you've save enough. No guaranttee of happy marriages because of fancy wedding and honeymoon, just another imported brainwash idea. Love should be from your heart not your wallet. But this is Nigeria, where everything foreign is golden.

Jennimma:
From Tosyne2much our favourite Mr. 10 types of... Please don't forget to pray for his fast recovery,thank you



This write-up is based on my encounter and observation. Moreso,I also fall in at least one of the categories.

1. The one who wants to open to the book of Revelations but will start searching from Genesis


2. The one who doesn't know where a particular bible verse is located but he will use you as case study because he doesn't want to be left out...You can easily mislead this people. "Open
to Matthew and he will open to Matthew even if the pastor asks the congregation to open to
Deutereonomy.


3. The one who will check the table of contents for accuracy.The pastor says Open to Genesis and you'd find him checking the table of contents, "Open to Mark",he will still check table of contents(just name it).


4. When a pastor calls a bible verse and you all heard him. He will start searching and get confused on the way only for him to turn to you and ask you the chapter the pastor called. Sometimes I really wonder what he's thinking and thinking.


5. The ones who is using a New Testament Bible. When the pastor calls a bible verse in Old Testament,he will start searching his bible as if he has it there...if i hear say he dey dia(forming things)


6. The one whose Bible is torn. When the pastor calls a Bible verse which seems to be torn off from his bible,he will concentrate and begin reading another verse because he doesn't want you to notice he has a torn bible.


7. The one who will open his bible within the twinkle of an eye,ask them to open a bible verse that has only one page and you'll be amazed. I wonder how these people are so accurate in searching.


8. The ones who will never locate a bible verse not until after the church has forgotten they ever read the bible verse.



9. The ones who open the bible verse and start looking as if it was written in French. You will see discomfort and insecurity registered on their faces the moment the pastor tells them to narrate what the bible verse is talking about.


10. The ones who don't open their bible at all. They come to church with a bible but won't open it rather they would be staring at people's clothes,shoes,phones just name it.


Which category do you fall under?

Who cares about that human written book called "holy bible" full contradiction, lies and violence. The book is for them not for you. Wake up, that is why you dont see names like Babatunde, Abdul, Chukuma, goodswill, Orahbor.

saasala:
Are you ready for a night you would never forget?
Are you ready for amazing encounter with God?
Are you ready for your life to change in just one night?

It's happening live today, by 7pm at Tafawa Balewa Square, Onikan, Lagos.

Ministering:
Don Moen
Frank Edwards
Donnie McClurkin
Sinach (First timer)
Israel Houghton
Sammie Okposo
Midnight Crew
Micah Stampley
Chioma Jesus
Angelina Christie
Chima Jesus
Nathaniel Bassey and many more

Comedians
Okpororo
Yaw
MC Abbey

WILL YOU BE THERE?

HECK NO NO NO Don't want to be among the collection of Thief, using god's name in vain and profiting themselves. What make these pimps special. another money making venture, by group of xtian GANGS. Shio

JiggamanGh:
He looks Igbo. He knew it before he even took the test.

That is why, he worship $$$, is in the blood

TheRealMrStan:
The legendary boxer opened his instagram page a few weeks ago and posted his first close up pic over the weekend. He still looks fresh..
http://www.informationng.com/2014/12/muhammed-ali-posts-first-selfie-74-on-new-instagram-page-photo.html

Ali THE GREATEST, most popular man on earth. Thanks for all the memories. We luv your work.

How did railway managers got their jobs, they should all be fired for allow this non setical to take place. I wonder if african can truelly manage themselve efficiently. simple safety rule cannot be enforce. No hanging out on molue, train, buses or even private vihicle on public road period.

White007:
Why do you have to go this lane?

Common sense you no get.

Bcus na tru, I know truth hurt, deal with it. Lagos was safe and peaceful, I remember marina at night, until all these Ibo ppl came with their criminality, make money or die trying mentality. I know say no be only Ibos are criminal, but thry worst pass others. They give 9ja bad name everyone, one was just sent to death in Malaysia recently. Shio, make u go back to Biafra jo.

