₦airaland Forum

A corrosion and CP design engineer is urgently required by an indigenious oil & gas EPC company based in Lagos.

Must have at least 7-years working experience both in design and commissioning of corrosion mitigation system.

If you have the required experience, kindly forward you resume to:

cemu@makon-group.com

Regards!

Have u asked yourself "what your role is as a father?" Or u think parenting is all about sex & producing children?

Mam, there is nothing bad in dating 2 brothers provided u are faithful.
But in thid case, u MUST inform the 2nd brother now or u are doomed!

clemcykul:
@ omen daddy beats mommy every night so that u can be born

Clem,
You must be a bad boy!

A couple had a 2 yr child called Junior.The man was a watchman.After the man had gone to work, the wife invite another man to the house.
On one faithful day, Junior came to where the dad was eating and asked:
Dad, why is that you don't work all night again?
Puzzled, the man asked "How do you mean Junior?"
Junior replied: because every night when i sleep & wake up to pea, I see 4 legs on the bed; 2 for u, 2 for mum
And after a short time u will be beating mummy & she will be crying and shouting:
Ah! eh! ha! aaaaahhhhh! eehhhhh!
So why do u beat mum always in the night?

Happy New Yr 2 u all!

A couple had only one child, Eric. They so pampered this boy that he demands unnecessarily.
On a certain day he called the father & said " dad, I need an iPOD & a new phone.
After all means to persuade him to let go of those things he demanded to no avail, the dad decided to fool the boy.
He arranged with the boy's mum & called the boy to a dinner. At dinner the following conversation begin:

Boy: Dad & Mum, I need the iPOD & phone, else I won't go to school again.
Dad (talking to the wife): Give an I
Wife (shouted): I
Dad: Give me a P
Wife: P
Dad: Give me an O
Wife: O
Dad: Give me a D
Wife: D
Dad: What is that?
Wife: iPOD
Dad: Give me a P
Wife: P
Dad: Give me an H
Wife: H
Dad: Give me an O
Wife: O
Dad: Give me an N
Wife: N
Dad: Give me an E
Wife: E
Dad: What is that?
Wife: PHONE

Sensing that they are fooling him, Eric decided to leave but they called him back & said:
Don't go boy, we can even give u a DVD

titosantin:
yes ooo my brother the joke dry pass sahara desert, try other areas, this one no be yur calling

O boy, Joke can't be my calling cos it can't feed me. Beside ur mouth dey smell after 7months of neglect

An illiterate driver was coming to lagos for the 1st time.When he got a check piont, he was asked to park.
He applied the brake but couldn't stop on time. When the police man came the following dialogue ensued:

Police: I asked u to stop, why did u stop very far
Drive: But I told u i am come
Police: That is a wrong sentence. The correct thing to say is "I was come"

They both started arguing who was right.And was on this when the DPO was passing.He decided to stop & find out what's gwa

After an explanation from the driver the DPO said:
DPO: u both are wrong. The correct reply is "I would came"

They continued the arguement on who was right when the Commisioner came to the scene.After his findings, he decided to correct them all
Commissioner: The correct answer " I have came"

They continued on this arguement when the IG drove in and said.
IG: Next time u should say " I am caming"

A wealthy man was driving on a street.Suddenly a small boy ran unto the road. Before he could apply the brake,he had hit the boy dead.
As he came down to rush the boy to a nearby hospital, an Igbo man appeared from nowhere. He asked:

Where are you taking the boy to?

And the rich man replied:
To the hospital and then to report at the police station

I am the boy father the Igbo man said. I don't want any police wahala. All I need is settlement.
After a glance look at the man the rich man went to his car and give the man N25000.

As he turned to leave, the Igbo man asked:
Nna, Which time you go pass this road again so that i go bring another of my child make u jam am?

This is for my guys in Nairaland that bluff of their manhood.

On the eve of a couple wedding, the man starting making funny remarks. He said:
I can't be or behave stupid cos of a girl. No matter how pretty she is.During our dating period Jane (my wife) knows. I don't give a damn.She is here, u can aask her if u doubt me.

