₦airaland Forum

sickstars:
Ur excuse just pissed me off m sorry
I pray with my deep soul for every girl out there never find a man like u

Madam, you are insulting me.

sickstars:
You wicked dont even marry at all i pity ur first wife

Men like u irritates me nd disgust me u dnt love u see women as ur sex objects u dnt love

m really irritated by u honestly u dnt love

I wish i knew ur first wife she wud remarry nonsense wen ur daughter marries nd her husband wana marry anoda woman after marrying ur daughter advise him dis way

I never insulted you or did I?

really?

sickstars:
There is a reason u married ur first wife

its either u divorce d first one

Women are generally jealous being

The first wife wud always b sad wen ever she sees the second wife who stole her husband

The second wife wud always want to get all ur attention as the benefits dat comes wit been second wife

Non of them wud b happy its only ur selfish self that wud b happy

U doing this for ur selfish self not u helpin any one

As there are other men who have lost their wives to death nd divorce or single parents seeking for a wife leave the second wife to them

I have seen with my own eyes women who encouraged their husbands to marry other wives.That is selflessness.
Madam, your definition of selfishness is one sided. A woman who wants her man to hers alone is also selfish, How would you want what could be shared by more than one person to yourself alone.

Have you ever wondered why the society does see any big deal when a man cheats and hell is let loose when a woman does same even though they both committed immoral acts? It is a natural tendency for men to desire more than one woman. If a man chose not to and remained faithful his entire life, good luck to him. If another chose to marry more than one woman and remained faithful to them, good luck to him. What I cannot condone is the pretense of having one wife and sleeping with those thin-legged ladies and other men's wives.

What also baffles me is women saying they won't mind their husband cheating as long as he does not bring the other women home. The husband would end up sleeping with '60 different women within the space of 3 years'

Let me tell you that there are millions of women out there that would jump at any opportunity of being a second wife rather than to be promiscuous or remain single their entire life.

My take....., anyway, it doesn't have to make sense

sickstars:
Ok but its nt fair marriage shd b one man one woman

U hurtin ur first wife its nt fair

I can never b a source to ruin a marriage second wife shd av been aware earlier

Once a man is married m out honestly

I understand your plight. Most married women and young unmarried ladies would do the same which is okay, if that's want you want. But come to think of it, if you were still unmarried above 35 years of age (and you desire marriage), widowed or divorced (God forbid) do you think any of man would take you for a first wife? Would you still hold the same opinion about being a second wife?

sickstars:
Disgusting

If i was the first wife i wud remarry
Second wife i wud remarry

Thank God you are not. Off course you still have your own problems to deal with, likewise every other person.

bolseas:
Ladies, please give the OP a break.

He came here to seek advice and your responses should be based on that.

His wife too is at peace with his decision.

At Op, I think the Property section would have given you the best answers you want since you will find architects in that section.

Best of luck....

Danke....

Bukola: Who could have thought that I will still be here as the 'cinate' President?
Yakubu: Me too, upon all the enemies that opposed our bid within the party.

Bukola: O boy! anything for Christmas?
Yakubu: Let's wait till the end of the presentation and see if the budget captures that..

ok

ok

onegig:
Nairaland gangs of intolerant religious folks at it again.

Why can't you guys just for once respect people's personal spaces as long as it doesn't pose a danger to you or your family?

He came here seeking architectural designs for a polygamy home.

He doesn't need your opinion about the pros and cons of polygamy. If you feel you need to air your views about such. You would do well to open a new thread about that.

@mostyg

You would do well to ignore responding the posts that are off topic. You don't need to educate and you owe no one any justification for whatsoever you do. You opened a thread seeking ideas about architecture and if anyone doesn't find it interesting, they can always close the tab and move on.

I may or may not agree with your points of view or your actions but as for this I believe the best bet who be a winged style apartment. With two wings and a central living room connected.

Also, the wing flats should have all that's needed for each to exist without a need to go to the other end to "borrow" or make use of things.

Wish you the best, just remember the word "just" in your dealings. May He make it easy for you.

Amen and thank you.

