₦airaland Forum

Let's forget about this debate cause it aint gonna happen

What is really happening to this world?

Na wa o

HFOG:
Okay. Stumled on you thread and thought we needed to do some talking. Glad you replied. I should send you some PM soon. Thanks again and I hope you had a beautiful day.

ok, I am expectant. I sure did and hope yours was twice as nice

Hmmm

HFOG:
What does that mean and what's supposed to be my reply?

u mentioned me and I am like na wetin?

HFOG:
Mcdokwe...

ogini kwa?

repogirl:
I feel she harboured deep resentment towards you which kept on piling up and she didn't know how to express it, so instead she chose to fight, insult and call you names.

She might have been influenced by her friends' negative advice or maybe she just wasn't happy with her life and with you.

I didn't see you mention that you were married or engaged, being pregnant and having a kid under normal circumstances can be trying to a woman, hormones and all that, now talk more about a woman who has underlying issues in her relationship.

From where you explained her as a low maintenance chick, I am forced to deduce that you might have also taken her for granted. Women who expect little materially expect much more emotionally.

You said you let her take control during sex, what if she wanted more? What if she didn't want to be in control all the time?

I think she couldn't express herself to you and you couldn't understand what was going on with her, but don't think for a second that she deserved the beating she got.

Could you put your hand to your own mother if she had done the same thing? No, you wouldn't have.

Why? Respect!

You might not know it but you took your girl for granted, lost respect in her and she might have sensed this and it probably added to her annoyance and dissatisfaction with you.

Finally, if you indeed believe she deserved the beating you gave her and that you don't know the reasons she left, then its for the best she did because its better to be alone than unhappy with the person one is with.

I said I wasn't going to comment on this again but your post is reasonable and as such elicits a response.

Maybe I indeed erred in my choice of diction.

But people fail to get the underlisted from my post

The lady meant much to me

I never intended to hit her

She provoked me most times without intending or knowing it maybe taking my resilience for granted too

Her sharing issues concerning us with strangers wasn't helping the relationship

The post wasn't about justifying my actions until others made it so

It was about causes and reactions

We all are expected to learn from this,
Just like I tried doing with her, I would always storm out from my parents, siblings, friends and just anyone just to avoid using exchanging heated words and possibly blows not because I am scared of them, but because I don't want to regret my actions later.

I still would chose her above many others like I've done before, but really wish she gets helped to understand some of these things because I believe it would also help in her day to day relationship with others outside me.

Like most have said here, it is more like a psychiatric issue, while not undermining the place of prayer in sorting out issues like this, your best bet is to take her to a mental health institution and then continue firing your prayers from all angles. Prayers gets everywhere u know

It is unfortunate that no matter how bad a situation is, the world gets divided into those in support of it and those who are not and that makes it all the more appalling.

I grew up to experience what could pass as a perfect marriage among imperfect people as represented by my parents and would wish I get something like theirs or better.

I may not know fully what made it work the way it did but sure know things that stopped it from failing or getting them involved in a fight for dominance whether physical or verbal.

The good thing is I learnt my lessons and don't put all the blame on my gf even though I know she could have played a big role in averting the hitches experienced, I now know what to look out for if I have a future date.

I still maintain even though I failed that it is very wrong to hit a partner, but still plead that our ladies should give us no cause to even ask why we dated them.

Believe it or not, a lot of men have recourse to extra-marital affairs, dangerous drinking habits, extra dedication to extra curricular activities and other habits to stay away from the home front just to avoid confrontation which in all still tells on the relationships.

I plead for her return because I love her and have no regret doing so, I wouldn't have pleaded with her if she was a new catch, I understand that stuffs do come up that should be handled in a peaceful manner, I also understand that no one does the other any favour by staying in a relationship as there will always be alternatives.

Women are treasures, treat them so.

PS - Peace out. I love my daughter like I love the mother, any woman coming into my life gets to hear the full story and has the option to accept it in its merit, make her decisions and leave or not, but let her be rest assured I won't come begging like I did for the lady in question.

I wish she tells her own part of the story

cococandy:
Seems like the OP has a history of violence and not just mere misunderstandings with this girl. Obviously this is not the first time her parents and other people have mediated to bring peace between them. Even the way he described the father of the girl beckoning on her to move away from him as if he could hurt her by just looking at her, speaks volumes.

He's a good writer. I give that to him.

I like the way she left. Pretend like everything is OK and disappear when he least suspects.
Case settled.

good thing I didn't finish the story leaving you and your likes with wandering imaginations and misguided insinuations.

Kimoni:
The saddest part of it all is that the thread is full of cheerleaders urging him on and telling him exactly what he wants to hear.

