₦airaland Forum

warrah:
@op, how many kids do you have? Are you writing this from experience or just what you think is the ideal method of engaging kids intelligence?
Nigeria will humble you by the time you are done thinking of what they would eat and take to school for lunch, you won't have time for this your list of things to do

I'm a Nigerian in Nigeria and whilst I do have some privilege, I know that if you want something, you have to be intentional and make time for it.

We see fathers who always shout they have no time to read to their kids, attend PTA meeting or help with homework or share hobbies with their children, but will find time for Football at a beer parlour and visiting friends, doing other not-so-good-things and when you point it out, will insist that they must "enjoy life".

There's no problem wanting to "enjoy life". But don't have kids, don't do anything that requires sacrifice so you can enjoy your life peacefully

Jesuschild:
Your first paragraph isn't very correct, any parent can get custody of the children regardless of the sex of the children.

To everyone questioning my first paragraph:

But I said:

"Most (not all) Judges will not give custody to a single father over a single mother, especially if the child is female."

And also if the child is young.

The man has a 3 year old and a 6 year old and a 9 yr old, it is usually 11 or older that custody can go to the father. Or in Sharia court and again, it will be for boys rather than girls.

If the father is remarried and can prove he's a better parent, yes he can get custody.

Some times, when the Welfare Officer says one thing (after investigation) but the Judge rules otherwise (something fit happen).

pocohantas:
This message is not for 2026.
Nobody is lending you money or buying your aso ebi in 2026. Except you have a rich circle.

We are all saving our money to start akara business. Na survival mode we dey.

No! You cannot do akara business, I am starting it and we cannot do the same business!! Please go and sell roasted corn or kulikuli, like we were also advised

SayAsSeen:
Very apt and wise comment. Please can you share the signs of a married man who the devil wants to destroy as well.

Same as the woman's own, his wife will be "the problem". Everything she does angers him, he will accuse her of all sorts, any mistakes from the past will be brought, twisted and magnified to 200%, when he runs out of legit resentment he will make up stuff, both men and women will start throwing around phrases such as "I diagnosed you with Narcissism/You abused me and the kids, you're terrible, nobody likes you!" etc

Chijeep:
Sigh 😕...
Thanks so much

For real, please take her to a hospital ASAP. She's losing her appetite and is in pain for 2 whole months. My child was on admission with a 6 year old who had the same symptoms, last year. That sweet girl didn't make it once her diagnosis came in: a rare aggressive form of liver cancer.

And it's scary your wife didn't feel comfortable enough to confide in you. Please tell her she is your responsibility now and if she doesn't open up to you, does she want you to wake up beside her, lifeless??

I hate cancer, with every fibre in my body.

Chijeep

She's not your girlfriend. Stop expecting girlfriend behaviour.

Secondly, you dated online and it was amazing. Then you moved in together and reality showed. No shi, Sherlock . "Objects appear brighter and more visible in the mirror", that's what car side mirror says. In other words, both of you were acting and pretending to achieve a goal and now reality don enter.

Thirdly, this woman has been in pain for 2 months and is losing her appetite, Bro take her arse to the hospital asap because that's how (God forbid) dem dey diagnose cancer. Any pain that lasts that long is serious, ignore her be a Head of the House and drag her to save her life.

Fourthly, you want her to browse online and find topics to discuss. Is her name "Netflix-Tencent-AmazonTV but you can call her HBO for short?" . Bros, why can't you do that?

You kinda rushed into things but this is so fixable.

Whatever you want her to do, you have to model it first. That's what Biblical love is: unselfish.

Stop expecting her to entertain you, entertain her instead. You want to talk about something, start the conversation. You want her to open up to you, open up first. You want her to be more appreciative of your meals and show it with happiness, be appreciative of her efforts to keep the house clean (or whatever she does) and show it with happiness. She will unconsciously mirror you. That's Leadership and that's what you signed up for. This is Biblical and psychological, heck Justin Timberlake sang a song about it.

And love her, see her as the best thing in your life. See what happens then.

