₦airaland Forum

Dat Ugly Chimp

christopher123:
[qyuote author=Slym5 post=32417772]The victory of General Muhammadu Buhari of the All Progressives Congress over President Goodluck Jonathan of the Peoples Democratic Party was the perfect catalyst for the democratic rebirth of Nigeria. An incumbent was voted out by the people largely for non-performance and the message was clear; mess up and we will vote you out. It was the first true Presidential contest in this democratic dispensation and the world marvelled as this great Country (admittedly, an amalgamation of several nations), once thought to be a failed project, spluttered back to life. A new man was coming into office and he had promised to eradicate (or more realistically, reduce) that most vile of Nigerian vices; corruption. As a Nigerian who means well for this country, you could only harbour positive thoughts for the future. Unfortunately, this new wave of optimism is about to be traded for despair because the two tribes that constitute the brain box of this great country have once again managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory with their constant bickering, the type only rivalled by insufferable housewives in a polygamous home.

On the surface, there really shouldn’t be any cause for such ethnic baiting and chest-beating. Both tribes have made their mark. In sports, the Yorubas have produced Segun Odegbami, Olapade Adeneken, Rashidi Yekini, Segun Toriola and others. The Igbos have produced Adokie Amaisemaka, Davidson Ezenwa, Emmanuel Amuneke, Chioma Ajunwa and a host of others. In Literature, for every Wole Soyinka, there is a Chinua Achebe and for every Ola Rotimi, there is a Christopher Okigbo. In Politics, for every Nnamdi Azikiwe, there is an Obafemi Awolowo and for every Ojukwu, there is an Obasanjo. In that fantasy world of the filthy rich, for every Arthur Eze, there is a Mike Adenuga and for every Emeka Offor, there is a Femi Otedola. In that vocal utopia of political word-smiths, the Igbos can point to Chuba Okadigbo while the Yorubas can point to Bola Ige. Both ethnic groups have shown remarkable resilience in a country largely dominated by the North (which has constantly played these two as pawns or more appropriately like that little girl that has two dolls and bashes them against each other at will).

I sometimes shudder at the potential earth shaking impact that a Yoruba-Igbo alliance would have. That remains a pipe dream however as each ethnic group seems to be more interested in emphasizing the faults of the other. Naturally, the Igbos perceive the Yorubas as lazy, conniving, stealthy, dirty, cowardly and as unrepentant tribalists. The Yorubas, in turn, see the Igbos as selfish, greedy, fraudulent and perhaps a tad bit domineering. The Igbos probably fuel this perception with their ‘in your face’ attitude. There is nothing wrong with that as I consider it to be self-pride. To a highly traditional society like the Yorubas however, where age is respected, an Igbo man is perceived as lacking respect.
The recent election has not helped matters as Buhari’s victory is now attributed to the Southwest while the Southeast is perceived as having miscalculated politically by supporting the incumbent who lost. Nothing could be further from the truth. The Yorubas did not return 1.4 million votes for Buhari and even if it is true that the Igbos supported President Jonathan, are we suggesting that they should go to the political wilderness because of that? Whither democracy and your right to vote for a candidate of your choice?

These are highly unnecessary infractions which if unchecked could plunge the South into another unnecessary blood-letting orgy. I have in the past few days gone through websites and engaged in conversations with friends, acquaintances and colleagues from both sides of the divide and I have marvelled at the unguarded statements coming from supposedly educated people. Make no mistake, we are sitting on a keg of gun powder. When a supposedly educated Igbo man tells you that an Igbo man is superior to every Yoruba man, you simply must worry. When a supposedly educated Yoruba man dismisses all Igbo men as fraudulent cheats, you cannot ignore it. When a Yoruba man, who works in an Igbo dominated environment is regularly baited and finally forced to buy into the Igbo ‘superiority’ and denounces his own tribe, you know there is something sinister in the offing. Ditto for Igbos who work in a Yoruba dominated environment. In fact, the very worst characteristics of these two tribes come to the fore when they are in the majority.