SaintRobs:
10 Most Annoying Nigerian Media English Expressions
By Farooq A. Kperogi

Contemporary Nigerian media English, for the most part, derives from a fetid repertoire of aggravatingly stereotyped and error-ridden phraseology. I have isolated 10 recurrent ones that particularly grate on my nerves.

While some of the expressions I have highlighted below are outright grammatically incorrect, others are grammatically correct but either laughably outdated or hopelessly clichéd. Either way, they all need to be dumped like “the verbal refuse” that they are. The numbering of the expressions is entirely arbitrary; it doesn’t indicate a hierarchical ordering of their egregiousness.

1.“Remains deposited at the mortuary.” This is almost the standard expression in Nigerian media English to say that a dead body has been delivered at the mortuary. There are two problems with this expression. First, the word “remains” is too formal for a news story. “Corpse” and “dead body” are the more usual words. And “deposit” is a singularly quaint verb to associate with death, especially in popular usage.

There are three principal senses of the word “deposit” in conversational English. The first and most popular is to put money or other valuables in a bank account. The second sense is to put, fix, force or implant something, as in “deposit a bullet in the table.” And the third sense is to situate something, that is, to put something somewhere firmly, as in “deposit the suitcase on the bench.” It’s unclear how this expression sprang in Nigerian media English, but it makes me sick to my stomach.

2.“Hear him,” or “in his words:” These are not strictly grammatically incorrect expressions; they are just ugly, inappropriate and superfluous verbiages. The convention in journalistic writing globally is to quote a source and acknowledge attribution by writing “(s)he said” at the end of a sentence. Example: “I hope Yar’adua lives long enough to save us from a potentially destructive constitutional crisis,” he said.

Now, when Nigerian newspaper journalists write “hear him,” they are not only being superfluous; they are also being unfaithful to the medium in which they write. We don’t literally “hear” people in print; we read them. And to write “in his words” while at the same time inserting quotation marks to those words is redundant. It is precisely because you’re quoting your source “in his words” that the sentence is in quotation marks. It’s, of course, appropriate to write “in his words” in broadcast scripts since they are meant to be read out.

3.“As at the time of filing this report:” Well, the correct expression, which is actually a fixed prepositional phrase, is “AS OF,” not “as at.” So, that sentence should read: “As of the time of filing this report.” This solecism has sadly percolated deep into the conventions of Nigerian English in general.

4.“Men of the underworld”: This expression has lost currency in other parts of the English-speaking world. But my gripe with it is that it’s a hackneyed, flyblown cliché that evinces the intellectual laziness of Nigerian journalists. Why not simply write “criminals”?


To be continued...

You a promoter of your majesty, the Queen. When the queen can speak Yoruba, Igbo or Ibibio, Hausa language well, then you can lecture us on proper english. Ask the American, they speak bad english, but lead the world in everything. Aftel all, language is for communication, if you can understand me, then I have communicated well to you. Why dont u promote our african language. Colo mentality.

jjwaterfalls:
One of d reasons why I hav always bin scared of relocating to lagos.

Wetin, thief no dey where you live. Thief dey everywhere jo. Make u no make lagos b the only place where husler dey. Go to NY husler dey, go to S. Afr. hustler dey, go to India hustler dey. If no be all the Ibo ppl full for Lagos, mayb Lagos would have been less fraud, robbers and thiefry. Fashola, please send them back. Ibo will kill their mother for money.

Litmus:
These attacks on Nigeria creates a false impression of Africa. Nigeria has the worst this in Africa, Nigeria has the worst that in Africa - sure there's an element of inferiority complex playing out in which peoples form other African Nations desperately want to knock Nigeria down (although i personally don't understand the attitude. I like that Egypt, Algeria and South Africa are said to be developed places. I don't like south Africa killing Nigerians but i want them to progress. I love that Ethiopia is rising and so on) also i understand that there's an element in this of Nigerian politics at play here. However, i feel it may be counter productive in the long run painting these false impressions of Africa. For instance, during the Ebola outbreak, many of my English friends thought that Nigeria was going to be the hardest hit because of the recent impression of Nigeria as being the very wort place in Africa. When people from Abroad have visited Nigeria after traveling in Africa they are always amazed by why Nigeria has the reputation it has. They in fact then fail to see the bad things which they aught to see and criticize because their formative impression was so bad in the first place.

