olanajim:

@ufobabe,
i must agree with you on the life versus time input. I think the two are superimposed. Once time expired, life would ceased.

To live rightly, we must learn to love, we must learn to experience both positive and negative side of life. We must laugh and cry while passing through hardening phase of life.

You said love fails but genuine love last forever, But it is clear that sometimes, it hard to recognize genuine love until the you have been tried by circumstances outside your influence. At such moment, many folks lost their love while searching for security. And many miss the oppotunity to identify their ordained soul because they never learn to know that the "beautiful butterfly they are searching is in the cartapillar they just thrown away."

I think genuine love is scarce. Only the courageous dare to love deeply.

I agree, completely!!!!

@ lice,

I agree. I don't think the couple should strive to get back to the same place because you aren't the same people anymore but you should forge a stronger bond. If that's what the two parties want. It depends on the circumstance and what you see as forgiveable.

If I had a good reason to wait and so did the person I would BUT we would have to discuss the exact parameters of our relationship.

I'm not into big weddings.

I want a small one. We can have a big party afterwards but the wedding I want small and private.

Three!

I think it boils down to whether you want to educate yourself or not.

Some folks like to "hope for the best."

My family didn't talk to me about sex once. Not at all. I never brought up the topic with them, either but I'm not one to be ignorant and I rather go into something knowing what I'm dealing with instead of following blindly.

I have friends who have STD's and they didn't think their partner had it. Friends that had babies because they didn't want to stop and get protection because "one time couldn't possibly cause pregnancy". And you are right, we have an arsenal of information and free clinics so for anyone to say they couldn't afford birth control would be a lie because a lot of it is free, if you know where to go. But some rather be in their cloud of ignorance or laziness and leave it up to someone else to think for them. Or they trust to easily and OUT of all the people in the US, it couldn't POSSIBLY happen to them. It's amazing how some people think they are indestructible.

I'm paranoid, personally.

@ Oz,

They are in love with an ideal or image.

D-reloaded:

they are blamed because they don't protect themselves better like their counterparts, Lurker

At least if you guys want to dio the whole Africa comparison which doesnt make sense because most countrie sin Africa are in denial of education about the diease, being ultra conservative and against sex education.


Seeing that the States constantly throws such information down our throats, what's stopping BAs from listening? After all the same info is being exposed to ALL americans. what's their excuse. i understand the down-ow thing but why are black women that foolish to take on such risk thus making them the highest on the bloody list

I have question for you D. Purely out of curiousity. If people in Africa are watching what we do, and you see how careless some people are about AIDS? Wouldn't that want you all to educate each other more in that arena to prevent you guys from having our issues?

About the black women and not getting it. I'm a black american and sometimes I don't get it. BUT I know love blinds people and some women NEED a man, So they do what they can to keep them. Some don't know he has it and they trust him because "he" wouldn't do that.

I'm in Atlanta and 1 out of 3 or 4 (something like that) black men are on the downlow. To not protect yourself in this day and age NO MATTER where you come from to me is asinine. But to each is own.

Your protection is left up to you. Information is out there, whether you choose to seek it, it's up to the person.

I know I might get flamed for this, but I don't care (if I do).
But, I really think that people don't see how HIGH the ratio is for black men who are doing the gay sex.
I'm sorry but the black culture isn't open to that.
If they would be a little more accepting. The guys wouldn't be on the downlow about it and not be in denial.

The fact is, people want to be in denial both men and women.
If you are a guy who likes men, own that.

Women need to protect themselves always because I'm sorry you can't have someone who will always have your back. Some are afraid they will lose a good man by being vocal about protection or an STD test (I've heard this directly).

But if you are woman who likes it raw and you don't ask the right questions or get tested. Then you need to own it and not cry foul when something happens.

I'm sorry but that's nonesense and nothing will ever get better.

I rather be alone than with someone that I can't fully be protected the way I want.

AIDS is everywhere. I really don't see the point in pointing fingers at Nigerians or AA's.
Carelessness is what is keeping AIDS out there. What is being done about it, constructively?

It goes for good girls too.
But I think it's due to loving someone not good for you.