The afore-mentioned examples had greatly disturbed me but by far the last straw was the news that the Oba of Lagos had royally coerced Igbos in Lagos State to vote APC at the forthcoming Gubernatorial Elections. I have not confirmed the authenticity of the report but I am concerned at the cyber heat that it has already generated. Yorubas and Igbos have found another avenue to vent their spleens. Yorubas see themselves as Omo onile and Igbos see Lagos as No man’s land. Whatever the case might be, no one can force anyone to vote for a particular candidate and I really hope the respected Monarch did not make that incendiary statement.

It appears to me as though both tribes do not wish to understand each other. They are unwilling to see beyond their prejudiced perceptions. In Lagos, the Yorubas see the Igbos as invaders while the Igbos see themselves as part of the family. For them, it is too late in the day for the Yorubas to complain. The phrase ‘laches and acquiescence’ comes to mind. The way I see it both tribes need to come to grips with the fact that they have been forcefully joined together. They must therefore learn to live together and get rid of some of these pitiful stereotypes.

In order to peacefully co-exist, particularly in Lagos, I believe Igbos and Yorubas need to imbibe these Rules of Engagement:

For the Yorubas,

1. The Igbos must be commended for their industry. Admit it, you admire them secretly. If you have bought substandard materials from one of them or have been cheated by one, chalk that down to inexperience and perhaps a tad bit of stupidity and move on. Next time, shine your eyes

2. Yes, the Igbo man is aggressive. Live with it. Blame it on the painful integration he has undergone since the Civil War ended. He thrives on competition and will remorselessly incinerate any competitor in his path. If you have an Igbo man directly below you in an organisation, rest assured, he is thinking of ways to edge you out. He is ambitious and cannot stay still. He does not rest on his oars and he is not going to look the other way simply because you are older than him. His mind does not work that way. There! Now you know! If you find yourself on the wrong end of the stick, gird your loins and compete! Quit whining.

3. Igbos are scattered all over the Southwest and they will always dominate certain localities and businesses until you are bold enough to compete. If you have a lot of them in Lagos, try and populate their own states too. Open a bush meat centre in Aba and sell! Better still, stop selling your properties to Igbo people. A lot of your problems are of your own making.

4. The Igbo man does not prostrate and he rarely bows. It is not a slight; it is just the way he is wired. The fact that we love to jam our bellies on the ground does not mean everyone has to like it. Stop frowning your face when he does not.

5. Not all Igbo girls are prostitutes and they are no less chaste than our Yoruba girls. Our girls are just better at ‘coding’. They will nack you and still call you ‘broda’. So please get a grip on yourself. You insult Igbos but go after their tall, light-skinned, beautiful girls and because they are less pretentious, you call them prostitutes? Who is fooling who?

6. Forgive the average Igbo man for always yelling and resorting to his fists when he cannot win an argument with his intellect, it is a hangover from the Civil War. Not all Igbos are like that by the way but it is important that when an argument gets rowdy, you walk away, because you do not have his muscles (ishan). Do not engage, I repeat, do not engage. If e nack you for ground, I no dey o.


7. Try and define who an omo onile is. Does that exclude other Yorubas in Lagos? What about Ekiti, Ondo, Osun, Oyo, Ogun? Why am I asking? They seem to populate the Government in Lagos.

8. How does an Igbo man differ from Lagosians who are from other states?

9. Where were you when Igbos were elected into the House of Reps from Lagos? Were you drinking beer and pepper soup? Were you eating eran igbe and drinking emu? Were you patting your round Amala tummy? You opened the door just a little but that is all an Igbo man needs. Soon an Okechukwu will contest for Governor of Lagos and what’s worse, he might win since we are so accommodating. I am waiting for the day an Olusola, born and bred in Onitsha will arise and say he wants to contest in Anambra. That is the day the Igbos will tell him that Amadioha is not Sango.

10. Finally, do not envy the Igbo man’s success, worry about yourself. You say you defeated him at the Civil War. You say he comes from Onitsha or Aba, with his thick Igbo accent and terrible English and yet he makes more money than you in Lagos! Haba! Something is seriously wrong with you! Some Omo onile you are!

