₦airaland Forum

I have noticed a woman checking out a guy's buttocks is as natural as looking at his face or his hands.

In fact one even said a man's body is perceived to be very masculine and attractive, when shoulders in relation to his butt create the right proportion.

The Days of the week, corresponded to the planets as Roman gods: Diana as the Moon for Monday, Mars for Tuesday, Mercury for Wednesday, Jupiter for Thursday, Venus for Friday, Saturn for Saturday, and Apollo as the Sun for Sunday.

 

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Names_of_the_days_of_the_week#:~:text=The%20days%20were%20named%20after,Roman%20Empire%20in%20Late%20Antiquity.

AfroKnight:
In 10 years she would be 31? Bro she’s still young. Her worldview is evolving.

you are correct with the age. you may be right with her maturing with time but our cultural difference may also be another factor contributing to her reasoning.

SavageBoy:
You people(needanswer and minixie) should continue this chat privately,this is a forum for seun's sake

I kind of agree with this stuff

I have a southy babe like that that told me she doesn't want to have children, that she's not in for having kids and I'm like wtf

I think I get the whole thing now

thanks

Minxie:
Agreed. Good luck on your travels and thanks for the discussion. If more people were like you, Africa wouldn't be so bad...
Well, it's been fun but I have to go sleep now. This winter is torture, 4 degrees Celsius ain't no joke.

the cold was something else... I miss it though. thanks for the insight you shared, really nice. good night.

Minxie:
No it's chilled, i can't sleep anyway. I think this xenophobic thing is getting out of hand. Honestly, the number of people who actually think bad about nigerians are very small. And trust me, we the majority don't approve of their attitude at all. Some people in this country can be very xenophobic.

Now, there is a problem with criminality. South Africans feel that one should not do in another country what you won't do in your own so when they see a foreigner doing something wrong, it get emphasised because they believe the guest should behave in the house of the host. Also, i think there's some kind of confusion. The majority of South Africans have a problem with foreigners doing illegal things. We don't have a problem with foreigners in general. For example, there's a somalian shop in my small town and we all buy our things from there because he runs an open and honest business. People respect the somalians in town more than they respect each other lol! Anyway, in another town there's another Somalian store that sells expired and fake goods and people absolutely don't like them. So what gets out is that South Africans don't like foreigners. But that's actually not the case, we love foreigners but we just want some respect for the laws. We aren't denying that our own people are criminals. Not at all, we have horrible criminals here. We just can't juggle our own criminals and foreign criminals. We don't have the capacity that the USA has so people take matters into their own hands and they try to flush out the criminals. Then you get those idiots and scumbags who take advantage of that to push their xenophobic agendas so now it looks like all foreigners are hated. But trust me, they get dealt with too.

I'm sorry if anyone has ever treated you unfairly in this country. Please, once this corona is over, come to SA and teach people about Nigeria so that they can get a better understanding of your country. Those who make a positive impact need to be louder.
Once again, i apologize for xenophobic acts against anyone affected.

I quoted you twice.

Minxie:
No it's chilled, i can't sleep anyway. I think this xenophobic thing is getting out of hand. Honestly, the number of people who actually think bad about nigerians are very small. And trust me, we the majority don't approve of their attitude at all. Some people in this country can be very xenophobic.

Now, there is a problem with criminality. South Africans feel that one should not do in another country what you won't do in your own so when they see a foreigner doing something wrong, it get emphasised because they believe the guest should behave in the house of the host. Also, i think there's some kind of confusion. The majority of South Africans have a problem with foreigners doing illegal things. We don't have a problem with foreigners in general. For example, there's a somalian shop in my small town and we all buy our things from there because he runs an open and honest business. People respect the somalians in town more than they respect each other lol! Anyway, in another town there's another Somalian store that sells expired and fake goods and people absolutely don't like them. So what gets out is that South Africans don't like foreigners. But that's actually not the case, we love foreigners but we just want some respect for the laws. We aren't denying that our own people are criminals. Not at all, we have horrible criminals here. We just can't juggle our own criminals and foreign criminals. We don't have the capacity that the USA has so people take matters into their own hands and they try to flush out the criminals. Then you get those idiots and scumbags who take advantage of that to push their xenophobic agendas so now it looks like all foreigners are hated. But trust me, they get dealt with too.

