₦airaland Forum

proxillin:
U just need to work on your nagging skill cuz u will end up killing your husband

so because i didnt agree with you i nag?
Here is a list of what you need to do;

1. Dont be nosey
2. Mind your own business
3. Learn not to be prejudge people
4. Findyour own gf
5. Mind your own love life
6. Stop posting about your friends, because if they make up and one day get to see your posts. You will be the one they will end up diasspointed and angry with.

proxillin:
They both guilty as simple as ABC

I'm exposing my friend out indeed. Someone that even wanted to call a radio program charlse B.

I am fully engaged. Do just fckin leave me out of the shiit.

I didn't complain to u dat I need a girl. Why fixated on me like a vampire.

U just need to work on your nagging skill cuz u will end up killing your husband

I only said that because you need someone to keep you out of other people's business and focus on your own.

Now that the 2 imperfect creatures have started communicating their issues to each other and admitting their wrongs to each other will you let them decide their way forward for the themselves without you deciding who is or isn't a saint between the 2 of them?


If they do move forward, and put this behind them, you will still be that nosey friend with a frontpage post about his friend on a public forum who doesnt know how to mind his own business because he doesnt have his own relationship to concerntrate on

proxillin:
She says otherwise. You can defend her. She admitted she was wrong. You can tell her she is not wrong.

The subject has admitted her wrong. Some feminist wackos are still here raising tantrum

Next step your friend will continue with the marriage and have a decent married life and you will be the idiiotic friend that went around telling the business to whoever cared to listen and questioning her character where she is not even in a relationship with you?

shebi she is not a saint because she went for lunch with another guy but there is nothing questionable about your friend planning his extra-marital affairs before he even gets married? Has he also admitted he was wrong for that?

Find your own wife so you can mind your own business, you no go gree! Now it is your friends dirty linen you want to come wash for NL. Smh

proxillin:
I have no problem with that. But this story, we caught her cheating. She didnt deny it too. But you are busy trying to help her deny it;.

Lol because a person went to eat food with someone the person has cheated only on nairaland do grown men reason like my nephew in kindergarten.

Maybe its just be but what makes going to a restaurant so special please?

sevule:
Ma'am there is a HUGE difference. First of, lunch with your colleague or friend is just lunch and NOT a date. Apparently this was a date NOT lunch. Secondly if you receive a call from your friend or colleague in the presence of your spouse you would NOT excuse yourself from your spouse's presence (except of course that friend is more than just a friend) so it is safe to assume that the DJ is more than a 'friend'

you have used the word assume, so you are telling me a wise man who believes he is reap for marriage (not a 19yr old boy forming baddest every liveth on NL) should make crucial life decisions based on assumptions? Im learning new things on NL. So please what will happened to communicatin with your spouse and putting things out in the open before making a decision.

Thirdly you would not try to hide the lunch date from your fiance if it was an innocent lunch.

what exactly made this a date and not just a regular lunch? Did they have sex on the table or what?

No it doesn't but the problem is that this was a lunch date as opposed to a regular lunch. And what matters here is not the lunch, but the person you are with. For example I could have lunch with a friend or with my girlfriend but in both cases you would agree that the dynamics is different.

so what makes the lunch she has with this guy the same lunch she would have with her fiance/boyfriend?

[quote ]I agree and disagree with you. I agree that the problem could possibly be fixed but I disagree that it is a trivial matter. There is nothing trivial about emotional cheating(possibly physical), lying, disrespect and a complete breakdown of trust. For one moment stop thinking that it is just a simple lunch and logically analyze the situation. You would see that she has started cheating on him emotionally[/quote]okay if this is not a trivial matter that cannot be sorted by talking and setting boundaries, tell me what he will do when he faces mid-life crisis? Kill his wife and children then kill himself?

proxillin:
There is difference between going to eat and going out on a date.

no you have proven that there is no difference. Let me go ask my flatmate to meet me by MacDonalds for a big mac, i hope she will go around telling people we went out on a date

You know, but you just want argue as usual

did you not say bye to me a long time ago? So why are you still here?

proxillin:
[size=8pt] Thats the problem I have with you. You know the story more than I do.

FYI...,Before we concluded that she is cheating, we have seen a lot.

but your friend still wants to get married, so how does what your conclusion bring back the Chibok girls

The DJ proposed to her. The DJ asked her out and she accepted. Thats why she too admitted and felt sober when she was caught.

She engaged the DJ in flirty chat.

Yet all i saw is your post on the first page is how he saw msgs of when they planned to meet at restaurant.

The venue of their meeting is a restaurant.

i need to ask my male friend now to take me to a restaurant so that i can tell everybody that he asked me out

proxillin:
That is going out on a meal.

