₦airaland Forum

Little Johnny at age 25

Johnny wanted to screw a girl in his office, but she belonged to someone else,


One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said I'll give you a $1000 dollars if you let me screw you, but the girl said NO.

Johnny said I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, I'll be finished by the time you pick it up. She thought for a
moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend, so she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says ask him
for $2000 dollars, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down.

So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally after 45 mins
the boyfriend calls and asks what happened,

She said "The bastard used coins"

Management lesson: Always consider a business proposal in it's entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed.

Pain Transfer
>
>A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.
>Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that
>would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's
>father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both
>very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for
>starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the
>father had ever experienced before.
>
>However, as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the
>doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the
>machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The
>doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well
>he was doing.
>
>At this point, they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to
>feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the
>wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the
>pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain.
>She and her husband were ecstatic.
>
>When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.

O4real, keeping it real, last time I check you was at spikelord D**k handling business like your freaking life depend on it, I wonder how you got that tight ass shirt on like you a fruit salad. you better check yourself before you wreck yourself Nigger. damn felis catus eater. skunk smelling bastard

Lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table.
He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen.

The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with big feet are well endowed.

The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady.
Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?"

The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him.

The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.

Blushing, he said, "Well, thanks, ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before."

"Don't be flattered, take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit.

This is the information age era, lol

spikelord and O4real   why don't you send your sisters and let me beat up some sh**t, after i beat it off the frame you will have no doubt I am a mandingo word up.

No to IBB he must be dreaming

For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.





1. Men are like , Laxatives , They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like , Bananas , The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like , Weather , Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like .Blenders , You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like .Chocolate Bars , Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like Commercials , You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like , Government Bonds , They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like , Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like .Popcorn , They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like . Snowstorms You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like , Lava Lamps Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots , All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

that is my joke i postef that long time ago

Hell no don't give them no more money look at what happen in Delta state, you give them more money and the governors and his entourage will embezzle all the money. The governor Odili should resign as he cant control his state

Point of correction, who initiated this 3rd term agenda in the 1st place? its got to be the senators and governors, did baba actually went to the house of rep and assemble and propose?

This Na PALAVA for those people in delta, there will be re percurtion, you don't just kill Americans and get away with it, this people are causing too much trouble for Nigeria and i am ashame of the way this issue has been handle till now, why cant Mr president deploy mobile police or army to the street in Delta and deal with this hooligans once and for all. Nigeria is a country of peace and killing innocent people is a barbaric act.

there is constitution in American and there is bribery in Nigeria, Obj did well for Nigeria but he must leave in peace.

IBB took the loan from paris club and IMF loan, there is hope we just need a good leader

to think about it there is no credible candidate out there now but i am sure OBJ is a wise man and he has the interest of Nigeria at heart and he will hand over to someone who will deliver us from evil.

I Like OBJ and truthfully he did allot for Nigeria, but he was part of the problem in the beginning when he was head of state, he stole and came back and make amends, and now its time for him to just step aside and let somebody else lead Nigeria. I do not support the 3rd term agenda, its crazy and bureaucratic.

Thank you Afeni, they are cowards like I said just seizing this opportunity to be ignorance.  they should go after their elected officials if they have issues and stop killing innocent people.  there are civilize way of doing things.

click on the link to see. damn this is hot

http://www.tiredblackman.com/

There is not courage in bombing innocent people and destroying government property, they are cowards and should be brought to justice one way or the other, Americans did not mismanaged the funds in Nigeria . the past leaders and rulers are to be blame for the problem in the Delta. If this so called Barbarians are so brave and intelligent. they will know to go and seek answer from their past leaders and congressman what happen to the revenue allocation they get from the government monthly.

hell no you bomb American embassy and Innocent Nigerians will pay the price don't mess with USA Look at what is going on in IRAQ, and we all remember what happen to Libya in the 90s

registration is free but hurry it's 1st come 1st serve bases, and limited seats available.

WICOE
(Women In Charge Of Everything)
is proud to announce the opening of its
EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN!

OPEN TO MEN ONLY
Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants

The course covers two days, and topics covered in t his course include:

DAY ONE

HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
Step by step guide with slide presentation

TOILET ROLLS -- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Roundtable discussion

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)

DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among a panel of experts.

REMOTE CONTROL
Losing the remote control - Help line and support groups

LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming - Open forum

DAY TWO

EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
Group discussion and role play

HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
PowerPoint presentation

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTION S WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did

IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation

LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER
Online class and role playing

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class

GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
Individual counselors available

Ono that is disgusting, planting bomb by this miscreant will not solved any problem, the matter should be taking up by the state elected officials and the governor, They elect the governor and the officials to speak for them, this youths should go after their elected officials, if they are not effective kick them out and choose people who will speak and represent them to the fullest level.

