₦airaland Forum

fem29:
Before you ask, I am 'married '

First of all let me tell you well done for sitting down and thinking about what it is be a husband and father. Many do not and go into it woefully unprepared.

When it comes to marriage I would tell you to be absolutely sure before you take that leap. Compatibility is absolutely key. Date the person well. Less sex, more conversation

No one is perfect but truly make sure you can live with her imperfections. Try to really get to know her, her views on different issues and ideas. If there is a massive deviation from yours then run.

As for kids, you are right to be worried. It is a massive responsibility that we all want to do well. Right now I am sitting here with a scratched cornea cos my daughter poked me in the eye with her toy. And I couldn't break her head (though i wanted to ) don't let anyone deceive you its bloody hard work. There are a lot of low moments with kids but the high moments are the most extraordinary ever. When you look at your child's lovely smile. When they say mummy I love you. When they achieve things and you are so proud. It's worth it in the end.

I think you will actually be a good dad because you actually realise the enormity of bringing up another human being. They just think sebi everyone does it, what is there.

I suggest you have just 1 or 2 so that you can be sure to do your best with them.

Awwwww....you made me laugh @ "before you ask I am already married". wow I appreciate your write up. Seriously I do. But what about the transition? What are those things you gave up? Are there things you long for but you can't have/engage in them because you are married? How did you find the "concept of family"...Ensure you take great care so that there will be less poking...I yearning to read post.

yvelchstores:
hmm no offense but marriage is something u need to experience for urself. It's like finger prints, no two are d same.

I like this lady already...and some people might even think I am inconsiderate (looking at my initial response) but there is a reason for everything!

yvelchstores:
well from my point of view, marriage has made me a better person, I am more tolerant and understanding. Op I think u shld knw that d chchallenges marriage brings are suppose to make us better ppl generally. Looking for a perfect spouse is near impossible so then u will hv to work on and with your spouse,becoming a better person in d process. Love is beautiful.

I have the impression that you are married. At first didn't you find it awkward? I mean the togetherness thing? What about the things you enjoy doing alone? Did you have to sacrifice some habits or lifestyle in order to accommodate your partner? Maybe I didn't realise I will get married until recently.

Mindfulness:
Easy, I married my best friend who knew how I tick.

ooh you guys were already intimate while friends and the whole marriage thing came naturally wow say hello to ur wife, I really love to see people do amazing things especially things I find complicated...kudos

Mindfulness:
Yes and I married late in Nigerian terms.

I was the kind of person who enjoyed freedom and independence immensely and who loved living alone. I don't know what it means to feel lonely.

Great, how was the transition like for you during your first year?

Mindfulness:
Just because it is difficult for him, doesn't mean that it will be difficult for you. Most people are very negative and repeat sentences like: "Life is hard", "Life is a struggle", "Life is unfair" but there are also many people who say: "I love life", "Life is beautiful", "Life is a gift" etc.

It's what you make out of it.




Then you are not ready. Take your time.



If you think it is difficult then it will be difficult. If you don't believe in yourself, you won't be a good husband and father SO stop thinking these negative thoughts.



Why do you have to decide it now? Such things are done together with your spouse. And even if you plan on having three, it could be that you won'T be able to have more than two for different reasons. You think too much.



It does require planning. It requires PROPER planning and it requires mentally healthy individuals who are happy with themselves.



Maybe you should marry a self-sufficient and independent woman and the only people you will be responsible for will be your children. And trust me, once you have them you will love this responsibility. As hard as it at times can be, nothing is more fulfilling.



There is no freedom restriction with the right partner.



What are the qualities of a good husband? Do you know?



If you don't like this part of marriage, then don't get married or get married far away from your family and her family.



There are women out there who think alike. Make sure that you are on the same page and everything will be fine.



I know couples who are married, have kids and two houses. This maybe an option for you too. You don't have to conform to conventions.



Is it by force to have children? I know couples who decided not to have any and are fine with the decision.

Are you married?

Swissheart:
Initially wanted to ignore your comment but it is obvious your idea about marital issues, human management and relationship is kinda shallow (no insult intended). We don't have to be married to be sensible or before knowing how best to live. Most breakup you see around isn't because they missed it after marriage but because they missed it BEFORE marriage. I do know much because I am not married but what I know is enough to pass one or two msgs across to making a happy marriage or otherwise.




Finally (to the glory of God) I have been opportune to live, and be a part of a successful marriage for abt 23yrs now.

