₦airaland Forum

I've never seen a show dat stupid. Jerry springer rules d world of stupidity.

Talkn bout real, even "love-vendor ma ride" a'int real. If u doubt me, check carefully 4 mics. Wen they are supposedly surprised to see xibit.

Dont wory, we are surrounded by laser now. I've activated them.

Mo bo yorubá plenty gan.

@tolly
why be say na my name u call?
@nurse
actually, its not bad but i've seen it b4 dats y i dint boda repling.

@tolly
why be say na my name u call?
@nurse
actually, its not bad but i've seen it b4 dats y i dint boda repling.

@tolly
why be say na my name u call?
@nurse
actually, its not bad but i've seen it b4 dats y i dint boda repling.

aliens

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near an
abandoned gas station. They approached one of
the gas pumps, and one of the aliens addressed
it, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace.
Take us to your leader."

The gas pump, of course, didn't respond.

The alien repeated the greeting. There was no
response.

The alien, annoyed by what he perceived to be
the gas pump's haughty attitude, drew his ray
gun, and said impatiently, "Greetings, Earthling.
We come in peace. How dare you ignore us in this
way! Take us to your leader, or I will fire!"

The other alien shouted to his comrade "No, you
musn't anger him!", but before he finished his
warning, the first alien fired.

There was a huge explosion that blew both of them
200 meters into the desert, where they landed in
a heap.

When they finally regained consciousness, the one
who fired turned to the other one and said, "What
a ferocious creature. It nearly killed us!
But, how did you know it was so dangerous?"

The other alien answered, "If there's one thing
I've learned during my travels through the
galaxy, it's that if a guy has a penis he can wrap
around himself twice and then stick into his own
ear, you don't mess with him!"

Three daughters all get married on the same day.
After the wedding they all went back to the hotel.
That night the mother thought that she would go
and snoop around. At the door the girl was crying.
At the second door the girl was laughing. At the
third door there was no sound at all. The next
morning all four of the women were eating
breakfast. The mother said to the first one,

"Why were you crying last night?"

She replied, "It hurt."

She asked the second daughter "Why were you
laughing so hard last night?"

She said, "It tickled."

Then she asked the third daughter "Why it was so
quiet in her room last night?"

The daughter replied, "Well mom you always told me
not to talk with my mouth full."

One day a man walked into a bar. He didn't have
any money so he asked the waitress, "Do you serve
free drinks?" The waitress replied, "No we don't,
but we haven't come up with a name for our bar
yet. If you can think of a name for our bar, I'll
give you a free drink." So the man went home and
started thinking of a name for the bar, and he
came up with 'Lucy's Legs'. The next day the man
gets up and goes to the bar. The bar wasn't open
yet so he sat down and waited for it to open. A
little while later, a Police Officer drove by
and asked, "What are you doing here this early?"
The man replied, "I'm waiting for Lucy's Legs to
open so I can get a free drink."

Around lunchtime Sheryl left school and headed for home, crying because her first period had started and she had no idea what it was. The girl's teacher was reluctant to get involved, so she suggest Sheryl talk to her mum. She was walking home when she ran into little Johnny.

"Why are you crying?" asked little Johnny. "I'm crying because I'm bleeding," she replied. "Give me a look," said little Johnny. She lifted her skirt and showed him. "Fuckin' hell!" said little Johnny. "No wonder you're bleeding - some bastard's cut off your cock!"

Around lunchtime Sheryl left school and headed for home, crying because her first period had started and she had no idea what it was. The girl's teacher was reluctant to get involved, so she suggest Sheryl talk to her mum. She was walking home when she ran into little Johnny.

"Why are you crying?" asked little Johnny. "I'm crying because I'm bleeding," she replied. "Give me a look," said little Johnny. She lifted her skirt and showed him. "Fuckin' hell!" said little Johnny. "No wonder you're bleeding - some bastard's cut off your cock!"

A prostitute walks into H & R Block to do her
taxes and a consultant starts typing her info into
the computer. Name, address, date of birth and so
on then he asks her what her occupation is.

She boldly stated "I'm a LovePeddler". He tells her
"lady, I can't put that in the computer you will
have to come up with something else." Well she
said "I don't know what to tell you I'm a LovePeddler."

"Listen lady you really have to come up with
something else or we can't go on." She thought
for a minute and said "OK, I'm a chicken farmer."

