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Family › Re: Do Parents Really Control Who We Become? (the Myth Of "Like Father, Like Son") by Onegai(f): 6:37am On May 23*

SpencerForbes:
what about the ladies? We’ve all seen situations where a mother was toxic/mean to her husband, or maybe she was openly promiscuous. Based on this logic, do you think their daughters are bound to carry that same energy into their own marriages, or do they also learn from their mothers' mistakes and choose to do better? What's your take on how this affects women specifically?

I already replied above, she will repeat the traits her mother and father displayed.

No gender is immune from this.

It is biblical. Abraham deceived, his son deceived, the pattern kept repeating.

It's not about "Oh she's from a broken home", her parents can still be married yet she will tax you mercilessly, her demands for you to support her and her family will be endless. Where do you think she learned that from?

Do you know never once in my marriage did I ask my husband to send anybody money? Even to inflate bill for him, it never occured to me. Even when I was dating, I never chopped any man's money (Nigerian men used to call me "cheap" and not value me because I wasn't chopping their money).

I couldn't explain that I didn't grow up lacking so I never saw that pattern of "Find A Man To Support Me And My Family" or Discontentment. I wasn't greedy. My traits were more quick-to-anger, impatient and pride in myself and my abilities (due to being very intelligent and never knowing lack).

It's why no matter what anyone insults me here because they disagree with my opinion, I may be pissed and think some thoughts but I won't block you 🙂 working on that pride

1 Like

Family › Re: Do Parents Really Control Who We Become? (the Myth Of "Like Father, Like Son") by Onegai(f): 6:18am On May 23

GloriousGbola:
would you say that the same applies to women as well ?

that some women grow older and also start manifesting unpleasant traits of their mothers ?

Yes, it happens during marriage.

Full on anger issues like her mum, because all she ever saw was how angry her mum used to express herself. Mistrustful because she watched her mother never trust her dad. She doesn't know any better. Even if she identified it as a problem before she got married, she didn't know the solution.

It doesn't mean she's from a broken home, her parents would still be married but she has watched her mum lie about her finances for years, the moment she loses trust in her husband, she'll be triggered and do what her mother did to survive.

There's a man I know in his 40s, when I talk to his mother, I can tell you his exact conversation word for word (he thinks I'm spying on him or I'm a witch 😁). And the more I heard about his father, the more I understood his choices. Prideful like his father, makes bad decisions and hides after like his mother.

The solution is spiritual, good luck going to therapy to fix it (ask the people who invented therapy how many success stories it spanned, some spend their entire lives in therapy). That hole must be fixed by God and nothing else.

Pastor Dolapo Lawal said the same thing: he looked at his background, his wife's background and went on his knees in prayer. He was coming from a family with multiple remarriages, he admits he was already a bad teenager, all those traits would have manifested in marriage.

He preached that when he has problems with his wife, he speaks to his friend/mentor and that one will tell him he too has the same issues, God will tell him that it doesn't matter if his wife was wrong, his handling of the matter was faulty so he must make peace with her before praying, so he goes back to repair his marriage because he wants to break the patterns he is coming from.

Family › Re: Do Parents Really Control Who We Become? (the Myth Of "Like Father, Like Son") by Onegai(f): 5:48am On May 23

It is somewhat true and you have to consciously reject it.

Smoking cigarettes, polygamy and adultery are choice you make and they're a symptom of traits. There is a trait in that father that is making him make those choices.

The sons may not make those choices now but that trait is inside them and eventually it will manifest the same way or in another way.

Biblically, David had many wives and eventually his lust caused him to destroy another man's marriage and life. There were consequences for that action and you'd think the son who was the product of it all and saw how unstable his father's rule was because his son's from different women were shaking it, would keep only one wife. Nope, Solomon had several wives and ended up turning away from God because of them. The trait and pattern repeated itself.

It's why guys on NL always say "one day you'll understand your father" which is sad, because they're basically saying "one day you'll do what your father did to your mother, to your wife and your sons will continue that pattern with their wives".

