frenchman:

tangent,
I am also a married man, and its not that we go out all the time. I have never gone clubbing before.
You know unlike Naija, you really don't have the time going round clubbing, partying all the time when you have got work to do. but occassionally its not wrong for one to go out.
Personally, I think a woman that is jealous and possesive is suffering from an acute form of insecurity and inferiority complex.

But why is she feeling like that? There is a reason to why she's being insecure. Maybe your friend should ask her why ESPECIALLY if she wasn't like this before. Also, if she WAS like that before the marriage, why didn't he stay far away from her, eh?

amen

frenchman:

I quite agree with a lot of the posters. My friend was madly in love during courtship and failed to notice the shortcomings of madam. Sometimes guys love with their heart rather than with their brains.

Hmm, how about he LOVED what he SAW, and it came back to bite him.    Just because something comes in a pretty package doesn't mean it's wonderful once it's opened, fellas!

tangent:

you are blessed my sister. men go about saying they married lucifer. where was his eyes and nose during courtship? any man playing the role of a freeloader should accept the consequences. nothing is free.

Again, amen!
Unless the woman is "off" (which in that case you would definitely know it prior to marriage - if you were looking hard enough), most women just don't turn crazy once you get married - not if she has her head on straight.

I agree, freeloading men should be held accountable for their actions whether they want it or not.

And when it comes to your friends' marriage there are two sides to that story.

I love PDA's as long as you aren't trying paw at me, we should be fine.

tangent:


so u know, women abuse this privilege to the hilt. men have also been known to use women for their papers and dump the women only to marry someone else. it's a tit for tat situation. the hunter and the hunted,


the man knew what he was going into beforehand. i find it really hard to believe this woman turned to lucifer all of a sudden.

Amen to that. If a woman has "lucifer" tendencies, shouldn't the man have picked it up before he married her? And I've never heard of CAN relationships, no phenomenon to me.

I understand now.

I just wanted to make sure that it was clear what I was trying to say and that I wasn't ego tripping.

I agree with your statements, though. No harm, no foul.

I agree though, you can't give someone or something too much power. We are all humans with our own mind.

Baby Jinx:

See how talks of this so called "Western Culture Influence" is making some people feel special? Why oh why are we giving this culture more credit than it deserves?

Let's even back up a little. . . what exactly is the western culture or what is being westernized? I've always wanted to know the exact definition and please, please don't say civilization because last I checked, no one particular group of people have sole ownership of civilization.

So what I expect  as an answer is something like

"In Nigeria, it is the culture to have Introduction Ceremony where the grooms family formally ask for the hand of the bride in marriage"

Do you see how that kind of culture cuts across time and space? Yeah, that's the kind of  Western Culture example I want, so it would be easier to see if we are being influenced on not.

To tell you the truth. I'm not sure who feels special about Western influence. If that is what you glean from my response, you misinterpreted or maybe I wasn't that clear.

I don't understand when people say "Oh the West/Yankee/etc influence such and such".

There are people who were raised in Yankee or UK or wherever and not all exhibit the so called "bad" behaviors. Our culture is a mix of things because we are a mix of people but from what I gathered from this thread the bad aspects of Western culture seem to be influencing the Nigerian youth.

How is that so? I think it would be up to the individual on whether they let it affect them or not.

You can keep your identity but it's still "Westernized". It comes with the territory in which you live.

I'm just saying that you take the good for the bad but the influence will seep in eventually. You can't blame Westernization on what's happening.

You should be thinking about the youths that are affected and why they happen to be. I'm American and I'm of course, Westernized about I don't act a fool and I know plenty of Americans that don't.

I think it's up to the individual not the society that they are brought up in.

How do you know we don't?
You don't know anyone's story until you ask or see for yourself.

If you are going by what's on TV, then you don't know the half of what N. American kids go through, especially the black ones like my peers.

My question is: (and I'm not trying to be rude) Why have or raise your kids here if our influence is so bad? You can't keep up the Western way of life completely no matter how hard you try.

Being strong doesn't mean you have to be hard.

I'm indepedent but I am there for my loved ones and my partner. I'm sensitive to their needs but I also watch out for my own.

I think you have to be on guard in some ways because of how people are. They can mislead you, when you have all these walls built up around yourself, that's when it causes problems and you get the "angry, black woman".

I try my best to stay as far from that as I can.