princeSammyz:

Why? I would really want to know why. What is your experience with Kogi?

Are you dating one?

Because I dey suspect this your question

Illegal1:
omoh........i no knw say people wen get sense plenty for nairaland lyk dis.


i've learnt alot 4rm u guys

You typed my mind.

People that have seen a lot.

We should have more of topics like this moved to fb.

Ok

Berrityga:
Hand over his birth right to him and allow peace to reign. You don’t expect him to visit Nigeria every time a mosquito dies in your house. Moreover do you know if he was in prison in South Africa . You don’t know his story or his struggles just allow him take what’s his.

You mean his parents are mosquitoes?

Except he has genuine reasons for not coming when both of them died and he should have duely communicated with the rest of the family.

Peter532:
Hello all,
My dad immediate elder brother who went to south africa in the 90s is back to drag their parents property claiming to be the first son.

This is someone who after he travelled only came back once and never bothered about the affair's of the family.

Their father my grandfather died 2005 he was no where to be found. my grand mother died 2018 still nothing from him.

No contributions whatever even while their parents was still alive.

He cut all sort of communications with them and now he's back to lay claim on the properties.

The family is angry but some of the elders in the extended family are getting on is side claiming he's still the senior he was never disowned but they can't say it out though.

It's obvious he came back with almost nothing and felt laying claims on their parent property is the back up plan

No will was written and some of the old buildings has been reconstructed from the scratch by my father and yet someone is laying claim on it.

I will like to know how this will go because my father is ready to fight this with his last strength and we the children are firmly behind him

You better stay out of it, and advice your dad to thread carefully if you love him.

The wise thing to do would have been your dad insisting that his dad writes a will before he dies but since there's non, he does not have much say because he's not the first male child or the first child.

1Sharon:


Nothing like househelp in Europe. The husband and wives handle chores themselves.

Nigerians are so comfortable with having strangers in their home. 3rd parties ruin a household

You're absolutely right!

You want to japa as a man and you are not ready to do house chores in support of your spouse

Just dey play

JuanDeDios:

An average man is AFRAID of his wife and will not challenge her in house matters. But you don't know that, do you?

NO we are not afraid; we just want our PEACE.

That rightly so, maltreating an house help is not one of those things a real man should not act on. Caution the woman, if it continues send the house help away and let her do her things by herself. You help when you are able to.

marlow1962:
I hate that shit, sometin you can't do to your children but it fun to do to another's child.
When I get married and my wife says we should call in a house help, if she ever maltreats her, that's the end of our marriage.

End of marriage ke? How old are you?

Just send the help away, then the both of you can join hands to the house chores.

He who judges by a one sided account is a fool.

There's more to OP's account than meets the eyes.

However, if everything OP typed up there is 💯 true, then the man didn't do well. He definitely needs to get back to his senses and do the right thing especially if he still wants the marriage to work.

OP should have explored other options before calling the cops. Who did she report to amongst his family? Did she report to someone he fears and respects? Did she take her children and go on some safety vacations to her father's house for the man to have some time to get himself while she's also safe? She can even make the man sign undertaking not to lay hands on her again without having him detained for two days.

Going forward, OP needs to be very careful staying under same roof with him for now.

Having him sign an undertaking is not enough; we have heard stories of men killing their wife and children and still kill themself.

Take a break, be sure is mentally stable before you can be with him again. Be sure he's happy again. You can care for him from a distance, you can apologise, reconcile without necessarily staying with him for now.

All the best

ednut1:
Stop putting yaself under pressure. No manual to life in Nigeria

Not anywhere in the world.

It's not a good thing to measure success in life by societal definition. It's a sign of immaturity no matter the age.

Define your succes, define your life.

siofra:
Maybe I'm young and foolish, but I really don't mind being a second wife (or third wife or whatever) but I'll not be a first wife to a man with other wives.

And there are terms and conditions.

He must be super rich (like Ned Nwoko rich)

I will not have children for him (my mind may change)

I'll have my own apartment and I'll not take his name.

If he's Muslim, I'll not convert to his religion.


☺️

So you can have the freedom to do rubbish while still enjoying his money. You obviously are young and foolish; not maybe.

We are gradually loosing the ideals that marriage stands for and I really pity this generation of young adults.

MadamExcellency:
Mumu@ assumption. Who likes liability?