However, the story clearly says date;;;

because thats what you decided to write instead of going out for a meal which is actually what happened? Does going out for a meal equal asking someone for a relationship in Nigeria? help me understand, surely i'm lost.

Do they put a "dont come in here unless you are boyfriend and girlfriend" sign in your restaurants?

hotwax:
Read the story, she admitted going out on a date with the DJ.


Let me copy it for you if you can't read.

clearly i can come on NL and claim that a guy who asked me if i have a husband has asked me to marry him *sighs*

My point being you are confusing, going out for a meal with a friend with dating a person. There are 2 different things!!! If i go out for a meal with a friend must i come back and claim that he asked me out?

hotwax:
The guy has the right to cheat too. So far nothing wrong in going to meet guys when your wedding is few days. After wedding, the guy has the right to start taking girls on dates too.

maybe you didnt read the first post well, when is going out to eat with someone the same as having sex with a woman? Please help me understand.

Date is not the same as cheating. So no need to fight over spilled milk.

why did you not answer the first question? How was it different from a man going out for food with a female colleague or friend on a lunch break?

wisdomiskey:
bitter mummy iz fine

bitter? she no send you money again?

sevule:
Ma'am I do not know where you come from but even in the most permissive societies it is NOT and I repeat IT IS NOT normal for a woman or man to go on a date with another man/woman a few days to his or her wedding! Let us not try to excuse what is clearly inexcusable.

I believe you know what emotional cheating is and the woman in question is clearly cheating on her fiance emotionally (there is not enough evidence to say if she is cheating physically). I would be the first to say that it is true that Nigerian men have pretty fragile egos but this has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with men's ego.

Can you tell me how it is different from a man (married or not) who goes out for lunch with a female colleague or friend?

Does eating out with another person, imply that you have an emotional connection or attachment with such a person?

And how does deciding to physically cheat with numerous women after marriage equal to going out to a restuarant with one guy before marriage in Nigeria?

Im sorry i cannot wrap around my head on why a sensible person would blow something that can be fixed with effective communication out of proportion to the extent that he feels it will justify his behaviour later on.

It is either you choose to fix the problem move on and if your ego can't handle it, you break up with the person. It does not in anyway make sense for a matured adult to retaliate over something so trivial.

What will he do if real marriages challenges to do come? Run to the first exit or take the path of revenge?

Thumbs up

proxillin:
Thank you for the bolded.
I take it as an advice and not an attempt to rewrite my story
Bye

okay uncle, i hope you will not become like the many hopeless cases we see on NL that don reach mid-life crisis without their own wives because they are busy minding everyone else's business apart from theirs.

Bye

proxillin:
madam, I didnt ask for your help. I didnt ask for you advice.

I only ask a big question which is also the title of my post.

My question was:

"Is it normal for a lady to go out on a date with another guy just a month to her wedding?"

I dont know why its difficult for a grown adult to read and digest a simple text passage.

Not my fault jor

i already said its normal so long there is no inappropriate conduct and only an insecure man would make a tornado out of a breeze all in a bid to safeguard his fragile ego.

Did you just not say in an earlier post that you have taken advice by others? But now you want to talk about reading and digesting simple texts. Spirit of confusion dey worry you.

Is your friend still not insisting on getting married either way whether you think she is a saint or not? Why don't you mind you own business and go find your own wife?

proxillin:
She didn’t tell the DJ she is actually the one wedding.
The DJ started asking her out for date. She agreed to meet the DJ for a date somewhere.

But my friend could not endure the whole thing again when the DJ started calling her repeatedly. They engage in confidential phone calls. She will be laughing…all Yes No Yes No Ok.. Ok hmmmm conversation, so that someone nearby will not understand what they are saying. At times she excuses my guy to go and pick the DJ’s call.

but your friend still wants to continue with the wedding and you dont want to advise him to cancel the wedding either so whats the purpose of the thread again?

proxillin:
.

so Mr man after proving the lady is not a saint why are you not advising him to cancel the marriage again? If there was an intention of reaching a sensible conclusion apart from proving that your friend's fiance is not a saint?

proxillin:
.

you first post says, he asked her why she was hiding things and she claimed that he was being jealous. Then he told her that he read her convo and the she admitted to meeting the guy in person.

Now you want to change the it to she denied it the first time then admitted afterwards. Im sorry, which one is the correct version of the story? Your first post or this one?

We are talking about someone assuming his fiancee is dating the DJ when he has not confronted any one of them about it and you want to compare that with a man that has already cheated where a baby mama and a child are solid evidence that he has cheated. How more illogical can you get? Are circumstances in both cases the same?

proxillin:
And instead of the society to help the 30 year old man, the society is busy trying to justify stinky moral. The guy is wrong on his decision. The lady is not a saint. Atimes our corrupt behaviors doesnt allow us to think like a mentally sane person.

okay now that you have concluded that she is not a saint, why are you not keen on advising him to cancel the wedding then? confusion of the highest order. You are not here for any solution you just wanna play the blame game thats all.

