₦airaland Forum

My mindset change” — Nigerian man reveals why he married his wife instead of the woman he loved most

“My mindset change” — Nigerian man reveals why he married his wife instead of the woman he loved most
A man has sparked conversation online after sharing the unexpected reason he chose to marry his wife instead of another woman he said he loved deeply while they were dating.

The man explained that during the early stages of his relationship journey, he was involved with three different women at the same time.

According to him, the woman who eventually became his wife was not his preferred choice at the time.

His account has since attracted reactions from social media users, with many discussing the role of support, loyalty and compatibility in relationships.

A difficult period
While recounting his experience, the man revealed that his wife ranked lowest among the three women he was dating.

“When I was dating this my wife, there were two other girls I was also dating at the same time. Amongst three of them, my wife was the least. I didn’t even care about my wife at all, it was one of the other two girls that I loved so much. So one day i had a very serious problem and asked this girl for 5k. This girl para for me say na taboo for a woman to give a man money.”

The decision that changed everything
The man went on to explain how the other women responded when he reached out for help.

“The second girl as I call her she no even allow me talk before she cut the phone. So I con call this smally here, she con give me 10k. My mindset change.”

Reflecting on the experience, he shared his views on what many men value in long-term relationships.

“All these girls, if the only thing you can offer a man is your body, they’ll sleep with you until you reach 40 years and they no go marry you.”

The man’s story has generated mixed reactions online. While some social media users agreed that support during difficult times can influence relationship decisions, others argued that marriage choices should be based on a wider range of factors beyond a single experience.

Someone should please post the top 24 countries with highest increasing population. Let's check something.

fyzaila:
Why are they making it look like a religion war? Those killed in the mosques severally are they Christian too? It's hightime we remove that sentiment of Christian genocide and face reality.
Those terrorist are killing any Nigerian that comes their way.

Those that are killing others, are they christians or Islamic?

Sel, when I got married, life was beautiful and full of love. But as time went on, my husband’s business began to struggle, and we started receiving support from my rich family. Instead of standing by him, I became rude, proud, and disrespectful. I spoke to him harshly, compared him to other men, and even questioned how he was raised. Though he worked very hard for us, I failed to appreciate his efforts and often looked down on him.

Sel, because of my behavior, peace left our home. My husband became quiet, distant, and no longer came close to me as he used to. I felt lonely, unhappy, and emotionally broken. I began to suspect that he was cheating on me or no longer loved me. Instead of looking at my own actions, I blamed him for everything that was going wrong in our marriage.

Sel, during that period, I spent much time praying and seeking help from many online prayer groups from different places, from Ghana to Nigeria. I joined prophetic programs, prayed in tongues, paid my tithes, and hoped for a miracle. Yet nothing changed in my marriage. The more I prayed, the more frustrated I became because the love and happiness I wanted did not return.

Sel, one day, during a prophetic program, the prophet called me out. I was excited because I thought he would encourage me and tell me God would change my husband. Instead, he told me that I was the main problem in the marriage. He said my husband was not cheating, but my insults, harsh words, and disrespect had wounded him deeply. He advised me to apologize, humble myself, and begin to respect my husband again and thing a would change.

Sel, I went home sad, but I accepted the truth and followed the advice. I apologized to my husband and began to change my attitude. With time, I started seeing positive changes, and our marriage became peaceful again. Today, I have learned that many problems in relationships come from our own behavior especially women. Prayer is important, but good character, respect, and wisdom are also necessary.

Sel, I want to advise my fellow women in marriage and relationships, to learn that love grows where there is kindness, humility, and understanding of their husbands because God created them to be heads of women and the family. I can talk on personal authority that, about 80% of the ladies on all online prayers are looking for marriage and relationships or solutions to similar marital problems, like mine.

Sel, however, just like my situation and from my experience, I can also say that the solution to these problems, has to do with our attitudes and behaviours as women. I am not saying men are innocent but I am a lady, so I am dealing with ladies. So if you read my story today and going through issues like mine, don't go places looking for solution like me, because I am bringing you the simple solution here. If you implement this as a lady, it will help you just as it helped me.

Anonymous Lady

Source: The Selshow On Facebook.com

AllBlack:
you just want us to know your name is SEL

Not really. Check Facebook,there is a page or whatever it's called Selshow. People send in their challenges and comments are sent in.

Sel, if you had asked me two years ago what kind of woman I was, I would have said I was peaceful, happy, and blessed with a supportive husband, even though he was not rich. My husband, Mark, truly loved me and did everything within his small means to make me comfortable. I loved him because I saw his potential, his determination, and his strong character. Even though I came from a wealthy family and he came from a poor background, we connected deeply from the very first day we met at a church program.