For the Igbos,

1. Yorubas value integrity more than money and they often wonder how money can be a man’s sole motivation. They also abuse people and gossip a lot. The less you say when you are with them the better. So when you beat you chest and brag in that loud voice about the number of containers that you have on the high seas or how much money you have, they are more amused than jealous and you are the news item for that day.

2. Stop saying you developed Lagos. If you did, Aba, Onitsha, Abakaliki and the likes would have been developed too. In fact, try and fix your homeland with your wealth. The rate at which Uchennas and Ifeanyis berth at Lagos every second is scary.

3. Lagos is a Yoruba state. Ask the Dosunmus and Agbajes. You do not insult your host all in a bid to lay claim to his property. If you have a stake in Lagos, then Yorubas have a stake in your oil. Seriously, once again, do not insult your hosts. Yorubas have accommodated you. Appreciate the fact that they have not given you the ‘aboki treatment’. It is this domineering attitude that motivates the unforgiving Northerners to kill Igbos at every opportunity. It is a good thing the Yorubas are not that savage.

4. Try not to be so aggressive all the time. The Civil War ended 45 years ago. No one is coming to get you. Stop poisoning your children’s minds. Let them discover the new Nigeria by themselves. Stop the hate message. That argument can be settled verbally without recourse to Ishan Igbo. No be fight. The fact that your colleague from the office has refused to do business with you and has done so with someone else at a lower rate (obviously) does not make him your enemy.

5. While acquiring wealth, tell your guys to acquire a little education on their way too. All that money and no education... The way many of them butcher English... Yeah, we know Yorubas and their ‘Yoruba English’ but yours is just priceless. This fuels the perception of an igbo man as one who is after money and nothing else. Happily, I have met several educated Igbo people but there is still an overwhelming number of rich but uneducated and unrefined Igbos.

6. Not all Yorubas are dirty or lazy and they like their oily stew. Ororo ati epo. They know you don’t joke with your soup and yes, they go after your ogbono soup but biko, leave them with their oily soup.

7. All that talk about Lagosians starving if you leave Lagos is mere hogwash. Your empty shops and supermarkets will be filled and very quickly too. You are a part of Lagos but you are not indispensable.

8. Not every Yoruba is a jazzman! Some of them are good Christians. They also know a lot of you profess to know God more than anybody else and still engage in all sorts.

9. The Yoruba man secretly admires you. He wonders how an Igbo man can come to Lagos with slippers, a T-Shirt and shorts and 5 years later, he is made. We know you are still astounded at how easy it is to make it in Lagos and how easily your brothers have colonised Alaba Maket and Ladipo Market. Blame the Yoruba man. He too dey fear competition. He thinks his age or seniority will save him.

10. The Yoruba man likes the way you have developed Lagos. Could you please try and develop Yobe or Borno State as well? They are just DYING to be developed.

Know these rules and follow them by heart and get along with your Igbo or Yoruba colleague, friend or acquaintance. I believe conflicts arise when we break them. The Yoruba and Igbo tribes are the thinkers who drive Nigeria forward with their ideas. Unfortunately, this mindless competition for relevance has on several occasions threatened our very existence and is doing so now. It is imperative that these stereotypes and lazy assumptions are eradicated so that these two great tribes can go back to what they do best; thinking for Nigeria.

Lmao!!! Dis is 200% true!!! Reason I said dat We r al at fault!!! No one's right and none wrong either! !! Ur head dey dere! !!!

VolvoS60:
^^^^



In one breath you claim Alhaji Akiolu's remarks were crude threats sensationalized by the press and the public. In another breath you claim he wants the best for Lagos (whatever that means) and all voters should fall in line or else... What exactly is your point?

There is a gaping contradiction in your post and it needs to be set right. Nigerians (no matter their ethnicity) have the right as free citizens of this Republic to vote for whoever they wish. Those rights are non-negotiable, no matter what anyone thinks. Nigerian voters have the right to choose their leaders without fear of intimidation or coercion by any authority. Why is this matter even up for debate?