You have problem with reading?


A million dollar question. Who wants to be a millionare

Question:

Do you inform your fiancee that you were going out on a date with another guy?

i am dating someone and he doesnt tell me every single thing he does right to when he used the toilet, but if he does something without my knowledge which i felt he should have told me, i will talk to him about it.

I will not be the idiiot who go around the streets screaming all manner of nonsense to whoever cares to listen and still go back to the arms of the same person i was speaking ill of after that. I would sit down with him and communicate to him what i feel and what i think should be the way forward.

I know the meaning and worth of my relationship i will therefore treat it like it means something not plot unnecessary revenge like a 5year old. I will not be stupid enough to waste money on a wedding just to make my marriage miserable for my husband over something thats clearly not worth the stress.

I will in return give him the opportunity to explain to me what happened and if his explanation sounds convincing to me, we will move forward. If he continues to disregard how i feel after we had agreed on the way forward only then will i call it quits.

I believe in getting a solution and moving forward not making noise over what is irreversible, because it will not change what has already happened.

proxillin:
People have proffered solution. You can start reading from page one for sensible comment. None is here arguing that the guy is assuming. The lady too admitted on going for a date, but she is not gonna fck. Every girl that goes on date always think they wont fck. they always say that. The whole world knows how it end up (not all dates sha)



She met the cake woman without his knowledge too, and they did business with the cake woman together. DJ must be an exception



Thats why she will relocate to a secret location to pick the DJ's call. A wife niyen. You are right






Please leave jor. Go with your confusion. The story is clear enough.

And you wonder why divorce rates increase in Nigeria when you have 30year-old men with the IQ of a 5year old and the same person has to be trusted as the head of a family?

Please whats the solution that everyone else came up with since you said you will not tell him to cancel the wedding?

proxillin:
Until you answer these simple questions, you are just fooling yourself perambulating around.
Yes I posted the issue for people to learn and see traps. Like I told you, this is a public forum where people are educated.

1. Did you inform your fiancee that you were going out on a date with them?
2. Why would the DJ suddenly be secret?

This is clearly going nowhere you obviously want to discuss the problem with no prospects of getting a solution.

Now what he has found out she met the guy without his knowledge, how will pondering on it solve anything? Yes she didn't inform him, but a mature person with the intelligence of a 5th grader will know that you move on to find out why something happened and how to resolve it.

Secondly the DJ was never a secret because the husband knew he was chatting with her on Whatsapp. So why are you concluding that he was a secret?

How will you know why someone did something if you decide you will not talk to them about it? Rather you will revenge on someone when you are not even sure if they cheated on you or not for a fact.

I only came here to give my opnion not to defend anyone one. If you feel that crying over spilt milk makes more sense than finding a solution to a problem, then i will leave you to it. This has become pointless.

No because the issue is with her husband not the other woman.

proxillin:
We have asked you many logical questions here today with no answer.

I wrote in my story that she admitted she is going on a date. She admitted she is going on a date.

Please read my story. You are just hell bent in arguing.

im not hell bent on arguing again remind me why its so easy for your friend to decide that he will cheat after marriage than it is for him to sit down with his wife-to-be and DJ and tell them that he is not okay with them meeting without his knowledge?

Why is it easier for your friend to tell you all of this than it is for him to talk with the people he is really having issues with?

Answer the following again:

1. Did you inform your fiancee that you were going out on a date with them?
2. They planned with cake, decoration woman together. Guess because the docoration woman is a female, so no date is required.
They planned for feeding together, they planned for the hall together. Why would the DJ suddenly be secret?

when he got to know about how they met did she not own up to just meeting him casually? You are the one hell bent on just getting a pity party on a public forum instead of resolving the real issue. So tell me after 13pages on nairaland, and nothing communicated to the wife-to-be how has it changed the situation?

Why running away from questions ?

Continue running away from fact...the more you do, the more you sound bias

i already answered those questions by saying he should sit down with both of them and clear things up. Wifey-to-be and the DJ must be told their boundaries. If that doesnt work he can always break up with her.

Is your intention to find a solution or talk about the problem for the next 20 decades?

proxillin:
Did you inform your fiancee that you were going out with them?

I know you will say yes and in actuality no man will allow his fiancee to go out on a date with another man.

Did you inform your fiancee that you were going out on a date with them?

Jesus Christ! So if i were to meet a guy at a restaurant in Nigeria it would automatically make him my date, he just upgrades from friend to date because we entered a restaurant abi?

