Can you marry a lady or a guy who already has a kid?

You're single, never married. You've almost given up on falling in love. Out of the blues, you meet this great dude/babe. Everything checks out. He/she has everything u've ever wanted in a partner. There is great mutual affection (or it appears to be).

One day your partner told you that there is something you have to know. He/she has a kid. He/she loves the kid so much. If you want him/her, you have to also want the kid. You want this person. You're concerned about the kid. What will you do?

yes,it is no big deal

of course i will

probably not but i cannot tell

well,till then.but i think I will go ahead and marry him.

na na na na .....that means she is not a virgin ...uhhmmmm i say no

i will marry him if he is really a great person

Honestly, that will be the end. I've seen alot of such cases and at the end it isn't a fairytale as it appears to be at the begining. I kept myself so should my partner. 50-50   I'm not saying others are wrong by marrying a mom or dad.but i just don't like the idea.

i can. Very willingly

Why would the woman one day just say 'I have a secret, I have a child'

A child should not be a secret, as a single parent, the first thing I let anybody know is that I'm a mother first and foremost.

Of course she loves her kid, doesn't your family love you?

That's generally how it goes, if you meet someone with a kid, of course you have to love that child too or it ain't gonna happen.

Why are you concerned about the kid

It's 2005 and people still have a problem with this

I suppose I'm being bias as I'm in that boat, I started a topic similar to this before but not much response and now I know why.

As an example, two of my colleagues saw me reading this thread and they started a joke . One of them asked cynically "Are you now interested in single mothers?" The other came with a rejoinder, "Maybe he is getting desperate" So, Chocolatte, the above is the concern about the kid. The above was said in a light mood but that's what you'll have to contend with.

I was in a dating a great lady sometime this year. I thought I was in love. I was all mushy, mushy. One day she told me she had a son. The relationship was in its early stages. I initially thought I'll be able to handle it. As time went on, it became obvious that I couldn't handle it. The fact that she's "after one" was a big deal to me. I had to walk away from the relationship. Maybe I just wasn't in love or that there is just nothing like unconditional love.

In my own opinion, we can analyse this in two ways.... for the woman; a man with a child could easil be taken in their stride especially if the child in question is not living with him and his upkeep does not make a huge impact on him (Financially, emotional and time-wise).
For the Man; A lady with a child could be looked at in two main ways :- out-of-wedlock or in-wedlock. Most (Should I say immature) men find it difficult to tolerate the either case but would settle for the second faster than the first. (Correct me if an wrong).

For me it would make no difference if she has a child or not. The most important thing is our abillity to understand each other. But i must say she has to be outright with it. No need hiding it as if it is a crime. There is nothing wrong with it. Afterall it is an issue because she decided to keep it if she aborted it "I" might never know so why make a mountain out of a mole hill ??

No need to walk away .... it is an issue because she decided to keep the child ... (a commendable thing), you might never have know had she removed the child.

pluto04:

I was in a dating a great lady sometime this year. I thought I was in love. I was all mushy, mushy. One day she told me she had a son. The relationship was in its early stages. I initially thought I'll be able to handle it. As time went on, it became obvious that I couldn't handle it. The fact that she's "after one" was a big deal to me. I had to walk away from the relationship. Maybe I just wasn't in love or that there is just nothing like unconditional love.

Sinlge Parenthood's not a disease...Its become a way of life over here and its all about the person really

HEY ,IT'S NO BIG DEAL.

I will definitely love to go ahead with the marriage since we both love our selves.

If the person is a cerebrity...haha weather boy or girl..people go rush to him/her..

if the person is just ordinary normal person......people can still marry him/her ..especially the ladies..men may not find it easier marrying a girl out of a wedlock..

cool, no big deal, what matters is love

love indeed

If u love each utha u shld get along, just dat some ppl especially guys mite have a problem with the child/children

i sure would if i love him.

itz love that will answer the question
if one is in love with a single parent he/she
should go ahead and marry em

no i will not marry a single parent.

Ralex:

In my own opinion, we can analyse this in two ways.... for the woman; a man with a child could easil be taken in their stride especially if the child in question is not living with him and his upkeep does not make a huge impact on him (Financially, emotional and time-wise).
For the Man; A lady with a child could be looked at in two main ways :- out-of-wedlock or in-wedlock. Most (Should I say immature) men find it difficult to tolerate the either case but would settle for the second faster than the first. (Correct me if an wrong).

For me it would make no difference if she has a child or not. The most important thing is our abillity to understand each other. But i must say she has to be outright with it. No need hiding it as if it is a crime. There is nothing wrong with it. Afterall it is an issue because she decided to keep it if she aborted it "I" might never know so why make a mountain out of a mole hill ??

i love that bro. U just said it all

All well said so far but some of us haven't taken time to consider some things which are pertinent (important). Love isn't enough.

1st, if whoever has the child tells the other party early enough, it's now left for him or her to decide either to continue with the relationship or quit.

2nd, in deciding, it's just that simple because the child comes 1st in the life of his/her single parent especially if the single parent is a female simply because the child is her flesh and blood and would always come first.

3rd, the real decision comes in here. If I can love the child's mother (i.e the single parent) then I'll go ahead not forgetting that I have to love the child as much as I love the mother.
Now the question are - Can I truelly love two people equally? Won't jealousy find it's way into my life with time?

Answers to these questions, I think, would help in my final decision.

Thanks for your response everybody. @De-King jealousy was one of the issues in my case. The son always came first before me in everything. Funny enough, I became jealous and resentful. Another issue that was raised was be financially responsible for the upkeep of a son that wasn't bearing my name. I didn't find that comforting either. In dating alone, I find being asked to pay for his skool fees. Maybe I wouldn't have run so fast if the finances didn't come up. I was asked to love the boy like mine. is this sincerely possible?

No matter how much you love the person, you'ld always be reminded that you're involved in a love competition either directly or indirectly. So pluto04, you've seen my point that love isn't enough.

Asking you to pay for the child's school while dating the mother, I think, is ridiculous and a trial to see if you really would love the child as much as the mother.
the factt is that it is not that simple!

Honestly, her being having a kid won't nullify the love and affection I have for her.
More expecially, if I am convinced within me that she's my hidden rib, then nothing is stopping from making her happy all over again.
I will continue in the relationship and help her forget the past wound.

babagana:

cool, no big deal, what matters is love

Very true babagana,what matters is love true. but love does not lie or keep secrets. My husband married me even though i had a child. I told him from the very first day we met because i felt if he was interested in me he should know before hand. Infact when we were planning to get married and he couldnt tell his people I told his father myself just for their information  to know their take on the matter. They were nice about it and didnt really matter to them.
While dating i never expected my husband to finance anything that had to to with my son. Even when he offered,i refused. Except for things he got for him as a surprise which would have been unfair to say no. It is not rite to hide that kind of information till marriage comes up. I THINK 

The maturity of the woman matters a lot as well.... her ability to balance her love between Husband and child.

Most women give their love to their children and leave their husband out of the cycle prompting the phrase " My Child has taken my wife from me".

After spending her time protecting the child she would need to act maturedly to help the man love the child better by not focusing too much on the chld and allowing them integrate.