Time has gone when women rely on men to take care of them and their children.

We go to the same school, graduate at the same time and got employed in the same offices and fields. Most of us are better placed than our husbands hence why must there be this dichotomy on who takes care of the family?

Is like most people especially women intend to go to the grave with their money. Spend the money on the family including on your husband and make sure the children are better placed than the parents.

Family first.

God bless you.

The truth is women are naturally selfish; it is innate; and this not just a quote but reality.

Just the way men are naturally egotistical. However, most men use the ego wrongly and foolishly; to oppress and dominate.

The ego is meant for a man never to settle for less, fight for what is his and protect what belongs to him.

Sonnetoshodi:


My bro, women are special creatures.
As a man, you need to know this.
My two cents; if you love her, and see her as your future partner, then please overlook the virginity issue.
From what I read; she's no longer a virgin(this is established, don't get clouded with emotions) and that is if she was one before you met her.
When women try to be smart or concealing, to a 'man' they are only revealing the true matter.
She couldn't just bring up the hymen breakage matter from the blue, something must have happened.
So don't bug yourself,let her know you chose her not entirely cause of her virginity.
Don't lose someone you value, and also know there'll always be someone better.
The ball is in your court today, it could be in hers sometimes later.
Women are wired differently my bro.

OP if you're still reading...
This is an experience advice for you.
Best comment so far. You typed my mind

Westerhoffe:
Selling a human is a serious criminal offense.
But this case is more serious as the children sold turns out to be his!
What kinda father is that?
Three children!!!

He's not a father! I think "man" should be fair.

People should understand that being a father goes beyond just depositing seed into a woman and the seed coming to this world as children.

As a matter of fact, it goes beyond being financial responsible for them.

The psychological, emotional and spiritual responsibility to the child(ren) is very importantly and should never be put under.

And this is from personal life's experience.

Jennyclay:
I’m so much in Love with Davido

Or his money?

Righthussle:
It depends on what you are going there to do. Go if you're going for studies, don't if you're going to be a house boy or house girl care giver or nanny.

I laugh at your ignorance...lol

Mitsurugi:



You're a monkey. At least he's outside the gate na

Maybe he escaped guess that's what she's inferring.

siofragspot:
What is written behind the man on the gate?

But I don't think he's one of their patients. Do you?

Aaaaarghmed:
she was very immatured,people easily confuse her,we fixed date for introduction more than 3 times and she kept postponing for no tangible reason,almost made me a laughing stock,my prayer is that someone will also lead her on and dump her at the final stage.

She's not ready. I hope you didn't spend much on her. Move on you'll find a better woman.

Aaaaarghmed:
My greatest regret in life is wasting 6years of my life with someone who is a Nacirssist.Imagine dating someone for 6years and when you initiated the conversation to settle down,she said ..is it because you are getting old you want us to marry.Just fucking imagine that statement,so,6years is not enof.i shud keep waiting.And was ready financially,emotionally and all.Its my biggest regret because ,I ignored a lot of ladies who were interested in me because of her.I try not to remember

This cracked me up...no jokes.

Seem to me like you've been dating an immature girl.

Brings me to the question...what have you two been discussing for the six years? Discussion to settle down is not a one-off thing...

I really can't put my words together rn...not in a good frame of mind.

klimkid:
My girlfriend and I have been dating for 3 years now and it's about time we start planning on getting married.

One thing I no for sure is that she loves me and I do love her too. Recently, she told me that her mom went to some churches and they told her it won't work, about 3 pastors. But my girlfriend told her friend to tell her pastor to pray about it.

So he prayed about it and he gave us feedback after 3 days and he said the marriage will work, he said I will give my girlfriend peace, take care of her and make her happy.

There's a woman that prays for me here in Lagos, she said there is nothing wrong with both of us. I also called my Rev. Father and he said that nobody has the right to say the person is for this person or the marriage won't work.

He said marriage is a decision both of us will take and pray about it.

He said hence we love ourselves so much, should leave it for God and continue with our relationship.

Guys, have you experienced this before? What do you think? I am confused.

I have experienced this first hand. I got a fake prophecy that my fiancee, now my wife was a witch and jezebel. I cried and cried that day...after four years of friendship + relationship.

We are married now three years and I can say she's one of the best things that has happened to me.