I've seen timid, nice men hit 40, make money and turn into their fathers: dealing with their wives and children in cruelty, pridefulness and control. Their fathers married multiple wives polygamously, they're divorcing their first wife and having girlfriends. But they'll think they're different from their Dads.

I have a relative who cheated on their wife and had kids outside with another woman and their wife packed out and they remarried a 3rd woman. 70 years later (the man is dead), almost all his kids divorced, remarried or were single parents, have kids from multiple women, like maybe 3 of his 9 or 11 kids had one marriage only. Subconsciously picking up traits and repeating pattern they swore they wouldn't carry over to their generation.

It doesn't matter what you tell your kids, they will act like you act, not what you say.

You must identify the patterns and traits you've unconsciously picked up and break them spiritually.

Don't treat the symptoms, smoking and womanizing are symptoms, insecurity, selfishness and a lack of fear of God is the problem.

3 Likes 1 Share

Family › Re: Do I Need DNA? by Onegai(f): 1:21pm On May 22

Caaz:
Hello beautiful onegai.... compliments to you maam.

How are you, ma?

1 Like 1 Share

Family › Re: Do I Need DNA? by Onegai(f): 1:17pm On May 22

Haeg:
Some years ago I traveled leaving my then girlfriend, now my wife.

I came back July 15th 2022 , we had intercourse same day. The next month around August 10th, she told me she's pregnant. I was like, so fast?

Long story short she delivered March 21st 2023. Then I was filled with joy and excitement, I didn't calculate much, but now I'm beginning to get a little worried if the baby is mine.

According to everyone around me, including my self conscious mum, they say the baby is my carbon copy. Good thing

Now I asked AI to break down the months for me, it's not up to 9 months. Below.
The baby wasn't born prematurely.
Experts in the house, mothers, is this whole thing making sense?

*From July 15, 2022 to March 21, 2023:*

*Exact duration*
*8 months, 6 days*

*In weeks*
*35 weeks + 4 days*
= *35.57 weeks* total

*In months*
*8.2 months* counting the partial month

*Breakdown:*
- Jul 15 → Aug 15 = 1 month
- Aug 15 → Sep 15 = 2 months
- Sep 15 → Oct 15 = 3 months
- Oct 15 → Nov 15 = 4 months
- Nov 15 → Dec 15 = 5 months
- Dec 15 → Jan 15 = 6 months
- Jan 15 → Feb 15 = 7 months
- Feb 15 → Mar 15 = 8 months
- Mar 15 → Mar 21 = 6 more days

Total = 249 days ÷ 7 = *35 weeks 4 days*

As you don calculate am reach dis level, just go and jejely do your DNA test before devil waters this seed that has been planted in your mind and it grows into a seedling, then plant, then tree, then burns down your life.

Sha don't start acting suspicious or tell her that you're doing it, wait until result comes out.

1 Like

Family › Re: Do I Need DNA? by Onegai(f): 1:16pm On May 22

Caaz:
When you re going for the DNA order bon bread 2022 model.

The result go fess blur for your eyes.

Ma'am, you can be sued for using a brand in such a comment angry

Health › Re: Protesters Set Ebola Treatment Center On Fire In DRC, Demanding Return Of Body by Onegai(f): 1:12pm On May 22

unity004:
Omo I fear person wey no fear ebola. Me wey drink and bath with salt that year.

Looking back, that was the funniest thing ever.

My poor mum was so excited that morning when she told me a cure had been found. Me and my plenty book learning looked at her in shock and said "but you can't kill a virus with salt nau".

I'll never forget how her face crumpled in sadness immediately. That was when I realized she has been scared all through the outbreak.

I lacked emotional intelligence 😔

Africans make it hard to fight against racism. This is a known viral infectious deadly disease. What traditional rites are more important than an logically burning that body?

