@Jenifa_
lol, i dont think so. he s not really keen on internet

@ eku_bear
well, i cant tell for all guys cause dont know all of them. but i had only white boyfriends before and they werent happy with me making up too much or wearing mini skirts. and if random guys were looking at me on the street they would be like it is my fault the guys are looking at me!
@fstranger_1
hmmm inferiority complex is a big issue itself. please guys dont attack me now but i think blacks are much more racists than whites. they are so meticulous when they hear the world 'black' checking if it was used in a correct sense and collocation and when they are not sure, they become crazy. and as for white people i think they are more relaxed when it comes to that. ive been insulted several times and the argument was me just being white and i didnt really care. i dont mind my boyfriend calling me whitey or whatever. his favourite topic seems to be the superiority of a black penis over a black one. i laugh inside over how superficial it is but i let him talk since it s making him feel better. but let me try call him any name connected to his race he will check if anyone heard it or let me  try to laugh at his fellow brothers, he would go wex!

lol u dont even know how funny your virtual tribal war seems to me. im just dying out of laughter i guess i learned the most about how complicated and passionate nigerians are watching your fights. guys relax!!! its not for real, its just your laptop screen you are fighting


as for my boy i think that if i leave him now i would just regret it all through. i wont agree to marry him though yet, until i get rid of my hesitations. i dont know why but i believe that he really wants to make things right now so lets see how it goes, will try to show him i trust him and think good of him cause me telling him hes a cheater and lier will only make easier for him to be one since i already think so.

@eku_bear
im worried about it cause
1. i keep on coming across threads of guys who are sick and unhappy with their wives after they're changed into fat monsters when they got older so it seems like its bound to happen

2. of nigerians! cause they seem so concerned about looks. even my boyfriend seems to be happy when we are going out and he can show me to his friends as if i was his trophy,

@ Onchedu
lol i think that by your definition he is a naija man.
and i think with exes its like that because of previous intimacy. thats sex that creates such a connection between people, so even after the feelings are gone they still think they belong together somehow. my boyfrend even told me she was dating someone back home and he became jealous but then he realised that it was only jealousy and illusion of previous feeling he had for her that misled him.
and thats why i dont think its a good idea to have sex before getting married anyway as its making you connected unnecesserily to people you are not even going to marry.
maybe im just too concerned about  being attractive but i think even though i try i cant look whole my life as i do now. its just natural that people at some point become less attractive. im quite scared of it

lol
do i not have right to express my own opinions?

MzD@rkSkin:

^^chill out. she has every right to voice her opinions if you dont like them ignore her but dont call her names. she is African American, not Nigerian. Respect that.

Mrs.Chima:

I guess it is much easier for Yoruba men to "experiment" on women who are easily whipped and lonely than a confident woman who know her worth.  

I believe you asked her or I could be mistaken if the dude have his papers and she said yes.  The original post said he has a visa.  She stated that she know the difference.   Then you asked her if the dude was Yoruba and she said no.  I am like if she couldn't tell the difference between a visa and a green card how would she tell if the guy isn't Yoruba?

You are Yoruba and I think you would know a Yoruba man better than she and I.  The guy is Yoruba.     Most Yoruba guys will prefer their own than "outsiders".  The fact that the guy said he would like a Nigerian sister.  You finish the conclusion.

you are so annoying Mrs Chima. go satisfy your miserable husband instead of spending fruitlessly all your boring evenings online looking for victims to mock and hoping they would become as unhappy and bitter as u are.

just to let you know, Mrs Bighead, i know u are from nigeria and live in USA but these are not the only two countries in the world and not all the people are in the USA and not all of them need 'a green card'. thats not how you call it in UK. I just said at the beginning it is not 'a visa issue' not calling it a residence permit or permanent residence (i did later on though but you havent read thoroughly) or whatever just in case someone wasnt familiar with the visa system in UK. It wasnt important then where we live or what the name of the papers he has is so i just called it 'a visa' cause thats how generally you call it here. What was important then was that its not for the papers why he wants me.
but you from the start assumed that everyone must be less intelligent that you are which is not true my dear and only made you look funny.
im glad you know better than him that he is yoruba

and anyway, you said yesterday you were out of here so go to hell. why did you come back? couldnt find anything more interesting? you can create your own thread 'i like insulting people to make me hopelessness easier to cope with'