DAMN< and why are they saying Nigeria police is not effective again?, nice one

Nwoke. i don't agree with the ranking as well, but let the truth be told, I just came back to the state from Nigeria. and the way people are living in the village is nothing to write home about of a developing nation. Nigeria has a long way to go and we need a leader with vision and compasionate feeling to lead us out of the slump we are in now. i believe it will happen in the next 50 years.

This is sad

Nigeria among world’s failed countries - Ranks 22nd out of 60
03.05.2006

NIGERIA has been named as one of the failed states in the world. Indeed, the country was placed 22nd on the failed states’ ladder, ranking with such countries as Uganda, Uzbekistan, Indonesia, Somalia, Liberia, among others.


In fact, a country that has just survived a war, Rwanda, fared better than Nigeria on the ranking as it was placed above Nigeria in the failed states’ list.


About 60 countries of the world made the list just released by a United States-based agency, Fund for Peace, in conjunction with Foreign Policy magazine.


Among the factors used to rate Nigeria on this list were the various regional, ethnic and religious crises that had bedevilled the country recently. Prominent among them were the crises in Niger Delta which continue to affect the oil price situation in the world.


Despite large-scale U.S. support, Iraq and Afghanistan also rank among the world’s 10 most vulnerable states. In its second annual “failed states” index, Foreign Policy magazine and the Fund for Peace concluded that Sudan was the country under the most severe stress because of violent internal conflict.


Eleven of the 20 most vulnerable countries of the 148 examined in the survey are in Africa. The Democratic Republic of Congo and Ivory Coast, both chronically volatile in recent years, ranked second and third.


Each country was given a score based on data from numerous available sources. A “failing state” was described as one in which the government does not have effective control of its territory, is not perceived as legitimate by a significant portion of its population, does not provide domestic security or basic public services to its citizens and lacks a monopoly on the use of force.


Sudan received low grades in virtually all areas surveyed, including protection of human rights, “group grievances” against the government and numbers of refugees and displaced persons. The western Sudanese region of Darfur has generated well over two million displaced since 2003.


According to the review, the situation in Iraq (No. 4) and Afghanistan (No. 10) deteriorated since 2005, the first year the survey was taken.


“For Iraq, the index category that worsened most was human flight,” the report said. “The exodus of Iraq’s professional class has accelerated, leaving the country without the trained citizens it needs to staff.

The Failed Countries:
1. Sudan
2. Democratic Republic of Congo
3. Ivory Coast
4. Iraq
5. Zimbabwe
6. Chad
6. (Tie) Somalia
8. Haiti
9. Pakistan
10. Afghanistan
11. Guinea
11. (Tie) Liberia
13. Central African Republic
14. North Korea
15. Burundi
16. Yemen
16. (Tie) Sierra Leone
18. Myanmar
19. Bangladesh
20. Nepal
21. Uganda
22. Nigeria
22. (Tie) Uzbekistan
24. Rwanda
25. Sri Lanka
26. Ethiopia
27. Colombia
28. Kyrgyzstan
29. Malawi
30. Burkina Faso
31. Egypt
32. Indonesia
33. Syria
33. (Tie) Kenya
35. Bosnia-Herzegovina
36. Cameroon
37. Angola
38. Togo
39. Bhutan
40. Laos
41. Mauritania
42. Tajikistan
43. Russia
44. Niger
45. Turkmenistan
46. Guinea-Bissau
47. Cambodia
47. (Tie) Dominican Republic
49. Papua New Guinea
50. Belarus
51. Guatemala
52. Equatorial Guinea
52. (Tie) Iran
54. Eritrea
55. Serbia-Montenegro
56. Bolivia
57. China
57. (Tie) Moldova
59. Nicaragua
60. Georgia

http://www.tribune.com.ng/03052006/news/news2.html

DAMN . nice one

How ironic. and this is the same IBB that refused to leave when he was in office, and nullified the election twice. This same Ibb destroyed Nigeria and now he is talking of having Nigerians interest in mind.





Former Military President, General Ibrahim Badamosi Babangida on Tuesday asked President Olusegun Obasanjo to vacate the presidency in 2007.

Speaking on a British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) Hausa Service, Gen. Babangida said Obasanjo would be respecting the wishes of Nigerians if he vacates office, in accordance with the constitution.

The former military president kicked against third term for President Obasanjo, saying such privilege would spell doom for the nation.