Hopefully, he will be able to sift through the advices given to him and do some soul searching himself. He is going to kill somebody very soon if he continues to beat women like this whenever he thinks they "deserve" it.

the truth is I know when I am wrong and don't need anybody to tell me I am. In this case I might have a justification (her deserving it) I still feel guilty (the regret). Nothing I do or say can change the fact that I hit or plummeted her like others would have it. She isn't just any girl to me, she is the mother of my precious jewel and I really want to tell my sons not to hit a woman and brag that I never did (but I can't brag about that now) but I won't fail to tell my daughters and sister not to give any man a reason to hit them justified or not.

kandiikane:
Why not take her to court? Do not make this an excuse to not be a father to your child. You probably don't want to cause anymore issues by going after her for the child but the woman might be ill, like bipolar or something. You need to make sure your child is with the right person mentally and emotionally. Your ex doesn't seem balanced in the head.

I believe there could be a better way to get around that. My daughter couldn't have asked for a better mum when she is in her elements. I trust her with the child and hope with time I could get to play a fatherly role without recourse to unnecessary litigation.

[quote author=oluchikeh post=29504813][/quote]Sorry I don't have access to my mail to view pms, u can send me a direct mail via famousebere2002@gmail.com

babyosisi:
There is no essence in your post beside the need to get the high fives r
It is all told to suit you but any intelligent person can see right through it
You cannot be regretful and justified at the same time
That tells me you haven't learned any lesson in the violence that cost you a girl that loved you enough to be a mother before a wedding ring
Do you know how shameful it is for a girl to log around pregnancy without the benefit of marriage?
You don't
Ad that leaving you will be the last thing on her mind because that will be double shame on her part
You have failed
You failed as a man here
Failed as a boyfriend or wharever you called yourself
And also failed as a father

like it has always been my dream to bear a child outside marriage, like I raped her and all that. I am done replying you

[quote author=babyosisi][/quote]it is fools like you who go about creating problems in other people's relationships after all, you have been to America
Little wonder we get a handful of news about men killing their Nigerian wives. I do not owe you or anybody an explanation, like said earlier I didn't create this thread to paint her as evil but let her and others who might fall under the evil influence of people like you in the form of advice understand that it is not as bad as people make it to be. Those who know the parties involved who are also happily married understand those who advised her were in no mental or moral position to offer a workable advise just like you.

Because I consider her a friend and someone whose best interest I have at heart whether or not we end up together, I won't let you push me to divulge very personal details about our relationship because that would have defeated the essence of this post which obviously is lost on you and pass me off as one who is truly on the look out for sympathy. So swerve and continue fooling yourself in the name of living in America like you are the first

babyosisi:
I pray this story ends well
Whoever this girl is, babyosisi says God bless you for doing the right things by keeping the baby and may all end well for you and the child

and I say amen

Rose2014:
My dear, you were not there hence u cant know exactly what happened.
Let me ask u this, So u think d op sent a text to her friend is all that is to the story?
If u do, you'll believe anything

D funny thing with these kind of story is that if the op is as innocent as he claims, he won't be looking for comforters here

I wasn't looking for comfort, it doesn't add a kobo to me. I am surprised some people are even taking sides and saying she should be blamed, I have the capacity to take blames too and have never dorned a robe of innocence.

For those who don't get it, the ultimate aim of this post was first to make women understand their interest alone shouldn't be the driver of a relationship.

That friends don't necessarily give the best advice neither does discussing your relationship with third parties equate communicating with your partner.

I am not happy I broke my resolve especially after seeing the pain of labour she passed through in giving me such a treasure.

I take blames and I learn. This story could have been told in a more demeaning way but I chose to save the devil in the detail.

babyosisi:
I am glad this story ended well
Whoever this girl is, babyosisi says God bless you for doing the right thing
You don't need an insecure low life agbero in your life especially when he is just a baby daddy

unfortunately, whether or not that was meant as an insult, I won't take it to heart.

greatgod2012:
I already have the best man in my life. This is the 10th year of my marriage.
Thanks for your wishes.

God bless you and pls keep making him the best.

LAGATA:
@op, are we neighbours? had the same bitter experience last night. We have bn married for Seven years and i have never imagined i cld ever raise my hands on my woman. No matter to what extent she provokes me, i still tru find a peaceful way of resolving issues. Mine is even a bit challenging coz of cultural differences (am yoruba and shes hausa). The past seven years has bn so challenging. we have lost 2 innocent kids so u can imagine the frustration and challenges. What is it abt our women being 'misled' by their unmarried and divorced friends?
The height of provocation was ystday. Imagine my woman exchanging luv msgs wt an unknown man. Confronted her wt all the proofs bt she was still denying to the extent of creating a fight. Had to land her a slap on her face. So sad i have never done such. Realising i shldnt have done that and controlled myself, spent the whole night pleading wt her to forgive me for my actions and not even wt wat was on ground. Even wt the sleeping pills i swallowed, i jst cldnt slp. Rather i was feeling so bad and full of regets for raising my hand on her.... To all the ladies out there (single and married), pls forgive us. Appologies too for the long gist

it is a pity, but people don't get. It is just like saying no one deserves jungle justice until you become a prey to those miscreants repeatedly. God heal your marriage and create understanding in her.

