I agree.

But I'm not a romantic. What's that other one with Nia Long that everyone loves, she's like a photographer or spoken word poet or something.

I want to guage my eyes out everytime.

This guy I used to see loved Maid In Manhattan. I just stared at him.

christiely:

My own question is-y do akatas like havin sex with nigerians or africans?i think say una talk say we ugly.an AA guy would be so proud if he got one african chic to mess,y?

Well, I've only dated two. Not something I was thinking of doing. It happened. It was interesting, but I like learning about people that aren't like me. And I came to appreciate Africa.

The only I liked with her was "Something New"

I don't think I own a lot of romantic movies, black or otherwise.

I can't stand the Tyler Perry ones. They have good moments but then they get all preachy.

I know, right.

We aren't getting much younger we might as well do it?

Thanks for making me feel special!

Because it's becoming one of major contributors to the spread of STD's.

Unprotected gay sex than having unprotected sex with some one who doesn't know that youa re screwing around.

But both sides are to blame. It's malice and ignorance no matter how you dice it.

I currently live in Atlanta and it's HUGE here. I can't speak for everywhere but here, it's like a huge craze. Not sure why.

Followed by drug use.

I would walk away and never look back.

Disrespect (public or otherwise) is not cool.

I think my sex drive is on the higher end of the spectrum but I'm abstaining.

Sex tends to cloud the mind. I rather have a clearer head at this point in my life.

But some moments, it is hard. I just have to remain determined.

I'm not a dude. :-)

And if you read all my comments on the downlow, you would get my side of the debate. Don't pick and choose and read what you want to read.

I never said only black men are on the down low nor did I put all the blame on the men.

You need to read more thoroughly.

Really? Word.

Well, even if that sense. I'm not sure I want a HUGE reception either. I am not big on appearances unlike the rest of my family. Knowing my luck, I'll probably elope or marry in Vegas and call it a day. Ha.

A school friend accepted a proposal from her husband on the phone.
I think he was at basic training though. So it works for some.

I think I would appreciate it more in person. I would be okay with it ONLY if we weren't able to see each other in person.

Seun:

Because black women behave like vindictive drama queens when they are rejected?

Some do. Some don't.

At the end of the day. I would think most people wouldn't want a person to be involved with them that doesn't want to be with them. I know I wouldn't.

Life will go on. Being hurt sucks but come on, if we are both adults we should be able to handle it properly. And if the black woman in question will act vindicitive wouldn't you know how she is PRIOR to getting involved with her?

bawomolo:

no it isn't, no comprehensive study have been made to confirm this. are trying u to say it is DL men that are spreading HPV to black women have u black women heard of female condoms or something. can bisexual women spread diseases.

Most downlown men (no matter the race) won't admit it because they are "straight". Anyway, any one can spread disease if they aren't careful but it is true that a lot of gay guys don't practice safe sex. I have some gay friends and a lot of them don't do it.

I'm not just blaming the men. Women should be held accountable too. You need to protect your own neck not depend on someone else too.

The downlow debate.

Just be honest.
Most people appreciate it that way because it's honorable and respectable.

I can't stand when people give me the cliche, bullshit reasons. We are both grown, it may hurt but at least I know.

Greed.
Unhappiness and too cowardly to let the other person they want out.
Greed.

I can speak about myself, personally.

I'm not the type of person that needs communication everyday. So I'm fine with us not speaking for one or two days, since I know life can get hectic. I can still have you on my mind, though.

I'm not sure if guys view it differently. I know with my last guy, the ending issue had to do with that issue, well that and his family.

If it bothers you though. You need to communicate your needs with the other person. People aren't mind readers for crying out loud.

I think it's personalities, some are quicker to lie than others.

I know that my memory can't afford to house to many lies, I'll forget what I said what too.

Guys do tend to lie and for silly reasons. Don't get the logic.

I wouldn't want too but if I loved the person, I would.

Life is too short to live it for someone else. I want to be as happy as possible in this life.

Besides, my dad didn't listen to his family.

Salena:

Why do african american man don't tell it like it is when breaking a relationship. It hurts when one does does come out in the open and tell it like it is. one particular guy says that he does not want she to turn around and say he hurt them.

I think this goes across all male lines. Or maybe cowardly people in general, in regards to relationships.