It's even Biblical and psychological, it's called the Pygmalion Effect: when you see the best in someone, they subconsciously start wanting to be the best because of you. And conversely, when you see the worst in someone, they tell themselves "she/he never sees my good, so why bother".

Give her room to find herself and give yourself room to find yourself. And marriage counseling is good, you're solving the problem before it gets worse.

Oya go and drink one can of Maltina and chill, your marriage will be wonderful.

gentlesil:
"See, the devil has a playbook and it is the same: ain't nothing new in what he's going on. devil don enter his wife's brain and laid maggot telling her he is the cause of all her problems and it will be so much better of the marriage scatter."
This part got my attention, and the bolded is what she always tell him.

Have you seenbthe world we live in? The universe?

It is beautiful!! Every animal, every leaf, every planet is fearfully and wonderfully made. Stunning works of Art and Science, that is what Your Creator is.

And his opposite is truly the opposite. Not creative but cunning and lying and has studied humanity for eons, generation after generation and knows what evil seeds to plant and water, once it sees fertile soil.

Go to the Oyinbo version of Nairaland, called Reddit. You'll see White guys and women saying the same thing. Change your app to mandarin Chinese and Douyin app, you'll hear Taiwanese, Chinese men and women saying the same thing.

Nothing new, just old effective tricks.

DeepSight:
There is something wrong with the teaching of submission in the first place. A marriage should be a partnership of equal respect. Both parties to love and respect one another and decisions should be made in joint thinking. The concept of one party bowing down to the other in submission is a relic of the past and should be done away with.

Like I said, the worst thing the devil did was convincing Humanity that he didn't exist. The 2nd worst thing was to convince Humanity God didn't love them. The 3rd worst thing the devil did was to convince Christians not to read the Bible for themselves so they wouldn't know God and what He truly wanted.

God doesn't FORCE ANY HUMAN BEING to SUBMIT TO HIM.

God doesn't impose His will upon any human being.

So whyyyyyyyy would Your Creator tell you to kneel before any human being, when He is not even forcing you to kneel before Him??

Whhhyyyyyy

Can you and every Christian not see that the whole definition of Submission according to what we believe: forcing, imposing and breaking someone, is literally the PUNISHMENT OF ADAM AND EVE FROM GENESIS? Gen 3: 15-19. Churches are literally preaching a Curse as the Word of Knowledge from God. Madness!

Read every single verse on Marriage: "submit to each other, submit and respect your man, love your woman like I did to the point of sacrificing your life, serve each other in love".

God didn't send any woman or man to worship anybody other than Him.

To submit to your husband in earthly way is to put him above even God, to say "the Lord asked me to go to Aguda but my husband said no so I'm staying home". Guess what? That husband is now a god and your idol which you worship. And that husband has sinned against God because of that.

If they called Submission what its true name is, nobody will have a problem with it. And its name is TRUST.

Which woman, who knows her husband loves and put her first and protect her and her children, will not trust him if he tells her "babe, I've made a decision concerning our future, I've prayed, I'm consulting you and I think it's a good plan, hear me out".

When I tell my kids "don't eat this", they trust me because they know and have been proven how much I love and sacrifice for them. That's them submitting to me

Love MUST precede Submission otherwise it is Oppression and that is what feminism is fighting: patriarchy's oppression.

Patriarchy and Feminism are like APC and PDP: both bad for Nigeria.

DeepSight:
There is something wrong with the teaching of submission in the first place. A marriage should be a partnership of equal respect. Both parties to love and respect one another and decisions should be made in joint thinking. The concept of one party bowing down to the other in submission is a relic of the past and should be done away with.

Like I said, the worst thing the devil did was convincing Humanity that he didn't exist. The 2nd worst thing was to convince Humanity God didn't love them. The 3rd worst thing the devil did was to convince Christians not to read the Bible for themselves so they wouldn't know God and what He truly wanted.

God doesn't FORCE ANY HUMAN BEING to SUBMIT TO HIM.

God doesn't impose His will upon any human being.

So whyyyyyyyy would Your Creator tell you to kneel before any human being, when He is not even forcing you to kneel before Him??

