₦airaland Forum

---- I can show u d way out oo, abeg lol,

saucekid:
i'm backk
who been dey chyke my woman here?

I bet id d person come out now u no go fit talk, lol

haha, lmao, Which kind bringing out be this one??

Ituen, I just hope the kids in d future would b ur own, atleast u wouldn't need to "thank" any one 4 that, lol,

ibkaye:
You are mad

you are crazy

Will kick her with MY shoe

@ beauteous

don't worry, they both drank something,

OOOH MY GOD!! The picture is sooooo funny!!! lmao, hilarious!!

poor boy ke?? he doesn't even know whts happening, it's his parents that would die of heart attack!

today. . . . . . is . . . . a very nice day

phillip001:
IAM NOT FUUNY BY NATURE BUT I HOPE YOU ALL WILL LIKE THIS POST, IT IS MY FIRST POST HERE.



[img][/img][flash=200,200][/flash] ;


[b]MOTIVATIOAL SPE[/b]ACH

*MONEY IS NOT EVERYTHING,THERE IS MASTERCARD AND VISA

*CHILDREN IN BACK SEAT CAUSE ACCIDENT,ACCIDENT IN BACKSEAT CAUSE CHILDREN

*THE MORE YOU LEARN, THE MORE YOU KNOW, THE MORE YOU KNOW, THE MORE YOU FORGET, THE MORE YOU

FORGET THE LESS YOU KNOW, SO WHY LEARN IN THE FIRST PLACE

*SAVE WATER,SHOWER WITH YOUR GIRL FRIENDS

*BEHIND EVERY SUCCESSFUL MAN THEREIS A WOMAN,BEHIND EVERY UNSUCCESSFUL MAN THERE ARE TWO

*LOVE THY NIGHBOUR BUT DONT GET CAUGHT.

haha, like that one best,

right, so. . . . I'm officially an Idiot??

lol,

@poster,

go steal,

IIIIIRRRRG, wht sexy lips,

haa, lmao funny!

It was the final examination for an introductory Biology course at the local university. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 500 students in the class!

The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. Half of an hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.

"You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor stated sarcastically as he handed the student a booklet.

"Yes I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing. After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing. An hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.

"No you don't, I'm not going to accept that. It's late."

The student looked incredulous and angry.

"Do you know who I am?"

"No, as a matter of fact I don't," replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice.

"Do you know who I am?" the student asked again in a louder voice.

"No, and I don't care." replied the professor with an air of superiority.

"Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room.

------------------------------------------

A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. He hasn`t been feeling well

and wants to find out if he`s ill. After the checkup the doctor comes out

with the results of the examination.

"I`m afraid I have some bad news. You`re dying and you don`t have much

time, " the doctor says.

"Oh no, that`s terrible. How long have I got? " The man asks.

"10. . . " Says the doctor.

"10? 10 What? Months? Weeks? What?! " He asks desperately.

"10. . . 9. . . 8. . . 7. . . "


--------------------------------------------------------

Jack, a smart businessman, talks to his son

-- Jack: I want you to marry a girl of my choice.

-- Son : "I will choose my own bride".

-- Jack: "But the girl is Bill Gates`s daughter. "

-- Son : "Well, in that case. . . "

Next Jack approaches Bill Gates.

-- Jack: "I have a husband for your daughter. "

-- Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry. "

-- Jack: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank. "

-- Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case. . . "

Finally Jack goes to see the president of the World Bank.

-- Jack: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president. "

-- President: "But I already have more vice-presidents than I need. "

-- Jack: "But this young man is Bill Gates`s son-in-law. "

-- President: "Ah, in that case. . . . . "

------------------------------------------------

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with

a fly swatter.

"What are you doing? " She asked.

"Hunting Flies" He responded.

"Oh. Killing any? " She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females, " he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell? "

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone! "

-------------------------------------------

These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world.

"The effects are fleeting and lingering, " - Overheard in a hallway

"In Managua, people are cheering in the streets, which are deserted." - CBS reporter during the solar eclipse

"A trucker called to thank all of the courteous Seattle drivers he had run across." - Announcer on KZOK radio

"He threw 110 pitches in six innings, and that's a mouthful!" - CBS baseball announcer

"An agreement is not an agreement until the parties to the agreement have reached an agreement." - Irish Politician on RTE radio

"This is the biggest pawn that Israel holds in the whole hostage equation." - BBC world service.