I understand your intent. Do you think I can't get copious notes from the Internet about marital issues? I could meet a counsellor and arrange for an appointment. When I need info about anything I like to get it from the targeted source. Your ideas were amazing but the topic wasn't generic it was made for a targeted class. Perhaps you didn't notice you really wanted to contribute and I thanked you for it. But you came up with this "Joe bomb". Hmmmmm...well that is what makes us different from other species of the human race. Even when we defy rules and our attention is called we flare up..."I wanted posts from married people" simple. I do not care if you have a phd in marriage proceedings as long as you ain't married just do the needful...

IamMetallic:
It sure comes with a lot of adjustments. But in marriage I can tell you that what worked for "Mr. A" isn't necessarily going to work the same way for "Mr. B". When the rough patches come up, please persevere, be patient and 'wise-up'; things will surely fall into place. There's this saying that when an apprentice is still under his boss, he undergoes some many unpleasant and degrading situations but when he graduates and eventually becomes his own boss, na 'yanga' remain o.

Are you married?

I know we all have ideas about marriage. But please if you are not married kindly observe I will appreciate a pragmatic post from a MARRIED person.

Swissheart:
I am not however it doesn't mean I don't have an idea of what I am saying. My parents are.

Ok thanks.

Swissheart:
Firstly.... There is no manual for a successful marriage. Marry your friend, someone who complements you. Marry someone who has what you lack. I see you aren't an extrovert, so get one. Know your temperament and marry someone who is compatible with yours. if your wife is accommodating and hospitable, she'll likely cover up and make you feel at ease when ppl come visiting. You could stay few months before having babies, you get familiarized with your woman and prepare for fatherhood. You won't have to serve as a husband and a Father almost immediately.
You'll make a good husband and father. Just marry right. I recommend a movie #contract#.

Are you married?

jashar:
After so long a time, you responded. .
Thank God for Sundays ooo...
My dear brother, what can I do as regards the bag? I don't carry laptop up and down ooo, wey the power?
It's books, shoe, food flask that is in the bag ooo..... but after leaving the office, going to school then staying in traffic for so long a time and having to trek on top even paper becomes heavy . God help us jare.
Hope you good?
Of which Dyt is now a tranny


Dyt Dytttt Dytttt ooooo.... Marxxx says hi

I guess dyt was tired of being female? Seems the dudes around here gave her a tough time or she is confused about her sexuality...

Dyt:
Dude is stingy
Flips hair

jashar I thought dyt was female? Today she is male...The more I visit this forum the more scared I become. Hello Mr...lol...This is the masculine version of dyt...Guys don't flip their hairs...

I asked an acquaintance this question and he told me "It is difficult to be father and more difficult to be a husband". Seriously the only the thing I think about apart from work is marriage. I am just so scared whenever I remember it's about time. I see marriage as something difficult. I often doubt if I will make a good father or husband. I was thinking about the number of kids I would love to bear and I couldn't even figure it out. Is marriage a spontaneous thing that doesn't require much planning? I often doubt I will make a good father because the feeling of being responsible for someone else beats my comprehension. Adjusting to a new lifestyle that stiffens freedom and spontaneity is also wearing me out. I don't even know if I possess the qualities of a good husband. To me marriage is an Enigma the more I try to understand the less I comprehend. Looking at the bigger picture (concept of family) where my wife will give birth and relations from both sides will start visiting is another thing that is freaking me out. I have lived close to nine years alone and my relatives have only visited few times and they didn't even spend the night...Sometimes I hear about married couples accommodating the wife siblings and other extended family members. I can't even live with mine peacefully let alone my wife's...I am very poor with kids, especially when they become unruly or inquisitive or too playful or when they cant just stop jumping or talking...my Nephew spent just 3days with me instead of one week and he wanted to commit suicide by crying. All the great toys couldn't pacify him. I heard if you can survive the first year you can out live others, I can't pour out all my fears and worries here...so how did you cope in your first year? I am eager so eager to read ur posts.

Do you want to take the place of your dad? Just like someone asking between your mum and ur wife whom should you love more? It is a foolish question. Op your wife is your first priority, then your kids and your parents. Your mum is your dad's priority not you....give the keys to ur wife and stop taking "oshogbo weed"...I learned about that weed on NL

jashar:
Ehen, brother Marxxxxxxxx.... now I can see clearly. .
It's not just work jare that wore me out. I'm a student and where I stay is quite a distance from school. With the traffic situation of late, I've become a professional trekker(i no get car yet).
So you can imagine getting to the busstop and not seeing a vehicle then having to trek some distance to get a bus with a heavy bag at night again kwa.

God dey.