Bad boys wear on my patience.
If I want to have fun that's one thing but I don't like the game playing.

I personally dig good guys.

If being a "bitch" is a woman who knows what she wants and isn't afraid to let it be known (in a dignified way), then I would be a bitch.

I stand my ground but I do it with class and respect.

I'm not average. I also accept people for who they are even if I don't understand and I don't try to change them.

The proposal. Even though, I'll probably just end up eloping anyway.

D-reloaded:

Exponent you are of no use to this thread or even yourself.

You can go now, Thanks.

Lurker, I know quite a number of BAs who said he had no right to talk because he wasnt raised "poor", so they claim.

Well, I definitely wasn't upper middle class or rich. I didn't have it easy but I know it could have been worse too, regarding how I was raised. I think when people started yelling that he couldn't talk, that they were mad because he pulled their card and they knew he was right. I'm sorry, some of that stuff needed to be said and if some feelings got hurt, I'm sorry for that BUT the system is being abused by people who don't want to do anything but sit on their bums and receive handouts from the man because they deserve it. I'm not just talking about blacks though, I know of all kinds of people who do this. I think, sometimes to get smacked into reality you need someone to tell it to you like it is.

Insert Quote
Quote
For example, if an African person comes to live here and has a kid. Their child would be African-American. Or something along those lines

BS, if i had kids in this country, they would be nigerian american and not african american. i can trace my ancestry, most AA's can't.


[quote][/quote]

I didn't make the rules OR say that it was right. I am telling you what I've been told.

I forget who started yelling about AA being on a Nigerian forum. If I had an issue with anything Nigerian, I wouldn't be here. I have nothing but good intentions towards people UNTIL I have a reason not to be.

Oh, and I agreed with Bill Cosby. In fact, that speech was great.

SeanT21:

You are just saying that because you are part of them If you were african, you will want to slap somebody.
at ms Lurker

I don't blame the media, because high school students should be smart enough to know those are stupid things.
They need to go and visit africa on their own.

I've lived in countries where being an American was the minority, I got asked stupid stuff too. Even still, I am not in your shoes. I hope you get people who really want to know how it is Nigeria for real to balance it out.

morenike09:

@Mrs.Luker , since the OP ran away

am not sure if anyone asked this, but i'll like to know:

why do African Americans hate being called Africans?

Why do AA talk trash about Caucasians folks, make shows on Caucasians . . .yet, they call the white folks racist?

why is it that most AA that smoke and are jobless likes to blame the Whites for their misfortunes?

What is up with you people and teaching your children to curse? that if your little daughter/ son comes home with "i have a BF", you guys smile and thinks its cute.
_{**my little bro came home with that, you should have heard what my mom told him. . .i dnt think he dares try to have a "GF" for the next 10 years"**}

I'll do my best.

Not all of us hate the African connotation. But this is what I've heard myself. I'm not saying this is bible truth nor fact. But black people tend to say that being that we aren't directly from Africa that we technically have no claim to it. For example, if an African person comes to live here and has a kid. Their child would be African-American. Or something along those lines. I had it explained to me once, it can get deep. Some don't mind the term, others don't have any inkling about Africa and identify more with America so they drop the first part.

Second thing and third. I think some of the black population want to make excuses instead of owning their shit and doing what they have to do. The ones like that bug me, there are ones that want to make a change but don't have the resources either. STILL, there are still some comfy in that box not caring if it makes the rest of us look bad.

The cursing thing goes down to how you were raised. My mom swore a lot but I never did in front of her or my dad or while I was growing up. But I was raised up to respect people older than me, just respect in general. I have an aunt who swears in front of her dad all the time like it's nothing and in front of kids. I don't get it, but she has no class, anyway.

almondjoy:

Nothing to hide when you are telling what you believe to be true from your own personal observations.  Hero or Dru. . . the facts are the facts. . . nothing personal at all!  Just ma observation.  People like Ms Lurker can never see that because she is a "Black American" female. . . of course I can ony expect her to put up the best defense under the circumstances.  I am not partial. . . .I have studied ma environment for years and I know what the heck is going on!