Whhhyyyyyy

Can you and every Christian not see that the whole definition of Submission according to what we believe: forcing, imposing and breaking someone, is literally the PUNISHMENT OF ADAM AND EVE FROM GENESIS? Gen 3: 15-19. Churches are literally preaching a Curse as the Word of Knowledge from God. Madness!

Read every single verse on Marriage: "submit to each other, submit and respect your man, love your woman like I did to the point of sacrificing your life, serve each other in love".

God didn't send any woman or man to worship anybody other than Him.

To submit to your husband in earthly way is to put him above even God, to say "the Lord asked me to go to Aguda but my husband said no so I'm staying home". Guess what? That husband is now a god and your idol which you worship. And that husband has sinned against God because of that.

If they called Submission what its true name is, nobody will have a problem with it. And its name is TRUST.

Which woman, who knows her husband loves and put her first and protect her and her children, will not trust him if he tells her "babe, I've made a decision concerning our future, I've prayed, I'm consulting you and I think it's a good plan, hear me out".

When I tell my kids "don't eat this", they trust me because they know and have been proven how much I love and sacrifice for them. That's them submitting to me

Love MUST precede Submission otherwise it is Oppression and that is what feminism is fighting: patriarchy's oppression.

Patriarchy and Feminism are like APC and PDP: both bad for Nigeria.

He's not wrong.

If you are a Christian woman in a Christian marriage, you follow the teachings of Christ.

However, a lot of Pastors preach and omit stuff.

If you are a Christian man in a Christian marriage, you follow the teachings of Christ.

And God is very clear: wives respect and submit, husbands love your wives and be prepared to lay your life down for her.

If your wife is fighting submission, it's because you don't love her like Christ loved the Church.

So stop telling women to submit and tell me to love their wives the way God intended and not in the selfish and foolish manner most humans call "Love". And watch how submission will come naturally to her.

gentlesil:
My brother has reported his wife to the ministry of social welfare because she is neglecting her role towards their three children- 9, 6, and 3 years old.
He said of late, he is the one that bath them, Wash their clothes and take them to school.
The only reason she cooks in the house sometime, is because she herself must eat.
She always lay all manner of insult on him even threaten to harm him, if he dares her.
The situation is now affecting him so much that he wants to saperate from her and ask for child custody, not divorce yet.
So he wants to know the possible outcome from this.
Please suggest one, two or three possible outcome.
Thanks in advance for your guidance

That age, most Judges will not agree to give him custody. Especially if one is a female child.

See, the devil has a playbook and it is the same: ain't nothing new in what he's going on. devil don enter his wife's brain and laid maggot telling her he is the cause of all her problems and it will be so much better of the marriage scatter.

If she wants to leave, she can leave. He shouldn't stop her. He shouldn't tell her to leave, she's looking for excuse to go and she will do so. Every bad decision that she can take will look sweet to her.

Stop fighting her in person and start fighting that demon spiritually. It's time for prayer.

Let your brother focus on himself and the kids for now, just commit to prayer and don't give her an excuse to fight and insult him. Let him ask God to give him the grace, because now is the time to become a Head of the House. Besides, he should be taking care of his own kids

Anyone who tells your brother to deal with her, unless you have proof she's a druggie or a criminal, most Judges will not hand over children below the age of 10 to a single man, especially if one child is female. And devil can keep lying to your sister-in-law and she will take the kids away out of spite.

Yes, she'll regret it all later. But right now is not the time to fight her, report her to her family, so they can help. Yes, she will cry and wail to them that she has been "abused" and "don't you want to see me happy?!!!". Na devil. It is the same playbook for Men and women when it wants to destroy them

planetx:
What kind of jobs are Chinese and Indians snatching from Nigerians?

I can answer this.

Some months ago, an Indian came on Reddit, Nigeria subreddit, to ask about living conditions in Lagos and Abuja. He had just gotten a job running supply and management for a supermarket chain.

Are you telling me Nigerians cannot handle that job?

Every month, there's an Indian always talking about moving here or talking about when he lived in Nigeria. They're not doing technical jobs that Nigerians can't be trained in.

