₦airaland Forum

Sure

Do you want a medal?
[quote][/quote]You on a medal distribution spree eh? Why dont you keep one for yourself ? You ought one , seriously !

jennykadry:
Ok I forgive you because I know you were dream typing when you typed these and I don't blame you, Ujujoan's known for keeping dayokanu up all night all in the name of showing dayo that he has to take care of her 100% not 50-50, and went ahead to prove her point for inside room. so yea you must be exhausted but if your balls brains don cool down small can you please read my reply with your two eyes open?thank you

Seriously now, you men should appreciate we women, how many of us kick butts/balls because we want to make love? how many of us slap our husbands on the cheeks? how many of us run to friends to report our husbands? how many of us wanna leave a 2month old marriage because our men can't fucckkk our damn brains out?

Seriously how many of us will go back and slap our men 30mins after we received a slap parcel?

Dont get me started , just go through your own previous posts and see for yourself how good a woman you are (I've been on this forum since 2005 and I KNOW YOU REAAAAALLLY WELL)

@ unsure girl
It takes years for some people to get actually invovled and become passionate in these activities (I'm talking from personal experience here)
Did you guys have a honeymoon?
Why don't you talk to your hubby about this problem ? Maybe he is totally unaware that you are not happy with the s*x life.
Work pressure (I mentioned it in my previous post as well) and other things could be on his mind as well ,

If he is already aware of it, then give it some more time and see how things work out and if you still have a problem, next time you travel, meet a therapist , that should see an end to your woes !

Btw, what did you tell you pa-in-law about the fight? I'm sure the man would have asked you what led to the slap? just curious

@ unsuregirl

Arun, have you travelled all the way from India to be a part of an NGO here? Please tell me this is a made up story,

@ Outstrip

In some countries, it is mandatory to stay with your in-laws. A larger chunk of South East Asians don't date, parents choose their partners and the women HAVE to stay with the man's family, extended family included. Same goes for some arab communities as well.

@ Topic
Ever heard the old adage "familiarity breeds contempt" ?
They should definitely stay together, but not long enough to become hostile.

Compare the jobs and see who gets better pay. It its the wife's job that pays well, hubby should try to relocate and find one there and vice versa. Btw, if she wants to go abroad, who will tke care of the baby? Why do these people run after money?

Why shouldn't she But she has to make sure there is enough for her and the children.

Well, ask a family memeber-preferably from his family- to stay with you for sometime. Let them handle his late nights.

On the other hand, you sound very insecure. There is absolutely no point in putting yourself through so much pressure. You have answered the most troubling question yourself, that your hubby has promised he can never marry anyone else. Be grateful that he comes home to you first, at 4pm instead of heading towards her staright from work. Isn't that a ray of hope ?? He will surely understand his mistake in course of time and will be all yours. You just need to be patient and be tolerant. Meanwhile just find means to keep yourself busy like a new job or some new hobby.
Keep praying.

@Poster
Gosh ! You asked for it, period !
How would you feel when you are dead tired and all you want is a wink of sleep, when your hubby pounces on you forcing you to do it. Trust me, there is nothing worser than being forced to have intimacy when thatz the last on your mind. Atleast he promised to grant your wish in the morning, you should have been patient enough to wait till morning.
The slapping part however needs to be looked into. One month and already arm twisting and slapping is not good news ! Talk to him, get him to understand that you are NOT AT ALL happy with his behaviour. Meanwhile investigate whether there is a problem at work/elsewhere for hm to change overnight.

Do not walk out just because of this.

Your condition is really sympathetic. Looks like your husband has taken you for granted. He thinks he can get away with all his acts because you forgave the first time. Well, I feel he is a serial womaniser and can never stop with the nagging/loving/begging, Is he hanging out with the same woman with whom he had the child ? If yes, I suppose you know what it means and should just let things take its course,

Why don't you talk to his mom or some other senior woman in the family and try to get their advice? Incase that is not possible, get a common friend to talk to him about the matter and try to get him to understand his folly ? Prayer does wonders, so keep praying too,
Meanwhile I sincerely hope he comes back to you and becomes a faithful husband and loving father

@ Poster

Hope you won't mind when you find your friends/boyfriends of her friends being attracted to your woman

I wont support both parties , both of them could be true for all you know,

I personally know this woman who was married to a white man. He apparantely left his wife and kid back home for her. Right are now they are going through a rough patch, reason he couldn't keep up with her extraordinary demands for money, and she on the other hand claimed that she was expected to live a certain kind of lifestyle being a white man's wife and hence had to spend huge amount of money to live up to that expectation, and that meant buying bags for 50grands and having a simple coffee with friends for 25000 !