Sel, our marriage started well, and Mark remained hardworking, loving, and very responsible. However, my problems began when I started watching videos on social media about women empowerment. Some these videos kept preaching how women should never settle for poor men and should always aim higher. At that time, I was supporting more financially in the marriage, so I began comparing my husband to wealthy men. Slowly, I allowed these ideas to change me, and I began complaining and disrespecting.

Sel, things got worse when I connected personally with some of these ladies on social media. They spoke about leaving their marriages and how free and peaceful they felt afterward. Their stories influenced me so much that I started seeing my own husband as a burden. I became irritated by even the sound of his voice. Eventually, I convinced myself that I deserved better, and I made the painful decision to divorce Mark.

Sel, after the divorce, I got involved with a man who was doing very well in business. At first, I felt excited and proud, but that happiness did not last long. He treated me like a servant, ordering me around with no respect or care. That was when clarity hit me. I realized I had wasted two precious years chasing illusions from social media. I finally understood that not everything online is real, and that I had allowed myself to be misled.

Sel, now, I want to find Mark and apologize to him from the bottom of my heart. His phone numbers are not going through, and because of how badly things ended, I am even shy to visit his family to ask about him. My hope is that, if he sees this story, he will understand and allow us to talk. Mark, wherever you are, this is Linda. Please reach out to the SelShow team if you come across this message, because even your friends are not answering my calls. Let's appreciate the little things in our relationships and deal with them because where you are looking, is even more hot than yours.

Anonymous Lady

Source:Facebook.com(Selshow)

lumiaro:
Honestly, employers should focus more on what a person can do rather than just appearance. First impressions matter, but skills and attitude should count more in the long run.

Just employ her. Matter close.

I'm having the feeling that APC is afraid of ADC. You took over from PDP as the ruling party. Do you believe that one day, another party wouldn't take over from you? It's only a matter of time. Come to think about it, what really last forever?

richiemcgold:

10 African countries are going to the world cup. A whopping 10 countries! 👉 Senegal, Morocco, Algeria, Tunisia, Egypt, Ivory Coast, Ghana, Cape Verde, South Africa, and DR Congo.

.. unfortunately, 🇳🇬 Nigeria won't be there.
WTF? 🤥
SMH 🤦🏾‍♂️

I'm just wondering guys, like how many African countries out of the 10 of them will qualify for the next round! Almost 20% of the world cup bound teams are African.

Why is the British not granting Visas to our students but their school wants to establish in Nigeria and collect money. I support ASSU on this.

To be honest, I don't like this lady. If Nigeria problems of corruption and leadership is even solved, she should avoid us.

The various FAs of the various African countries should in the next CAF election remove the present officials.

aariwa:
What has the Forbes ranking done for her community ? Last week emoney completed completed a 10 kilometer road for his community joining hundreds of others doing for their communities what the failed government couldn’t do…no be by mouth or forb listing but by making your community a better place and increasing opportunities for others . Last year alone mighty mighty umuchu built and donated more than 100 bungalows to people in his community, Bishop ozubulu is tarring roads the whole of his community like crazy with street lights, instigator PH built 10 kilometers road and donated to his community, Clann Chief Vintage Nwaogugu donated more than 400 pieces of keke and many grinding machines to women to empower his community in Mbaise , Go abiriba, mbaise Wawa land and other communities, the story is the same and none of them is on foops magazine and countless other silent community developers doing their job in silence without any noise

Some people were accusing a woman of adultery, but Jesus said he that had no sin should stone her. But the accusers were all guilty why judging the woman.

Before your critism, can you please tell us what and how you helped with the resources you in your possession. After that before you can start criticizing others.

Osiris12:
As dem don plenty. Shey dem no go Dey collide like dis.
Make person no sleep for inside house one day and satellite go come crashing down

Hahaha. I beg o, leave me jare

lightwind:
I am suspecting that this IDF guys have direct Intels about the locations and movements of all this Iranian military commanders.

Cos how can they be striking them just when they are always together in a meeting or something 🤔

I am suspecting that Iranian President might be working for IDF or Israeli intelligence agencies.

Someone from Iran says, the Iranian citizens are the people licking information to IDF and Mossads of Israel about their locations and gatherings.
I don't know how true is that.

And how come Iranian Airspaces just de open like that 🤔
$

As you asked me, who I won ask?