Family › Re: What's The Cost Of Getting A Divorce? by Onegai(f): 5:56am On May 22

Fujiyama:
^^^
Interesting.

Isn't adultery a crime in Northern Nigeria under both Sharia law and common law?

In other words, can a man be charged for adultery in Northern Nigeria if he got married at a registry - prior to having an affair with a woman other than his wife?

Folake4u can answer best please.

Sharia-based Penal code is religious, registry is secular. I do know they have arrested a Twitter bros for meeting up with a married woman in Abuja, doubtful the same can happen in Anambra or Ekiti.

1 Like

Family › Re: What's The Cost Of Getting A Divorce? by Onegai(f): 5:23am On May 22

truthhurts2:
Going to 5 years

The fact that this is happening now is so textbook common, it's nothing to worry about.

In my case, Oga (a timid fellow when he was growing up, someone that cooks breakfast for his family) was roaring like a lion, punching the cupboard

Me (someone who has never won a fight in her life, infact when I was in Pry 4, Tracy who was in Pry 3, beat me and took my sweet😔) was squaring up to him like Anthony Joshua and shouting "do your worsssrtt!!".

the devil was just checking us out in one corner happy that we were acting like idiots.

Please take a deep breath, keep a cool head. Eat, focus on work, enter your bathroom, pour water on your head and tell God what's going on. Nothing's new under the Sun

2 Likes

Family › Re: What's The Cost Of Getting A Divorce? by Onegai(f): 5:16am On May 22

truthhurts2:
The problem is that I can't afford to lose this apartment I am right now, that's where my life is, that's where I'm making ends meet. So, me moving out is like starting right from the scratch.

Don't move out.

The most important thing to do is to keep the lines of communication open.

The 2nd most important thing to do is to carefully screen who is talking to you. The worst people to listen to now are:

1. Your mother (I beg you, don't let her hand enter this matter, I cannot tell you how many people ran to their mothers and she poured kerosene on the fire and now they're facing a divorce deep down they never truly wanted. I'm so tired of it that if I tear clothe with my spouse and my mum sees me, I will deny and say it was danfo that tore my cloth. You are her child, she doesn't want to settle the fight, she is screaming in her mind "my son is in danger oya defend!".)

Tell your mother NOTHING. Block her. If she calls, all is well, Jesus is handling the matter.

2. Your friends and coworkers, especially if they're unhappy. I have seen 2 different married people now who ran to gist their so-called friends their issues. One friend was single, in her 40s and bitter, the other case the male friend was always punching his wife into the wall in vex. So they gave destructive advice and now those 2 married people are in Sabo and Lagos High Courts respectively.

You need happily married people and not to talk to many people sef. A lot of people lie, especially other men, they will beat their chest and swear "if na me, I go pack am go her papa house fiam angry

!!", meanwhile their wives will slap them with eba mixing spoon and their response is to enter their bedroom and kneel down and beg her.

Please you need people who really want you to stay married, to advice and counsel you in this period.

Family › Re: What's The Cost Of Getting A Divorce? by Onegai(f): 5:06am On May 22

Timoleon:
Bro all this long talk just to get back to the same point? A one year seperation (desertion) is enough. How you prove your case is a different matter. Make una no dey argue just to win argument. My initial submission is that it does not require a mandatory 2 years seperation to file for divorce. I never mentioned anything about proving their case. Like I said, poor people are in igando magistrate court divorcing everyday, they are definitely not paying lawyers hundreds of thousands let alone millions. Not all lawyers are Hugh profile, yet the exists for everyone. You think a woman struggling with 3 kids and a jobless husband in a face me I face you house is going to be demanding #2million naira monthly from her husband in a divorce? Do you have any ideas how many Nigerians are on 100k or less salary? You think those people are excluded from divorce?
Look around you and be honest, where are you seeing men fighting for full custody? When you see children from divorced parents, 9 times out if 10, they are with their mothers.