The decision is yours to make. Know what you want and be determined to fight for it.

9jvirgin:
Tinubu is an illegitimate president. Whatever sits on falsehood, shall fall. Without Peter Obi, there shall never be progress for the people of Nigeria.

For you and your family!

Angrygoat:
You can see how bitter andtoxic u are. Hahaha.

It is true oga. That your comment shows how toxic you are and senseless too.

You didn't "sound" like someone that wants to live long.

boborosky:
...

Thanks, but what if she doesn't learn....?

She will. See let me tell you, there are different methods of teaching. Discover what works best for her. Howbeit, with love and patience.

Help her list out her goals; what she wants out of life. Break them down for her to smaller goal workable and achievable plans.

You can go as far her rewarding her with encouraging gifts when she achieves any of the smaller goals.

However, it starts from you deciding if you think she's good for you. If you think so, then put in the effort. Note, whether you choose her or someone else, you must groom, put effort to make her suite your taste.

I wish you all the best.

Oluromantic:
My advice is to give a little more push. I'm saying this because most resourceful ladies might also find it difficult to submit. I know there may be a lot of ranting and criticisms about submission but I'm giving you a honest advice as a realist for your future. Nothing makes you a fulfilled man than to have a resourceful wife that allows you to be in charge: such women are very rare. Once they can work hard on their own, submission with their money gradually slides out...it's psychological.

Now considering the fact that you can't find all you need in one person, you have to weigh your options which emphasizes the role of grooming. Grooming means training her to soothe your taste or standard. To be frank, it might not be a sweet experience at first but it's worth it. The point is you're not ready yet, when you're ready, you will drill her seriously and your love for her is the fuel. I did it for my wife. Anything that gives you peace of mind as you said; that she has good character, should be seriously guided and guarded. Only few women will give you such peace despite their imperfections.

Start from a small level, get her a shop if you can afford it to start selling provisions or likely things and monitor her totally so far she's not pissed to say you're domineering. In my case, my wife enjoyed my control and that made it easy for me. She said she likes the disciplinary love and that someone is mad over her. Now she's super-productive, she even charges me for her services and collects her money promptly. Business is business. I trained her.

OP, reading just the first two paragraphs, and from experience, this is what you need.

Be more patient with her. Start grooming, working on her now. Even after marriage, the grooming continues.

I wish you all the best.

I'd advise you relocate. Study route is good; just choose an IT course that won't stress you too much. You can continue your crypto biz while you go to school to establish yourself in the long term.

You can even do physical business if you have the capital and go through the necessary procedures.

Finally, it's a good environment for your kids to grow.

tonywonder:


The husband is the cause because if he had set up a business for her when she requested for it, this nonsense wouldn't have occured. So the foundation of this problem na the husband cause am.
Why deny your wife to do business or work even if you are the richest man in the world? Some men reasoning na wa oh

A cheat would always cheat. Might not be with the driver; could have been with a cute customer.

See there's no justification for cheating no matter how good it sounds. There are ways to avoid it if you don't.

So my conclusion is...she is a cheat and she would always cheat. Person wey dey get sugar daddies from university days. What do you expect?

dondodo:
My name is Solomon from Kogi State. A graduate of Accounting from a government University in Kogi state. Since I graduated from the university 10 years ago,I've been facing different challenges ranging from family,finance,health and so on.Luckily for me i got a good job this year and I've been thinking of settling down. Do you think it is proper for me to marry a woman at 35 or just have a baby mama? This question have been pondering my mind. Please your opinion is really needed

The fact that you even came here to ask this kind of very sensitive and personal life issue shows that you shouldn't go into marriage yet.

Marriage is not a function of age, house or car.

Sit down and ask yourself: Am I ready for this?

Hi Nairalanders,

Today makes it two years I tied the knot and I must confess; marriage is one of the best things that has happened to me.

For my singles hoping to settle down, don't be afraid instead trust God and shine your eyes HWA to me.

highness25:
This boy get luck say I don comot for Lagoas, you for explain to me the reason behind that Pena wey you miss that day.

funny you. Let love rule.
Remember all the ones he has scored. The important goals too. Up gunners

Parachoko:
Person wey dey earn 30k do not deserve to have a car

How old are you?

This comment says a lot about you. One of them being that you're not wise. No offence pls.