It's worth knowing that in many cases Western Media that report on Nigeria have no first hand experience of Nigeria and only get their info from none-Nigerian African colleagues. This unacceptable and lazy journalistic trend include from the BBC .

You're in denial, I just went thru MMIA, it's the same as i left it 30yrs ago, very little paint job. Call it like it is, we lack maintenance culture.

paulo007:
Source: http://www.ngrguardiannews.com/lead-story/187758-nigerian-airports-among-the-worst-in-africa-faan-differs

I cannot wait for the Ibeju-Lekki Airport to get underway. The management of the import will be of International repute. MMIA is old and outdated, I just went that slum looking airport. We need a new airport at Lekki, since most of the travellers come from that area. We need a fresh paint.

I symphatize with your sentiment, however; As a Nigerian, Im careful with Nigerians too, unfortunately, few bad apples has spoil the bunch. Dont blame France, they rather be safe than sorry to protect their ppl, unlike Nigeria who dosnt give a damn about their citizens. Why they're not doing same to Ghanaians or Senegalese. Truth hurts, but most of our people are not trustworthy.

Polithiefcian:
What is this one saying

Can u read? Saying Nigerian education is USELESS. So called medical school are not condusive to learning, with filthy environment. Bright ppl without proper equiptment= bad learning

timmilehin:
http://www.dailytimes.com.ng/article/how-nigerian-doctor-killed-my-son-senjim-nwobodo

www.rockcitygist.com/how-enugu-doctor-killed-my-son-senator-jim-nwobodo/

Sorry, the so called doctors in Nigeria are just medical assistant in most advanced country, the medical schools in Nigeria are not equipped to proper learning, how can the so called medical produced well qualified doctors. I pray to god I never get sick in Nigeria.

It is time the polithiefcian feel the pain with their blood, maybe they will have a proper medical facilities and well trained doctors in nigeria. Im glad to have a choice, sorry for those who are stuck.

ndcide:
GOOD!
we can't have strange languages on our currency


VERY GOOD

Why is Arabic strange, If arabic is strange, then english is strange also, as is not our language, somebody force us to speak it. That is a bigoted statement. We will never united with this attitude

Finally, we can be ONE NIGERIA. Those that dont like it can go to Biafra or Boko state

Dannyset:
I am covered by His Blood.

stop fooling yourself, nobody will safe you, but u. if you're consuming bad diet and expect somebody blood to save u, you will be long gone. your stmt is religion fanatism.

farano:
Congratulations but Where's her wedding ring?

Who care about wedding ring, is the love from their hearts that count, not some piece of metal that was introduced to us by De Beers diamond minning co. as a way to increase sales. Ring doesnt equal happiness. Ring or no ring. Happy marriage, you're both beautiful. Inter ethic marriages is what will solve our thnic bigot we have in Nigeria

kingthreat:
Happy birthday. But you only wrote about Igbos, Igbos and Igbos like they were thd only people in Nigeria. Sincerely, I rather celebrate Cyprian Ekwensi. Thats more like a true Nigerian. His stories had diversity

That's bcus, he was a Biafra Bigots, all he know aboit Nig. is Ibo this Ibo that. He's not worth celebrating by true Nigerians, his Biafran Bros/Sis can celebrate him, who cares. He was a divider not a uniter. Shio.

rawpadgin:
each time i hear Nigerian science students bragging about their certificate i just laugh

the mentality of an average Nigerian science student is.... after graduation get employed in a company that pays 200k per month, then get married

while the U.S science students are thinking of the next machine to invent

Gbam!. Na true, that is why Nigeria beg all these country. Invest in your people and build a military industry, train and pay your well. You will C how others will b buying from u.