He replies, "Chicken farmer? What makes you think
you're a chicken farmer?" "Well," she says, "last
year I raised over 1,000 cocks"

There was this male engineer, on a cruise
ship in the Caribbean for the first time.
It was wonderful, the experience of his
life. But, it did not last. A hurricane
came up unexpectedly. The ship went down
almost instantly.

The man found himself, he knew not how,
swept up on the shore of an island. There
was nothing else anywhere to be seen. No
person, no supplies, nothing. The man
looked around. There were some bananas
and coconuts, but that was it. He was
desperate, and forlorn, but decided to
make the best of it. So for the next four
months he ate bananas, drank coconut
juice and mostly looked to the sea for a
ship to come to his rescue.

One day, as he was lying on the beech
stroking his beard and looking for a ship,
he spotted movement out of the corner of
his eye. Could it be true, was it a ship?
No, from around the corner of the island
came this rowboat. In it was the most
gorgeous woman he had ever seen, or at
least seen in 4 months. She was tall,
tanned, and her blond hair flowing in the
sea breeze gave her an almost ethereal
quality. She spotted him also as he was
waving and yelling and screaming to get
her attention. She rowed her boat towards
him.

In disbelief, he asked, "Where did you
come from? How did you get here"? She
said, "I rowed from the other side of the
island. I landed on this island when my
cruise ship sank" "Amazing," he said, "I
didn't know anyone else had survived.
How many of you are there? Where, did you
get the rowboat? You must have been
really lucky to have a rowboat wash up
with you?"

"It is only me," she said, "and the
rowboat didn't wash up, nothing else
did." "Well then," said the man, "how did
you get the rowboat?" "I made the rowboat
out of raw material that I found on the
island," replied the woman. "The oars
were whittled from Gum tree branches, I
wove the bottom from Palm branches, and
the sides and stern came from a tree".
"But, but," asked the man, "what about
tools and hardware, how did you do that?"
"Oh, no problem," replied the woman,
"on the south side of the island there is
a very unusual strata of alluvial rock
exposed. I found that if I fired It to a
certain temperature in my kiln, it melted
into forgeable ductile iron. I used that
for tools, and used the tools to make the
hardware.

But, enough of that," she said. "Where
o you live?" At last the man was forced
to confess that he had been sleeping on
the beach.

"Well, let's row over to my place," she
said. So they both got into the rowboat
and left for her side of island. The
woman easily rowed them around to a wharf
that led to the approach to her place.
She tied up the rowboat with a
beautifully woven hemp rope. They walked
up a stone walk and around a palm tree,
there stood an exquisite bungalow painted
in blue and white. "It's not much," she
said, "but I call it home. Sit down
please, would you like to have a drink?"
"No," said the man, "one more coconut
juice and I will puke." "It won't be
coconut juice," the woman replied, "I
have a still, how about a Pina Colada?"
Trying to hide his continued amazement,
the man accepted, and they sat down on
her couch to talk.

After a while, and they had exchanged
their stories, the woman asked, "Tell me,
have you always had a beard?" "No," the
man replied, "I was clean shaven all of
my life, and even on the cruise ship."
"Well if you would like to shave, there
is a man's razor up stairs in the cabinet
in the bathroom." So, the man, no longer
questioning anything, went upstairs to
the bathroom. There in the cabinet was a
razor made from a bone handle, two shells
honed to a hollow ground edge were
fastened on to its end inside of a swivel
mechanism. The man shaved, showered and
went back down stairs

"You look great," said the woman, "I
think I will go up and slip into
something more comfortable." So she did.
And, the man continued to sip his Pina
Colada. After a short time, the woman
returned wearing fig leafs strategically
positioned and smelling faintly of
gardenia. "Tell me," she asked, "we have
both been out here for a very long time
with no companionship. You know what I
mean. Have you been lonely, is there
anything that you really miss? Something
that all men and woman need. Something
that it would be really nice to have
right now." "Yes there is," the man
replied, as he moved closer to the woman
while fixing a winsome gaze upon her.
"Tell me, Do you happen to have an
Internet connection?"

Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of
it. He decided to ask his shrink what to do? The shrink said, "Since
Christmas is coming up, you should ask Johnny what he wants Santa to
bring him. If he cusses while he tells you his wish list, leave a pile
of dog poop in place of the gift or gifts he requests,"

Two days before Christmas, Johnny's father asked him what he wanted for
Christmas. I want a damn teddy-bear laying right beside me when I
wake-up. When I go downstairs I want to see a damn train going around
the damn tree. And when I go outside I want to see a damn bike leaning
up against the damn garage.

