₦airaland Forum

joseph1832ng:
Ray, there ain't no defending what's wrong here. Rape is bad, just like it's bad if a girl use relationship as a means of milking a guy dry.

Remember that chronique guy who came here lamenting that a certain female nairlander ate his money, wasn't he insulted for being fool?

they aren't the same thing. They both are bad, but only one is a crime. If the girl didn't rob or defraud him, it's not the same thing.

Such exploitation by the girl is like a man having consensual sex with a woman while leading her on to believe he would marry her, when he has no such plan. It's wrong... But if it happens, would it be okay for her to maim him or even abduct and keep him hostage against his will?

They are different levels of wrongs. Even if they were even as bad as each other, two of them would never equal a right.

Bluehawk:
. you're the rapist.. rubbish ..i said it before.. if s girl doesnt want sex and the guy does.. quit the relationship.. if you choose to continue because of the cash he wastes on you and dont want to control your gold digging instincts get ready for a man that cannot control his urges

and if she doesn't quit the relationship, you'd proceed to rape her?

When guys stop acting like sex is the most important thing in the world, girls wouldn't style. When you are obsessed with something, you surrender psychological power to the one who can keep a calm head about it. That's how girls make guys magas. It's wrong of them to exploit guys that way, but the guys are also at fault.

You seem to forget that in this part of the world it's the guys who chase girls, and not the other way round. You chase... When the girl says no. You try to lure with money. When she eats the bait, you act like you had a sex for money agreement. It's nonsense.

Enuguboy4nsk:
focus on the argument and stop personal attacks on him if u got brains

yeah, defend your kind.

Bluehawk:
she was smart enough to enter his house alone..dats what she got for trying to make him an idiot..who's stupid now..mtseeew..

ok, confirmed... You are a rapist. I wonder how you enjoy the act with someone who detests you at that moment. Una get mental problem o.

If you don't stop raping girls just because they are trusting enough to enter your room alone, you'd someday land in jail or be given a generous dose of jungle justice.

I hope it's the latter.

Bluehawk:
when a guy spends on a girl he's wooing..there's a silent agreement that exists especially when the receiving partner starts demanding like the money is also hers..they're already acting husband and wife..so what is she being stingy for?..mind you..some girls have this unimplied goal of seeing who can attract more magas. just to stroke their ego..d guy probably saw what she took him as and decided to take his money in kind..she deserved it..ladies..don't touch what you can't grab if you don't want sex out of a relationship and he does..end d relationship..

this is nonsense. The law doesn't recognize silent agreements. It's either you put down a written agreement that sex is your payment, or you count your losses and move ahead (she was smarter than him).

I wonder why you are trying to rationalize rape. Are you a rapist?

IamEntropy:
Actually Crime [Rape] and Animal instinct [the lion's habitat example] are two different things
While one is a conscious decision taken by a homo sapiens with complex brain the other is an instinctual decision taken by an animal with lesser brains. A lion is not wrong if he rips you apart for trespassing into his habitat (it has every reason to) but a man who forcefully penetrate a girl (even after crying and begging) is a monster deserving the death penalty.

mr Instinct, why are such animals with lesser brains taken down when it happens?

I'm not arguing the punishment for rape. Whatever it is, it would be very much deserved. You choose to focus on the penalty, I choose to focus on prevention. Even the death penalty cannot 'unrape' the victim.

I'm saying if you can avoid being a victim, avoid it. A lady shouldn't put herself in a situation where she becomes helpless. It's the course of wisdom. One can avoid being a rape victim.

Guardiola please thrash Mourinho again. Would totally make my day

Sometimes you people talk of right and wrong as if everyone is morally upright. Everyone knows rape is wrong, so what next? For the foreseeable future, there would always be criminals - robbers, rapists, murderers. That's why there are laws.

However the threat of punishment doesn't prevent crime, but sometimes we can avoid being victims. When one goes into a lion's habitat in a wildlife reserve (whether by mistake or on purpose) and gets mauled to death, the offending man-eater is usually put down. An animal isn't supposed to kill a human, but it happens anyway. There's no justification, but the person could have been less dead if he had been careful.

Is there justification for rape? No. Can it be avoided, yes.

Know who you know taking money and gifts from, cos at times it's like walking into dangerous waters. The truth hurts, but if you can avoid something and you choose not to because you are greedy... You had it coming. The rapist might get punished, but you'd live with the experience.

Toks2008:
I never said I don't believe in love.

I believe in self centered love, conditional love and that to me is fair enough.

