₦airaland Forum

This is what I think: Every post that was intended as a reply to the topic posted,save the ones that are as daft as the shithead posting them has a bit of the truth in it as regards the issue at hand. Talking about replies from musty,wesley,et al, they all speak a part of the truth.
Now herein lies the dilemma,as much as we try to explain it away,wish it on,or pretend that it doesn't abound,true love from a woman is exceedingly RARE people!!!
Do we have to repeat it all again,it's a topic that has been beaten to a pulp!, read my lips,nay fingers,you are the LUCKIEST man on God's planet earth if you get a woman that loves you just for Y-O-U. She's always more often than not there for a purpose a reason. Yes,she might love you some 70-90% but the whole nine yards, forget it!.
Coming to your scenerio,I'd say this,pretend that you are broke and she'll soon find out ( don't aske me how, they have their means,remember it's a big world and at the same time it's small as Bleep!). And when she does you are literally finished! how, she'll play the game with you, tally along knowing very well that you are not in the know that she's aware of your financial background. She'll act the way you want her to act, just like the dog in Pavlol's experiment. So here you are thinking that you got a good girl on your hands,news flash! you are being played. She knows you want her trust,and it's just a matter of time before you decide to reward her for her piousness and faithfullness during the so called trying times that you initiated mind you. End of story, you lose she wins,she got her man with all the wealth and you remained in the dark as regards the fact that she knew you were stinking rich from the beginning, the Eddie Murphy thing in Coming To America is not the route to go me boy save you can actually conceal your true financial status and you know how difficult that is in Naija, someone that knows your cousin's brother's mom's sister will tell on you. So your pauper persona is poof!!!
Another thing you have to know as regards this true love thing is this: How pretty or beautiful is she? is she loaded?, an ugly broka ass girl has little choice but to cling to a guy who show's interest in her moreoften than not regardless of his financial status. It's a long story but I'll cut it short.
LISTEN GOOD!!! you want to know a woman that loves you independent of your dough,looks et al, I'll tell you how if you can be patient enough.
A woman who is as rich as you are richer than you are,or almost as rich as you are,beautiful as they come,from a wealthy background and all the trappings that come with wealth going out with you is 90% likely in love with you for you!, how?, here's how,
Let's assume you were accompanied a friend to a birthday bash of this lady that looks as beautiful as well, lives in a swank apartment,cruises round town in a sleek BMW X-6,gainfully employed or even an employer of persons,holidays abroad like it aint a thing,I mean the whole works, now you jet into this party with let us say an M-Class right,and reasonably dressed,looking reasonably good,as in your features are just like the guy next door,not an oranguatang but definitely not an adonis or don juan either. So the party kicks off,of course you are feeling the celebrant,who isn't. Now here comes a guy who waltzes in and happens to be the cynosure of all eyes,of course you know guys like that, in the looks dept.he beats you flat, how about the green-backs let's see, he came in with a 2008 BMW-7.4, limited edition and in tow is an escalade, you know, his crew. That tells you one thing, he's loaded!, she get's on the dance floor and he showers her with dough, like they do,dollars and stuff.
Eventually you get a chance to have a quick word with the celebrant,and seeing there's nothing to lose you request her number and surprisingly she let's you have it,well,you tell urself it aint nuthing,as you've seeing her doing same to other guest. The party is over and you give her a call on a whim,she responds and stuff, cut a long story short,you checked her out at the office and Mr.BMW is there this time witn a Bentley Coupe parked on her driveway,but you discover she's feeling you, so blah blah blah, you end up dating, you can't believe your luck,dating a wealthy beauty queen, she bought you the car of your dreams for your birthday, now here's the poser: Does She Really Love You Or Is She After Your Money?
So my dear Poster?the answer to ur question is hidden in between these lines of mine, sniff it out. Sorry for the long retort.

gotta bounce, see a man about a dog, wishing you the best. Hit me up with more views so you feel so inclined.

Just an addendum, you cannot in one breath not be thinking about a relationship yet and in the same vein be thinkinh if you want more with him, can't have it both ways innit!, so what's it gonna be me dear lady, it's ur call.