@annawhite
i think that if i didnt love him i wouldnt be bothered with a black man whose acting seems so weird to me. i would just leave him and not be wasting my time here. but if im looking for the information here its not because i want to use it against him but because i cant get it from him and because  i want to work on us and cause i actually care. so dont know why you concluded i dont love him

well im not gonna comment on yoruba men as ive not recovered yet after the Ibos' attack

Mcleo007:

Culture plays a less role in determining the subversiveness of an individual. Same with upbringing. Am from a polygamous home of 16 children,but can tell u none of my siblings is looking in that direction. A cheat is a cheat,whether he's yoruba,ibo,italian,german or whatever. My advice, tell him how u feel about everything; that your feeling hurt and can't tell the future between you both. You'd know what he's up to from the response he'd give (be careful though,some pple are good at conceiling their emotions).

i only just spoke to him yesterday and he knows my feelings and said hes gonna make it right. but hes been telling me that several times before. so i dont know if hes that wicked or is it just that he cant change

Mrs Chima I thought you were 'outtie',

@Mcleo007
obviously staying in love doesnt have to do with race but the way you act with the ones you love does. maybe not really with race but with the culture and the upbringing

from what you are saying my boyfriend appears to be a real nigerian then

fstranger1:

I meant South south, some people call them Niger Deltans


The South-South Niger Delta, also known as the "South South Zone", includes Akwa Ibom State, Bayelsa State, Cross River State, Delta State, Edo State and Rivers State.

They own the oil the rest of the country enjoys! They are very nice people, unlike the cannibalistic Ibos.

fstranger1:

Yeah, Yoruba people and Hausas and some people in the SS are real Nigerians. Ibos are not.

whats SS?

fstranger1:

please ignore him

As you may have guessed already, he is Ibo, they arent really Nigerians. Google Biafra. Ibos are Biafrans, not Nigerians.

Anyway, if he insults you one more time, report him to the mods.

People like should be in the jungle, not among real people like you and me.

Are there real Nigerians at all? Too me it seems its just many different tribes that dont have too much in common with each other and are not really keen on each other

justwise:

Yea too bad, you be used and passed on to another non-Ibo man, what else are u good for?

JEEEEEZ! u must be insane. stop insulting me. i dont have any issue with Ibos or non-Ibos! I just answered the question fstranger1 asked if my boyfriend is Ibo and I answered he is not. So just to please all the Ibos should i answer he is Ibo even though he is not?

too bad

from here

fstranger1:

^^^^

British?

Well, dont listen to Mrs. Chima, she is one disgruntled, dirty AA. No one likes them and all her fellow AAs are in jail, little wonder why she is married to a Nigerian.


Anyway, Oyinbo pepper, trust me the guy likes you and both of you, my oracle told me, are meant to be together. I am going to consult my oracle further on your case and I will let you know how it goes!

Is your husband Ibo?  he sounds like an Ibo person and they are bad people.  Any Nigerian tribe is good to marry, except Ibos; they practice cannibalism and he may try to use you for money making rituals. Also, it is customary in Iboland to have their first child killed. So be careful if he is Ibo.

Any Nigerian tribe is good to marry, except Ibos; they practice cannibalism and he may try to use you for money making rituals. Also, it is customary in Iboland to have their first child killed. So be careful if he is Ibo.


thats all i know about Ibos. Got to know just 10 minutes ago.

sorry for my english. im not a native speaker

@fstranger1
thanks, i didnt like Mrs Chima from the start. She must be Ibo then
Im not British, staying in UK though. And hopefully my BF is not Ibo neither
Let me know ASAP how it goes with the oracle

@Jenifa_
thats cheating for me too. its just that im stupidly in love blah blah blah so i find excuses for him and it appears to me that its not something not understandable that he still had some feeling for her since they only break up because he left nigeria and they lost contact. my exes are not random guys for me too anymore so i was trying to understand. but i dont approve of it and the fact that i forgave him doesnt change how much i was hurt.
im afraid confronting him wont help cause he is obsessed with his privacy. instead of telling me why he is keeping them there he will start telling me off for going through his things. i wouldnt be happy neither if he was checking my bag, and even when he calms down he would tell me they have been there for ages and he even forgot that he had them. thats the answer i think i would get. but in what way else could i get to know?
he knows that i wouldnt tolerate cheating. i told him just yesterday as ive been advised that if i catch him cheating again i will leave him. i also told him that if we are married and he misbehaves i wont turn a blind eye to it and tolerate it and our life would just become hell cause i would be nagging him all the time. then he said he knows that and that he is too old just to play around and that he wants to get his life straight now.