I marry you for a reason and you do same..we keep those reasons alive we remain together and if I bleep up you either forgive me, tolerate or leave and vis-a-vis. That's how the cookie crumbles.

never said that you said you don't believe in love either.

You asked if we believe in love and I concluded by saying I do believe in love. It's not always about you.

Love is not necessarily self-centered just because it is conditional.

Lol. A backward Africa thinks the direct answer to every strange phenomenon is either God or the Devil. I wish you guys knew how abundant spiders are on earth. There's nothing spiritual about cobwebs.

Spiders use the wind, and their webs can at times stretch several feet from one end to another, across open space. You guys should watch animal documentaries more often.

Toks2008:
Can you love without a reason and unconditionally? What is the true definition of love?

I strongly believe that real and unconditional love only exist from God to man but anyone who believes in human love is a big dummy.

I like your train of thoughts... However it's still rigged with hiccups which I find odd coming from someone supposedly objective.

First you assume that love is meant to be unconditional. I wonder why you think so. Where have you seen unconditional love in the universe? Nobody loves unconditionally. Even God doesn't love unconditionally.

Then because you rightly observed that human love cannot be unconditional, you proceed to call it a selfish scam. That's also an odd conclusion, seeing that people make sacrifices for others everyday, at times even at the risk of major discomfort or even the possibility of death. Self-sacrifice is what marks love for others as true or selfless, not the presence of conditions.

What I think is, your assumption that every condition is selfish is the reason you believe love is supposed to be unconditional, and your belief in the latter is why you believe love doesn't exist between humans.

So, yes... I believe in love; even romantic love between a man and a woman. It is very much conditional but it can be selfless and enduring. Depends on alot of things.

montezz:
Yes! There was this guy I loved so much that even till now I can't say this is why I love him. He wasn't worth it but I truly loved him without reason. I believe in love (because what I do for someone, it's not for him /her but for me).But few people find those commitments useless.Finding love is not that easy, but giving love is under your control so u can give it to others.

the fact that you don't know why you love someone does not mean it's without reason. Gravity existed even before man understood why he kept getting pulled back to the earth when he jumps.

Movingcoil:
In military, you must do what you don't like, it depends what?

like the story on this thread. You're asked to teach a 'bloody civilian' a lesson for supposedly being a cultist and trying to kill mr President, but you know it's not true.

Let's look at the brighter side... At least the rat may have drowned

She praises him on Facebook. Seriously?

Movingcoil:
Military has codes and a trained officer can't order you to do such, forget all these rag tags with low self esteem that is littered everywhere as rri that feels the uniform is an object of authority over people's life.
Go to nda kadunna and see soldiers and you will hate being a civilian. Serious soldiers are either in sambisa or niger delta or in his office giving reasonable commands.

well... I haven't met those ones you are talking about. Over 90% of the soldiers I've met like to treat civilians like animals and they have shaped my mindset of the military. Even when they aren't beating people up or punishing them, there's still this condescending air of superiority about them. I don't think there's anyone in the military that didn't get some training.

Let's go hypothetical. What if you are in the military, and a higher ranking officer orders you to do something you don't like?

Movingcoil:
This is one of the things I intend stopping when I join the military.
Happy to try out ssc 44
Happy I saw capt. Abdullahi and Abdul, those are Soldiers not lieut. J. Abel.

oga no think am o. You have to get to the very top before you can change anything in the military. If your superior order you to beat nonsense out of a civilian, shey you go disobey?

DanielTheGeek:
Lol, see your mouth.. Imagine 1,000 people passing the test... such a thing ought to be done with backing/sponsorship

brush your ideas till it sparkles and you'd be surprised how many persons would be willing to sponsor. I still be rookie sha, but I'd help any way I can. Naija has too much human resources to not be among the tech powerhouses of the future.

I read about the maiden edition VR Hackathon by Imisi 3D and I've been tingly all over. There's hope for Nigeria...

DanielTheGeek:
Andela has over 200 world-class developers... Combining Andela, Aptech, Cc-Hub, I-Hub, Devs at Hotels.ng, Jumia, Konga, WakaNow, Gamsole e.t.c.. We should be able to arrive at over 2,500 developers either working for those companies in Lagos or freelancing. I don't even need world-class developers stat (Should have said this earlier).. Just need a stat of developers that can pass a basic test in their respective fields.

Alright. I did begin with my estimate though. You chose to focus on the sub 5,000 world-class developers estimate.