@ Mitchelin
ur response was truely welcome but i'm not thinkin about love or a relationship at least not yet, i just want to knw d guy properly enough to decide if i really want more with him. . . we already hav a fling going and i feel like i want more. . . but i am not exactly sure if or why i would ever want more. . . and WITH HIM?
@Poster, listen,we all ahve to know when it's time to stop,look, and listen to the direction the wind is now blowing, and right now,the wind is blowing in a certain direction you are not comfortable with and why?
You never envisaged yourself being in a committed relationship yet?, when is going to be ripe, if not now, I don't know about your bios and stuff but take it from me,you want to settle down as quickly as you can,by settling down I don't exactly mean saddling yourself with the marriage thing and stuff, I mean caring for someone for them not cos of their looks,virility or sexual prowess. But on the other hand, I don't think you should settle for this chap, he seems to enjoy the way things seem to be going already, you looking for someone to go down that long lonely road with, I don't suggest him!
By questioning urself as regards if the time is ripe for you to ake the big leap, I think somewhere in the cellar of your hheart you know it's time, this is not just smart talk from a guy trying to play mr. know it all,if anything I don't know jack as regards stuff, but I do know this,get on the bus and start FEELING for real,despite what the critics say,you are never more alive than when you are in the dating game.
You do Need more,not Want,but I don't think with him, you've had your fling right?, so asta la vista!!!, move on, and fall foolishly in love.
Pardon the typographical errors,in a rush,no time for spell checks and stuff.

Me thinks the door swings both ways but on a slighter wider arc for the ladies. Should a lady finally decide to get involved with a guy,she really can feel insecure, she's always thinking about the other gals out there needing and wanting her man,she is wondering if her really loves her, does she satisfy him sexually,is she still good looking and stuff, the list goes on and on. Mind you,the preceeding assertion of mine is true of a lady who has FINALLY agrred to fall in love and date a guy, a gal who really isn't in love doesn't give a fart in a rat's ass if her man feels her or not cos she ain't feeling him in the first place!
Guys can be very jealous and overly protective bothering on obsession as regards their ladies,but the % compared to ladies who fall into this class is slightly less.

@Poster, fine you didn't say nuthing about love, cool,but then let me ask, what is it you want from a relationship with a guy you do not feel the big L for?
A fling or what? and Oh! one more thing, the fact that you re-instate you are not exactly on the love train with this dude spells one thing: You are about to board that train me dear if you are not occupying a v.i.p couch already.
But then dis-regard all I've written in response to ur post if all you want is a fling with this guy and nothing written on stone (though I acquiesce there is no such thing as forever). I like to think we are helping each other here and I though you were really stumped as regards the direction to take but it seems it was a mis-conception, I apologise  truly for my bold comments. Keep keeping on.

50 - 50 nothing more n nothing less!, I second that motion, check out Teddy Pendergrass's crooning on his song "when somebody loves you back".

The first thing you need to get straight me dear lady is this: Despite what the textbooks say,the movies depict,and what you imagine,you'd never get the solution to the dilemma you seem to be embroiled in at present until you realise that true love and stuff is not a mind game!
From what I can infer from your post you seem to think that playing the seduction game and stuff is the key, fk getting in his head and for once act like an idiot in love.
This is how it works, sub-consciously,you have certain markers in place that informs you as regards emotional issues, relationships and stuff, now that i is the obstacle ,but you can make this work for you, how?
When you just let go of all manner of shoulds and shouldn'ts,and just be like the girl next door contemplating her first romance,you act that way,just like the girl next door. But here is your insurance, you can NEVER make a fool hardy mistake as regards your love status with this guy even though you are acting like the girl next door due to the fact that your sub-conscious comes into play independent of you as soon as it receives any stimulus that triggers it to action thus protecting you!, wish I can explain it better. This way,you now have the best of both worlds, you are not wasting valuable energy playing the mind game consciously and your sub-conscious come to your aid anytime you want to make a fool-hardy decision, mind you,he knows that's what you are about that's why you can't figure him out, he's placed a mental smokescreen, using all the principles you know against you, for once you are on the receiving end, how does it feel?,
If you go about it the way I suggest you'd have him stumped as regards your intention, you are reacting exactly the way he's programmed you to react, you are losing the battle me dear, tough I hate to use that word (battle) as the game of love shouldn't be a a war of the roses or a battle of the sexes, it's a divine thing, it saddens me that we've reduced it all to a game, where books are written on it like it's some project or something, well,it is what it is, just let go,stop trying to figure him out and enjoy the relationship. Another dis-advantage of trying to figure him out is this: he knows,so he'll only show you stuff you want to see,this way he's no longer original, infact everything he's said and done til date is suspect, re-evaluate every word,promise,whatever. But note this-if he isn't on to you trying to figure him out then I could be wrong about the above,but if he's in the know and from what I read in your post he seem to be in the know,then the above statement is correct, at least 99%.
So live and let live,me dear,quit figuring hime out,only then will you see the prince or the ogre in him. Good luck.