We have White farmers and Chinese factories that produce everything (especially in Ogun state). Chinese suppliers saw the boastful noise Nigerians were making about drop shipping and decided to start opening marts here (that one in Palms Mall Lekki, Lagos is just one). Traders in Balogun market and Trade Fair complain bitterly about them, because you can't go to China and open that size of supermarket selling everything and chase Chinese out of their own profits.

I heard even Palm Oil plantations are springing up in Edo state belonging to foreigners.

The biggest vendors of wigs in SW Nigeria is now Chinese, no more Igbo men. Attachment for braiding hair is Korean. They have factories here and have Nigerians working the floor but I don't think they're in management.

SPAR and the shops in that mall, the Lebanese would give shops to Indians to sell electronics and the only Nigerian in the store was the cashier, can Nigerians no longer do basic sales jobs?

Come to Festac and Amuwo Odofin Lagos and you'll wonder what all these Chinese people are doing there

Clareview:
Thank you so much, how do you check online?

sorry, I haven't replied your message, I didn't see it, please could you resend it?

The way Nigerians hate drafting their Will ehhhh...

I told my Mum "Madam, do you have a Will?" and she started acting like I was a Nollywood villain plotting her demise. Madam, you're in your 70s, don't annoy me off abeg. Luckily she came up with a clever idea to leave her property to her grandchildren.

You cannot control Favouritism, best you can do is to leave as equal a share as possible to all children.

Register a Company (not a business name), put all your assets under it and then make your children the Directors of the company. Faster to pass through probate and equity is easily shared.

Some fathers make it clear that they're not leaving anything to their sons, I know some cases like that. He told the boys that after he was done paying school fees, he owed them nothing other than his name to help them in the future should they need it, that they should make their own way in life. I may not agree with that approach but I understand where it's coming from.


Family is family, money is money.

ChirstFireAltar:
No man that doesn't want to be present in the life of their children but some will rather stay away to avoid conflict.

There are often situations beyond a father’s control, and in such cases, peace is always better than conflict. It is also important for women to make the process easier by avoiding actions that may poison the minds of children against their father, regardless of the differences or challenges between both parents.

I'm sorry but I have to disagree with this.

It is exhausting how many men reach for this excuse and use it to justify being absent and dating other women

Even the guys who swear their wives were keeping the kids away and the wives produce ample evidence that they're literally begging the men to come and be present dad's, will suddenly claim to be staying away for the sake of "peace of mind".

Zero conflict, the wife will even make the kids available for his own extended family to visit, but the man will stay away and tell everyone he is avoiding "conflict/peace of mind". His kids will be snapping pix with his sister who is visiting from South Africa but Dad will be in Lagos but will not visit yet claim he was kept away/avoiding conflict.

And once you say "oya we believe you, let's go and get custody", these men will readily agree then suddenly disappear with more excuses.

It is disgusting behaviour.

Clareview:
Is anyone here familiar with how a divorce certificate from a Lagos state high court looks like?

Go and look up the case online. Google Lagos State Judiciary and check their website for your case number or using the names on the certificate. You will see the summary of the case so you can know.

Some clerks are issuing illegal documents stamped to look legit, they look like regular ones and the only way to know if by checking online, the case file will be there.

Or you can go to the Hight Court or Customary Court it was issued from and go and verify.

dfrost:
If France wins it, Mbappe should forget the Ballon d'or.

Why? I though if they won, he gets it

HeadNigga:
France or Portugal will win it.
Mbappe or Oliseh for Ballon Dor
Quote me

I wanted Portugal but after yesterday I'm not sure 😭😭😭

So let me understand please,

you were dating a woman you decided you couldn't marry, whom you're now calling your ex; started cheating on her with another woman 4 months ago and planned to marry that one; but you were still sleeping with your ex whilst making marriage plans.
And now you're asking us ifor validation and approval so that you can go ahead with your marriage plans and leave your child to start his/her life in a single parent home.

Right?

Why are you bothering to get married please?

Please stay single.

We don't need more problematic marriages hurting society. You're not ready for anything.

Guy, just stay single 🙏 abeg

Go and prepare your mind to be a Father, because you need it. Find a mentor in church of about 60 years of age, tell him to be advising you. Abeg🙏

Gerrard59:
So, it is a cultural issue, not a money problem.