Like i said she didnt inform him the first. So whats the solution? You bang other women when you get married or do you sit down and talk to her about meeting everyone involved in your wedding together when you are not okay with her going alone?
What would a sensible person do in this case please?

proxillin:
If you ask someone out, are you not gonna meet?

When you meet, are you going to meet in the air ?
Even a primary school pupil knows dating starts from meeting at fast food joint

i have gone out with a lot of my male friends for movies and lunch and surprisingly i have never dated or had a fling with one of them simply because of that. when you are insecure you always psychoanalyse what doesnt need to be psychoanalysed .

M

proxillin:
I still have a feeling you didnt read the story...

Its my friend. I am just in the loop of their quarrel. Infact he is a childhood friend.

Like I wrote in my story....I will sit them down. But I have engaged her in phone conversation.

I even asked her yesterday. "Why are you shielding the DJ from your husband? You have been organizing the wedding logistics together, why is the DJ secret?"

Any time I ask her that question, she digressed to other things.

She has no answer until now.

They both speak with the cake and decoration woman, but, the DJ is a secret thingy.... So much for your defending.

We will meet face to face tomorrow.

Its common on NL to share a personal story and claim its a friend in the situation.

proxillin:
Why will I ask a female colleague out?

For what ?

In my story, the DJ asked her out and she didnt object.

my point exactly, asking someone to meet you at a restaurant and asking someone out are 2 different things. I can go for lunch with a male friend to a restaurant and not engage in an physical conduct with him. You clearly mixed up on with the other.

lalasticlala:
http://thenet.ng/2015/08/i-dont-wear-bras-so-men-can-know-all-i-have-ghanaian-actress/

why is she fixing her dress in the first pic. Shebi she wants everyone to see everything

Proxillin if you are truly a mature and wise adult why did you find it much easier to spend days sharing your problems with complete strangers online as opposed to just sitting with the woman and finding a solution to your problems?
Because clearly you have communicated your thoughts to everyone else but the person you are in a relationship with. Obviously anyone can just think they are ready for marriage these days

proxillin:
See the whole argument is baseless so far she keeps the whole date secret.

They are planning the wedding together, from cake to, wedding gown to event center.

Suddenly, she is keeping DJ case becomes secret and friendly.

The temptation came when she denied she is not the one wedding.

Please Moana, you have no argument here. Its just stewpid defending her

wait so you are telling me that if you go and meet a colleague from work over lunch, automatically means that you are going to shag her right away abi? i already said your insecurity has over clouded your judgement. Why are you running away from the fact that you plan to cheat on your wife because she went out to a restaurant with another guy? To you it clearly is the same thing isnt it?

hotwax:
Guess you dont know the difference between

1. Asking someone out

2. Business meeting?

Business meeting, the husband will know about it, she will carry her husband along.

I can go out with a male friend or colleague without ending up on top of him, so how is that hard to believe that she could have done the same thing without being involved in any sexual conduct. Some people are just insecure beyond measure.

Whats wrong with requesting her to take you along next time she meets the guy so that he can add his own input? it is only on nairaland where a breeeze is meant to be turned into a tornado.

But asking a lady out is a secret thing.

so why not ask tell her you feel left out and since its your wedding you should be doing most thing together

The more you come for defense, the more stuewpid you are.

rouges will always be rouges, having manners is completely foreign to you.

hotwax:
He is not confident abi?
He is jealous abi?

Those a the words of a chronic cheat. Stop being a bi**tch. We know a LovePeddler when we see one. But dont derail/corrupt other girls. This is a public forum. Dont let other girls think its normal to go and date their DJ on wedding day. A DJ is a business consultant not a date.

Not that i would expect a bushman to know that she could have been discussing the music to be played and the playlist and how is should be played out. Or you expect a DJ to just pitch up on the day and play whatever comes out of his assssshole abi

How should I stop corrupting your ladies when you don't know how to communicate in a civilised manner without throwing insults at me for not agreeing with you? Your girls are already being corrupted by rogues like you who lack of decorum, i really have no hand in it whatsoever.

It seems someone has reasoning problem here. What is bad is bad.

yes you might have to do something about your reasoning problem.

He is jealous my foot.
So your husband to be can take one your best ladies out on a date and you will be happy about it. Or he can just go meet your make up artist in a secret location.

if my husband-to-be were to meet up wit a female DJ, wedding planner or flourist, i would not foolishly suspect that they ended up in the same bed.

i know how to communicate so i can always him to go with him everytime they have a meeting or better yet have her communicate with me about anything that concerns the wedding so we can all be on the same page.

If you dont know how to communicate or find it easy to prejudge as opposed to finding out what really happening before you make a decision you have no business being in a relationship with another person.

Please read the below again.

for what?