@whitelexi, great comment there,just that er, I'm the big M, ale

Give her time they all say, but I'd tell you this---fine,maybe she needs more time, to what measure you up?, nah,I don't think so,your post wasn't comprehensive enough, there is a serious reason she's holding back, I can stake my life on it, and that reason aint her checking you out!
With the little info you furnished I'd tell you this, she may be bidding time, you may not actually be the real mccoy as regards the kind of guy she wants, you are just the best that is available for now,so she's not giving in totally to prevent a dear John scenerio,when the guy she really needs happen to come around. You are a fallback plan dude, and this aint sarcasm,it's cold,hard truth,you may not believe it but it's the truth.
If you weren't shagging her,I'd say,she was taking her time to feel you before committing herself, but you are shagging her!, meaning,she won't be so foolish as to deny you carnal pleasure,as you may back out of the relationship which won't augur well for her as you are the best of the rest right now,until her dream man arrives, so she let's you feel real comfortable in case  the mythical mr. right never comes calling, then she'd give in to you totally, let's say four-six. years from now and she aint seen him,,,then her siren song will change.
So don't sweat it,enjoy ur relationship,and be the best you can be,try convincing her that you are mr.right. Good luck.

I'd say,quite a few really do,but they are a fast dying breed. Right now,love has been sacrificed on the alter of compatibility and stuff. Compatibility in the sense that the guy has to be compatible with the money needs of the lady,looks dept,style et al.
But loving a guy just for him,I think it's close to impossible to see a lady who'd tell you that. Either the guy is loaded,looks like an adonis, or a complete dolt that can be manipulated. Take a look around you,look real close,you'd find nearly all relationships fall into this genre, and the funny thing is the ladies don't even know they don't truly love their man,one can live so much in deceit that it becomes second nature. And before the ladies start blowing a fuse,ask yourself this: Should he become less handsome by virtue of a freak accident would you still be there? and for those that are quick to say yes, for how long will you care about him in his not so appealing state,probably he's now crippled or something,or burnt, or whatever,so the looks that always turned ur feet into jelly is no longer the same will you still care? How about this scenerio, he's no longer well paid,maybe he lost his job,bad business move or whatever,and now he's broke as fk,how long will you hang around when all the outings,money,allowances,clothings and the like stop coming?, let's call a spade a spade, only a select few,I repeat,frightfully few,really love their man,others, it's just a game,that could go on for the rest of our lives even when the kids start arriving,sad don't you think?.

I'll marry you, for real!, this aint drivel. That's all I have to say, do you have the guts to follow this up?

@be be,I'm sure you're one of em huh?, no dis-respect, just curious.

Folks,I try to be frank as I possibly can in my views here in niraland,maybe we can save lives and make things better for a lot of us in this land of plenty but home of nothin!
Speaking candidly, independent of how she got infected,we can no longer be intimate sex-wise. I promise,and that's candid, to give her all the support she needs in whatever ramification, even occassionaly sexwise (she's just human too you know,and nature calls) with protection of course but the issue of marriage is out of it. I can't make her live with the knowledge that our wedding is a sham,what's a marital life without conjugal relations/despite what the critics would say.
Granted,I hear a lot has come up as regards managing the illness, you know babies born from hiv infected moms not having hiv and stuff,but til there is a concrete cure for the ailment,I beg to differ.

