₦airaland Forum

@jeovy
clem jst xplained it, hope u gedit now.
@clem
10ks honnie

@anusman
u want to start ur misterious rumours again innit?

Heyy baby, i gotta be damned to 4get u. Jst sed to drop by once again.

10ks man. Cant c clem, ituen or kronk newhere. . .

Biznes kicks off!

U've noticed "roflmao by migines" havent u? Once in a while i jst lyk to isolate some. . . Or av u got ne prob wit that?
Neways 10ks.

There were 3 women, a brunette, redhead and a
blonde. They all work together. Everyday they
notice that their boss left wrok a little early.
So one day they met together and decieded that
when the boss left, they would leave early, too.

The boss left and so did they. The brunette went
home and relaxed watching some tv.

The redhead went home for a quick work out before
her date.

The blonde went home and walked into the bedroom.
She opens the door slowly and saw her husband in
bed with her boss, so she shut the door and left.

The next day the redhead and brunette are talking
about leaving early again.

They ask the blonde if she want to leave early
again.

"No", she says, "yesterday, I nearly got caught."

Two fishermen decided to rent a boat on a lake for their favorite sport. After fishing for 4 hours at various places around the lake with no luck at all they decided to try one more spot before calling it quits, Suddenly things started to happen, and they caught their limit inside of twenty minutes. paul said, (Hey we should mark this spot, so next time we will know where to come,) Jim says good idea, and he took out a can of spray paint and made a large X on the floor of the boat, to mark the spot, With that paul says, why did you do that, now anyone who rents this boat will know where to fish.

There was a magic mirror. If you told it the
truth, it would grant you a wish. If you lied to
it, it would vaporize you on the spot. One day a
brunette walked up to the mirror, looked in it
and said, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman
in the world." Poof! She disappeared.

A little while later a redhead walked up to the
mirror, looked in it and said, "I think I'm the
most beautiful woman in the world." Poof! She
disappeared.

Later, a blond walked up to the mirror, looked in
it and said, "I think, " Poof!!

One day, a man came home to find his wife
hysterically crying. He said, "Honey, whats the
matter?" She said, "Oh it was terrible. This
black man broke in the house. He raped me, made
me suck his cock and made me sing the star
spangled banner".

"Thats terrible," the man replied.
"I know. I dont know how to sing."

thanks

Omitted Definitions From the Dictionary

In 1831, Mr. Webster published the first
dictionary of the English language. Unfortunately,
he omitted several definitions - mostly those
related to the daily lives of women. The following
definitions, written from the viewpoint of Mrs.
Webster, are to help correct that oversight.

Airhead (er-hed) n
What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled
over by a policeman.

Bar-be-que (bar-bi-q) n
You bought groceries, washed lettuce, chopped
tomatoes, diced onions, marinated meat and cleaned
everything up, but he "made dinner."

Baseball Bat (bas-bol bat) n
An anti-burglar device.

Children (chil-dren) n
What men become when they get the flu.

Computer (kom-pew-ter) n
The one thing in a woman's life that does exactly
what she tells it to.

Dog (dawg) n
A creature who hears a burglar, barks once, then
hides in the closet.

Eternity (e-ter-ni-tee) n
The last two minutes of a football game.

Four Food Groups (for food groops) n
Chocolate, wine coolers, potato chips
and ice cream.

Grocery List (grow-ser-ee list) n
What you spend half-an-hour writing, then
forget to take with you to the store.

Home (hom) n
A dwelling that ideally has the same number of
bathrooms as people.

Idunno (i-dun-no)
The person who broke your favorite vase.

Kiss (kis) n
A small token of affection, usually chocolate.

Lipstick (lip-stick) n
On your lips: Coloring to enhance the beauty
of your mouth.
On his collar: Coloring only a tramp would wear.

Men's Sale (minz sal) n
It's OK to get one on sale, just make sure the
store has a good return policy.

New Age (noo aj) n
The age a woman gives instead of her real age.

Opinion (o-pin-yen) n
Advice you get whether you ask for it or not.

Pregnancy (pre-nan-see) n
You gain 30 lbs of water weight, but he says
"we're pregnant."

Romance Novel (ro-mans-nov-el) n
A completely believable story in which an
arrogant, boorish, rude, cold-hearted cad by day
turns into a sensitive, caring, thoughtful,
passionate lover by night.