What on earth will you gain from fooling around with a "Black American" guy before you settle down?  You will only be risking your life if you do not end up in jail first.  The kind of lifestyle most get into will only send bad news to your village in "Africa" to quote my sistaas and brodaas from over here.  Okay, even if you give one of them a chance, due to the fragmented family set up most come from. . .you will definitely invite trouble from one of their distant relatives in form of a burglar or basement pharmarcist. . . unless you are dealing with the Barrack Obama kind. . . .and I do not need to tell you that only the Michelles Obama of this world can command the respect and attention of those.

YOU CAN ONLY ATTRACT WHAT YOU ARE!

I'm not trying to defend anything. Why should I? You don't seem like the type to listen, so I can't waste my typing on it. What will be, will be, my dear.

The Black American women that have together know what's up and it's cool.

And there are a lot of Michelle Obama's in this world, we just aren't all dating a Presidential nominee.

Cheers!

almondjoy:


The chicks here do not know any better because when they hear the typical Nigerian accent or any other African accent. . . . .they become excited and say he speaks with a "french or british" accent.  Not knowing the dude is a stark illiterate who cannot even construct a single sentence without destroying the English language. Most of those Nigerian guys that African American girls hook up with are the ones the typical African lady cannot even look at 2ice if we were back home in our countries in Africa. Most of them are dregs of society from very poor economic backgrounds, struggling to survive so will hook up with anything that moves over here. Only very few "Africans" hook up with "qualitative Black Americans". In the final analysis. . . . .African ghetto boy jams Black American ghetto chick! Perfect match! The ones with common sense remain single, like you see on nairaland instead of hooking up with a dude over here because he can "rap"!

This is due to lack of exposure since many of the "Black Americans" including the ladies do not have international passports not to talk of travel out of their cities or countries,  A typical Nigerian girl no matter how unexposed can sport a "hoody" guy no matter how he tries to cover it up with rapster lyrics. . . .while a "Black American" lady can usually never tell the difference.  All they know is that "they got a maaaaaaaaaaaaan". . . .does not marrrer the kind.

But who says that is the main reason African men are hooking up with AA women to marry? Outside of papers and all that other crap. People who are together, involved married with Africans (who already have citizenship) who have been together for years and years. I'm sorry but after awhile not everything is as freaky as it used to be. So what does that mean.

Also, not ALL and I stress ALL AA women fall for that. If that's the case, not just AA women are guilty of falling for an foreigner. It happens everywhere, worldwide. I own an international passport and I've used it frequently, so when you attempt to bash us, don't try to put us all in this box.  And how many people in Nigeria end up leaving? Are you saying that we can't spot a "hood" guy, come on. NO matter where you come from those type of guys are easy to spot. Some girls dig on that type of stuff. If they do, then let them go for it.

Everyone wants to try something new every now and again. If it works, great. If it doesn't, you learn from your mistake. Count your losses and move on.  

& D-Reloaded,

Are African Women more afraid of change? Just curious.

nalijah07:



My boyfriend who is Nigerian has said the same thing to me - I have yet to figure that one out. When we first started dating, he kept coming up with different ways to ask me if I smoked (like he would catch me in a lie), he was so impressed with the level of education that exist amongst my family members, and the list goes on and on. I like you Ms. Lurker, asked him what type of AA's he was used to being around??

I was born in the South but I'm certainly not from here. My family raised me with common sense and decency! Is it really hard to believe that American women don't possess these qualities.

I'm glad your boyfriend sees the real deal. :-)

I think she's talking about trapping a guy.
Poking holes in condom.
Convenietly forgetting to take your birth control.

I don't know why some women think if they get knocked up by a guy he's going to take care of you and want to be with you. I don't want anyone that feels obligated to be with kid or no kid.

Accident's DO happen but if you make sure everything is in order the chance willl decrease. People just want to be "in the moment" and not think.

almondjoy:

They are freakier than you?  You just proved me right.  Those ones have certainly been with the best of teachers.  You cannot compare the averaged teenager in Africa to the average teenager in America for example.  A typical 12 year old in America has had MouthAction in the back of a school bus or behind a gas station somewhere.  I told you the typical African guy finds a new religion in "freakishness" and as you know. . . .will become a better specimen of any religion he wishes to practice even better than those who invented it.  They would overtake you in such matters I swear because that is what they do best. . . .becoming more religous that the pope himself.