Hope you good sha.

lol...student life, very interesting. Very soon your hard work will reward you handsomely...please reduce the items inside the bag so that the mass of the bag can be reduced. if you trek much with a heavy bag on your back, it may distort your posture. I had to apply for sick leave some years ago because I was always carrying a laptop in my bag and it affected my shoulders negatively. I won't like it when I finally meet the queen of my heart only to realise she has a poor posture. How is ur partner in crime dyt...I miss her...don't take me too serious today

Amakyzuu:
Seen... How much should one read about an organisations' profile... Especially ones like who, world bank, unicef etc

I believe an interview is a battle field. Kill or get killed. You won't want to fight an enemy with a bamboo stick when he obviously swings an Ak47....would you? so read up everything and anything...it boosts ur confidence

jamanuka:
Oga Marxxx your company seems to be always recruiting and is also a top notch firm...

Please how can I submit an application?

Wow I have submitted applications for the people I knew personally but they were not contacted. I had to ask one of the trainees and she said the firm contacted her based on the profile she had on jobberman. I think you should maintain a good profile on jobberman and linkedin. They search these sites and do their thing; So they will contact you if your profile is good for them. I believe so...

mimzy:
Someone finally confessed hehehe

I glanced at the dp again...now it's a bad habit...lol...how are you doing?

Mystiqme:
Hi, I sent you a PM. I will like to ask you some questions. Kindly respond. Thanks.

Awwww, My mail may have problems with your PM. I am always with you. Just ask your qstn or create a separate thread and send a signal...

Mystiqme:
Hi!
I am a Science PhD student in the USA. I'm in the middle of my program, and trying to explore my options for a career after graduating.
Lecturing, either in the USA or in Nigeria is not top of my priorities right now (that could change, I guess). I am aware that many of the consultancy firms in the USA employ PhDs, even from Science programs. I am wondering if such options are available in Nigeria, in case I decide to head back home after my degree.
To be clear, my question is, does McKinsey Nigeria employ PhDs? Are there other consulting firms in Nigeria that employ Science PhDs?

Thanks!

Wow!!!...The head of Mckinsey lagos I think has a phd in electrical electronics from stanford university so I think you should worry about that much as long as you have a good first degree (preferably a First class). Mckinsey as well as other management consulting firms employs phd holders cos almost all consulting firms do have research departments and so....But your phd is in science and that is something to about because seemingly you do not have much experience in business neither do you have a business degree (I might be wrong) or an MBA. Nevertheless if you have a good first and second degree, that is enough to join mckinsey or Navigant or other top consulting firms; provided there are no age restrictions.....it is even 2014... ...I believe you have passed this stage was just busy typing jargons......Awwwwwwww...Do have a splendid.....I don't know where you are right now, so do have a splendid morning, afternoon or evening and if you are in space...do have a spacious day...

captainhoo:
I was referring to a poster before me trying to claim men are saints while women are the devil's.

well.I'm not married because I need a job first and waiting for Mr right
sorry for violating the thread's rule

ok...don't be sorry...why did you choose a masculine monicker?

Boltam:
just passing....

Really?...you wrote something about tears and pain...you shouldn't be thinking about such...

Melsan:
Just passing

Are you sure?

armyofone:
praying for all to be well.

Why are you betraying sleep?

jashar:
Guy you no go understand. I'm sleep deprived. I'm physically exhausted. Till tomorrow (or whenever) I beg. No vex hear.

Not at all. You should ensure you get enough rest. Seems your work drains a lot from you....sweet dreams

mimzy:
Kikikiki :Dthank uu pastor marxxx

Did you say pastor? Because I used the term "ministered"? Pls I know absolutely nothing about religion. I am not qualified to be a deacon let alone a pastor lol...ok it was not ministered...I peeped

jashar:
Ok. Good night.

what a terse response! Seems the sleep have been haunting you since 47BC

armyofone:
I'm good and you...?

I wish I could say the same...No Power No Pms...got 10ltrs for 8k yesterday...and today I couldn't find the black marketers...I had to leave the house and lodge somewhere

jashar:
toooorrrrr since when did I call you? I can't even remember what that post was about again.

Awwww....I was really busy sorry I did not answer when my attention was required...but you were indeed funny

mimzy:
.

This Lady is beautiful. I did not check your profile. It was ministered to me...

armyofone:
Mahalo
I'm a gal of few words. Just look at it or read it deeply, do some ruminations and interpret it your own way .

lol...you are very funny. Reminds me of a book I read in High school "He was a man of few words and a gentleman on the highway"...I have looked at it in 3D I think I have an inkling of what you meant..." A lady of few words"...how are you tonight?