According to him, his present stance on the issue had been adopted by the people of Niger State before the recommendations of the Senator Ibrahim Mantu National Assembly Joint Committee on Review of the 1999 Constitution, which met in Port Harcourt.

Said he: "My stand on the issue is as enunciated by my people in Niger State. Whatever their position is, definitely is my stand on the matter of third term. We in Niger State met and deliberated extensively on the matter. We the elders looked into the matter critically, even before people went to Port Harcourt. I am with the people of Niger State, with the governor of Niger State on this matter.

“What the governor of Niger State said is the view of the entire people of Niger State. Therefore, I support what he said. The people of Niger State told the governor point blank their position on the matter. I am an indigene of Niger State, hence I am with them on this matter,” he said. It will be recalled that Gov Abdulkadir Kure of Niger State is one of the greatest antagonists of the third term agenda, and he had walked out of the meeting in which the PDP leadership endorsed the gambit.

Babangida called on members of the National Assembly to abide by the wishes of the people who elected them and not to succumb to intimidation and fears since history and posterity will judge them.
“I’ll give them this piece of advice.

They should think that whatever they do in the coming days will definitely affect them in their lifetime. They should think that they have children. They should think of where they come from; they should think of the home they come from,” he said, adding: “Therefore, what I hope to see is that everyone of them should come out plainly and state his position, what his people want. If that is done, then, we are on the right path of truth, but if something is done secretly or with fear, this will not help us.”

On whether he has any regrets for the role he played in bringing the present government to power, Babangida said he has no regret supporting the presidency of Obasanjo in 1999, when he and other northern elite compelled the latter to vie for the highest office in the country. He said his action was done out of patriotism and love for the nation.





http://www.sunnewsonline.com/webpages/news/national/2006/may/03/national-03-05-2006-001.htm

Vongauche you just hit the nail on the head, I like your script. what are the damn governors of this regions doing to help and better their peoples living environment. the militias should take their anger out on the governors and they will get better results instead of killing Innocent people and bombing army barracks.

That posting is lame, and yes people do argue over which show to watch. and you can to surf from your couch if your modem is hooked up to your TV HDTV are equipped with this feature

> They actually have a Chili cook-off about the time the rodeo comes to town.
> It takes up a major portion of the parking lot at the Astrodome. The notes
> are from an inexperienced chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas
> from the East Coast:
>
> Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili
> cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I
> happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions of two
> judges (Native Texans). They said that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy
> and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting. So I
> accepted.
>
> " Here are the scorecards from the event:
> CHILI # 1: MIKE'S MANIAC MOBSTER MONSTER CHILI
> Judge # 1: A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
> Judge # 2: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
> Judge #3 (Frank): Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove
> dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I
> hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
>
> CHILI # 2: ARTHUR'S AFTERBURNER CHILI
> Judge # 1: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
> Judge # 2: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
> Judge # 3: Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm
> supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to
> give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw
> the look on my face.
>
> CHILI # 3: FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI
> Judge # 1: Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans.
> Judge # 2: A bean less chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers
> Judge # 3: Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like
> I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more
> beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in
> the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all of the beer.
>
> CHILI # 4: BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC
> Judge # 1: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
> Judge # 2: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or
> other mild foods, not much of a chili.
> Judge # 3: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to
> taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was
> standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-lb. lady is starting to
> look HOT-just like this nuclear waste I'm eating. Is chili an aphrodisiac?
>
> CHILI # 5: LINDA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER
> Judge # 1: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding
> considerable kick. Very impressive.
> Judge # 2: Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit
> the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
> Judge # 3: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can
> no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed
> paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili
> had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring
> beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off.
> It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.
> Screw those rednecks.
>
> CHILI # 6: VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY
> Judge # 1: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices
> and peppers.
> Judge # 2: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic.
> Superb.
> Judge # 3: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous,
> sulfuric flames. I shit myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat
> through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that
> Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore.
> Need to wipe my ass with a snow cone.
>
> CHILI # 7: SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI
> Judge # 1: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
> Judge # 2: Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili
> peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried about
> Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing
> uncontrollably.
> Judge # 3: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I
> wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds
> like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili which slid
> unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava like shit to match my
> shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've
> decided to stop breathing, its too painful. Screw it, I'm not getting any
> oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole
> in my stomach.
>
> CHILI #8: TOMMY'S TOE-NAIL CURLING CHILI
> Judge # 1: The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but
> spicy enough to declare its existence.
> Judge # 2: This final entry is a good, balance chili. Neither mild nor hot.
> Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed out, fell over
> and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to
> make it. Poor dude, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili.
>