Screwdriver (skrew-dri-ver) n
A hardware tool designed to be turned around and
used as a hammer.

Significant Other (sig-nif-i-kant uth-er) n
A husband, fiance, live-in boyfriend, or
someone you've introduced to your parents.

Stretch Marks (strech marcs) n
Badges of honor.

Teddy Bear (ted-ee bare) n
A companion who gives you a hug whenever you
want, never snores, doesn't bother you when you're
talking on the phone and doesn't eat the last
chocolate chip cookie.

Valentine's Day (val-en-tinez dae) n
A day when you have dreams of a candelight dinner,
diamonds and romance, but consider yourself lucky
to get a card.

Weight Lifting (wate lif-ting) n
What every woman does when she carries her
baby, purse and two bags of groceries.

Yippee (yip-ee) interj
What a woman thinks when a man says he'll
call--then does.

Zillion (zil-yen) n
The number of times you ask someone to take
out the trash, then end up doing it yourself
anyway.

it will actually surprise me if you dint geddit.

to stop racism, kill everyone

A man walks into a bar one afternoon and says to
the manager, "I see your sign 'Piano player
needed,' and I want you to know I'm your man. I
packed them in down there at the Cadillac Club
until the IRS shut the place down. Not only that,
I write ALL my own material so you won't ever
have to worry about paying royalties to ASCAP or
BMI."

"You see the piano." said the manager, "Play me a
tune." The piano player rocked out with a
boogie-woogie that had the manager stomping his
feet. "That was great," he said, "What do you
call it?"

"I call it 'Let me Bleep you in the Ass Until your
Hemorrhoids Bleed!'" said the pianist.

"Well," said the manager, "uh, that certainly
is an unusual name for a song. Let's hear another
one."

The piano player played a haunting melody that
brought tears to the manager's eyes it was so
beautiful. "What do you call that tune?" said
the manager.

"I call it 'Open your Mouth Wide and Swallow it
ALL When I Come.'" said the pianist. The manager
replied, "Your playing is great, and I'd like to
hire you, but would you be terribly offended if
I asked you not to announce the titles to your
compositions?"

"Not at all," replied the pianist, "You pay,
I'll play."

That evening, the crowd went wild when the piano
player did his first set. When they finally let
him take a break, he rushed to the john for a
long overdue piss. On the way out, one of the
patrons button-holed him and said, "Wow! you
play great!! But tell me, do you know your fly's
open and your penis is hanging out?"

"Know it? HELL, I wrote it!"

well just keep checking'em
@clem
hws ma baby girl duin?

Three old men were talking about how much their
hands shook.

The first old guy said, "My hands shake so bad,
that when I shaved his morning, I cut my face."

The second old fogey one-upped him and said, "My
hands shake so bad, that when I trimmed my garden
yesterday, I sliced all my flowers."

The third old man laughed and said, "That's
nothing. My hands shake so bad that when I
took a piss yesterday, I came three times!"

its not my style but for ist times' sake i'll xplain.

**he made it seem like the snails crawled 4rm the beach wich xplains y he came late**

actoor:
is this a joke?

now you tell me.

A blonde, brunette and a red-head were trapped on
a island 20 miles from shore. The red-head
started swimming and got tired after 2 miles and
turned around and swam back. Then the brunette
started to swim and after 7 miles of swimming she
turned back. The blonde jumped in and swam 17
miles got tired and turned back.

A wife and her husband were having a dinner party
for all the major status figures in Rome, Italy.
The wife was very excited about this and wanted
everything to be perfect.

At the very last minute, she realized that she
didn't have any snails for this dinner party, so
she asked her husband to run down to the beach
with the bucket she was handing him to gather
some snails.

Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket,
walked out the door, down the steps, and out to
the beach. As he was collecting the snails, he
noticed a beautiful woman strolling alongside
the water just a little further down the beach.
He kept thinking to himself 'Wouldn't it be great
if she would even just come down and talk to me.'
He went back to gathering the snails. All of a
sudden he looked up, and the beautiful woman was
standing right over him. They got to talking, and
she invited him back to her place. They were at
her apartment a ways down the beach, and they
started messing around. It got so hot and heavy,
that he was exhausted afterwards and passed out
there.