Back to the detail though, I reiterate, a one year seperation (desertion) is enough to file for a divorce. The two year mandatory period clause is a period from wedding date where a divorce cannot be filed. Meaning a divorce cannot be filed within the first two years of a legal marriage. After that, a divorce can be filed if one or both parties abandon the marriage for a year. The interesting part is that a person can desert their own marriage and still be the one to file. This is one part you aren't even looking at. How they go on to prove their case in court is an entirely different subject.

Shalom

I'm not arguing with you. From the get-go, I knew you were referring to Magistrate court, which is for Traditional wedding. Federal High Court is different, it is court wedding. The burden of proof is higher there and the OP and most educated people did court/registry wedding. You cannot dissolve registry wedding in magistrate court, it's not their jurisdiction.

Even a lawyer here has agreed with me and other lawyers are saying the same thing here: we don't know if the OP did court or trad only (I suspect he did both, so my initial comment is still valid).

Or you go Law School?

Family › Re: What's The Cost Of Getting A Divorce? by Onegai(f): 9:23pm On May 21

Timoleon:
Matrimonial causes act section 15(2)

If your wife packs out, you have to prove with evidence that she was never planning on coming back. Like you told her to come back and she replied via writing "gerrarahia mehnnn!" and blocked you. Family told her to go home and she refused. Or the man refused all calls from his wife and her family, packed out, nobody saw him again and he never pays anything towards the kids.

If she went for omugwo and can prove it, even if she had intent to leave you, you can't use it. If she carries some items to her papa house and nothing more, they won't use it.
So when you file it, she will contest it.

See, Nigeria is hard nowadays. Some lawyers are being unscrupulous so they can file whatever they want, the Judge can ignore it, they know this but you don't, you have paid money and will find out in court and they will ask for more money. I've seen lawyer write after 3 months, call the husband a narcissist and accuse him of assaulting his 4 children and demanded N2million monthly upkeep. The lawyer knew it wouldn't fly but money needed to be made. I've seen oluwole certificate where the husband awarded himself full custody and they even had a clerk stamp it.

Family › Re: What's The Cost Of Getting A Divorce? by Onegai(f): 8:38pm On May 21

folake4u:
Hahaha I got your mention. Did he agree to this deal?

For where.

Meanwhile, learned silk please I have a question:

What's going on in Law?

I'm seeing and hearing all sorts of odd cases where the petitioner is demanding things that the lawyers know the Judge won't accept, but lawyer go draft am go file.

Whatever happened to advising their client?

Even if they want to make money, advise their client before collecting brief. Because it sounds like the lawyers insist on money upfront, then tell the client a partial truth and let them find out the hard way.

Family › Re: What's The Cost Of Getting A Divorce? by Onegai(f): 2:32pm On May 21

sonofthunder:
So what do you do and what if there's someone that wants to reach out to you?

Check my signature

Family › Re: What's The Cost Of Getting A Divorce? by Onegai(f): 1:40pm On May 21

tonididdy:
With your experience please give me an answer or two.
Two married couples now leaving apart ( not divorced yet)
But one party ( the woman) moves on fast and starts dating again even when the traditional price is still on her head and an active court marriage certificate.

My question is? Is this sueable? ( I don't remember the law terms in such situation).
But can the man hurt the woman in question legally?

Can you prove she's dating and do you know his name? The Court will want evidence (pictures of them together, people to be witnesses).

Under Sharia law Adultery is a crime in the North (even Abuja). Police can arrest them.

Under Nigerian constitution, Adultery is not a crime. However, you can sue the man and say he is the reason your marriage broke down (Daddy Freeze was sued for N5million, I think). You can sue side chics for upto N50million, the court won't award that much but you can get some money.

Personally, neither party should have rushed into dating openly

Family › Re: Please How Can I Get A Divorce Lawyer In Ikorodu by Onegai(f): 12:19pm On May 21

Hugose:
My brother, I have stayed over 3 years as a married bachelor, October this year will make it 4 years. I don try.
I have intentionally chased away every woman that has tried to come close to me. Na this "Sister Maria" say we die here.