I'm sorry if anyone has ever treated you unfairly in this country. Please, once this corona is over, come to SA and teach people about Nigeria so that they can get a better understanding of your country. Those who make a positive impact need to be louder.
Once again, i apologize for xenophobic acts against anyone affected.

thanks for the heartfelt apology on behalf of SA. all foreigners who do criminal activities on foreign soil should face the law. I strongly believe that.

I'll reconsider if SA is still where I want to go to after travel restrictions are lifted. the world in general isn't safe for people of colour anymore( blacks especially), just look at the racism in the US. Truly no place like home.

Minxie:
I'm not an expert on Xhosa culture because I'm coloured so unfortunately I don't want to say something wrong.
I know there's some slight distrust between men of a family when it comes to marrying foreigners. Even in the coloured community when you say you are dating or marrying a Nigerian, people are usually a little worried because they fear the guy might be after money or papers. It has happened to many women so they are very very careful. I speak from experience because I've seen many families being concerned because their daughters are breadwinners and successful and they think the Nigerian guy is only after that. I'm not saying it's true, im saying it's what I observed from people. In any case, it is not a South African thing. I've heard from Chinese even how their parents don't want them to marry Africans or even date them lol! I think older people struggle to do away with stereotypes.
But if a guy can show that he is successful on his own and he doesn't need papers and he's a good person but the family still doesn't like him, nah I think it's some xenophobic business going on there.

I get what you mean. I'm a financial stable person, while she is a university undergraduate. Her cousin has a Nigerian boyfriend too. so her family isn't against Nigerians.

she sort of tried to justify the xenophobic attacks on Nigerians and Africans. part of the reasons I left. I later came back to formally close all my dealings in SA. it's 3:33am in SA, sorry I'm keeping you up.

Minxie:
I get what you mean but as I said before, most women just do the bride price thing to satisfy families. I wonder what would've happened if you said that you don't believe in bride price... I think she would've agreed with you. Anyway, only she will know that answer. I also don't like it when people have double standards

I cant be certain if she would give a different answer, but she stressed the traditional marriage rites. I never knew Xhosa's traditional marriage rites were sort of stressful. I wouldn't want her to put me through that If she is truly a feminist. I prefer your former stance on SA women. we had an issue with xenophobia too

Minxie:
But is there anything wrong with being a feminist? I don't understand...

No, as long as you don't hold on to traditional values too. No Cherry picking, I don't support that.

Minxie:
Lol great then! im just so super careful because on naira land everyone thinks everything is a personal attack lol and I don't want to start an e-war or something!

Yeah I think men need to realize that women can't fight the battle alone. It's difficult fighting a system that's against you from the start. We therefore need the men to also stand up for something. In apartheid the black man didn't fight alone. Women were at the forefront too. So maybe next time when a girl tells you to pay her bride price, say flat out no and you'll see if she really loves you.

Lol... Maybe I'll try out that advice. So women need men in this struggle too. Would have personally preferred to cheer you ladies from the side lines. I'll support when the cause kicks off. Is marital rape a crime punishable by law in SA?

Minxie:
Chances are she is a feminist though. A lot of South African women are. We take pride in it because it benefits men and women

I'm just seeing this. Now I'm at cross roads.

Minxie:
No no no you misunderstood. I'm not pinning it on the guys alone. I'm just saying that they can actually change it if they want to because they have more power in traditional affairs. They just need to all come together and agree to stop paying the bride price as a requirement for marriage. But because at some point fathers and uncles benefit from it, they don't want to scrap it. The young men should voice their opinions to their elders and they should attempt to change tradition. I'm not saying that women won't help but the problem is that when it comes to tradition, women don't really have much say. I hope you understand now? I'm not attacking the male gender, im actually encouraging them to make a difference

I didn't mean it in the sense of "attack", just in the sense of a clever twist. I don't think guys in recent decades have lead any major changes in society. Ladies have been in the forefront of social and cultural change. I'm not attacking ladies too, just twisting it cleverly in my favour.

