₦airaland Forum

jackals:
When women chose you, it's a different Ball game.

I'm saying this because I understand what I can do when it comes to the person I chose. I can go miles for him

For the man arguing with Ubunja, this clears it all. Coming from a woman. I think you get the whole concept wrong bro.

When women chose you, they willingly give you their heart and can do anything for you while you don’t have to do anything other than breathe.

But when you choose them, you do everything to win their heart. Sometimes you get it, sometimes you don’t. But you will always be trying to please her and suit her. In the end, you can still lose her to the one she chooses.

It’s so hard for some people to get a new understanding or value other than the one they have been used to.

It is ineffective to try to advise someone out of a heartbreak. You can’t use a logical advice to get a person out of a heartbreak.

Emotions and logic are two different things.

At the point of heartbreak, the willpower is low and even if they are aware of all logic and reality, it is still not enough to get them to act. They will still follow the path of least resistance rather than do what is right or sensible at this point.

You have to be more practical and empathetic.

What you should really be doing is to help them get out of their demise not advice them out of it - that is not enough.

This can include funny insults, helping them see the bigger picture (of life being bigger than a single person who decided not to love them anymore), helping them develop interests in other things and also replacing the part of them that had just left (hooking them up with a few nice beautiful women should do the trick - a new woman they find really attractive and exciting would do a lot of help!)

To give advice is cheap, if you truly care about them you’d be more practical. Their will is what you are trying to win back here. Mere logical reasoning is not enough at this point.

So yeah, stop advising and start helping!

ubunja:
Lording123 anyone can be the Prize

I agree with your conclusion. Parents need to raise their kids right, to stop being used. But if everyone knew the Game then the Game will cease to exist. Actually in the future almost everyone will know the game and things will be straightforward once and for all.

Thanks for such a nice analysis of that Chosen Miseducation.

The honor is mine ma man.

I wanted to know what your thoughts are on “Patriarchy (the standard in former generations) as against Feminism (starting to rise in this modern generation)”

For it is not enough to be chosen, you also must know how to play the game. As it is not enough to gain power, you must also know how to maintain it, else you lose it. Being chosen only gets you in the game, you must also know how to play it.

Big kudos to Ubunja. Man has inspired guys like myself to know better when it comes to dealing with women.

If you continue reading this post, am assuming you have already read Ubunja’s miseducation post: Chosen.

Now let’s continue.

As it has been debunked in the post, the secret to getting a woman that will love you unconditionally without you breaking any sweat over is by being chosen by the woman. You wait to be chosen. It has to come naturally from the woman as love is not to be earned.

But this is only half the work, how long you actually stay in the relationship or keep it at great conditions depends on what you know on how to deal with women.

If you do not know how to play the game, in simple terms - how to deal with and handle women, you may yet find yourself in a losing position.

Hence, the need to know how to play the game.

To be continued...

Cc. Ubunja

In this piece he states that the one who is being chased, the prey, is the prize. And the one who chases is the hunter. Also, he stated that the best way to find someone who loves you unconditionally without you breaking a sweat to impress them is simply by being chosen.

While he stated this in the view of the man being the prize, and having gone through the comments I have now come with my own thoughts about this.

I believe the theory holds true for either sex and truly the one that loves more, the hunter, is the one who suffers more and the one who loves less, the prize, is the one who holds the power. This is true for either a man or a woman being the prize and in this case of Ubunja’s piece, it is the man.

Truly the same girl every other guy is trying so hard to woo and impress is giving her attention and time easily to another guy, why? Because she chose him, simple.

At the same time for guys, the girl who actually loves you is not the one you care much for. But it is that same one that is not treating you rightly that you keep making efforts for. Why? Because she is the one you chose.

So this makes me conclude that it holds true for either sex. But then, we have more cases of men being the heartbroken one these days.

My simple explanation for that is due to the simple fact that naturally, men are the hunters. Naturally men chase women and for most times, it is not the other way round. Hence, more men are heartbroken, as the fate of most hunters, simply because more men do the hunting than women.

This explains why a girl will stick to that boyfriend that keeps hitting her. Or why a guy will stick to that girl that keeps hurting him. Because they chose them and will do anything to keep their prize. While the other cares less and does not value them much because they are not their own prize or trophy.

Another thing I would add is that, women are not as simple and straightforward as men. Show a woman too much love and attention and she will lose interest in you or start giving up attitudes (there are exceptions.) Also, the best way to get a girl’s attention is by actually ignoring her.

In essence, most men do not know how to deal with women. They do too much, they try too much, they are too obedient, they are too simple, no mystery, they care too much and display wayyy too much emotions. Leaving little or nothing for the mind of the woman to wander about. Giving no challenge for the woman to always pursue. Hence, she loses interest and treats them badly. As women are naturally wired this way, they can’t help it.

