You need couple time too!!!

Your family and parents can't be up in everything all the time. If they think so then there will be nothing but havoc in you and your partner's relationship.

~Sauron~:

Self-pity, huh??

Why would any woman want to come between me and ma mother??
I have no intention to come between any woman and her Dad so i don't understand why this should even be an issue.
My mother will not break ma heart, a woman can.

English/European Champions. . . .It doesn't get better than that.

I don't see it as coming in between. She doesn't want to alienate the woman (at least I don't think she does) but what is so wrong with asking for some "US" time. It doesn't have to be this long thing. I'm a daddy girl and he is overprotective to boot and I'll never choose a guy over him but I do realize I have to set my boundaries. I am not marrying my family nor my parents they are an extension of me.

michelin89:

Na wa o. Nor do the same to your son ooo!  

I have dated three guys and all seem to be the same. I may the unfortunate one but damn there are some similarities in the way they were brought up by their mum which later influenced the way they percieve things. T[b]his can be noticed in most Naija guys, africans to be precise.[/b]

Is maturity too much for a guy in his early 20s?

Perfect. I agree but then when you make your intentions known to a girl, you also have to behave accordingly. Besides I don't believe a man who puts his mum first in everything until his wedding day will be likely to change afterwards. Not being pessimist, but that's the truth.
He has got siblings but he is the first born.

I think any male can exhibit those qualities but I see it more in the African men that I know. I think some have stronger maternal ties (or have stronger ties to any female member of their family i.e. sister, aunty, etc).

I don't think you have to push the mom out of the house but I don't see anything wrong with having some alone time. It could be something simple like watching a movie or having dinner NOT some grandiose thing. I don't think her request is that far fetched, how else will you get to know each other?

michelin89:

he gets all
takes everything for granted
he thinks being a boyfriend is enough for you to hold your piece
he thinks you are always trying to prove yourself so you can get his surname
he is always right, and you have to adapt
my mum comes first, my friends second, you, well, I'll find a place for you
talks talks and talks and at the end of the day no facts
he won't understand why i don't want to get married so early. Afterall what other important things have I got in my life
he could care less if the woman had a career and if she had, she'll do from 8-12 so he can always come home to eat.
etc,

Here comes the first dude.

Nexxxxxt!

And women really go for that?

Maybe he has a fear of checking his mom. Some guys are like that. I've met my share of momma's boys.

michelin89:

I tried talking to him but it was as if I had asked him to kill him mum. Shouting and shouting. Gosssh!

You got him perfectly. Who am I? Afterall I am just the girlfriend who'll one day take his surname and be at his service.

And he didn't understand when I told him: I DON'T WANT A TYPICAL AFRICAN RELATIONSHIP!

He was like: Are you saying I am a traditionalist?

May I ask, what is a typical African relationship?

He wouldn't have changed when you married him. I am sure he wanted to marry you but only if you were okay with how he is with his mom.

I don't think that's an unreasonable request. After all, you two would be building a life together not you three.

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or:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EkHTsc9PU2A

Makes me think of my biscuit. And it always cheers me up, regardless!

LadyT:

The real problem is we all like to play games.
I'm gulity of it we all are.  We love the game then it all gets twisted and we all get upset.

Like I'm fronting like I'm a prim and proper lady but really I want him to pin me down and give it to me till I scream stop.

or him acting like he will get his woman anything but really in the back of his mind he's thinking can't you can anything your damn self?

Independant women do need men but not for materialistic things.  But for love and friendship and ofcourse rumpy pumpy and you can't get that with your mastercard!

Amen. I'm not a fan of pretense. If I need your help, I'll ask (took me awhile to learn how to do that), if I don't, I won't - if it's something I'm more than capable of doing. It's not an ego thing at all. If something can be dealt with without adding extra people to the mix, why not do it?

I do agree that you should respect your partner and he, you.

I see nothing wrong with having separate rooms that you can use when you need some time alone BUT I would prefer to sleep my with significant other the majority of the time. That said, I would love a king sized bed so we can have our distance, though.

I don't get the controlling aspect that MIL's have. My grandmom was like that when it came to my mother (they didn't get along at all and my dad did zilch about it).

Maybe they are afraid to rock the boat. I don't know.

I plan to be a good MIL when it is my time and I hope to gain a great MIL as well.