VintageCocktail:
A farmer needs only a he goat to match as much shegoats as possible to maximize profits from the many kids that will be produced. This is for profit bases,. In the olden days, our great grandfathers are encouraged to marry as much as they can take care of to help in farming and also to begat a good number of kids for the same farming.
Now a grown ass!! man in this modern era marrying more than one wife begs the question , what for?? Help for farmlands or ? If not for carnal urge, prevent ??"cheating" which will eventually happen anyway and the fantasy of having both in bed at the same time!!

If our grandfathers did it successful, what stops us from doing same, modernity I guess. The same modernity that does not promote family virtues, same modernity that promotes single motherhood, that tags adultery with a beautiful name 'affairs', same modernity where everyone would say with pride "my ex" ( ex-bf, ex-gf, ex-husband, ex-wife, ex-partner), same modernity that recognizes gay and lesbians right, same modernity that promotes women as object of nothing but sex ( how do you explain what a woman has to do with the advertisement of engine oil, tyre etc).

It is that same modern era that brings the fantasy of having two women in bed at the same time.My grandfather never did that. Mind you, you don't have to be a polygamist before you fantasize having two women in bed at the same time, two prostitutes would even do 'better'.
I don't want to be identify with the vices of the modern era.

I would rather take clues from my grandfather and adapt it to the modern era.

My take..

May all be well with you

VintageCocktail:
This is not about me but you.
Getting married and doing the marriage stuff again with another person. What the hell are you looking for? Didn't you do courtship before tying the knots because I am wondering what again you are searching for , if not to have an opportunity to cheat legally.

You won't get A in all things. Whomever you are taking in will have her flaws which when combined with the existing flaws of the first lady is a recipe for disaster.

If you still want them go ahead, they are all here.

Since you have suggested these set of animals, I will take my points from here. A farmer intending to rear goats would not buy one he-goat and one-she goat, he would maximize the ability of the he-goat to serve at least 3 to 4 she-goats. My point is that only he-goat is enough for all your four beautiful displayed she-goats.

Note: I am not comparing man with goat but I think with goats he brought forth, my points would be better understood.

EfemenaXY:
Just admit it. The true intention of your thread is to get people on here buy into your idea of having all night threes0mes and f0urs0mes. You kinky man.

With that being the case and your wife is totally understanding of your intention to have an open relationship with her, I hope you do extend the same courtesy of allowing her have great sex with other men by virtue of marrying them too. The four of you can share one bed. i.e: two men and two women. You just need to get your local carpenter construct a larger bed, or line up two double beds together.

That aside, your idea sounds great to me. Your kids will have at least two fathers and two mothers each. They shall never lack parental care / attention.

Don't go into acquiring separate apartments. The rule should be one for all and all for one. If the financial burden will be too much for you to bear, get the second husband chip in. Every Kobo counts.

If my intention is to have 'threes0me' or 'fours0me' as you have affirmed, I would not be worrying myself about a specially design house for my wives comfort. After all, it is cheaper with those thin legged side-chicks than to having someone as a wife.

I believe so much in family composition, where every child could trace his/her origin. Why do you think it is the man that pays the bride price? If he could pay for one, what stops him for paying for two, three etc. Why is it that it is the woman that changes her father's name to her husband name, thereby more or less loosing her identity. Why is it that the husband is the one responsible for the (financial) well being of the woman and that of her family. As long as all these are in place, a woman does not have the right to marry more than one husband unless she is divorced or widowed. Men and women are equal but different in their rights, obligations and duties.

My take..

tpiar:
Why is the op talking of two when he's supposed to have at least four plus concubines.

So, dont build for two, build for a minimum of four.

I am talking about two because that's what I can afford for now. I don't do and will never do concubine, God help me.

VintageCocktail:
Total hogwash.

No one want a wife because of the stories you pasted rather they want it for the satisfaction of their sexual needs.
You are playing God by " helping to give Mrs title to spinster's" story. Do you ever put the feelings of the supposed women into consideration, just bunch of "I's" all over your writeup.
Better build separate houses for each and every one of those concubines, jealousy can brew just by hearing the moaning sound of sexual pleasure emanating from the other room, the lesser they see each other the safer you are and the less chances of them killing you in any brawls.
It is not all about woes but threesoming can be an advantage.

Are you saying the only reason you got married is to satisfy your sexual urge?