Minxie:
Yes I agree. And the funny thing is, the men are actually the ones who reinforce this cycle. For example, many men hate the idea of paying bride price and they think it's unfair. but if those men have daughters, they will also later demand her boyfriend pay the bride price. It's a cycle that can't end because someone always gains something from it. To be honest, nobody is forcing us to agree to tradition. This generation can all make a vow to not ask for bride price. But I bet you at least 95% of the men now who have a problem with bride price will be at the forefront of negotiations in the future when it comes to their daughters hahaha

I see what you tried to do. You want to spin this on the guys... Clever. I'll spin it back towards the girls. Bride price was for an era where ladies were considered as commodities. No sane lady still thinks herself as such. Ladies should fight for the abolition of bride price as it stigmatize against them as "items or commodities". Thank you

Minxie:
Actually I've been reading some very interesting articles lately... these days many women actually help the men pay the bride price. It's not uncommon in SA especially if a woman earns more than the man. Because when you marry for love, you don't want something as silly as a bride price to ruin your future but you also don't want to anger your family by breaking tradition. So many girls pay the bride price themselves (giving the money to the guy) or they pay part of it

Paying part of it isn't a bad idea, I can support that if it becomes formal. But being informal the greater burden will fall on guys even though the ladies are trying to help out.

Minxie:
I'm not Xhosa but I can tell you that we are different because our situations demand it. Our parents and grandparents learned a long time ago that to overcome poverty, the girl child needs to be able to provide for her own needs and the needs of her family. More breadwinners, less poverty. So we aren't taught to be housewives. Actually myself and many of my friends don't know anything about being the traditional wifey type. We are taught from a young age that we need to focus on excelling in our careers so that we can be uplifted from poverty.

Actually, we are often dissuaded from marrying early by our parents. and if we do get married, we don't want to "settle down" so early with kids. It's expensive and we therefore need to be prepared

Hmm. Guessed I judged her hastily. Thanks for the insight.

Minxie:
I'd have to say the biggest difference between the wife having rights over her body and the man sharing his money is the fact that a body is not a commodity. I think we crossed that bridge when we all agreed slavery is inhumane. So, it is therefore equally inhumane to have "ownership" over a wifes body just because the bride price was paid.

I would also like to state that a man's money and a women's money should both go into the marriage. That's equality. I can't possibly have rights over your money when you can't say jack over mine.

Lastly, i think the whole bride price affair should be scrapped. I know in many cultures the bride price wasn't seen as a man buying the woman, it had a far deeper meaning (i won't go into that now). But I fear that we have forgotten about that far deeper meaning and just turned the whole affair into a transaction. Which brings me back to my first point: a human (body) is not a commodity

Good points, I agree a wife isn't a commodity unlike money. About the bride price being or not being a form of ownership over the wife or her body.... I believe bride price cost a lot of money and one party shouldn't pay such huge sums for an equal partnership irrespective of reasons, should they?

Ariza:
Not all "whites" are Feminists nah. Can you state other attributes you observe in her to come to this conclusion.

So far, things you've mentioned haven't qualified her as a feminist ,in my opinion though.

Someone here just pointed out she may not be a feminist. Her values though might be too left to my right

Minxie:
I can tell you from a South African side that we generally don't like to get married early. Especially when we haven't made it in our careers yet. Also, generally, we don't want many children and are open to having none or even adopting.

I don't know where the woman is from but if it's SA, she wasn't influenced by white people. The truth is that women in SA are raised very differently from women in other countries. We are raised to be career oriented and hard workers. So maybe your girl was raised the same?

She is SA, xhosa tribe precisely. Maybe I was wrong though. Why are you guys different?

Ariza:
Lol, I mean I'm not one you address with "sir" at all.

I'm a Lady.

Apologies, your argument was superb irrespective of gender "madam"...dont complain again o

Ariza:
What has feminism got to do with this?

