₦airaland Forum

unibenakpos:
in Africa the goal is to get married and raise kids, we want to be 38 when our children are leaving the university. As for me, I'm too patient to run into anything i cant afford, i wont get married until i can afford to do so simple. I'm even eyeing age 40 for marriage

jboixxx:
[img]https://media1./images/7cf5496978b667eca7501562b3bcf061/tenor.gif?itemid=15575812[/img]

Nairaboi:
These kind of stories still make me pray that God never gives me a wife that will carry another mans child in my name.

mytime24:
I was here

cassidy1996:
E be like say hellfire don bust

RedboneSmith:
What the hell does "killed alive" mean?

Tallesty1:
If being women is a reason she won't meet up with the job requirements then yea.





If you can't hit a woman because she's a woman then denying her job because she's a woman is very okay.


But on a serious note, when it comes to jobs that require hard physical labor in an unpleasant, dangerous environment, like being suspended 100s or maybe 1000s of feet in the air or underground, an employer needs to think twice before employing a woman and it is okay.

In my line of work, timing is everything.

Sometimes you will be given a nearly impossible time frame to finish a job, funny enough these jobs are often torturous, like roasting heat or unbearable cold.


Now imagine a woman getting pregnant or experiencing menstrual pains during this time. It affects her productivity.

The last time we went to Jos to work, the only female that agreed to go with us nearly didn't make it back alive and half of her works were completed by male coworkers.


There was a time I was nearly dropped from the list of guys that will work at a certain site.

Reason?

I didn't appear physically strong enough for the job and the contractor doesn't want stories. It was my boss that stood for me.


You can't have it all, there are jobs in Nigeria that women get easier than men and we are not complaining.

coker007:
Anyone that knows of an ongoing pilot scholarship program should please dm me

Thank you

Bervelyhillz:
This is a bit long but please bear with me.

I’ve been married to my amazingly beautiful wife for 3 years. The problem is she is very shy around me but at the same time seems to try to secretly please me constantly. It leaves me feeling guilty and I’m not sure of what to do next.

Backstory:

I met her through my mom. My MIL and my mom are childhood friends who grew up together. I never met her at the time since I lived in the US while She was in Nigeria. When I was 20 I saw her in a family friend’s wedding album. I was floored and my eyes were watering. She was the most attractive girl I had ever seen.

I figured out her FB and messaged her since I didn't want to initiate contact through our moms. I struck up a conversation. I soon realized that my mom fed info about me to my MIL which in turn got fed to her , so she already knew a fair bit about me. We chatted constantly, met up on my vacation to Nigeria , and hung out together every day. I learn she is still a virgin saving herself for marriage. I was still one too, mostly because A) I was chubby most of my life and didn't dare go near girls in that state and B) when I did start getting more fit, I already fell in love with her and it felt wrong dating at the same time. So yeah we had that in common.

Skipping ahead again to three years ago when I graduated from grad school. We met up a handful of times more, and things were awesome. She was outgoing with me, giggling over almost nothing and general silliness. We never did anything sexual, but we were intimate enough and honestly seeing her gave me goosebumps, so it wasn't on my mind. On one visit to Nigeria, she brought up the topic of marriage in a joking manner, something about how our mom's always planned it. I jokingly replied that I would be happy to marry her, then she got all serious and asked if I was for real. I said yes and, well, the rest is history.

The problem:

We had our wedding in Nigeria and, after the papers got sorted, she moved to the US to live with me. The first few months were interesting. She knows English pretty well and she majored in her native language, so she looked for translation jobs. She never got replies from employers, so I was getting a little suspicious, especially since she was an honors student at a pretty high ranking international university. I found out that she wasn't actually sending the applications out. I bring this up gently with her, and she starts tearing a bit telling me she wants to be a stay at home wife and that she didn't think I would be proud of her if she didn't get a real job. She says she was going to tell me soon, which I believe because I found a recent word document in our computer that was basically a draft of the speech she was going to give me. I don't mind her staying at home as I bring in enough money for the both of us and she is a really good cook.