It might be your trade secret, but what is that significant difference in math pedagogy between top schools (say Loyola or any good Catholic school) in Nigeria vs say the Singaporean public school system (which you have referenced)?

The difference is how Math Sense is built from Primary School.

We're taught the "How To Solve", not "Why are We Doing This". Our questions are also very straightforward: "1+1 =2" versus "Mary had one apple, Uche has another, how many apples in total?".

By the time the kids get to Secondary school in Nigeria, it's mostly crammed work. So no matter how good Loyola is, they're cramming compared to Singaporean schools.

My kids did entrance exams this year and more expensive Catholic schools, Corona Secondary and James Hope College were the most challenging.

NwaNimo1:
What are those two white people in the french team?

foreigners

Gerrard59:
This does really make sense, and while I do advocate for math education to be learned by everyone, we need the arts to balance things out. I do think my academic background of life sciences enable me to ask questions beyond the surface compared to if I were a pure math grad. Topical issues need to be looked at holistically and follow-up questions to fully assess them.

However, at Nigeria's stage of development, we need more STEM (technical and research) grads than any other category.

But we don't have the infrastructure to push STEM and we're not interested in doing so. Even your elites and upper middle class who can afford it, will pay for shabby STEM primary and secondary school education than actual serious work.

I work in STEM education, my colleague is pushing it at Primary and Secondary level and I know how hard it is for her to convince parents to invest.

Even Nigerian tech bros that are young are giving side chics N500,000 to come and see them than cobble money together to invest in a public 3D lab in Yaba or research into any of our indigenous plants good for healthcare.

We don't value education here tbh.

nightsaint:
This kind of policy is not new. In the early days, television was also banned for the young. In the next 30 -40 years, people will look back at this ban and laugh at the backwardness of Mr Keir Starmer.

And now every Paediatrician, Optometrist, Early Education Specialist and Teacher is begging them the govts and parents to revert back to this

Soany wealthy people pay to keep their children away from screens

nairalanda1:
Not going to work. Teenagers are smart. They will just migrate to new apps that are not covered and use them, and then there is VPN , and lying.

For this to work, they have to make social media not anonymous. China does this. Seems they were right all along.

BodePolScience:
Even before the advent of AI, some courses ought to have been relegated or dropped. Why go to the university and spend 4/5 years to study courses like Sociology and Anthropology, Music, History, International Relation, English, Political Science, etcetera. Can't we just have one or two institutes(either at the national or int'l level) that focus or specialize on each of those disciplines? These institute will do the research work, publish it online and those who have interest or passion on any of the disciplines will learn from it. Also, feedback, contribution, reassessment can also be relayed to the institutes.

Because those subjects are actually important.

We need Arts, Humanities as well as STEM for balance.

You don't want STEM running the world. Tech bros are running the world currently and look at how horrible it is. They keep creating products that destroy humanity. They've calculated humans as necessary and unnecessary and Black people of all backgrounds are unnecessary because we contribute the least to humanity yetbour continent sits on vast resources.

I am a STEM professional, I'm trained to be as black-and-white as possible rather than look at the full picture.

Arts looks at the value of things and people and deems us all as worthy of life. Science weighs and measures everything precisely.


It is why AI is so dangerous: eventually it gets things wrong and works purely on Logic. Asking it personal questions for advice always leads to it making brutal inhuman decisions. I'm speaking from experience. It's why you shouldn't take blind advice from the internet: strangers don't know you and can't see the whole picture. AI works that way, it was written by people who needed it to give answers in a straightforward manner whilst sounding human.

A married man told me last week, that his wife is too religious.

Another told me last year that he respects his wife, but he will make me happy if I give him a chance.

Another told me I reminded him of his younger sister.

One said his wife had put on weight.

Not one had a genuine reason for straying outside of their marital covenant save for Lust, Greed and Discontentment.

Adultery and Infidelity have nothing to do with your spouse.


A lot of divorces I've seen is because one party is being selfish and telling people "I want to be happy!".

