₦airaland Forum

THE LOVING WIFE

An elderly couple are sitting around one evening and the man
says to wife "Marsha, we are about to Celebrate our 60th wedding
anniversary.
We've had a wonderful life together, full of Contentment and
blessings. But there's something I've Always wondered about: Tell
the truth. Have you ever been unfaithful to me?
"She hesitates a moment, then says, "Yes, 3 times, "Three times?
How could that happen?" Sidney asks.
The wife begins recalling slowly "Well, do you remember right
after we were married and we were so Broke, and the bank was
going to foreclose on our Little house?"
"Yes, that was really a terrible time," replies the Man.
Marsha continued, "And remember when I went to see the Banker
one night and the next day the bank extended our loan?"
"That's hard to take" the man says "but I guess it really was for
us, so I can forgive you."
"What was the second time?"
"Well," she continued, "do you remember years later when you
almost died from the heart problem because we couldn't afford
the operation?"
"Yes of course" the man replies.
"Then you will remember that right after I went to See the doctor,
he did your operation at no cost?" she Explained.
"That's true," Sidney nodded. "That shocks me, Marsha, but I do
understand that you did it out of love for me and I forgive you.
"So, what was the third time?"
Marsha lowers her head and says, " Sidney , do you remember
when you ran for Country Club President and you needed 62
more votes?"

tanimz:
^^ Ha!

Thanks Mr.Bones, you're forgiven.

ma pleasure na tanimz . But i no go stop to call de name stud

This one is dedicated to Tanimz wishing her happy thanksgiving day(even though late)



DON'T FART IN BED

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for
years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit
of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.

The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her
eyes water and make her gasp for air.

Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off
because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop
and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a
doctor. She was concerned that one day he would blow his guts
out.

The years went by and he continued to rip them out!

Then one
Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner
and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where
she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the
spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.

She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was
sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled
back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl
of turkey guts into his shorts.

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual
trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and
the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.

The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor
laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she
had got him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his
bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face.

She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.

He said,
"Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me
and I didn't listen to you.

"What do you mean?" asked his wife.

"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting
my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of
God, some Vaseline, and these two fingers, I think I got most of
them back in.

Room 1221

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As
he turns to
go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside
him and as he
does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled.
The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as
your breast,
I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room
1221."

tanimz:
Come, dey swear for you, abi na jazz?

Abeg, when you enter church, tell them say you need special deliverance and remedial actions for your life. Your life no normal at all.

na u be pastor in charge?

Studio CFR:
Bones

Na tanimz be my die hard fan
Point of correction.

Wetin be magun?

I no fit downgrade myself to tanimz level cuz tanimz no reach my babe half for anything.

No be mouth.

(No offence)

what were u saying?

so tanz u no like thet 's' word? Stud na ur die hard fan o! Or u prefer i name the other.

Efe how i go stand up when studio don put magun on her?

LOl got to retire o, it's dead late over here

[quote author=Efemena_xy link=topic=558411.msg7230631#msg7230631 date=1290902713]**scoffs**

r u lusting after our darling Ms T_z??

[/quote] u want studio to asassinate me?

scare ke? Shes naturally a scarescrow when shes angry but very beautiful when smiling

*****peeps into see if the angry missy is still around*****

babe na typo! Oya no vex old lady

tanimz:
^^ Mr.Bones!

tanimz ma baby that was no intro but apology to those i offended. Now clean that nonesense off ur face, it shudn't be there

[quote author=Efemena_xy link=topic=558411.msg7230407#msg7230407 date=1290898814]@ vicks. . . hmmm - okay, I hear you  

Thanks girl! - nothing do you jor   [/quote]efe i don tire to search for those videos on youtube o!!!

Three bottles of pills and smart doc


A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling
well.
The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with
three different bottles of pills. The doctor says, "Take the green pill
with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with
a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed,
take the red pill with another big glass of water."
Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "Jeez
doc, exactly what's my problem?"
The Doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water."

Kunbee:
My profile pic they cause wahala o

wetin dey that tatoo?

ma most sincere apology to EFEmena and Kunbee, the limit of uploadable file is 200kb and ma vids are gigabytes sooooo here



HELP ME

A man walked into a psychiatrist's
office, sat down, took out a pack of
cigarettes.
He removed a cigarette from the
pack, unrolled it, and stuffed the
tobacco up his nose. The shrink
frowned and
said, "I see you need my help!" The
guy said,
"Yeah Doc. Got a match!?"

vindizzle:
Spread the word about www.temislist.com
Strictly made for Naija - Africa. The first classifieds

website for the african continent. Post and advertise for

free. Choose country, city and category for your posts.