I know I had the same issue with the guy I was seeing and he wasn't African American. But I tend to be a direct communicator and he wasn't used to that.

So am I!

Good Luck to you.

Thanks!

It's a learning experience for me, so I don't mind at all.

@ D-Reloaded,

Self hate, to me it's a pity party.
Pretty much, the downlow folk feel ashamed that they are indeed this way and I guess doing what they do is punishment for them and if anyone chooses to get involved, I guess they have to deal with the consequences.
They got into it with this documentary, it was fascinating but scary at the same time!

I agree completely.

And that people want to believe that someone that love them won't hurt them.

And I think some is self-hate too.

blue-sky:

a black person coming out no matter where they live is going to be hard.

whats easier, pretend to be straight, ok yes your not, but your friends, family and work peers will not treat u different, or even disown u, just because your gay. You can lead the life u want, no stigma attached to your name. pretty comfortable i think?

Or, u can come out, friends will not feel comfortable around u, u may even lose some, work peers treat u different, and family may disown u, be embarrassed or ashamed.

There not thinking about the girl their banging, its all about protecting their assess.

Exactly. Fundamently, a lot of blacks in the core have a lot of those hardcore Christian values (even if they aren't practicing) that being gay is wrong.

Our society judges harshly and unfounded most of the time. They can't see that this person is not only condeming himself but the girl(s) he is sleeping with because he couldn't "man up" and face the truth.

@ D-Reloaded,

They showed a documentary about guys on the down low. One was about a guy who gave it to his loving black wife and never told her, and the dude was white. You are right, it's not just our society. It's sick no matter how you dice it. In the documentary one guy said that he hated that he got it, so he made it his mission to give it to as many people as he could. It was sick and twisted but I have a feeling, he's not the only one who thiinks like that.

And like I said before, the guys don't think it can happen to them! Which I find crazy but hey, it's not me for a reason.

Blatant:

Lurker,
Pardon my ignorance.

what do you mean by black men being on the down low?

Hi There.
The downlow it's pretty prevalent in my neck of the woods (Atlanta, Georgia). It's classified as men that engage in unprotected gay sex but still maintain that they are straight. Alot of them also have unprotected sex with the women in their lives.

Blatant:

Lurker, are you any worse for the above?

Well, I do wish I could have been more open about it. But I like I admit, I'm quite paranoid about disease so I took it in my own hands to be educated as much as I can be. Which is why I don't suffer fools lightly when it comes to certain things.

@ 4-Him & D-Reloaded,

I appreciate both sides. It gives me something to chew on being that I've never been to Nigeria.

Not all of us.

I want someone who can stand on their own. Just like I stand on mine.
If you have a plan to get somewhere and I love you, I'll love you broke and if you eventually get the ducketts, I'll love the same way.

Joey82:

u actually didnt offer him/her any advice yourself

You are right. I just wanted to ask if them being a guy would stop you from giving someone advice.

I say to OP:

If this will cause a lot of drama. Don't do it. I'm assuming you mean he's "like" a brother.
If its going to cause a headache, I say just keep it platonic.

Maybe that's her best friend.

One of my best friends is a guy. I tell him I love him and stuff like that. You just need to communicate your concerns and worries with her.

@ Joey,

Respect your decision even if I don't agree.

But it seems the OP has run off.

So you won't help them if they are gay?

What's wrong with giving advice.

jintujinta:

Hmm, this sounds like the beginning of the end.

Perhaps to you. I believe in "what will be, will be".
Life still goes on.

I'm not a romantic though. So my thinking may sound strange, maybe.

Hmmm.

Well, the first would be if wanted to be a fully monagamous relationship. If we both wanted to be together, I would want us to discuss how frequently we would be in contact, what means, how often we will try and visit each other.

If we still wanted to be together but weren't sure when would be in the same place then, I would be open to casually dating other people (NOT SAYING HAVING SEX), but keeping each other in the loop.

I don't know. I think if both parties are sure that they want to make it, than they will but putting crazy expectations that may or may not be realistic concerning the circumstances may lead to failure.

If we are going to be seperated for a few months up to a year, that's one thing. But if it goes beyond that and we still aren't talking about us moving to be with one another than I think I would be more open to us being together but if someone else strikes our fancy we can go out with them.