₦airaland Forum

My sista na story be the fabric of life. You comot story, you comot life experience.

You said another thing when you wrote, I no hear the other part o, make you repeat am.

Lady,

I thank you my sister. No, I don soak cottonwool for red oil and take plug my ear so I no go hear dem talk.

But e be like say you sabi read mind ooo. De ting I mean be say Nigerian women go complain say Baba Taju don get another wife, Baba Lamidi don go village go take a fifth wife. I know say our culture get im own problem but e be like say our women no dey learn from one another. I know some people go say na illiterate women do dat kind ting but I no lie to you I know women with doctorate degree wey be second and third wives and although it is not connected to the topic HRH discuss, it all bear down to empowerement. You take your lesson and grow with it, you empower yaself! Das all. I go take my cottonwool comot for my ear when I hear say you wan reply.

Negro.

It feels like a courthouse in here sometime, you have to define and clarify your point and then wish "Your Honourable Judge" does not thrash your defense.  

When I write long story like dat na because of mouth palava, if its written short someone go come ask say wetin you mean make you expand tell us wetin you mean.  If I expand another come say you talk plenty, keep am short,

Did you all hear the palava about the married guy who go get another woman pregnant?

HRH,

You said a lot in your opening to the topic. I can see your frustration with the position and I thank you for letting out honestly on the way you believe things are. Not many people have the courage to bring such an issue to a public forum like this for discussion and I will tell you right now I am in that many number. The points you hit on are critical and I know without doubt that you are not the only here that is going through challenging relationship. Some of us have been there in the past and leanrt lessons from it, some of us are going through it now and some others, of us, are yet to encounter it.  In any case, life is about lessons and growth.  You can only grow when you apply the lessons learnt from a trouble to maneuver and manipulate your way toward future episodes.  There is nothing I can share with you in human interaction that you already have not tasted. Well, hold on, there is but huh let me skip forward for now :-)

There are pointers in a bad relationship that flash RED and give us warning to move the phuck on, but often enough we give in to sentiments. Gradually the problems add up and become so monumental that it can no longer hide behind sentiments. This is when we start to doubt and question the sustainability. For some it is not late and they can successfully break free, for others, so much has been invested in it that breaking away becomes intolerable for them so they dismiss their unhappiness to fate and just hang on for hope to rescue them.  

HRH, you had pointers and I wish you would have acted on them. You should never have had to ask your boyfriend to come and visit you. Intuitively, he should have acted on your feedback when you started saying that your time is highly demanding. If you had to ask him to come and spend time with you then it is likely that you will continue to propmt his senses in other areas of needs as well. A relationship is not a duty. It is a value. It is highly enriched when two people value each other equitably. Another thing, he complained that the distance was not convenient for him, that should let you know that he wasn't feeling you.  He likes you but he doesn't like you to the point he would sacrifice that much for you.  Now, to his defense, you also said that your time was so much occupied that there was no time left for you to spare for him. Lie! If that was someone you have a strong feeling for I bet you will find the time to make that trip.

To summarize, there is adequate signs, in RED, denoting that your interaction was more of a formality, there was no depth of feeling and definitely not enough strong spiritualy to move each of you into a devotion of generosity for each other.  

I agree with a previous respondent that said upbringing and exposure is a big factor in how a man interact with you and how he treats you in a relationship.  I must also comment on the difference between the British Nigerian and the local Nigerian. Even among the white race British men are considered snubs who go around with their nose in the air. We were colonized by them and our society is saturated from top to bottom with the legacies of their culture. When a Nigerian man go live in their midst, work with them, eat with them and speak like them, that air of aristocracy (arrogance) is reinforced.  Some of us leave home and when we touch down on the whiteman soil we shed all the humbleness and nobility of our own culture and custom and replace it with the shallow and brutal culture and custom of the whiteman just so we can exploit our brothers and sisters dismissively as low class and unworthy of our bearings. What a shame! I give credit and respect to those Nigerian men who in spite of living in Europe still humble their pride and conserve their sense of discipline and uphold the supplement of the values in which their upbringing was rooted. My hat off to you Brothers!

HRH, keep your faith and stay strong, the right Brother will be there for you when its time.  Take this episode as a lesson and grow with it, :-)

Negro.

Welcome back Nubian.

Whattt! You draw a crowd, whats the spell? Whatever it is lay it on me, lol

Jasco,
, by mistake? Chineke me chuonu! I go fling dis grundig tv up ya chest. Was the mistake sweet and delicious? Nna you no be first wey go do that and you no go be last o. Make you sack your fiancee and mary your pregnant mistake. At least that way you can raise the pikin and lessen the complication of family association wey for be otherwise.

Thank you Krama. I beg make you no vex, he for better if I fit talk for language wey all our readers fit understand. I see say we get people here wey no be Nigerians and no understand pidgin.

Nubian come back, 'been looking all over for you