You can call this a double wahala case.

Which makes me conclude that you can actually chase a woman and then make her stay in love and respect for you if you can play the game well.

But first of all, men do the chasing (already at a disadvantage) and then you go on to do things in the wrong proportions (inviting more trouble to the already existing one.) Hence, why there are so many heartbroken men these days.

So for each and everyone, according to Ubunja, if you want to be loved unconditionally, better you be the prize than the hunter.

One more thing I’d like to add, we blame the society for how women are at a disadvantage and same as for men. Yet it is this same society that is starting to complain these days about how things are. People rise from this same society to complain and protest.

So how do we solve this? Maybe never. Or maybe better for each one to solve their own problems and get things right for themselves.

If everyone trains their sons and daughters the right way, the world would be a far better place. But sadly the one that is supposed to teach does not himself know.

But maybe there is hope for the generation coming after us because some of us are starting to wise up.

Cc. Ubunja

Can you hate her? That’s just women for you.

Except you’re gay, misogynist, asexual or priesty, you always need a woman. And there is always a good one out there.

But that’s just women for you bro. Many of us have been there. Nigeria here, India, US, Europe all the same. They are meant to mess your emotions up, betray you and make you see the harsh truth of life, how it works and how they (women) work.

It’s just the process. To be successful you have to gain experience. To do well, you have to gain experience. And how do you gain experience? By failing and struggling first.

So be of good cheer my bro. For now you are free. You have learnt the truth and it has set you free. Never ever be hurt by the devil you already know again. And never trust the angel you do not know.

The truth has set you free but woe unto the one whom the betrayal came from.

I wish you all the best in your recovery phase, it will be hard but you will surely recover. The memories will even take longer to go but surely you will find love again, maybe true love this time.

Till then, look after yourself bro. There’s more to life than another judas.

I had my fair share too but OT done dey now.

Two years relationship that later became an on-again off-again relationship. She like me but the hoe inside no let her rest. Always going and coming back.

Mama wan explore and enjoy her youthful days.

Las las na one day for the owner jare my brother.

Mr Op don’t you have your future to think about? Na 6 years time marriage you dey think about? With Nigerian girls of these days?

Abeg live in the moment and focus on your career while yet avoiding most mistakes weak men make with girls before they finally learn.

Anything can happen at any time. You fit leave her. She fit leave you. External factor fit break una up.

Abeg let’s discuss your ambitions and career forecast in 6 years time. Planning marriage already with a 19 years old? Lol. You go learn also.

Well, personally I do not think it is far fetched to think that not all of them that do so are wild albeit very little.

And for the mere fact that you have it either shows you are already wild or have a potential to be, since a sense of decency didn’t prevent you from having it.

I’ve not had a personal experience with them and the ones that do have spoken.

My advice is for the Op to share his frustration with her before making a final decision. What happens from the discussion will give you your much needed answer.

I feel you @op. I am scared of this generation and the people we will all end up marrying. The kind of past they will have.

In this case op, what is your own solution to this? I mean will you marry earlier or how won’t you also end up with the same fate you wrote about.

(This is my first comment on nairaland since 2015 of being a visitor )

Two ways; some women might not be ‘women’ to you but to other men, such as a friend, a family member, extended families, a colleague etc. The ones that are a ‘woman’ to you are defined by romantic interests.

Quick facts:

• There is no true love or real romantic relationship: It is all relative and their interests is all that matters to them.

• Age does not matter but trend does: Age does not determine or explain their maturity or behavior. There are only trends of how some particular age gap or group behave.

• Some men get the better of women: Men who are smarter than them (use them for friends with benefits, the playboys, strict boyfriends), men who control women with money (to get them to do whatever they want), men who use women only or mostly for sex.

• The lover boy or gentleman is always the victim: There is a particular way women are wired; engaging them in a love or adoring relationship will later fail.

• Women are not smart, they are only cunny: They respond based on how you handle or treat them (both in productive and counter productive situations.) Meaning they are mostly passive and can’t act for themselves. It depends on who they are dealing with. Women however are, or can be, deceitful and manipulative.

• Some leave the league of ‘women’: There are some who later become different and more reasonable (active thinking and intelligent) influenced by factors such as age and maturity, career influence, experience and ready to settle down etc.

Best Tip: Never compromise when it comes to women. Treat them in the way that works best with them. All women are the same in the long run except for those out of this league. Be aware of this and if you want something real, true and lasting - it is better to go for those not in the league. But NEVER compromise or else you suffer for it. Understanding this will go a long way.


Disclaimer: This is not based on research work but on the ideas and realizations of the original poster. In essence, his own opinion, you have yours too. Feel free however to criticize or supplement.