When I was in school here, if you see what girls do to get attention from guys. . . .I was shocked.  Of course the typical white and "Black American" dudes where used to such fantasies and were frankly bored by such.  But trust our African brothers who have never seen a naked body in broad daylight!  Hog heaven!

These girls made video tapes of themselve naked. . some took pictures of themselves in all kinds of positions and dropped them in the folders of some African guys. One hansome Ugandan guy for example was able to share with us what those "Black American" female students wanted to do with him in that school. That guy would have flunked out of school with the daily bombardments of naked bodies these girls and women where distributing every hour. We had fun with those pictures. I still have some copies ma self!  You will be shocked at what these ladies were communicating, including naked body parts.  Now I know better. . . nothing shocks me anymore.  But to the new comer from one bush in Africa?  he he he he he he he, hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!  They go quite crazy and I can't blame them at all.

From what I hear from my homeboy on the continent, the girls at his university are just as bad these days. So maybe it's a new craze.

I think it all depends on what excites you. So chicks in the US, here, they hear a new accent and it excites them.

But don't African women get excited when an American comes to visit too or an Westernized Nigerian/African? Wasn't one topic on here about girls parading around to marry some uniquely gifted looking German man to be his wife?


I mean say what you want. We might have some type of differences when it comes to getting and keeping a man but I don't think it's that different. Maybe I'll have to consult with my African male friends.

But they've told me that I'm not like most Americans. I have NO idea what that means, either.

almondjoy:

What else is there? They are on this thread. . .ask them? Do you motivate them to get a higher level of education or leave them your forefathers' inheritance or what? It is just that women from other cultures will do anything in the bedroom a typical African woman will NEVER do. I say ask them. . . they are on Nairaland. . . let them come an prove me wrong. The reason why after all that "freakishness". . . the Nigerian men still leave and return to home base. . . .after all that. The only ones who remain are those who really feel committed (not love) to their wives from different cultures or those who are being blackmailed by lot of IRS and INS secrets!



What type of women do you know? I know some are like that, I'm sure but there are still generalisations. And from what I've heard in some African relationships, some people don't marry for love either.

Just saying, I'm an AA but I know for one thing, I've dated African men and they were more "freaky" than me. I was the one to put the breaks on things. So maybe it's already embedded in their DNA.

And marriages in Naija don't have blackmail or guilt attached to them?

I'm a realist but a lot of what you are saying is true but I don't think it flies for everyone. It depends on the two people involved. But that's just me.

almondjoy:


Nigerian girls are not carried away by freakish sexual habits.  Most Nigerian guys have never experienced a reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeal BJ, so when a lady from another culture especially "Black American" expert ladies get a hold that "Mandingo" JT and use it to brush their teeth morning, afternoon and night. . . . .the poor village Nigerian guy can never leave there, having found a new religion!   Wetin im know?

So are you implying that is the only reason African men take up with us? I mean, is it really that serious. Maybe it's the AA women that you know.

SeanT21:

at Mis Lurker

if yall want to know about africa, why can't yall ask question like" how is africa different from America". yall be asking stupid question. It makes me feel sad and mad at the same time.

Don't lump us all together, okay. I'm sure it bothers you but at least they want to know something. They could just sit there, roll their eyes and keep their opinions of what they seem to know about Africa to themselves.

Maybe it means, he trusts you.

To me, giving someone a key is a big deal. I'm saying, I trust you in my space whether I'm home or not.

So maybe he trusts you in his personal space OR he wants a maid like the others said.

No offense,
but a LOT of people believe thier life style is "the best".
I mean, really.

Just because it doesn't make sense to you doesn't mean it makes sense to them. That goes for everyone and everything. Does everything AA make sense to moi? Not at all but I can say that about a lot of things. The only problem I see is when someone tries to make another person feel bad and that their way isn't right.

My two cents.

Hello Everyone!

I'm new here. I've been lurking for a while, hence the name! So Hello to everyone out there worldwide!