Christmas morning, Little Johnny woke up and rolled over into a pile of
dog poop. Confused, he walked down stairs and saw another pile under the
tree. Scratching his head, he walked outside and saw a huge pile of dog
poop by the garage. When Johnny walked back inside with a curious look
on his face, his dad smiled and asked, "What did Santa bring you this
year?"

Johnny replied, "I think I got a dog but I can't find the
son-of-a-bitch!"

The Hero

A fella finds himself in front of the
Pearly Gates. Ol' Peter explains that
it's not so easy to get in heaven. There
are some criteria before entry is
allowed. For example, was the man
religious in life? Attend church? No?
, that's bad, that's bad , Was he
generous? give money to the poor?
Charities? , No?, not good, not
good, Did he do any good deeds? Help
his neighbor? Anything?, NO??
Exasperated, Peter says, "Look,
EVERYBODY does something nice sometime.
Work with me, I'm trying to help. Now
think!" The man says, "There WAS this
old lady. I came out of a store and
found her surrounded by a dozen Hell's
Angels. They had taken her purse and
were shoving her around. Taunting and
abusing her. I got so mad I threw my
bags down, fought thru the crowd and
got her purse back. Helped her to her
feet. I then went up to the biggest,
baddest biker and told him how
despicable, cowardly and mean he was
and SPIT in his face". "Wow", said
Peter, "That's impressive. When did
this happen"? "Oh, about 10 minutes
ago", replied the man.

horse

This man was sitting quietly reading his paper
one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when
his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on
the back of his head with a huge frying pan. He
asks, 'What was that for?'

She replies, 'What was that piece of paper in
your pants pocket with the name Marylou written
on it?'

He says, 'Oh honey, remember two weeks ago when
I went to the horse races? Marylou was the name
of one of the horses I bet on.'

She is appeased and goes off to work around the
house. Three days later he is once again sitting
in his chair reading and she repeats the frying
pan swatting.

He says, 'What's that for this time?'

She answered, 'Your horse called.'

horse

This man was sitting quietly reading his paper
one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when
his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on
the back of his head with a huge frying pan. He
asks, 'What was that for?'

She replies, 'What was that piece of paper in
your pants pocket with the name Marylou written
on it?'

He says, 'Oh honey, remember two weeks ago when
I went to the horse races? Marylou was the name
of one of the horses I bet on.'

She is appeased and goes off to work around the
house. Three days later he is once again sitting
in his chair reading and she repeats the frying
pan swatting.

He says, 'What's that for this time?'

She answered, 'Your horse called.'

LITTLE JOHNNY'S 1st DAY
Little Johnny comes home from his first day of school. His mother asks, "What did you learn in school today?"

Little Johnny replies, "Not much. They want me back tomorrow.

LITTLE JOHNNY UNDER THE BED
Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day only to catch him sitting on the side of his bed putting a condom onto his penis in preparation of sex with his wife.

Johnny's father in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it, bent over as if to look under the bed.

Little Johnny asked curiously "Whatcha doin daddy?"

His father quickly replied, "I thought I saw a rat go underneath the bed, to which Little Johnny replied

"Whatcha gonna do, f*@#% him?"

Dats pretty much on d high side. I'd say NO DEAL. They know nig has d largest audience and think we'll jump at ne offer.
I can bloody well just read d damn scores, datts more than enuf.

@jayon
but 4 stupidity and imaturity i dont know how u related dis to religion. D sad thing is, ure really proud of urself. . . . Dude, are u 6 or 7 yrs old?

He damn well deserved it. Newcastle lack consistency and steady game plan. Allardyce is not a bad coach but, hes been making some "not so gud" decisions lately.

If i hadnt seen dis b4, i'd be LMAO. But now, i'm just smiling.

U had eyes 4 a GIRL but u never knew HE like u too?
Are u male or female or confused?

Wapain.Com

Roll

D season three i have, has just 12 episodes. D writers re on strike but, hopefully, dis yr they'll continue.

. . . . So u never chop since?

Na. . . . One "baba iyabo"

Suga?
Damn . . . . .
Owww Suga sugar suga.

Suga?
Damn . . . . .
Owww Suga sugar suga.

. . . Now drop dat curtain wil'ya?