₦airaland Forum

Tabh:
Hi sam,just took a long break from the earth,i'm back though.
How's bene.. and mom?

Tabh:
See high level of confusion,one time you are crying to a fellow man that i mentioned your sluttty momma,now you are claiming you don't care. Boy,you only wish you don't care but you and I know you care much. Your type needs to be sent an errand to your root,ask your momma where she hid your manners,i hope she hasn't used it alongside her body.
I'd rather you don't f#ck with me,i don't come easy on senseless men.

Chrisbenogor:
True that about the dealing with inlaws, however men generally have not spoken of their own experiences on this thread or how they see things which can sometimes be really different from how women perceive it.

Now to cheating.....Cheating is wrong I could not totally agree more.
However it happens as can be seen on this thread. When it does however I do not think it is just enough to say oh he/she cheated on you, it was wrong. In my small experience when someone you really care about cheats on you, asides from the anger you feel sometimes most people cannot help but feel a sense of inadequacy on their part led to their partner straying. This can sometimes be true, however at other times not so true. I am talking about getting to the root cause, why it happened and not if what happened was bad. Unless that root cause is dealt with as with a marriage then I think it is a set up for further disappointment.

I think not cheating for a both couples has to do with discipline but most especially for men. Men don't like to talk about their challenges, there are some men here who have gone through these things and fashioned very good ways to deal with it, others could not be bothered about it - they do it because they can, others have fallen and learned from their mistakes and vowed not to do it again, others have decided to live with it.

This is really a difficult topic to talk about without ruffling feathers of impatient people, its like trying to explain how a ghetto neighbourhood would be very prone to vices, explaining what kids go through from starting off life without many options but to go into drugs or violence. Its not a justification for going into it, however if something is to be done about it a proper understanding of the problem is important to fashioning a solution.


So I will try and leave the floor open for men to try and open up, this is not about being self righteous because many men with even bigger things to loose have fallen prey to cheating on their wives. For instance As a man

1. What are the factors that could lead you to cheat?
2. How do you handle it when you find yourself in situations that lead to it?
3. If you have had this experience before or a near miss, could you share how you handled it?

This list by no means exhaustive, but its a start.

sexybash:
Na lie lie things nah
Besides they started locking. Before they got married
It's just that the women choose to ignore. The obvious
And also what did you keep inside the man's fone

Godmystrength: [size=20pt]MTSCHEW[/size]

diamazing: Why would you say don't go into a partners personal effect, when the partners goes into my private effect, protected or unprotected? Me i don't just snoop, i check, in your presence and in your absence so you're sure that i check and if i see what i don't like, i ask, i don't pretend that i didn't see anything. How do you even manage that?

@ posts. Wow! am learning a lot, i wish i read these 4 years ago when i got married am sure would have been a better wife. I'll find time to share my experience.

bodashee: I'm just 22, so a lot of people still think I'm joking........but I honestly don't think I want to ever get married. It doesn't seem like child's play to me....and the Obligations to othere people (in-laws, hubby's associates....) I don't think I can cope with that....I'm not a people pleaser.
Its just very scary when you look around.

bodashee: I'm just 22, so a lot of people still think I'm joking........but I honestly don't think I want to ever get married. It doesn't seem like child's play to me....and the Obligations to othere people (in-laws, hubby's associates....) I don't think I can cope with that....I'm not a people pleaser.
Its just very scary when you look around.

joy4anney: Hmmmm, this your reply get as it be sincerely. Why can't I go through my partners's fone, when he goes through mine effortlessly?

From experience, I will never advice a lady or married woman not to go through the husband's fone. Sometimes its good especially when you ve sense of doubts about the guy's conduct.

I just left a rship of 5yrs, maybe if I had known what I knew now, just maybe I wud nt ve remained in that rship up till the 5yrs I spent in there. The guy is a serial cheat, he does it effortlessly and cos I had no proof I could not hold him. If I suspect anytin, I confront him, some he would deny, some he will accept and says its cos of distance and since he hardly see me, he was tempted to do it bla bla bla.
Foolish me would cry, he would beg and I wuold forgive thinking he would change for good. I changed so many things about me just to please him and hoping that someday all this would stop and since am d one he wants to marry, I could just endure more. The both families knows about our rship.