Of course the very first thing I had to make clear to her was my child. Its non negotiable. Hanty say the pikin na her own from now on. She is more than willing to be her step mom, although its easier said than done which I told her cos now my daughter has not really come to stay with me or visit me. So it might be a different ball game when they meet.

The funny thing is, this lady is a GenZ I am 15 years older than her and she still really really wants to stay with me. I cant recall how many times I have told her I cant deal with these your GenZ wahala, oya bye bye. And she is still just coming back somehow. Na so I just let her in finally and hence the reason we are now working towards a future family.

Plus she is not some random girl I met, she was recommended by almost my entire church. My family likes her (which is a big deal because they never liked my ex wife). So yea its happening, but I keep testing her and making her know, I am very fine staying alone. But no matter what I do, she just wants to stay with me, always doing her best to show me love with whatever she can. Of course its not like she no get wahala...but its something we are working on and I am also working on mine.

But like Aunty below said,

I have done all that and she really speaks like a willing mom. Either way I will date her for as long as needed if need be, because affliction no fit repeat itself

Okay.

Please also look inward and fix yourself eh.

Unfortunately not every marriage survives but if you can mend yourself and co-parent beautifully, it can be manageable.

I wish you luck.

One last thing: never let anyone speak badly of your ex. She's the mother of your firstborn and human beings are not good: if I let you insult my ex husband, one day you go share that insult reach my pikin side.

Demand and give nothing but utmost respect to your ex

And don't think it's impossible, you set the tone.

I've seen a baby mama and a wife be so convivial that they ignored the man and were chatting as the baby mama was dropping off her child to spend weekend with her dad, talking

Baby Mama: "will you please take him to the barber, how's work, your wig is nice"

And the wife was like

Wife: "of course nau, does he have homework, did you bring it, how are your parents?".

The man was pissed grin

Me sef, I shock

Family › Re: What's The Cost Of Getting A Divorce? by Onegai(f): 12:18pm On May 21

pappilo:
You are extremely smart. You must be advanced in age and experience or a very consummate professional in this area. What tops it is that your signature says you are female. I find that really hard to believed because your submissions capture the a man's view so accurately.

The only part I disagree with you is the part where you talk about counselling. The case as described by OP is way past counselling IMHO.

His case hasn't even reached bad counselling levels. It is so fixable.

People with worse cases fix their marriage

Family › Re: What's The Cost Of Getting A Divorce? by Onegai(f): 12:16pm On May 21

sonofthunder:
Are you a marriage counselor or what?

Me ke??

Family › Re: What's The Cost Of Getting A Divorce? by Onegai(f): 10:11am On May 21

socoharley:
Deal! Now it may entirely depend on location...I'm in Anambra state. What location are you getting your lawyer fee quotation?

Lagos state

Josite, Ogun state has casted. Depending on the legal firm, it can be that high. Plus if it is a highly contested case, every filing gets more expensive. I've seen a SAN's fees.

People do illegal Oluwole document to avoid paying

Family › Re: What's The Cost Of Getting A Divorce? by Onegai(f): 9:47am On May 21

Please if you are interested in cancelling your divorce, ask me how, I am more than happy to help you do our best to rebuild your marriage.

Abeg.

Family › Re: What's The Cost Of Getting A Divorce? by Onegai(f): 9:45am On May 21

Lithiumite:
But should be cheaper at least........if so,could be worth the wait.

Uncontested is the cheapest. There are people who codely meet and settle outside, buy car and house and transfer it. So that by the time they file, the other party has been bought off so it is uncontested.

Even uncontested, I saw 2 cases that still wasted time and every time your lawyer appears in court, you must pay them.

One lady posted on IG that she was going from Abuja to Benue and it was N70k each trip, minus all the other money spent just to hire lawyer.