Your idea is a nice one. Abeg double the encouragement. Extra 10k no go bad for this economy

DanielTheGeek:
Hmm, this a very questionable stat... I appreciate your input but I think there are up to/more than 2,500 developers in Lagos alone.

all world-class? That's what I mean by pros (professionals). Those ones are few.

If there are 180 million Nigerians, 0.0001% is 18,000 and 0.0005% is 90,000. That's my total range estimate. We have more bark than bite Nigerian developers.

You need better data sources though.

Looks like somewhere between 0.0001% and 0.0005%. Mostly beginners like me and intermediates. The pros... I dunno if they are up to 5,000 in the whole Nigeria.

HackerRank? Not everyone is on HackerRank na. They can't say for sure that their data accurately represents the programming world.

Anyway, I believe Nigeria would someday be number 1 in Africa and top 10 in the world. We just need to get our youth to stop the useless tribal wars on the Internet and get productive.

PS: when I joined HackerRank, they set my country to South Africa by default. Had to change it myself to Nigeria.

Op, what makes you think being in charge or dominating is the same as treating your partner badly?

I agree that many ladies like a bit of domination in their man but it doesn't make them mindless creatures to be controlled with a leash. Some have minds of their own.

People like you would avoid women who know how to be their own boss and call them names. You know why? Your only claim to leadership is in your gender. It's a weak claim.

An alpha male is not defined by the ability to boss a woman around. The alpha male is the one who can be the boss around his fellow men. That's how to take charge, be the leader of your pack and the females would naturally submit.

Oliviaarims:
They won't tell you the truth. Yes, the money may bring the women, but it doesn't exactly buy fulfilment...contentment, love ,happiness and loyalty from these women. Only they know the things they go through. They know their regrets, but won't tell the world. What logical explanation can one give for spouses who start cheating a few months or years after getting married? And some of them, especially the men cheat until they get into their graves.

well, before a man can expect loyalty from a woman, he has to get her first abi? The thing is, money or a lack of it is a major player in getting her at all. This is reality... Only a few women aren't easily lured by the good things of life that money can buy.

Money is the easy route. It's results may not last or be satisfying, but it does get the job done to an extent. The other route yeilds better results when successful but is also more tasking with lower success rates.

I don't think everyone wants the exact same things out of marriage.

Xiadnat:
Well said olivia.

They rather chase the boobs, the ass, the ditzy, fake hair, nails, eyelash and painted on face.

They think money gets and keep those women.

My brother in law, God bless, is still "hustling" for his dreams tho with three kids but luckily for him, my sister makes enough to support and contribute in the mean time.

So yea, finding the right woman is the key but many of then wont listen.

Apparently, money buys them pride, respect and dignity.

don't blame us for coming to that conclusion. Some ladies would kiss frogs if they think the frogs are rich.

So yes, money gets the majority of women. If one keeps getting richer by the day, it would likely keep his woman too.

joseph1832:
Yes you can get married and build on what you have. The question now remain, how many women of today will want to build on a marriage where the husband isn't raking in good sums up money?

I guess you OP should have actually hit the nail on the head and state exactly what he meant by "financially buoyant".

em... I think we should leave that question for the ladies to answer.

I think the majority of women want a ready-made marriage, but I know exceptions. It's one of the reasons I agree with the op. The woman a man carries into marriage is more important than the wads of cash he brings into it (not that money isn't important). A woman can help a millionaire become a pauper, and a woman can also help a pauper become a millionaire.

Well, I was going to object to his use of financially buoyant, but then he explained what he meant (making millions). While being buoyant starts from being comfortable or staying afloat, that's just the lower limit. The wood that doesn't sink is buoyant, and so is the balloon that is light enough to float not just on water but also in air.

Chrisrare:
Exactly my thought. The op is obviously deluded. U have to be financially and mentally ready b4 going into marriage, otherwise there will be consequence. Imagine watching ur wife and children starve cos u aren't financially ready for marriage.

the op didn't say you should get married without having money. He's only saying you don't have to be very rich to get married. You CAN (not must) get married and build on what you already have with your wife. How's that delusional?

Romantic love you mean? There's more to love than Cupid's arrow.

Neither. They are both average.

Rejected you? Were you asking her to marry you or asking her to date you? What's the guarantee you'd have married her if she hadn't turned you down? Abeg free matter jare, and respect the choice of others.

Guys sha, why make a lady an enemy for rejecting you? Why bring marriage into the pic when more than 90% of relationships aren't started with marriage in mind?

Marriage isn't the sole purpose of a woman's existence. It's bad enough to marry for the sake of marrying, but it's even worse when the husband has a mentality like yours that he's doing a lady a huge favour marrying her.