As I stated earlier, it is in the interest of the Oba of Lagos to issue a statement to address this matter immediately. Silence is not an option.

Dat guy is pathetic!

Febcom:
Oba of Lagos Rilwan Akiolu said all my fellow Igbo Brothers and Sister will die within 7days if they vote against is self-interested candidate Akinwunmi Ambode. My brothers & sister take a stand to vote against this earthly King who had taking it to cause and afflict us all, we are going to Pray against Him
( Esther 2:15 - Now when the time came for Esther to go to the king, she asked for nothing other than what Oba Raliwan (Hegai), the king's eunuch who was in charge of the harem, suggested.

Esther 4:14 - For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to the royal position for such a time as this.

Esther 6:12 - Since Igbo brothers & Sisters (Mordecai), before whom your downfall has begun, is of Nigerian (Jewish) origin, you cannot stand against him - you will surely come to ruin!

Esther 7:3 - If I have found favor with you, O king, and if it pleases your majesty, grant me my life - this is my petition, and the life of my people - this is my request).

We are the kings Kid, glory be to God that plan he had for the Igbo & Hausa in Lagos, Almighty Father Jesus should Visit Him with Power that makes him see, their his God for the Igbo in Nigeria. I lwrote this in tears, and bleed from deep in my heart, appreciate me with pray for 3days and 3 nights, send to all our brothers and sisters in South East, South South and to every christians in Nigeria. God must surely fight this battle. As for me if I die, let it be know i have won the race, and transform into Glory. God bless Nigeria.

I join my faith with yours

bukatyne:
I am full bloodied Yoruba however This post makes absolutely. No sense.

There are citizens of Nigeria and have the right to vote who they want since they live here

Let Ibos go back to their villages and let's see If Almighty Lagos will not burn to the ground.

Lagos (Yorubas ) might have the resources, Ibos have the brain and capacity to turn those raw resources to wealth.

Show me another Yoruba state as Lagos.

I am very ashamed of This as a Yoruba person.

Witout bias!!!! Thank God for u.

postmann:
For every yoruba that is sentimental about other tribes having big influence in lagos, i understand you. But the truth remains lagos must pay the prize other internationl cities paid for being either an economic hub or political capital or both. Lagos enjoyed both for many decades and is still enjoying the economic hub of west africa. its only a mater of time before it becomes the centre of trade and commerce in whole of africa. But it can never aquire such status with reckless statements like this credited to the Oba. Other tribes contributed heavily to what lagos has been over the years. They have so much at stake not to be involved in lagos politics. They have a fair, reasonable right to vote whoever they prefere. In a sane society what the Oba said, if he actually said it, is beneath his exalted office.

Cities like new york, london, paris and several other cities are open to even inter-racial politics and lagos is of the same class as these cities.
When the United Nations was created, a search for a city in the US to serve as headquarters was conducted, a city was chosen. and the city happened to be the city of the Bush family. Being a big and influencial family, they rejected the offer. The reason they gave was that they were not ready to lose their city. They knew having such a mighty office in their city would attract many people into their city and subsequently their influnce will wane.
same is true even for cities that are state capitals in nigeria. The indeginous people lose lands to the government and the city witness large influx of many nonindeginous people. Its a prize most big cities must pay.
In many generations to come, Abuja will witness such.
But the indiginous people remains the chief bride of custody.

People like u shud be d type commenting from d side of our counterpart! Not d ones dat bath in d morning, sag jeans with one earing and loiter d whole streets in d slums wia dey leave while typing and shouting war and genocide from deir cheap fone wia dey've lost touch wit reality!! U spoke well and very unbiased. Yorubas are at fault as well as igbos wen it comes to Lagos.

Ayomax:
he is on your 100 naira note!!!!!!! n his daughter is your country vice president wife (2nd lady) where is C. Odumegwu Ojukwu? a bastard from the Yoruba tribe (FFK) is fvkin Ojukwu wife.