I was always treating STIs thinking its cause I share toilets etc, no knowing its my guy @ work, I gave my ALL. One faithful 9t I went through the fone and what I saw almost killed me. The Ex galfriend was back, he started promising her marriage cos that's the gal he truly loves (but she left him years back cos he cud not take care of her needs), he was always talking abt her, I tought I could erase the memory, no way. Some other side chicks were taking turns in his house every other weekend I was not there. Dearie, I cried my heart out.
Then I visited unoticed (very unlike me) and confirmed things again, met him with another gal (just few days after I left him earlier, so he was not expecting me so soon again). That was the beginning of the journey to our break up.

He told me so many lies, manipulated me emotional, I was his CBN and ATM. He was always complaining of one thing or the other, comparing me with some other gals, we had misunderstanding severally and settled still, all these were ways for me to go. But since the break up did not happen as he wanted, he was enjoying the milk from the factory. I did not see anything wrong in all that at first until I SNOOPED and realised I was not the only one. I was just been used. He did not know how to break up the rship cos I did nothing wrong to him. He then asked for a break, and told me some many sweet things in this world.

Sincerely I was ready to wait for him till when he come back from his break. But through my snooping again, I realised he was still asking gals out and promising them love. As it stands today, a lady is with him in his house (this was someone who told me, he wants to send all the gals in his life out so that he can be free. He is asking new ones out)

Chai! Chai! There is God oooo. But I broke it all up after all this I was able to gather. All this were possible as a result of SNOOPING! If not I would ve been waiting endlessly for an irresponsible guy who can't think with his head but with his third legs. He does not know I know all these anyway. Its to my own advantage and to his own LOST forever.

I deserve to be happy, with my Sanity intact for a better rship in the nearest future! Snooping is sometimes needed.

Peace!

conyema12: First I want to thank the creators of this wonderful thread. Its like the save haven I have been looking for all day.

I am currently in a 2yr old marriage, quite nascent in the institution. Our marriage is what people emulate and most of my friends and colleagues count me as a lucky man, same goes to my wife from her folks. no kids at the moment as we plan to start that b4 this year runs out for obvious reasons.

I love my wife and I still do with all my life. However I have some issues.

Currently my wife does nt seem to appreciate anything I do.
Take her to Genesis cinema, she will tell you silverbird is her preference. I can help her make dinner, tidy the dishes, when she is tired for example yet she finds it difficult to appreciate it.

Her demands are endless as well as her wahala. Always picking faults in every single thing I do
When we have a little disagreement she talks in a harsh tone. I prefer to show maturity and tolerance.
I often help out with the house chores but whenever she does it alone, she eats herself up. When I talk to her about it, her reply will be that she experiences mood swings!....I tire oooo!!.

Is this what marriage is all about....
taking shiit and keeping quiet cos you don't want to hurt your woman? Even when its obvious she is wrong.
Sacrificing your ego because you want to be known as a gentle man and a good husband. I would really like to know cos that gentle man thing is not working for me!!

cococandy: would you say that if it was the man who went thru his wife's phone and found such stuff?
Will anyone even remember that such evidence was found while snooping?
Abeg don't make it harder for her by blamimg her.
What's the need to preserve trust when the conditions for earning that trust hasn't been met?

candy: @op, this is a good time for you to get a teaching job. Start little, you will get there. I have seen graduates who are not even lucky enough to fail interviews cos--they were not lucky enough to pass tests!

With a little touch, you can improve on yourself and perform better at interviews. For all you know, it may be all you need to land that job.

Best of luck and don't give up.

Givemejoy: Please I need you to tell me why men are
allowed to get away with everything and we the
women are always the victim. In my 4 years of
marriage with my husband I never used to go
through his phone, but out of curiosity I
checked his phone on the 6th of this month
and I saw text messages between him and
another woman. From what I read in the
messages he is clearly having an affair and
sleeping with this woman. I confronted him and
he denied it, he has deleted the messages but
from then till now we have not been on
speaking terms. My anger is that we have taken
the matter to his parents and my parents and
they are all blaming me for going through his
phone and asking me to apologise to him. I am
so angry and hurt. Why is nobody blaming him
for having an affair. Please what should I do,
did I do anything wrong, why is everybody
supporting him.

cococandy: Free MTN recharge card to the person who guesses my age correctly

SAMBARRY: ...