After the wedding, they decided to have their honey moon at a hotel in VGC city.
Being so exhausted, they both slept off. After 4hrs the man woke up while the wife was still sleeping & decided to play the man.
As he touched the wife she shouted at him:

Wife: Who is that stupid man?
Husband (scared):  It's me honey
Wife: You are a big fool for waking me up at this time of the night
Husband: yes ma. Sorry for disturbing u
Wife: shey u said u can't be stupid cos of a girl. see ur Coconut head

A Russian man had a pet ( a white breed of rabbit) that he named after his first name "SNOWY".
His last born was so addicted to this rabbit that they sleep together. One day, he left the rabbit on top of the chair & slept off.When the dad came back from work he mistakenly sat on it & killed it.
Not wanting to let the boy know, he hurriedly went to buy a replacement before the boy wakes. Unfortunately he couldn't find a white rabbit, so he had to buy a black one. When the boy got up, the following conversation ensued b/w them.

Boy: Hi dad, where is Snowy?
Dad: Check on the dinning table

After 30seconds the boy came back

Boy: Dad, what happened to snowy? Why did it turn black?
Dad: Cos Snowy likes to changes colour when he sees the rainbow
Boy: But you bear same name with Snowy, how come you don't change colour when you see the rainbow?
Dad: em em em OK son I lied , I  killed it & bought another one.

That's cool!

It mean your people are weird

James decided to pay his friend in Warri an August visit. Stupid enough he got there late in the night. After several knock knock without answers, he decided to pass the night in another of his guy's place.
As he turn to leave, his friend babe met him  on the door.
Ehe, thank God you are here, he exclaimed!  Where is Big Jo? he asked the girl.
He travelled since last week, she replied.
Sincerely speaking James wanted to hang out at another friend bunk but the girl persuaded him, so they slept @ Jo's place together.

As they went to bed, James dropped the pillow between them.
The next morning at about 5.15am, with a lightning speed, James jumped out of the bed. And the following conversation ensued b/w them:

Warri Girl: wetin be that?
James:  There is one big rat the ran underneath the chair. So I want to kill it
Warri Girl: So u smart like this na im u no fit jump over the pillow last night.
                 your mugu e, na only God's grace OSU fit cure am.
James: Sorry, i don't understand what u mean
Warri Girl: Na today nyash start to dey get centre parting? abi u think say okpolo na open eye. Nonsense!

Yes o. This is nairaland Queen.
So whoever claims to be King, this is your Queen.
I think this crown showboy.

Showbobo now 85yrs!

Nice joke men!

tope_teadr:
I would order 2 trucks to deliver 2 u as many as u want.

I will be waiting dear.

A young boy gained admission into UNILAG. He was so excited that he started squashing his school fees. Unknowningly to him the father just lost his job.
In 1 month, he exhausted all the cash he was given for the semester.
Initially, he didn't want to demand for more money, not to give the parents the impression that he is a prodigal son.
After advise from friends, he decided to send the parents telegragh, since he no money. U remember, the more the words u send, the more u pay. So the boy summarized it. And the telegraph reads:

SON: "Father, Money Required, Classes started,Situation critical, Suicide imminent".

When the father received the telegraph, he wrote:

FATHER: "Son, money unavailable, Classes suspended,Situation more critical, Suicide approved"

adusol:
typical of igbo people

I am sure you can do more than that.
Tell me, the fuel u sell in black market, what is the difference b/w u & an Igbo man?.

Well when u have repented from your evil intent, come back to me I will support u as a King. But not now. Cos you are not ready to change.
House we have to scrutinize our King carefully.

If u are not a yahoo boy, why do u want to rule us like Abacha?

You see what I mean. This boy will loot down nairaland.
Promise the house u will never be a yahoo boy again. Then I will side u.

I can't even support u cos just like OBJ u will turn the forum upside down.

I am not included. And Clem have not approved it.

showbobo:
@Clem

Omen has agreed to step down for the king

Who made you king?

deevuu:
omen omen omen, have u seen the film OMEN?

I have not. Please post the film on nairaland

tope_teadr:
Omen what a pity sharing the story of your life. And omen, your mouth stinks, what 'bout the harpic showbobo gave u. If it's finished i'll get u a new one.
And i also heard your dad is at large. Take heart okay.

Guy, the harpic is finished. Please can you give me more?
I am waiting for yours.

showbobo:
if INXX catch you ehn

I am not the one that posted the pic.

What a lot of fun!