Make shame kill u dia!!! U dey talk of #100 wen Zik dey for #500, Did u again say his daughter?!! Am not talking about daughter but Awo (frog) himself !! Bianca is an ambassador of Nigeria to spain!! B d way, iv neva heard of 2nd Lady in any coutry of d world, dey only know of First Lady

Nothing to say, absolutely nothing! !! Am just waiting to see how long d boastings will last, only den will I have sometin to say Depraved people!!!

Ayomax:
guess you suffer from memory lose, let me remind you how Awolowo (A great Yoruba man) finished you guys. Biafrans and kwashiorkor just like 5 n 6

Great coward who died like a vulture!!! Wia is he na if really he's great

Igbo amaka

FIngers Crossed

Neva been a fan of hers

dechandel:
I am very sure she must have seen/heard what i would have loved to write, a thousand times.. So i will just waka pass

Lolz

GboyegaD:
She is old enough to say she doesn't want to marry the groom anymore instead of creating unnecessary awareness for herself. She can get into one of the clothing stores to buy something as simple as a jean and a top.

I tire o! Rubbish

R dey talking about Allison abi Donald?

Typical example of we must stay married weda am performing my wifely roles or not!!! by d way if dey ask y she was sent packing, wot will she say?!

Dheartless:
we pray it shouldn't but with this such situation it might be hard to produce results with such kind of prayers.

did you see how many years this has continued??
8 freaking years.

did you see were it was stated that even the children was by force planted into this woman?

bro this is a case where that man has to pray and answer his prayers by himself by taking back his life using his own hands and brains or it's bound to go brutal in the end?

Pray and also answer d prayer? ?!

She must be circumcised or was a virgin.

50calibre:
Can you please shut up!! Your idiotic comments are beginning to irritate me.

Simpletons & pseudo feminists like you are quick to name drop Angela Merkel & Hilary Clinton (which by the way, is best known as a former First Lady), forgetting they actually earned/maintained their positions through diligence & uprightness.

Women in Nigerian politics, have proven themselves to be just as proficient (if not more) as men in the art of stealing. Most of them are actually worse than men because not only are they as inefficient as their male counterparts, they're also better thieves.

Being a woman is not an excuse to get anything you don't deserve, shove that anti-sexist propaganda up your as*s. Julia Gillard the former PM of Australia was a woman, when Australians got tired of her shi*tty government, they kicked her as*s to the curb and elected a man.

No matter how I try to doubt dis story sometin keep saying deres an atom of truth in it, has she been close to Atiku b4? We know Atiku has mouth in d Northern Oligarchy and no doubt Buhari must always confide in him and dey were seen togeda few day ago, so link d dots...................

See how he grabbed d bumbum d way Kanye grabs kim's

Plshavmercyamen:
YES I'm a proud Igbo man and no apologies. But, I think you misunderstood what I wrote there. What I meant is, Aisha should not allow her self to be treated to a lavish party were there are so many persons that the money for the party can CHANGE their lifes. She Should always think about the orphans and the disabled. Udo diri gi

Lol! ! I understand.

Go and die if u tink igbos shudnt make a demand!!!! In fact u can drown in ur bowl of cheap cereal!!!!

Lol!!! Jonah no punish wen im dey for seat na now wen him wan comot still ma man tho

MzNelly:
Why did you wait till after 4 years then?

Dats d question.

Was in ur shoe b4 n I took courage and dismissed him, infact he was loved by all in my family but wot abt me?! Pls dont marry outta pity and dont hurt him by marrying him, leave him. Am also sure it's cos of d 4 yrs dating, its not good sometimes to date dat long

Ok. Me I noticed dat one of my favourite tv show host on food network, Siba's table is pregnant with baby no. 2

Too early for famzing, y not wait till dey are sworn in at least?! She's really shameless

Plshavmercyamen:
Aisha should quickly set up a charity org and ask shagaya to transfer what ever amount she wants to "lavish" on the party to the org for the good of the orphans and widows. Udo diri unu

Lol! Igbo man!

Famzing everywia