@ Poster
Human nature need not stay the same all the time, all of us would have had bad times and good times in our lives, and in all probability, our priorities, prefrences and our approach towards people and situations would have been different depending on the phases we were going through, so, if you count on her good qualities thinking she could stay this way forever, you could be in for a shock ,

@ Topic
go ahead and sponsor her keeping in mind that she can always change , But I sincerely hope she stays the way she is now and you guys have a beautiful life ahead, God bless your kind heart

@ Topic, we cannot turn a blind eye to the fact that Nigerians = Scammers for the rest of the world, how much ever educated we are, that is what the world thinks about Nigeria and that prolly is going to stay that way for a long long time to come, thanks to a couple of greedy men.

@ PhysicsMHD, There is absolutely no point in a heated verbal exchange with someone so that he/rest of the world can change his opinion about Nigeria/Nigerians. Suppose (JUST SUPPOSE ) a member of your family steals from your neighbour and they report it to you, do you abuse and challange your neighbour or apologize for the family member's action?? The man has been robbed of his hard earned money. Step into his shoes and see how it feels ? Would you hold grudges against him or hold a night vigil for the scammer and pray for his good health and prosperity?

@ Stocker 123, sorry about your loss !

Ungrateful and impolite, that's what your uncle's wife is!
I think they left their things out in the open to get you and the rest of your family feeling guilty, so that you would get them back, please dont make that mistake, whatever is left between both the families will become worse, it is best your shut them out of your mind for sometime,

If it bothers you too much then ask an younger sibling to do it for you, but of all the things why say no to your mom ?
Btw, it is not a really bad idea to leave some hints, if not explain why you have a problem with your neighbour to your mom , She will eventually get to know it, coz she is going to stay there forever while you move out for higher edu n all that,

@ Poster, I dont think you should call her up and ask her to go back, Partly because your friend is not in a good state of mind and at this time people tend to get hurt easily, she would misunderstand your good intentions and could even go ahead to think that the two of you were gossiping behind her back, Secondly, she never wanted your opinion and hence never opted to talk to you about it, so why take the pain?
Imagine calling her up with your advice or whatever and she retorts with a "did I even ask you for this, stay away from my life" , on the other hand, if you are really concerned, why don't you pay a casual visit and see if she wishes to confide in you,

@ Topic, there is absolutely nothing wrong with a single lady giving advice to a married woman, it's all about maturity and not about marital status,

@ Topic
The girl hates kids, can't get herself to tell anyone (xcpt you) and can't even decide on a solution on prolly one of the most important problemin her life. So how in world does she except you to help her?

Suppose you advise her for an abortion (you won't but just "suppose" and it goes wrong, you and you alone are going to be blamed, on the other hand you tell her to keep the pregnancy and later on tells the whole world that she went by your advise to keep it, you will still be blamed for ruining the friend's and the unborn child's future,
Remember, even with the whole world's support, it ain't easy to be a single mom, so  before making a decision, it would be wise to involve an elder person from either your/her family, need not be a parent, an aunt, uncle, a cousin,

lagerwhenindoubt:
When do you stop a child from bosom Milk. please advise because my son is a voracious bosom-milker

between 6 and 12 months, but so many are going ahead with it till the kid is 2,

@ TopicEskimos breastfeed their children atleast until they are 10! I personally dont support bosom feeding beyond the age of 1,

@ Outstrip , You mentioned about slapping the child. I think you should be slapped instead ! What would a poor kid of 5 know?The mother on the other hand deserves one hard across her face.

What do we see around us? Public motors, churches, market places, food joints, Women publicly yanking out their bosom for all to see under the pretext of breastfeeding, many of them forget to put it back in place, even after the child is fast asleep, ( I particularly r'ber this african women at the lounge of one of the busiest airports in the world, she was lost in her book with her B*** on display for all and sundry and her kid fast asleep on her lap, I could see a majority of the busy travellers stopped by for a second to take a closer look), Isn't this a more meaner and nastier thing to do than feeding your own pikin ?

