₦airaland Forum

optional1:
yes I filled it.

better change your password. Just confirmed it's a hacker.

optional1:
also witness this three times now.

did you fill it?

Em sorry I had to post this here... Seun isn't this an attempt at phishing by hackers? Keeps popping up on operamini when I want to comment. Started this night (I think) and I just switched browser to post this. Looks very suspicious so I didn't use it.

What's happening to Nairaland?

DarkRebel101:
But singles don't bear the weights of the responsibilities which marriage ushers into a person's life. Of course many singles have jobs, but they don't carry the burden of having to balance work with family -- both nuclear and extended.

Marriage is more secure, more serious, more permanent -- but premarital relationships are more likely than not to be built on wobbly foundations, that and the possibility of a break-up circling the space above many premarital relationships like a roving buzzard.

So yeah, premarital relationships and marriages are apples and oranges.



Touché. Modesty is the mother of virtues.

hmmm... That's quite a conclusion to reach, that part about singles not bearing much responsibilities. Some singles carry staggering responsibilities.

Before marriage, one still has a family, nuclear and extended. Some become part-time or even full time breadwinners, due to circumstances. For some the challenge it's balancing demanding jobs with providing care for aged parents or terminally ill relatives.

I agree that marriage is in a league of its own, but it's not as if every single person has all the time in the world to choke his partner with attention. If we aren't seeing very often in the first place, why try to add even more distance?

The part about marriages being more serious and secure makes sense. The more committed a relationship is, the less the need to disappear into thin air to spice it up again.

DarkRebel101:
I appreciate your input. You're right about my zeroing focus on only premarital relationships. This is so because I have first-hand experiences in that regard. I can't say this applies in marriages as well because I have no experience whatsoever in that station.

But I don't think a little distance in marriages is far-fetched. Couples do it all the time, howbeit they take a more subtle and modest approach.

Sometimes they don't even need to create distance as circumstances create the distance for them. Circumstances like work, children, etc.

I think it's very much the same for singles in relationships. Work doesn't start at marriage; add that to the physical absence most of the time.

On the whole I get your point though. Moderation is key, even in showering our partners with attention. Just wondered how practical it would be in marriage.

Mindfulness:
There is a need to bring the topic up because many people have been suffocated by clingy partners.

many... Not everyone. I only objected to the one-size-fit all approach the opening post took.

The suffocation is caused by personality differences. What is too much space for one isn't enough space for the other.

Mindfulness:
When the two have a job and other obligations (children, aging parents, etc.), they will not see each other for more than a few hours every day and sometimes even less.

then there is no need bringing up the distance issue in premarital relationships. With the exception of live-in lovers, people dating see each other less often than married couples living together.

Well-said op. A little distance CAN be a spice in thereabout any human relationship.

However, I agree with the lady that said that it depends on individual. Nearly every "rule" on relationships falls flat on its face if difference in personality is disregarded. You'd need to understand yourself, and work towards understanding your partner.

Some like to have their me-time regularly, and cannot bear the thought of being stuck with someone 24/7. For these, they need lots of space from time to time.

Some others get their energy from being around others as often as possible. In a romantic or marital relationship, these latter ones would feel abandoned when there isn't constant presence or feedback. For these, the few hours spent away from each other each day is enough.

Yeah, I'd like to call that distance 'space'. I think it's more fitting in the long run, as your write-up focuses on premarital relationships. What happens when they are married and now live together? Would married mates have to take weekly trips separate from each other to keep the fire burning?

In the end, whether or not distance makes the heart fonder depends on what you do when you are together. If it's the same boring monotony, even distance can't help that relationship. They would simply drift apart.

DonOms:
Hey... I knew your moniker was familiar when I saw it but I assumed I may have come across it briefly in a post long ago. But I was so certain it was more than that so I thought hard and figured it out: Nairaland Poet Competition Season 2 (2013). We were both contestants . I hope you still write 'cos I can't exactly say same for myself.

ha! You remembered? Your brain sharp o. Talk about elephant memory

Just seeing this mention. Been offline for sometime. I rarely write anymore, make I no lie. So much to do, so little time.

Depends on how you do it. Correction doesn't always mean open rebuke, as some people assume. You can whisper a correction, or quietly show her a better way to do something without any one else noticing. Depending on how close you are, you can even communicate with facial expressions. If you are outside, that makes it in public.

Whatever you do though, never embarrass your partner publicly. It would eat away at her self-esteem if it doesn't ruin your relationship first.

Some people use it as a form of control over their partner. Make her feel worthless and she'd be grateful to you for remaining with her. It's mean.

No. Makes no sense. Nature drew a line, let's not pretend that line doesn't exist. Just teach them that their gender isn't an automatic ticket to anything.

ModestGal:
bt seriously, i tot this group is meant for introverts alone?nd it says extrovert,keep off,sinc u ae an extrovert nw, i think u shld keep off too.I lov who i am, i hv always being this way,mixing wit ppl gives me headache,nd i dnt like it at all.nd I dnt rily understand your advice.

hehehe... This lady harsh o.

aaronson:
For those who wouldn't give her a lift, THINK!

If she couldn't cause you harm when approaching her, how then would she cause you harm after helping her?