Hmmm,quite a sitation we got here. Now folks let me tell yall something. This is what I infer from the story, this guy still has the hots for her!,secondly he's very close to taking her back!!,our views may not matter in the long run,but we'll do the best we can.
People you know how it is, loving someone so much and discovering in the light of day,that it was all a sham,a fool's paradise.
I made the above remark because it seems our friend need a reason he can hang onto for refusing her back to his life,he needs an excuse to be strong and our views is that excuse. He's really hurting bad you know!, named the school,divulged her name, if these are really the facts then,he must be hurting so bad.
But I keep saying this, you can't help the one you love,so make sure you don't find yourself in an environment that does not conform to your idea of a lifestyle you espouse, you are a product of your environment, e.g,if you live on the top floor of a brothel,well,you happen to exchange words with the call girls,share stuff and the like,it's only a matter of time before you start feeling one of ém and the next thing you know you are dating a ho! and there aint nuthin anyone can tell you about it as you don't see anything wrong in it, she's just making a living you counter all the time!
Our friend fell in love with a girl that has the possibility to be good (she dated him alone? on campus) and the propensity to be a philanderer just like the average man or gal is!
I bet most of the gals hollering blue murder and wanting to cast the first stone are without sin themselves!, get outta here!!!, they nearly all have multiple sleeping partners as do us men!, her sin was being stupid and naive enough to think Mr.MTN was gon take her serious,the car(s) called onto her,the niteclubs beckoned her from afar,exotic restaurants titillated her sense of being,gifts,hah! women they can be so gullible!!! she was so sure of herself that she had a secure catch that she confessed to our friend, NEVER EVER make the mistake of coming clean about your sordid past to a potentional husband/wife,fiance,boyfriend/girfriend, you think ur love can take the strain, ok,try it and see!!! the past is what it is past, bury it,except those that can come back to hunt you, like illegitimate babies, let him/her know before its too late!
So my guy,if you are still felling this gal,let her in,but be sceptical,but not too much or your scepticism would kill the relationship. It's a plus for you,,,how? the burden of proof is on her,the onus is on her to prove everyone wrong that she's a LovePeddler and a lying, cheating bitch!,and she'd do her best to make the relationship work.But if you don't love her anymore,let her be,don't go seeking for revenge and stuff,I know it aint easy being human,but it can be

either way, take her back,if you still love her,let her be if you don't, then you'd be the bigger person,a true winner!

Yáll be out there,yapping about a guy being too short,tall,or a gal being too tall,short or a hybrid of whatever. What's happening people!?
Has it gone so bad,that no one believes in same óle love anymore, hah! don't gobble me up just yet, hear me out folks, it boils down to those four magic words, L.O.V.E.
When you start hanging out with someone witha a major courtesy to the looks in this case height,there is a problem.when he starts beating on you you aint gon tell your galfriend that you take all that bull, cos 'he's a 6 incher, "or whatever.
And for the folks,date whomever you fall in love with,short or tall,yeah I know,nothing can be ideal,it takes a lot of confidence to walk into the party with a girl a head taller than you are,but should the magic and chemistry be there,aint nuthin gon come betwéen yáll.
Are you getting married to her height or her heart, not telling you to date a dwarf though, there are limits, each to it's kind if you know what I mean, no dis-respect to those that fall into that genre, as a certain dwarf that is feeling her would be hating on you, thinking you are oppressing him courtesy of your height!!
Please and please life would be a lot easier and merrier if we get our acts right, in this instance love the one you are with!

Hear! Hear!!, I second that motion!

It's really a simple issue and at the same time a delicate one,given the mind state of not just Nigerians but the human specie in general. On one hand you could muster up the courage and walk up to her and unload the burden of love you are currently bearing on account of your feelings for her. On the other hand due to the factor I mentioned above,which is most people not finding it quite an easy pill to swallow, the fact that a friend is having amorous feelings for someone in the family, guys you know where I'm coming from,I bet ekans2008 that you wouldn't for a sec hesitate in dissing and squashing any intent a friend of yours has as regards your sis (should you have one).
So here's my view,it seems you really love this gal,the way you come across to me from ur post,so be the man and let her know. Now DON'T do this,at least not yet, do not let ur sis know,not until Romeo has made his moves ok, if you go through ur sis her friend may mis-construe your intention as she may assume you are trying to bully her into submission virtue of of your sis. Fine, I could be wrong as there are exception to this,but why take the risk,play it safe,be the man,always be the man, do this independent of your sister and you have a greater chance of wooing her, then she understand that it's an independent decision solely borne by you,furthermore she'll know she has a real man on her hands and not one that'd go running to mama or family as the case may be should anything go wrong in your relationship.
You sem to be forgetting something too!,she just might be diggin'on you also,waiting for you to make your move,and as sure as there is a sun in the sky she aint gon tell ur sis,save she's really the desperate and extroverted type,so why should you the man,supposedly the stronger sex succumb to a move like hollering at your sis about your feelings.
It's your call, wish you the best, feel free to hit me up if you got more questions, I'm not an authority on such issues though, just a guy who's been there,done that.
N:B:, This is hoping she's not a minor!lol