Sex is an important element in marriage and until there is sexual intercourse between a husband and a wife, the marriage is not yet spiritually recognized. This shows how important sex is in marriage...✍🏽

When you look at how aggressive men are towards sex you may think that what a man needs from a woman is sex. Of course, if he has not married you yet or he does not really intend to marry you what he will need from you is nothing above your body. But if he really intends to marry you or if you guys are already married sex is never what he needs from you - maybe let me say it better; "WHAT A MAN NEEDS MOST FROM A WOMAN IS NOT SEX."
Many young girls think because they are sexually active and experience they will easily be married and have their husbands loving them. And when a man approaches for marriage they think the greatest asset they have to show the man is sex. Others also think once they are giving out their bodies it means they are giving out the best for which reason they will be chosen above all.

There is this young girl who is very beautiful and sexually active. Due to that she thought sex is all that matters to a man. Ironically, she struggled for long before finally getting married. Her sexual dexterity could not win her the heart of a man until out of the blue and reason beyond imagination a very handsome good man married her. The wedding was grand and her tears were now gone. Unfortunately only a year after the wedding the marriage fell on rocks. Within five years three different men came her way but none could stay.
The problem was simple. She thought sex was all that matters so she would never submit. But submission is what men need, not sex. It is time for our young ladies to know that when a man is ready to marry he will not look out for a woman who will satisfy his sex drive but a woman who will submit herself to him. Excuse my language, "every woman has vagina but not every woman has humility." So when you are a humble woman, you are an expensive jewelry. And a man of integrity will fear to lose you.

What does the holy say, "wife, submit to your husband." The reason is that a man's true love goes out only for a woman who is submissive. Your beauty cannot make another woman ugly but your humility can let him love you above all other women.
Sadly, many young ladies in our days call submission as "control." And you will hear them saying in tiny romantic voices, "As for me I don't want any man to control me oh." If you don't want to submit don't think of marriage because no man in his right sense will offer his love to a woman whose heart is higher than his height, no matter how short he may be.
When a woman bows her knee before a man, the man will automatically bow his heart before her love. And love her sincerely. There are, of course, recalcitrant men who will not value women of humility but I tell you that every true man does not need sex, but submission. It is submission that truly makes you a romantic wife. So be the QUEEN you want to be but when it comes to dealing with your husband, play the role of a humble maid. Don't forget that it is the spirit of humility that has caused many maids to hijack their mistresses' husbands. Be your man's queen and also be his maid.

I wish you all the best as you submit in your relationship and marriage. May God bless you with good marriage, my dear friends...✍

Source: Facebook

If Netanyahu is not dead, how many other News from Iran is fake?

Fountainofyouth:
Morality police that cannot advocate for death sentence for corrupt men, yahoo, kidnapping, rituals, fraud, boko haram, terrorism, rapists, and all evil vices dominated by 99.999999% men, it is to be policing what women wear, iranu oshi

Mind the business that pays you and face front.

Will you allow your maid serve your husband his meal, dressed indecently?

Up

MasterShifu010:
Like in our apartments , one of the guys can cook and invite other guys to come and eat , we the guys are all cool , the girls decided to join our circle , so they also came along to eat when the guys cook , but the girls will never cook so that the guys can come and eat , we the guys dismissed it since it’s just food , but there’s a level people will do things you’ll just have to put them in their place , so we the guys decided to cook and eat individually without going to anybodies house to eat , make everybody answer their father name .

I beg, finish your story. How the girls reacted.

Was it a business meeting or dating?
Some women shall. Shame no even de catch her. Na many people don see her.

Well, it's really cool. Knowledge shall increase according to the Bible. The only thing in this world is change. May this change add positively to all of our lives.

Israel is truly smart. This Islamic regime should surrender. There are Iranians who don't want them. I think fear of their safety is causing many of the Iranians from resisting openly.

Mine is not on the list. Yahoo Yahoo go find something legit and worthwhile to do

You are beautiful but look at what you did. Unless you weren't the one who did it. If na you why? Please don't waste your beauty by going the wrong way. Choose the right Way today.

Eniitankorede:
They are richer than Nigeria. Despite 47 years of US sanctions. Without sanctions, even US cannot develop like them.

Nawa o, for crocro day light like this, you can lie. Haba. Wetin Musa no go see for gate.

Why do they want to push someone to his death!

This is good news. Others that have the capital and where wither should take cue from Dangote. Imagine Nigeria has 20 Dangote where the country will be among the comity of nations.

I think reduction in price of food will help against inflation.

I expected my country, Nigeria to be there, lo and behold, I wasn't disappointed.

Why didn't he save and invest when he had a windfall?

Why this woman wa come destroy her marriage? The husband no de spend time with her or she is sexually starved? O.P how was the end of the matter?

Reading through, I was really stunned and surprised. Hmm. OP, you get luck. Only you for use your own hands spoil something beautiful.