Chidoks:
The men in Tola Adeniyi's ''Agony of Monogamy" are men that went about sampling the proverbial soup but got hooked with pregnancies that made them keep multiple homes. They obviously never wanted polygamy and that made them keep secret homes and children.
In your case,you planned it,you wanted it,it may or may not come to pass but to you it wouldn't make any difference;I want to know why.
The men in Tola's piece are hypocrite Christians, who publicly shun polygamy but secretly practice it. But in your case madam was forewarned,so what makes polygamy ok to you? That's if you aren't a Muslim.

Men are polygamist by nature ( It could be by keeping multiples mistresses,multiple wives, multiple girlfriends, visiting prostitutes, etc) so the desire to have more than one partner at a time is always there.

Why do I want to have more than one wife, it is because I am a man (natural polygamist) and I want to keep and be RESPONSIBLE over my wives. I want my wives to know themselves, I want my children to know one another bearing my name. I want my wives to be proud bearing MRS and be respected in the society.I want to reduce the numbers of MISS that would eventually become someone mistress and destroy a happy home.
I want to have another wife because my society and faith permit it.
I would rather have another wife than to commit adultery.

zemaye:
op
depends on your pocket
women will prefer everything seperate
but since you want one roof
seperate rooms and a large family kitchen and sitting rooms will be appropriate
but I must confess if the man is not a disciplinarian it will be chaos.
I have a relation with 3 wives and a mansion
seperate rooms and all but massive living room amd kitchen
area.
he is a discipline man to the core and he is rich.

All the wives knows thier place,no issues!
let me add that mummy 1, handles all the kids need so if you say na mummy 3 born you, you must ask mummy 1 for all those kiddies needs so it foster some kind of harmony.
till date its when specific child in that house say this is my mum you will know the biological mum,
if not you can never guess.
I like the mans home they are happy.
best wishes with yours.

Thank you, your comment is much appreciated. I am falling for the idea of separate en suite rooms, separate kitchen and same living room.

subnormal:
Op, since you intend having both under the same roof, you should consider 2 semi-detached duplex layout.... 2 kitchens, shared or different compounds. .. You can work out the rest with your architect

Thank you.

Chidoks:
Sir please l truly want to know why men go into polygamy or specifically why you would want to plan for polygamy before even contracting your first marriage. I ask because for you it's not about the different soup thing(as you mentioned) so what could be the reason. Your answer may help me understand something I've been pondering on.
++you can take care of widows and divorcees without getting involved(so I think)

Let me share with you an article written by Tola Adeniyi, a former MD of Daily Times titled "Agony of monogamy"