Are you saying all Africans want or wish to get married? Or all Africans wish to have children? Lol. Well maybe civilization has normalize some things and people are becoming more expressive about their desires but civilization or westernization certainly have no effect of decisions like the ones your lady made.

People just keep these things because they don't want others to come for their heads.

It has to do with feminism actually. She grew up in a white neighborhood and is still living in a white neighborhood.

yanabasee1:
What's the essence of this thread now?

It's the last line at the bottom of my post. In summary marry someone with same values as you

Ariza:
I'm not a "Sir" and no, I'm not married.

Sir is just for respect as a guy, even though you are not a knight.

Poseidon000:
This is why i pity those who go into marriage with sex as the major incentive. Even the sex is subject to the whim and caprice of the woman, and don't try to embellish it with lame justification, cos it's tantamount to rape if you force her; so, why the blasted fuss about guaranteed sex that you marriage advocates wouldn't let us a moment peace on the utopian reality you herald marriage to be


I personally don't even understand the hype about sex in particular.

Minus procreation, sex is for pleasure. But it is scripted now for pleasure. Procreation seems to be the best use of it.

sunshineV:
Yes, the whole collecting bride price thing to me feels like selling off the lady

I thought as much too.

Ariza:
I'm not saying a Man shouldn't take care of his wife, or that partners should deny one another. No.

I'm just ruling out sugar-coated words people pass from generation to generation that has led many young minds into wrong union. And the sense of entitlement these words create in people's minds and when things don't turn out the way it ought to be, you start hearing words like "I wasn't told this how marriage is". If a woman think she can own a Man's money and contemplate to marry him let her think twice. If a Man think he can own a woman because he paid bride price, let him think twice. The truth is you can only have assess to how much you are permitted.

Now, anyone that wants to get married should make to it a must to find A person who loves them enough to share. Someone who can give himself or herself totally in love and respect. Only then can there be peace of mind.

You are wise sir. Hope you are married

I once dated a girl from an African country that I once lived in. She was easy to talk to and very funny.

She came across as someone with a strong African value, always talking about her culture and people and I liked it. She knew I liked my heritage too and I thought we shared the African heritage at least. Weeks after we started dating by questions I asked her, I found out she doesn't want to marry until another 10 years. She wants to be a career woman and get married at 31 at least (I laughed inside). I found out she doesn't want children, worst case scenario just a child (I pinched myself).

But she stressed I should learn her language and perform all her traditional marriage rites. She is clearly African by heritage but western by reasoning. Guys ask questions about the values of girls before you date them, never assume

Ariza:
"The husband's money belong to both the wife and husband"
Says who?

You know just like the saying " your body belongs to your partner" it's just a saying not the reality. Those are just words we like to deceive ourselves with because the reality is You have access only to how much your partner allows you.

If a husband decide not to allow his wife use his properties as long as those properties are in his name 'alone' the wife can't do much to change the situation. Unless they divorce and that's if they are legally married. Same way couples can decide to starve one another sexually. Not that any of these is right, at least in a Love union.

As for Marital rape, the fact that the law doesn't recognize it doesn't make it unreal. It's happening and there's no justification to it. Any right thinking person who has evolved beyond from being an APE will not force anyone to have sex. That's what make us HUMAN.

Good points, I like your sound conclusion. But the opening part won't make a happy or lasting marriage. Like how will you not look after your wife?

sunshineV:
Follow the law of the land. There's nothing like marital rape in Nigeria if u can't give ur husband sex whenever he wants it fuvking leave the marriage

I get your input.

I don't support any form of rape but won't it make sense if we change things like men paying bride price since we don't own the woman or her body (that's outdated)? As well as the family bills being split 50/50?

lilmax:
And who put a gun on your head to give your wife money?

Be practical, how won't you give your wife money?

callmeRichie:
Same punishment as for a regular rapist man! Being married is not an advantage now.

Life imprisonment, castration...

Nice, that's an angle.

baralatie:
Is there courtship rape?

Courtship rape is rape. It's clear!