Rose2014:
Congratulations!!!!!
Did you ever think about what could push the woman to such limits? Or is it because you're stronger?
Ask the op what he said that made the woman flare up that much(even while she was being apologetic)
My conclusion is that the op verbally abuses her because she had a baby for him outside wedlock and op throws it all in her face cos he lacks respect for her.
Ever thought of what could make her get to that point? No!!! Just beat her
It takes two to tango and op needs to quit playing saint.
Pls Don't quote me again either

lol, like I already said, I am not about spilling everything about the relationship here, but believe it or not, her having that child more than anything earned her not just more of my respect and that of my friends, but was enough for me to overlook everything. Better put, I loved and respected her and with the child in our lives, I loved and respected her even more than I believed I could.

Rose2014:
Honey quit all these justifications, it's irritating
Again I ask, what did you do when she became apologetic? Of course you were unrepentant. U pushed her to her limits too. Has she gotten physical with you before? Has she behaved like to that point before?

U sound like u're the only one doing doing Sth U've never done.

I am not justifying anything, like I said people shouldn't be pushed to do things they would regret later.

I didn't do anything special and for the records I still believe I owe her a lot whether or not we end up together, I know there are men who could be more tolerant than I was but there are also some who couldn't take an inch of all I took. My wish is that she overcomes that so that she wouldn't find herself always saying sorry to the tolerant man or ending up with black eyes from the less tolerant one.

Vikky014:
hmmmm. i sent her a birthday msg then oooo. so my text didnt melt her heart. she is not back yet



back to topic. yes she did wrong but hitting her once would hv been better not repeatedly.

well atleast your message got her to send me one too, only that she said all I was doing was pulling stunts. I still appreciate your effort though

You failed to grab my point, I avoided a fight while we were locked in because she stood no chance, I hoped the other ladies could stop me from hitting her in their presence, I didn't write all these to absorb myself of blames, but to make people understand others bring upon unfavourable reactions on themselves. Believe me, I love this lady so much and do not intend painting her all bad and for that reason leave out some details.
I believe she can read all this, it is up to her to learn from posts here as much as I am learning, hopefully other would learn too

GenBuhari:
OP,
Is it not contradictory to say she deserved it whilst claiming you regretted hitting her?

From your write up, the worst she did to you was call you a hopeless orphan and you responded by insulting her family.

She locked you in to apologise but the apology turned insulting.

You were shrugging off other apologies be cause she may insult you again.

You then resorted to battery when she attempted to break your phone in response to you pinning her down.

After battering her, you left with baby, and when she followed and did not conduct herself to your satisfaction, you said that even the other ladies present could not stop you giving her even deadlier blows.

Afterwards she again apologised even though she was the person that got beaten

You never once mentioned apologising to her.

Friend, you lack self control.

You lack ability to take responsibility for your actions.

Despite the fact she stuck with you when others advised her that you were too broke, she even gave birth to you daughter and you are not yet married, it appears you took her for granted.

Perhaps I have given you some insight into why she may have decided to cut her losses and planned her escape from you whilst you were away.

All this I gathered from your own account of events. We have not yet heard her side of the story.

cococandy:
We're you guys planning to get married?
Or just cohabiting?

You know Nigerian ladies don't fancy living with a man who's not ready to do right by them especially when they have people by the side mocking them about their 'cheapness' in openly living with and bearing kids for a man who won't do them the 'honor' of marriage.

I want to understand what her friends could possibly be saying to her that made her attitude change.

Her crankiness must have a source as you yourself admit she was a very good girl when you first met.

I was going to marry her immediately she took in but she said her dad was still very mad and can't entertain my presence, she it was that advised we take it slow.

Her being a good girl doesn't however extend to hauling unwarranted insults at me at will

Amefrica:
I'm still saying and standing on it, nothing would ever make me raise my hands against a lady. No matter how provoked I get.

don't say bro, don't just say

Kimoni:
OP, I read ur story and yes, you both are at fault but I also don't understand how sober you are or if you wont really do same next time, this is from your choice of words such as "she deserves it" and "she really didn't get enough of the beatings".

It's sounding like you still relish the beating you gave her cuz you think ur actions were well justified. There is never a justification for beating your spouse IMO esp in the presence of a child.

I advise you to also look inwards on how you could have handled the situation better from your end as against you laying the total blame on her. Don't be one of the men who beat once, regret it but continue to beat afterwards.

when I said she didn't get enough, I meant the beating didn't stop her. Not that I wish I gave her more

leggo:
Marijuana will make you mad... can confirm FALSE

maybe not instanta

Na so madness dey start, before u know person pikin go enter market