It was at the church service for the 90th birthday of the legendary matriarch of the Awolowo dynasty, Dr. Hannah Idowu Dideolu Awolowo, in Ikenne, Ogun State that the thoughts that prompted this article began. Some well known highly placed gentlemen and their wives were called upon to partake in the wine sipping, bread breaking ritual called Holy Communion. As soon as these respectable ladies and gentlemen, all of them past age 70, and amongst whom were renowned professors, high court judges, legal luminaries and business moguls, finished their spiritual blessing and were returning to their seats, they caught a pitiable sight in their over-flowing garb of hypocrisy.
They wore forlorn mien plastered with furrowed frowned faces like some one afflicted with putrid smell of heavy dose of fart. They looked as if they were mourning a three-year-old boy mistakenly killed by his own father, or the passing of a poor woman who has just succumbed to excruciatingly painful cancer.
They clung to their wives as if they were newly wedded. I temporarily forgot that I was in a holy Church, the spiritual enclave of Christians. I almost laughed my head off because I knew each of the ‘holy’ ‘monogamous’ men intimately and by Jove, I knew of their second, third or fourth wives/liaisons/mistresses with whom they had sired several children. To the whole world they were champions of monogamy, but to their hearts and conscience they were celebrated polygamists, or at best, serial monogamists. Pshaw!
I saw pain written all over them, the agony of living a lie, the unease of hypocrisy, and the shame of going through life pretending to be what you are not.
This is the sort of agony a lot of the so-called monogamists go through all their lives. The series of lies they sell to their wives, and the double life they present to their pastors and church leaders, most of whom are actually equally guilty of hypocrisy and double life living.
This piece is not set out to condemn or criticise monogamy. Monogamy is perfect for those who believe in its concept and can genuinely keep to it. I too have been married to one lovely woman for almost 45 years and it has been like a marriage made in heaven. I happen also to be the promoter along with some friends the 35-year-old Family Club of Nigeria which is dedicated to the upliftment and celebration of marriage and family values.
The article is designed to expose the hypocrisy and pain associated with embracing false notions which are really not observed by any culture in the world, and to advise those who erroneously sentence themselves to a life of sadness and emptiness because they were deceived to believe that there is some utopia somewhere called monogamy.
I am very much aware that this article will generate a lot of controversy most especially from those who live holier-than-thou life and have continued to deceive the world that they are upholders of a doctrine that is not supported by true and enlightened interpretation of any religious doctrine.
The white men, I am yet to see any human being whose skin colour is like that of chalk, came and told the unfortunate lands they invaded that the cherished cultures, traditions and religions of such lands were rubbish, and instead indoctrinated them with values which they themselves never believed in or truly practiced. We know of King Henry Vlll, and several major historical figures in ‘Christian’ Europe who had more than one wife in addition of a string of wives who their ‘laws’ forbade them to address as wives but who nonetheless perform all the functions of wife minus name.
God bless President Mitterrand who openly confessed to having two women in his life, with the one in the other house with whom he fathered an 18-year-old daughter at the time he passed on.
I have schooled, worked and lived virtually in all the continents of the world and I make bold to say with all emphasis at my disposal that no culture on planet earth truly practices monogamy. My Greek, Italian, Russian, British, American and other Caucasians routinely visit their other wives [called by other names] with whom they have children. But back in the homes shared with the one carrying the ring, they are monogamists!
If God had wanted humanity to be monogamous He or She would not have made the pigeon the only monogamous creature.
The cultures that practice polygamy had always known that at any given time, the number of available marriageable women far out number available men plus the fact that an 80-year-old man, if he has money, is still very much in the market whereas a 60-year-old woman may not be that lucky. The biological limitation to a woman’s productive age is also a factor. Why should a woman therefore remain on the shelf till age 45 when she could jolly well get married as second or sixth wife to a man who can afford to share life’s responsibilities with her? Why should a woman leave a man with whom she is No 1, simply because took a second wife and end up being numberless in the hands of several men with whom she naturally shares bed just because of some doctrine she hardly understands?
All the women who should go and marry but are saying they do not want to share their man with another woman in a polygamous setting, are sharing current boyfriends with several other women. Where is the logic?
The argument that children in a polygamous house are always at each other’s throat does not hold water. Many siblings of monogamous families are known to have had worse and irresolvable, irreconcilable squabble, with dirty bitterness over inheritance than children from different mothers.
The agony suffered by both men and women in the hand of unnatural laws and doctrines is too stifling for comfort. In 2002, five hundred and two Reverend mothers were reported to have died while procuring abortion in Rome. Nigerian Tribune wrote an editorial on the unfortunate incident. And stories of Reverend fathers having children and sodomising young men in their care are legion! Why the hypocrisy? Why should the world continue to live the life of Ostrich?
A well known Nigerian journalist hid his other wives from his wife because his religion would not permit of it and his wife, living in monogamy should not hear of it. At his funeral 9 Funeral Service programmes by his 9 wives surfaced and the woman parading the ring collapsed. It was the grace of God that prevented double interment that day!
The Western world which had not learnt the art of living amicably with more than one partner under the same roof has indulged in multiple serial marriages, divorcing innocent wives under flimsy excuses so that another woman can move in should not be measure of standard for the world. Thank God Mrs Hillary Clinton in the US and Mrs Cook in England were very much wiser. They refused to allow some indiscretion on the part of their husbands to ruin their marriages.
There was a well known American actor who passed on about a decade ago and all his 11 ex-wives with their numerous children attended his funeral. To ridicule the lie of their hypocritical existence, all the women were recognised and addressed as wives. As far as records show, the man had 11 wives!
Society must rethink this issue of pretentious monogamy vis-à-vis polygamy so that in the not-too-distant future we do not end up with millions of unmarried women whose life style would be worse than prostitutes’ and millions of children whose fathers would be nowhere to be found.

Chubbiehills:
You keep the two rooms at different ends making it ensuits then you make the sitting room to b centralised!