2 Likes

Family › Re: What's The Cost Of Getting A Divorce? by Onegai(f): 9:41am On May 21

people4mie:
Your naration is such an interesting one, I wish I can have sessions with you on this matter. I'll honestly love to speak with you at a very convenient time for the both of us.

Sure, send me a message please

Family › Re: What's The Cost Of Getting A Divorce? by Onegai(f): 9:40am On May 21

socoharley:
which #1m-#6m? This is a big fat lie! Go to high court and you will get a lawyer file it for you . Just have a budget of 350-500k.

Prove me and her wrong, we pay you N20k each. We prove you wrong, you pay us N20k each. Deal?

Cherrybae:
Dear OP
In my opinion, do not file for divorce. Its very expensive.

First filing fee a lawyer will charge you is 100k

Again, lawyer will charge a professional Fee of not less than 500k

Also there an Appearance Fee lawyer will charge for each court day and that's about 30k.

The divorce case may last for 2 to 3 years due to series of adjournments.

Note that judges don't sit often and you will still pay your lawyer.

There are other filings that may come up too. If you are not financially buoyant, pls don't go for divorce.

Lawyers don't joke with their money. When you can't pay, the insults you will receive will be much than those from your wife.

In my opinion, try find a way to resolve this issues. Divorce is not the solution..

Family › Re: What's The Cost Of Getting A Divorce? by Onegai(f): 9:01am On May 21

DeepSight:
Why are you plagiarizing the bold from Obahiagbon.

Who?

I plagiarized nothing

Nigerians don't know the law and don't read their constitution, all this is even online or go to any High Court.

Family › Re: What's The Cost Of Getting A Divorce? by Onegai(f): 9:01am On May 21

Lithiumite:
Thought it was 3 years mandatory separation,thats really the easiest way out except the other party consents and doesn't contest.......is the divorce automatic after the mandatory separation.

3 years separation means No Fault Divorce, which means one party can file without consent. Doesn't mean the divorce will be automatic.

There's no such thing as automatic divorce in Nigeria, our laws are based on British laws and they're just still figuring theirs out

Best is that the couple have no kids and and not interested, then you file uncontested and the other party doesn't even waste their time or money to show up, thereby assenting to the petition, that's 6-9 months.

2 Likes

Family › Re: What's The Cost Of Getting A Divorce? by Onegai(f): 8:54am On May 21*

Timoleon:
It's not two years mandatory seperation, it's one. It's nowhere near a million, nowhere near a hundred thousand to file. Don't mis inform people. People who live in face me I face you get divorced too, if they had a million to spend they probably won't be having the marital issues leading to divorce. !

Brother, Nigeria's laws are online please go and check.

Customary court (Traditional Wedding dissolution) is not High Court (Registry Wedding dissolution).

A lot of Nigerians are doing higi-haga and faking certificate of divorce, they are always caught eventually.

If I am wrong, bring evidence and I and 2 lawyers here will offer you N20k each, if not you pay us N20k each. Deal?

Family › Re: What's The Cost Of Getting A Divorce? by Onegai(f): 3:43am On May 21

truthhurts2:
she won't. I think she really wants me to do something wild, something really violent to her that'll get me locked up. The more I'm trying to avoid that the more she's really looking for it.

It got a little bit violent this morning.

She has disappeared now, not coming home to sleep, and to be honest, I really don't care am just worried about my child that's with her.

I wish you would calm down, because there's nothing you're saying that is shocking.

Of course it will get a bit violent, the devil is the hardest worker on Earth, he must sprinkle some levels of violence and because you're not that kind of person to hit a woman, you're shocked at yourself so you think "she's the problem because I'm not like this and when she goes, problem is solved".

She too is thinking the same "this man could have killed me, why am I goading him to beat me, I'm not like this, when I leave, problem is solved".

Na lie. E go follow u everywia.

Calm down, talk to me.

A good lawyer or counsellor will do what I'm doing, a lawyer that just wants to make rent for next year in this Tinubu era will draw up papers. A man or woman who is equally sad in their life will tell you to end it.