Its like craigslist made for the african continent.

Enjoy people and spread the word.

ewww!! Wrong sec mate. Nevertheless nice info

Old stale joke. And pls give us(igbos) some break . Abi na we create ourselves?

yeah i know the rule"keep the sabbath holy" thats y all i do on saturdays is jxt to relax and enjoy maself wif what i seem best to do.

Oh! U and ur baby aka hubby was doing clean up? on a sat. . . NVM

Hey! Oyindo na u give me the demons?

[quote author=Mrs. Eve link=topic=555766.msg7225668#msg7225668 date=1290832084]Bite me Mr Bones! [/quote]sorry to disapoint u missy but i'm not a cannibal

today is weekend so i'm free as a bird(with all protocols obsevered-working out and morning must do's) can decide to sleep all tru,party, Watch soccer or browse all tru.

tomorrow is a holyday and i'm a holyman, will be in church and the rest falls in place.

Seeing that u asked first i guess ur today and tomorrow must be sometin specail. So hows gonna be like?

U said u and ur baby. Do u mean ur unborn baby?

[quote author=Mrs. Eve link=topic=543532.msg7217895#msg7217895 date=1290720099]My husband and I doing great! Thanks for asking!

It is Thanksgiving holidays today and tomorrow so we spending it with family. I am on my way to my granny house, my husband is moisturizing my feet!

He being extra attentive lately, hmm I betta enjoy while it last!
[/quote]i pray u had a nice time with friends & family dear. I guess u back.


And lest i forget happy thanksgiving!

[quote author=Mrs. Eve link=topic=555766.msg7225523#msg7225523 date=1290826268]Remember each WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT, you may get a woman who can cook, BUT CAN'T BARE CHILDREN,

You may get a woman that can cook, BUT SHE HAS SOME LIFE THREATENING DISEASE,

My point is, THE GRASS ISN'T ALWAYS GREEN ON THE OTHER SIDE, be realistic about your expectations, you may live longer,[/quote]and u're so sure?

BoboYekini:
vic, if u wan catch bird, best act like bird too.

all, all an act dude

and this is the bobo i know.BAD GUY

eh? Anyway u said "people wan smell ma wrath" and na me. Babe wetin is me do? Oops what did i do?

page 39 read your convo wif chichi


sorry page 49

tanimz:
Who dey vex Mr.Bones?!

You no do me anything o.

eh!!!! Comforting. No worry i know u like facts. I will give to ya. Give me a sec

tanimz:
My sister, na so we see am o. Public holiday on Thursday and all schools closed on Friday. I swear, na enjoyment be this.

Hope all is well?

I'm fine, happy now?

How are you?

tanimz abeg no vex some peeps dey annoy persin for here.

I happy. As i said life is good. Wetin i do u now?

BoboYekini:
^^aint u one dumb bird

besides its NOT your joke, so quit the bullshyyte

OMO this not the bobo i know. The one i know is a perfect gent oh!!!

[quote author=Efemena_xy link=topic=538180.msg7224337#msg7224337 date=1290806535]your welcome girl  




Oga Vicks - how you faring?

'ope you're feeling better now?   [/quote]LOL!!!! Jxt seeing dis part(blam it on negligence)

i'm as fit as a fiddle
u jxt shun ma side now

Mobinga:
I'm doing fine  

lol! I was refering to tanimz




efe wassup[quote author=Efemena_xy link=topic=538180.msg7224337#msg7224337 date=1290806535]your welcome girl  

Long time! how've you been??

and u know what?? TGIF!!!  

Not when I posted my greetings though - I'm 5 hours ahead of Ms T_z's lot

anyway, girl - u only come online when I'm off!!

wetin?? abi u don dey avoid me now?

**you this Yam 'n Oil madam**



Oga Vicks - how you faring?

'ope you're feeling better now?   [/quote]

tanimz:
Mr.Bones, how life?

typical nigerian. Answering a que wit anoda
ma babe LG o!!! Life is good so can i hve ma reply now؟

Omolola1:
Specialist900,



Battery,
I dont need to xchange words with a low life like you
Only kids behave the way you do!

190

yaa i did't know lola can be dis voilent !!!!abi 190 , . . . . . . . . .

Idowuogbo:
na wah see how evry where jus dead . i suppose na bcus i no dey

madam ho ha, the only nl lady wit booty how u faring

tanimz:
^^ Yes o, na because you no dey.

Where you go since? Na you sweep mashalashi for them ni?

tanniny baby hows it going