Thank you

its always difficult to change the hunting style of an old dog

PresVA:
Your wife is well informed of your decision and what's her take? Did you tell her your intention before you married her or now?

I wonder why some guys feel they're the only ones that deserve to taste different 'soups' .. how will you feel if your wife keeps another man or you think women don't deserve to taste different 'soups' too?
Do unto others as you would want them do unto you!

Anyway, I think it's in the Muslim tradition so good luck. ..

1. My wife is well informed of my decision and this was communicated to her before marriage.

2. You are definitely getting it wrong. It is never about tasting different 'soups'. If it were, I would have been cheating on her with different women but never did. Keeping more than one wife is not always about tasting different 'soups'. Have you thought of taking care of widows and divorcees?
Anyway, I would still prefer to have another woman in my house than to be womanizing around. It is a lesser evil.

3. Let me briefly highligh some points for your consideration on the issue of women deserving to taste different 'soups'. I still remember that
i. once a woman is married, her last name is changed to that of the husband
ii. children bear the last name of the father.
iii. it is the responsibility of the husband to take care of the financial needs of his wife and even to some extent the wife's family.
iv. it is the husband that pays bride price/dowry on the wife
Until the above changes, the status qua as regards polygamy remains.

4. Thank you.

Miami11:
What indication made you think this dude is American with that kind of bush mentality? That there is a straight villager need I say more.

Sir, are there no villages in America?

PresVA:
Yes, there are men who stuck to a single woman till they died; they never cheated too...

Don't allow the world to deceive you; some men still do keep their vows and you can be one! Such men have more impt things to do other than shamelessly chasing small girls around. ..

Marrying two women wouldn't stop you from cheating too, it's a personal decision..

However, if you must keep two wives, let the first wife know of your polygamous intention beforehand, so that she can make her decision. ..

1. Let me inform you that I have never cheated on my wife and would rather have another wife in my house than to cheat.

2. Marrying two wives would not stop me from cheating but would reduce my tendency to cheat, it is therefore a lesser evil.

3. She is well informed of my intention.

4. Thank you for your advice.

Rukemi291:
I have seen two instances.

1. built a compound with each flat to each wife. I think he has about 4 wives.

2. just one flat different rooms, same kitchen, same sitting room.

It all depends on how equal you can be between the two wives to make them very close.

Architects can advice you better sha.

Thank you Ma.

tpiar:
where are you from?

My advice to you would be to help underpriviledged kids and others who need assistance.

In any case, your thread should be in Muslim section.

1. I am a Nigerian

2.I appreciate your concern about assisting underprivileged kids.

3. I am seeking advice that pertains to my family life in the family section, Is there anything wrong with that?
How would you feel if sections like Muslim family, Islamic Politics, Islamic jokes, Islamic Business,etc. are created on Nairaland? As a Muslim, am I not entitle to a post on Nairaland?Am I not entitle to freely interact with members of my society?

In the real world when issues such as Islamic court, Islamic bank etc are raised, you want Muslims to relate with the society without necessarily segregating, why the double standard?.

You want a simple family issue to be referred to Muslim section, are there no Muslim in the family section that has been given their advice and opinions on different issues without necessarily Islamizing such advice and opinions?

Please sir, let my post remain in this section as I have deemed it fit.

Thank you

marbee:
Only one" thing " you want two women,take am easy o.

Has there lived a man who never desired more than one woman?

tpiar:
op

aren't you American?

Your question would be better answered in the Muslim section.

Just because people are African, doesn't mean you should automatically assume they're interested in discussing polygamy.

its like people seeing an African and immediately switching the conversation to female circumcision- that's very patronizing.

1. I'm not American and I have never been to America

2. I have posted in the family section, the best section which my questions are based on. Marrying two wives is not peculiar to Muslims.

3. There are people who aren't interested in polygamy, there are also several others who are interested. My post is to seek advice and I would welcome advice from you

EfemenaXY:
That post wasn't directed at you. Sambarry knows what I was referring to.

I m sorry if I sounded offensive.

EfemenaXY:
There's nothing to say.

We're still expecting you to join us. There's enough rooms for side-chicks.

I would rather prefer to have two wives than to keep any side-chick. I don't do side-chicking..