@Carloece

Jeez woman ! Is that all you've got to say after going through all of it Some people

@ Poster
Maybe ur BF should start treating the kid well, Kids can't pretend while adults can, the man would have exhibited his dislike openly and you cant expect a lil kid of 4 to forget and forgive

@ Poster
Why dont you tell your mom that you are gay ??

I dont see a problem if they are both of the same age. But men take time to mellow down (say mid and late thirties) whereas women gain that maturity level much earlier (by twenties) , If you can keep this in mind, there shouldn't be a problem.

@ Poster

That was fast !

@ Poster
I knew someone who went through an almost similar situation. They just couldn't look at each other, a fight would spring up, from the first day of their marriage. They had tried to hide things from everyone initally but slowly it became apparent. Everything she did was not upto the mark. She was blamed and humilited in public. He had immense work pressure and would just take out everything on her, instead of sharing it with her. He would go on a drinking spree and she would sit at home, all alone waiting for him. They never spoke amicably, not even household matters. No outings, no gifts, no romance. I r'ber her tellin that they never even wished each other on their birthdays or anniversaries. He would just drink and go off to sleep in his work clothes on the couch, while she waited for him in the bedroom. When he was at home, it was either in fron of the computer or TV, if not drinking. They nevr even went to Church. Crying, nagging, begging, threats, nothing worked. All these took a toll on her health and she failed to conceive too. He dreamed big, but was stuck up in a bad job and she was blamed for all his bad luck. She was just another household item, like the TV or the PC. When things worsened, she just walked out ( after about 2 yrs of marriage). They had tried marriage counselling, but nothing worked out and the counsellor suggested they live seperately for an year or so. They lived in different countries and it was almost like "out of sight , out of mind' situation. But god worked. Both started missing each other terribly after about 6 months and they got in touch with each other and eventually got back together. Once they got back, he got a better job moved to another state where they started afresh and miraculously she conceived almost immediately. They are married for 7 years now.Their child is one of the cutest kid I've ever seen and he is on of the best father's around. Infact it such a pleasure to watch him beaming with pride each time he is with his kid. They still have difference of opinions, a lot actually, but both have learnt to bear with each other.

@ Topic
I really dunno, maybe pray ?? Coz my friend says she did that and after about 3 years, her prayers worked. All the best !

@ Poster
There is one thing you have missed to mention. Have you ever told your hubby about this relationship ? Does he even know this man ? If you haven't, pls brief him ASAP.

Pls dont fall for such crazy people. He could later turn into something beyond your worst nightmare,

@ pslm 123, No dear, I wasn't being nasty to just you, itz just that your post happened to be the last one I saw and I just answered it,

@ all , we all knw there is no such thing as being possessed and all, otherwise tell me why do these kind of things happen only in Africa? Is it because these evil things dont get travel documents that once you travel out of africa, you stop hearing about demons and spirits and being possessed?, Oyinbos have a name for everything and like to turn everything into a disease, you pretend not to listen somthing you dont like, itz selective hearinga n you have a therapy for it, you decide to run around a bit too much, itz ADHD n u r on medication, you pretend to stay away from the hustle and bustle, itz depression n ur on anti dprssn drugs, you decide to be bit stubborn and talk less, itz autism n ur doomed,

How many of us would have had a perfect childhood (esp before u turned 3) where in you were polite and gentle, greeted your elders, always read books instead of running around and playing, prayed and fasted, ate your food without fuss irrespective of whatever crap was served, never fought with a soul even when you were provoked to the hilt, never reacted adversely to any atrocities aimed at you, be it school or home ? Even now as adults, how would you react to criticisms and physical assaults ( r'ber he is being spanked at the tender age of 2)
wonder why we never had any of these in the past, our parents brought us up perfectly well even when all of us were 'quite a handful' they never had any trouble managing "terrible 2s and 3s ", nobody had ADHD and Autism, I know a kid who couldn't join 2 words by the time he turned 2 and was hence declared to be on the Autistic Spectrum !!! He did manage to join 2 words when he was 25 months, but the tag of being "on the spectrum" wouldn't just go away,

Picking nose ! and it is sort of contagious too

@ pslm 23 , Oh my god, autistic is a terrible word to use!
@ poster, u know, reading ur post, i feel you and your wife have constant arguments , maybe you guys are doing it right in front of the kid , he is just enacting what you do at home, for all you know, why dont you try to set an example by being polite to each other at home and then see the change for yourself?