At seven o'clock the next morning he woke up and
exclaimed, 'Oh no!!! My wife's dinner party!!!'
He gathered all his clothes, put them on real
fast, grabbed his bucket, and ran out the door.
He ran down the beach all the way to his
apartment. He ran up the stairs of his apartment.
He was in such a hurry that when he got to the
top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of
snails. There were snails all down the stairs.
The door opened just then, with a very angry wife
standing in the door way wondering where he's
been all this time. He looked at the snails all
down the steps, then he looked at her, then back
at the snails and said: 'Come on guys, we're
almost there!'

This guy walks into a quiet bar. He is carrying
three ducks. One in each hand and one under his
left arm. He places them on the bar. He has a few
drinks and chats with the Bartender. The
Bartender is experienced and has learned not to
ask people about the animals that they bring into
the bar, so he doesn't mention the ducks. They
chat for about 30 minutes before the guy with the
ducks has to go to the restroom. The ducks are
left on the bar.

The bartender is alone with the ducks. There is
an awkward silence. The Bartender decides to try
to make some conversation. "What's your name?"
He says to the first duck. "Huey" said the first
duck. "How's your day been, Huey?" "Great. Lovely
day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all
day". "Oh. That's nice.", says the Bartender.

Then he says to the second duck "Hi. And what's
your name?". "Dewey" came the answer. "So how's
your day been, Dewey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had
a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. If I
had the chance another day I would do the same
again".

So the Bartender turns to the third duck and says
"So, you must be Louie". "No", growls the third
duck, "My name is Puddles. And don't ask about my
fucking day".

An unmarried man goes up to a love-vendor and says,
"I want a hooker." So the love-vendor shows him one
woman and says, "50$." The man says no that’s
too much. The love-vendor shows him a 25$ one. He
says no. He comes to a 1$ one and says yes.

The love-vendor says O.K. but you have to wear a
black condom. He says O.K.

The next day he comes back and does the same.

The third day he comes back and asks, "Why do I
have to keep wear a black condom?" The
love-vendor replies, "To respect the dead."

A blonde was standing in front of a coke machine
she put in 50 cents and a coke came out. She set
it on top of the coke machine. Put in 50 more
cents pushed the button and another coke came
out.

She kept doing this untill a guy standing behind
her said, " Excuse me, can I get my coke and then
you can go back to whatever you are doing?"

The blonde turns around and says, "Like duh not
when I am winning!! "

An English anthropologist was walking down the
road of an American Indian reservation camp.
Along the way he met an Indian with a feather on
his head. He asked the Indian,'Hey, Indian! What
does that feather mean?'

The Indian answered,'This feather means I f,
one squaw.' (an Indian female)

'Oooh.', remarked the Englishman.

He went his way again until he met another Indian
with five feathers on his head. He queried,'Hey,
Indian! What do those five feathers mean?'
'These five feathers mean,' proudly said the
Indian, 'I f, five squaws.'

'Oh, I see.', remarked the Englishman.
Again, the Englishman walked his way again until
he met another Indian with ten feathers on his
head and he still asked the same question. The
Indian replied, 'These feathers mean I f,
TEN squaws!'

'Ooohh, interesting.' nodded the Englishman.

And the Indian added,'You should see village
chief.'

And off the Englishman went to see the chief.
He approached the chief wearing his crown of
feathers and asked,'Hey, Village Chief! What do
all those feathers mean?'

With a flourish, the chief said proudly, 'These
feathers mean I f, WHOLE VILLAGE!'

'Whole Village?! Holy cow!' gasped the Englishman.

'Yes, cows too,' added the chief.

'But aren't they hostile??' asked our Englishman.

'Horsestyle, dogstyle, any style,' dismissed the
chief.

'Oh, dear,' shook the Englishman.

'No. No dear. Ass too high,' reminded the chief.

Dis is one hellofajoke! Thumbs up dude.

Somn like dat. D lil time i av not working i spend sleeping.

@clem
morning sweetie honnie pie.
@showbobo
man na studies o. And seems like i'll soon be goin on anoda NL break.

@tufe & delib
guys show. . . . Please xpantiate on dis missing issue.

*desperately tryn to figure out wat dis is duin in d jokes section*

. . . . Beta think again.

Hmmm.
@aristole
do u know d punishment 4 adultery in kuvuki land?
. . . I bet u dont.