"We have two incredibly credible witnesses here." - Sen. Biden at Thomas hearings from Bob Ericson (Marlboro, MA, USA)

"He's going to step down 'til he's back on his feet." - Vermont Public Radio commentator on Jimmy Swaggart's latest sex scandal


-------------------------------------------

Sandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other.

Sandy approached and asked if she was all right.

The girl said she was.

A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself.

Approaching again, Sandy offered, "Would you like me to be your friend?"

The girl hesitated, then said, "Okay," looking at the woman suspiciously.

Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked, "Why are you standing here all alone?"

"Because," the little girl said with great exasperation, "I'm the goalie!"


----------------------------------------
A college student talks to God

O Lord, hear my anxious plea

Calculus is killing me

I know not of 'dx' or 'dy'

And probably won't until the day I die.

Please, Lord, help me in this hour

As I take my case to the highest power.

I care not for fame or loot

Just help me find one square root.

And Lord, please let me see

One passing mark in organic chemistry.

Oh such a thing I constantly dread

I'd just as soon join the Marines instead.

Lord, please give me a sign

That you've been listening all the time.

Please lead me out of this constant coma

And give me a shot at my diploma.
------------------------------------------


A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Larry Johnson. He delivered the pizza to his trailer. After giving it to him, Larry asked: "What is the usual tip?"

"Well," replied the youth, "this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great." "Is that so?" snorted Larry. "Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's five dollars."

"Thanks," replied the youth, "I'll put this in my school fund."

"What are you studying in school?" asked Larry.

The lad smiled and said: "Applied psychology."

-------------------------------------------

Teacher: What is the axis of the earth?

Student: The axis of the earth is an imaginary line which passes from one pole to the other, and on which the earth revolves.

Teacher: Very good. Now, could you hang clothes on that line?

Student: Yes, Sir.

Teacher: Indeed, and what sort of clothes?

Student: Imaginary clothes, Sir

------------------------
Public Speaking

------------ Recently our speaker had to discontinue several of his long talks on account of his throat. Several people threatened to cut it.

---------------You have heard it said before that this speaker needs no introduction. Well, I have heard him and he needs all the introduction he can get.

---------------Our speaker needs no introduction. What he needs is a conclusion.

----------------Our speaker will not bore you with a long speech, he can do it with a short one.

---------------You've been a wonderful audience, you stayed.




--------------------------------------------

I Could Use a Little Money

Dear Father,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love,
Your $on.

After receiving his son's letter, the father immediately replies by sending a letter back.

Dear Son,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love,
Dad


-------------------------------


A lesson about blood flow and circulation

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said: "Now, students, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face."

"Yes, sir," the boys said.

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"

A little fellow shouted, "'It's because yer feet ain't empty."

@ Dreeldee,


Thanx brov

ahaha, correct Psychologist come back, lmao N300 4 that matter,

Wish u know she is waiting 4 u outside with her shot gun,

Don't wordy IBK, I can addopt u, don't worry dear * gives her a pat on the head* ,

kole_bank:
DRY . You suppose go skul where they go teach uu how 2 tell jokes. Sorry my ladies in da house.

lmao!! lool,

Just the insults on the poster alone, is enough to make me roll! lmao!

Jeovy:
you are on your own

lol!lol!

Mustay:
I raped shey?

u this pikin wey them don spoil

Because I never sue u sha?? I am even tryin to hide u and you're making me sound like a liar, chei! You see why I don't like u visiting my mumsy??

Which false allegations?? u r my mumsy cossie, I know u very well, so . . . nothin like false allegation Mustay,

haha! Wish u would stop spoilling an innocent girl like me,

whish u would keep wondering

Wish u knew that if I reached down there, u would be missin it in a sec,

loool, laugh 2 death!

Wish to ask him if I'm supposed to be caressing his head abi?

lmao, u r Mustays first born, if u don't know,

nobi only "rib" na "brib"

your Mustay? nobi just pikin u be?? You don ask am who your Mumsy be?

Wish u would not wright "Woman" as "Wo[b]man[/b]"