If you go back into it. Go into it with your eyes WIDE open. And you two need to have a serious discussion, none of this texting mess and work to keep the communication clear because that is the main thing that bleeps up relationships.

JustGood:

thanks.

just go your way with your thinking. Even your women's lib leader has seen the point

HA! I don't have a leader. I have my own mind and thoughts. Just because you aren't clear with yours doesn't mean I lap behind some other person to get mine out.

JustGood:

whenever some people try to justify anything unjustifiable, they ascribe what others have not said to them. I see this trait in a peculiar kind of people on this forum.

Where exactly did I say that we should pretend as if there is no evil in our society?

What I said was that you don't see the kind of racy scenes on Nigerian movies that you find on American TV. If some people's minds are too shallow and can't reason well, it's not my fault.

If I always have to go through 1+1 everytime before I can say 2, it becomes difficult to communicate

Right, right, your argument still doesn't wash. I'll listen to honeric and leave you to your thinking.

JustGood:

Okay, we should start letting all evil be done unashamedly so that we can have our children like majority of those abroad.

Hope that makes you happy

Oya start showing your children x-rated movies and let them watch saucy scenes so that they can experiment and become more experienced

I'm sorry to say but Nigerians are as innocent as you'd like to claim. I believe letting people feel okay in discussing topics gets rid of the taboo stigma that is attached to things. You don't have to advocate GOING out and doing it but you don't act like it doesn't exist either.

If so, prepare for your glass house to crumble around you.

I've been understanding what you are saying. I still don't agree with it. To me, it sounds like a water downed excuse.

Own your stuff.

If it won't be able to work. Divorce. Life is too short to be unhappy.

JustGood:

you are the one who needs to do some growing up. You still can't understand the point I'm making there. I guess I need to re-jig the sentence.

A society which frowns on evil and does not allow evil to be displayed blatantly has some element of good in it.

by the way, have you read the whole thing in context or are you just jumping because your women's lib champion has started to beat drums?

I can speak and think for my self. I like Baby Jinx but we don't agree on everything - which is fine, so let's not get that twisted.

I understood what you said prior too and it is still flawed. There is no good in keeping things secret that could potentially help the younger generation.

You either share the resources or let them be found on their own, which is usually detrimental.

JustGood:

I see that madness runs in the blood of this animal baby Jinx.

Why do thieves plan in secret? Why is every bad thing perperated in secret?

Seeing as you are unable to think rationally, i'll break it down for you biscuit brain. I[b]f a society frowns on evil and evil people try to hide and cover their deeds, it shows that the society has some good in it. A society which allows evil to be perpetrated openly is an evil society in itself.[/b]

Now go back and apply that to my post, then read the post I was responding to and it just might start making some sense to you.

@JustGood, I was commentating on THAT. That logic is flawed and I appreciate you address me (as well as the others here who aren't mudslinging with you) with respect!

The problem is people only want to educate in degrees. You need to do more than just that, just because you dare not want to speak on it doesn't mean it's not happening.

Grow up. The information is there don't be too ashamed to use it.

No, I'm not.
I've heard from others that white men can put it down and that some black men are sub-par.
You shouldn't generalize, my dear.

That's not true.

They look out for each other and we tend to knock each other down.

We allow it, either through the colonist mentality or slave mentality.

But like Bob Dylan said, "the times they are a-changin".

It's not okay to put up with someone cheating on you. It's a sign of disrespect.

JustGood:

I see that mad ness runs in the blood of this animal baby Jinx.

Why do thieves plan in secret? Why is every bad thing perperated in secret?

Seeing as you are unable to think rationally, i'll break it down for you biscuit brain. If a society frowns on evil and evil people try to hide and cover their deeds, it shows that the society has some good in it. A society which allows evil to be perpetrated openly is an evil society in itself.

Now go back and apply that to my post, then read the post I was responding to and it just might start making some sense to you.

So telling your kids about sex, drugs, crime are considered evil things? You should want your kids to be prepared for what is out there in NIGERIA, in the UK, in AMERICA. Say what you may, you deny things and kids will get curious and go out and seek their own truth. Why shouldn't they come to you? I think this is a black issue, mainly. TALK TO YOUR CHILDREN, we are quick to want to hit them (and get mad because the laws say we can't - which is not true).

I rather inform my children truthfully than have others do it for me. At least I know I've done all I could do. Keeping things a secret works for so long the truth will come out and be just - if not more, destructive.