This prompted me to sit down with her and figure out where our communication is breaking down. After a bunch of long discussions about this, I felt we were on the same page. She was still growing more timid around me and didn't start conversations easily with me, but she always seemed happy. I stepped up my displays of affection, showering her with compliments, hugs, and kisses. I would often catch her staring at me (usually while we ate), to which she would get red-faced and look away quickly. It’s been 3 years now and still does the smiling stare, except now she doesn’t look away when I catch her. The conversation starting has gotten a bit better, but nowhere near pre-marriage. While she always had this quiet peacefulness to her, I noticed she is intentionally not doing things that might get me worked up. Examples being: discussing politics (we have the same views), discussing my work problems, discussing anything philosophical in nature, etc. She will respond if I start, but she doesn’t take the initiative like before. I really miss that.

The sex is...interesting? As I said before, I didn't have any prior experience so I can't judge her, but she just lays on the bed and doesn’t move until I suggest to. She never initiates but never declines. I try to make it about her more often than not, but if I’m looking for feedback she quietly agrees with whatever I'm doing. After we finish, she lays in the same position looking at me, sometimes smiling, sometimes teary-eyed. I take it she likes it, but then again she never likes to talk about sex. From what I gather in our pre-marriage talks, she doesn't have any negative views on it and it wasn't shunned by her parents, it's just that she is shy. She doesn't like me seeing her naked even though I do (ha ha...:/ ). She is…shy very well proportioned…and I tell her how it is so she shouldn’t feel self-conscious. But she still covers up outside of sex.

Another issue is fitness: I work out constantly at home or in the park (calisthenics) and I invite her to join but she politely declines. She runs almost every morning so I thought maybe she gets enough from that. But I have noticed that my weight backpack at home is sometimes at a different weight than when I left it. I have also noticed She has made some serious butt/thigh gains which really stand out on her thin frame. When I ask if she is doing anything differently, she says “maybe it’s the running” then changes the subject. I don’t understand why she is working out in secret. This is most likely my fault though since I used to try and tease her into working out with me; I made a silly remark about how squatting/ham-raises will put more meat on her legs.

Conclusion:

Guys and gals, I need help. I love my wife dearly. She is funnier than any comedian, more disciplined than any soldier, and more beautiful than any celebrity. But she is making me feel weird by trying to secretly improve herself based on my preferences. Her shyness around me is awkward and I want a return to the easy-going pre-marriage . Has anyone had experience with this?

Also: she has made many friends here and still is in contact with a few back home. However she doesn't seem excited to be around them as much as when I offer to go out with her. She's always offers to cancel plans to stay in with me or go for a walk. I thought she might be depressed, but she is super cheerful even when she doesn't know I'm around.

johnkey:
I can choose not to get married, what has that got to do with responsibility? it's my life, I'm only responsible for myself and my nuclear family. Comments like this are what fuels my stance on marraige. Like who the fvck makes marraige a rule we humans must follow

meum:
So I should pray and still look out for RESPONSIBLE partner. With all these person wey dey WATCH (looking out for RESPONSIBLE partner) and PRAY (praying before getting married) no go rish 35plus?

There's no rite age to marry abeg. Put your life in order first before you marry. You have to be emotionally mature, psychologically ready and spiritually balanced to last in it. Finance is equally important don't be fooled. If @ 35yrs you are sure you can't handle it don't force it.

So a certain pastor's wife that married the pastor as a virgin in her 50s was irresponsible? Yet the pastor(a widower) claimed she is a gift from God. So it means God gave his servant an IRRESPONSIBLE gift

Henrodah:
Bubonic plague that caused the black death was in year 1357 and killed 25 million people.

Awol1:
Go and ask those in the bushes if they have the right papers.

You think everywhere is Nigeria where systems don't work.

Don't pour your frustration on the poor Italian. He didn't send his European ancestors to come and colonize you.

LoveFayfay:
Chai!! this one touch my kidney

Investmentfreak:
it worked for you when you tried ?

Investmentfreak:
The matter weak me it hurts me to die having money that can’t save you..
I strongly believe Coronavirus is not for the poor used to suffering, poverty is a virus on its own

Amotekun777:
You wan pay ur own debt tomorrow ni?

AlphaStorm:
The suspect further stated that it was the deceased, who brought out the knife and while struggling with him, the knife stabbed him in his chest,” Oyeyemi added.


So a knife can stab someone by itself