It's unusual jare. Stop acting like you don't live in this same crazy world. If it's not a dream, it could easily be a setup, with gangsters hiding in the shadows.

youngfocus:
yeap It a bad tin,am once like u I stay Indoor,am d shy type cos for me to greet it a big deal,I will rather pass were ppl will nt c me,I dnt knw hw to start conversation dan my life is so miserable, to d glory of God I work on my self I started building my confident jst by say hi I Neva wait to hear their reply bt my own is just to build my confident,I start try to come out in d church to gv testimony though Dan I will be sheaving why my voice will b shake as if all d ppl in d church wanted to bite me,Idnt miss any Sunday wit out giving testimony nt DAT am gud talker BT I wnt to brake d bond holding me down,BT c me nw I can talk anywere witout shaking my dear it gud to socialise u will b happy wit ur self y ppl will b happy wit u too I Neva miss anytin wat I only miss is all d opportunity I miss been introvert, I could remember Dan wen I was in jss1 I surpport to b d class captain cos am very brilliant, BT am unable cos I dnt relate wit ppl I leave 70% of my life only no friend notin,my advise is u are totally leaving in another word even in dsame word cos am been there b4 com to other side of d word socialise make good friend be happy wit urself,love good part of urself ,be happy wit wat u are doing,cr8t good sense of humour,u will c life is more Dan staying indoor shalom

What you described sounds like social anxiety disorder not introversion. I hope you know that there are shy extroverts. They badly want to be with people, and want to socialize, but are afraid they would mess it up or be rejected. The result is total dissatisfaction with their lives.

Introversion is not a lack of confidence. Shyness is. Many times they overlap but aren't the same thing.

I'm introverted, but a better public speaker than most extroverts I know.

torqque7:
Lol conflicting emotions arent felt on a regular basis now,mostly with monthly period right?for real..let's be logical here,the young lady said she loves him and wants to spend the rest of her life with him,is she planning to do that in her mind and head alone?(Side effects of too much fairy tales and telemundo). Wats her reason for not meeting up?except she is not wat she painted herself to be to him that's why she would be scared to meet up.

Time waits for no one,some girls dn't know this fact yet,he will not stick around forever until it's 110% convenient for her to meet him,one person cannot call all the shots in a relationship.

I dunno how often ladies feel conflicting emotions, but I know they are generally more sensitive than guys. So emotion affect them differently.

Yeah, it's awkward to imagine it's love that would last a lifetime, and still be skeptical about meeting up. It might be insecurity, but even if it is, it's about the smartest part of the story. Never mind what her heart is telling her about love and a lifetime, her brain knows the guy is a stranger.

Ginaz, this is the thread. Try to read through as many pages as you can.

Smh... Most of these persons commenting do not even understand what introversion means.

Ginaz you aren't TOO introverted, you are too reserved. I could explain the difference if you want. You can't change your introversion, but how reserved you are depends on you. You don't think anyone could understand you because you don't give them a chance to.

Never mind the suggestions to go to parties or clubs. If you force it, you'd get drained faster than you can make a new friend there.

Introvert or extrovert, we all have a social need, just that introversion makes one alot more selective. There's a thread for introverts somewhere. You'd be surprised how many persons are like you in many ways. I'd mention you there.

torqque7:
Females =Confusion..smh

lol. I bet you'd be confused too if you felt so many conflicting emotions at the same time.

Don't shake your head, guide the ones who need guidance and are not ashamed to admit it.

Hadez:
Is it a sin to love someone you haven't seen?

what makes you think you love him?

Love? Really? You want to spend the rest of your life with someone you've never met? Lol

ramdris:
Av seen some already...

which ones?

Nice list. Humans are still worse though. Waaaaaay worse.

Towncrier007:
Her name is irene.ony she's one hell of a beauty, she got it all. Baby can I be your lover even for a second?

ok. Why is the left side of her face heavier than the right though?

Op, I dunno what Arab spring is either. No one knows everything. The only thing I know about this issue is that no friend of mine can call my babe 'mumu' to my face, without starting world war 3. If you insult my choice, you insult the brain that made it.

Why jail the other man? Did he force the lecturer's wife? He should gather the broken pieces of his shattered ego and let go. She's gone, she's gone.

He should do a paternity test though. It's very possible the son he thinks is his is even the product of an away match. You only just got to find out because she let you. Women are by far the better cheats, they get caught less often.

See her giving reasons. When a woman is the guilty party, there is always a valid reason for adultery. Either the man cheated before or he doesn't take care of her.

phemocheee:
The gate and walls of your compound did not stop the spirit, the door to your living room did not stop the spirit, even the door to your Dad's room did not prevent the spirit from entering. So it took an ordinary flexible mosquito net to stop him? . Op, kontinu.

Still wondering why a spirit will want to lift a net when he didn't need a bulldozer to get in at first.

Anyways, may your Dad never see evil, touch evil or hear evil (AMEN).

lolz. You have a keen mind.

Slaveman343:
Dont mind all these small small boys. Go to facebook and see how they are liking breast and nyash up and down.

Hypocrites.

oh and the op is a guy, very obvious.

And op, your shit is fvcking stale, get on being creative.

As in eh... After chasing like their lives depend on it, they'd come to NL to bash their rejection away.

Yeah, he is, but I was hoping he'd play the game to the end as the female he's pretending to be.

MiraMatics:
It's part of my field of study.

and they taught you there that there's a tag on the forehead of every 'real guy' and that they all want the same thing?

MiraMatics:
I don't do lesbianism.

if you are female, what makes you think you are in a position to define what guys want?