And the devil is always a bastard. Because he's not creative so he uses the same MO for everyone.

12 Likes 1 Share

Family › Re: What's The Cost Of Getting A Divorce? by Onegai(f): 3:38am On May 21

truthhurts2:
Let me get this straight... Does that mean I'm stuck with her for life if I can't afford a court case?

If yes, then somebody's son or daughter will go six feet below or end up in jail one day

You're not stuck with her for life, you can walk away and not even file, commit bigamy, adultery (the world doesn't care, we're now encouraged to be as selfish as possible, self-care, choose you, chase your happiness etc).

You certainly feel like you're done right now and that's a valid emotion.

Emotions are rubbish, only a fool trusts them.

Reality is, you're going to be miserable. You will reach levels of misery you didn't even fathom. You think it is bad now, walahi you ain't seen nothing yet.

Then you'll stabilise, probably start dating again, feel euphoric in that new love and new freedom. But the romance will die eventually and you'll face your patterns, triggers and mistakes again. And this time you'll be forced to confront them (unless you want a second divorce).

And in having to work on it, you'll realize you could have put in that same effort in the first marriage and it will have survived and she was a better fir for you but now you're enduring what you couldn't tolerate before. That's when regret starts to really bloom, because regret is like a Shea butter tree, it takes time to grow.

Emotions don't last forever, you once felt happy as a young Nigerian now you hate the country. If you relocate, in 5 years time you'll love Nigeria so much even agege bread will make you weep in nostalgia.

I try and talk people out of a divorce because I've seen Divorcees 5 years, 10 years, 34 years down the line.

There's a reason that this below is now quietly being admitted to being true, by the people who spent decades telling us selfishness masked as self-care was best

15 Likes

Family › Re: My Pregnant Wife Disappeared In The Middle Of The Night After A Misunderstanding by Onegai(f): 9:01pm On May 20*

Ehinjuola

Both of you aren't handling this well.

First, you need to lead her better. Yes, you had a right to be angry she didn't care you were under the rain.

But you had no right to walk away leaving her. You're telling us your side of the story and that means you "merely" left her a few minutes. But unless she's a pregnant Tobi Amusan, no pregnant lady is moving that fast (jump quick waka or fly bike). So you ignored her for a while most likely. Own it, na man you be (we no go beat u, na only chastise we go chastise u).

You got mad and left your family in danger. That can never happen again.

(Notice I called her "your family" because that's what she is: your wife and your child, 2 in 1).

Now, that's why her mum hid her for 4 days.

And that was wrong, she should have maturely told you "don't you leave my daughter and grandchild alone and unsafe again". Speak up like a Mother, not like a stranger.

2 wrongs don't make a right.

Talk to your wife, tell her pregnancy, wedding plan and the devil can upset both of you, but you're a Warrior and warriors don't leave their families unsafe. And a warrior's wife trusts her leader to keep her safe. So this shouldn't happen again

End the conversation by praying over her and your child.

11 Likes 2 Shares

Family › Re: What's The Cost Of Getting A Divorce? by Onegai(f): 8:43pm On May 20

capetownboyz:
Marriage crashes this days feels crazy and here I am dealing with a baby mama and looking for means to bring her back into my life along with my baby cause I can’t bare to grow apart from my child most especially..

Propose.

Woo her, tenderly.

Firstly, become a Good Father: not a Naija father, but the type of Dad you see in the TV show "Bluey". Lovely show.

Then become a Husband: Ephesians 5: 21-33, what the Lord demands of anyone entering the covenant. Loverl her like Christ loved the Church, forgive before she has even asked you for forgiveness, don't remember that time she annoyed you last year or that time she was rude (keep no score), let her know that if she is stranded at 7pm at Oshodi, you have a way to get her home safely.

And have no other backup options. Your phone should be open to her because why on earth do people demand privacy from someone they created new life with, what private are you privating o jare?

Rooting for you bro, you got this 🫰

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