Same as the men who were toasting me: temporary pleasure. They didn't even care if I had HIV, was a witch, worked with kidnappers (I had to even ask one if he wasn't afraid).

The solution is to fix what is wrong in your marriage and relationship and have a better stronger one, but Infidelity is easier. And these side chics don't like you, you're just a walking wallet to broken women who want to feel good about themselves that they can mess with another woman's man.

chinchum:
I think Nigerians are taking it to far, I am for all african teams doing well at the world cup. Asia is now rated higher than Africa in the world cup, because we underperform consistently. Whether Morroco, SA, DRC ooooo, i want everyone to do well, and not myopic. Africa is underrepresented at the world cup, when we compare we are 54 countries, compared to other continents. The differential has been reduced with this world cup , moving it from 5 to (9+1), and we must justify that increase and show what we have got and make a case for more, requesting an increase to possibly 12 out of 48 teams. I am seeing the big picture past the hate some are so preoccupied with.

In 2018, no african team of 5 went past the first round of the world cup. In 2022, 1 african team made to Semi and 1 to the secound round ( the best average african performanceat the world cup till date), we must get better.

I would see the top African footballing countries as

Nigeria
Senegal
Ghana
Cameroon
Morocco
Egypt
Algeria
Cote D'Voire

These are the traditional Football great from previous years.

Other countries aren't strong at Football.

Asia invested heavily and still it's Japan and South Korea holding them up, Australia is trying to get into Football, China hasn't been able to figure out soccer and the rest of Asia is just whatever (they're adding ME countries and Oceania to boost themselves).

lavylilly:
She's 21yrs and the man has left the responsibility to her alone.

If she's in Lagos state, she should please go to Ministry of Women and Children Welfare, Alausa. They will be able to help her get the man to support his child.

TheDepressed:
Ps: I don't have pride but I am not expected to be angry over words from a stranger.

You cannot know me and my capabilities by living with me for years let alone over a scanty online conversation. I'm not an open book.

You're right, I can't know you from a scanty observation. So sorry about that.

I can, however, see some signs I've seen elsewhere that resemble what you're showing and make some deductions on that.

I know where you're coming from. And I know there's a lot of hurt and pain and your pride will help you mask it. Accountability is also not in the room, because your marriage ended over a rather frivolous fight but you and your wife's ego led things to escalate this far.

Blaming her mum, her family doesn't excuse your own culpability. They may have contributed but it was your marriage, you and her share the blame, not them. Both of you were wrong.

Please, end the marriage, stay amicable and give up all thoughts of trying to make her feel pain. In doing so, you're just destroying yourself further.

I've seen so many people trying to hurt their ex-spouses and yeas later, are horrified at their actions and how far they went and how little it mattered, because all they did was make themselves look bad (some jumped into remarriage with the wrong person and talk about double regrets).

Acknowledge your faults, forgive yourself and forgive her. End things amicably and stay polite for the sake of the kids. Heal.

No to Bigamy

Yes to Adultery and you can sue the man, if you know his identity. The proof of her Adultery is growing inside her, unless you somehow hooked up with her this year and there's a chance it's yours.

I'm so sorry this happened. Divorce is hard.

Best to focus on healing yourself and I mean this, don't jump into another relationship just yet. Work on yourself, just enjoy the innocent pleasures of Life (good food, music, tv shows, outings).

Speak to a lawyer and draft a Child Support and Custody Agreement. That doesn't mean you should take the kids from her as punishment, think of what is best for the children. They're young, no Judge will grant them to you unless you can prove she's unfit and their environment is unsafe. And if she's taking care of the kids, leave them there for now.

Visit them often, provide for them, take them for holidays with you.

Forgive her. Holding onto unforgiviness is like drinking poison expecting her to die from it.

Be honest with yourself about the ways you need to improve

iyarike:
Thank you.
Does this include transport money as she would be travelling from Abeokuta to Ikorodu every other week?
If not, my fear is that what she will be paid will only be spent on transport fares.

that's the monthly salary, transport comes out of your own pocket. She is basically doing 4 weeks on, with 1 weekend off and most people don't cover transport for that.