well i dont know if he slept with her when she came or whatever. i only said i found two texts he sent to her. and he denied sleeping with her, he only said that when they met again he felt for her again and that it was only for a while and that its gone now.

and for the condoms i saw them in his bag and when i checked again after some weeks they were still there - same quantity. so its like im not sure, maybe they were there even since we started having sex and we were using condoms at the beginning or he just collected them for the gp as they give them for free.
im 24 and dont know whats the point of this topic anymore lol

he's in his late twenties, older than me a few years. and he has got his permanent residence

@queensmith
Well, u r right with it, he keeps on boasting about african, Nigerian, Christian values and so on but he doesnt seem to follow them. He keeps on telling me how Nigerian women are good how they don’t cheat and never get divorced. Im not saying they are bad but even in his family I know some marriages with such problems. He is not Yoruba. And we are not staying together. He s got more money with me so its even him who helps me in financial issues sometimes. Im listening to this rubbish although I know its just shit cause I m stupid and I believe he is the only one who is different from all the other bad men. well I don’t think he thinks im a LovePeddler cause then why would he be going out with me? Anyway that’s what he thought cause of his experience with English people and im not English.
@deco2come
I understand you, there are no perfect man in any country. But when I was going out with guys of my race it was completely different. Im not saying they were good. They were bad sometimes too, but they weren’t lying like that, if I had cought them in flagranti they would have admitted that they had actually cheated on me, they wouldn’t be telling me it was just their family friend who they were hugging… and I have observed that this way of behaving is quite common for Nigerian men and I just want to get to know how they think and why they behave like that.

Mrs.Chima:

I will be whatever you call me.  You are the one dealing with your confusion and asking questions.  I understand that not too many people can deal with the reality and want people to spoon feed them sugar.  I don't do that.  

As I stated previously good luck.  

I asked particular questions on purpose to get the answer on them. i didnt need a lecture on the difference between greencard and visa, as i didnt ask about that and believe me u r not the only one in the world that knows it.

plus u stated that im being used after i said its not the visa/greencard issue that is making us have problems. and when i asked in what way u think im being used u r saying you dont spoonfeed people. should i then accept everything you state just because u think its true even though you dont know how to justify it? please, spare me your opinions if you dont know how you concluded them.

I guess some of you didnt really understand me. Im not wondering if he loves me or if he is using me. I know him better than u of course and I know for sure he does love me and I know he s not using me cause all I have to offer is just my company – not more than any other woman can give. But the advice im asking for is connected with the culture hes been brought up, which I do not know and which you do know. So my question is wether taking into account the way hes been behaving and the way Nigerian people think and act is there any chance for him adapting to my European vision of family and marriage
@Wislet
Well, it seems true that im defending him Lol it might be that ive been brainwashed already by him But the thing is I see some bad signals but still I don’t want to believe that I should finish it and am still hoping to find a solution, but if such doesn’t exist then I will have to finish the relationship. all im gonna do for now is just talk to him about how we are different and see how he is gonna react if I tell him what marrying a white woman means and ask if hes fine with it. Im not sure he wants his life to be hell neither. And he wasn’t trying to fool me with his tears. I know they were coming from his heart as he was trying to hide them . I wish I could be mature enough to make decisions based on facts not emotions.
@Miss Ife
Im really happy for you to have found such a man! I think im not putting too much focus on oyinbo /Nigerian . before he met me he thought all white girls are whores, his friends probably think we are just playing with each other. Ive already said before that his friend advised him not to be bothered cause whites don’t have feelings. So it is a serious issue.
That’s definitely not the life I want to have so I wont marry him before im sure he wont misbehave. But I cant wait too long! Im not getting any younger so I cant be testing him for 5 years more!

wow u seem a very embittered woman Mrs. Chima

@queensmith
u r right but the truth is he has got a great respect for his mother unlike for his father. when i asked why he said because his dad didnt care about his mum. so u see even though hes been raised seeing such, still he doesnt approve of it. but thats probably the only type of behaviour he saw when he was a child so now he s acting the same way cause even if he wanted he doesnt know how to act otherwise

@ Moralistli
i did get it. of course i cant be silent when i dont approve of what hes doing. i have to tell him about it but im not sure if nagging is the best way. if i complain he begins sick of me and is trying to avoid me = looking for another women's company. but if i tell him in the way he doesnt feel attacked then i might make him feel sorry for what hes doing

@queensmith dont worry i dont think all nigerians are bad
the thing is I CANNOT live with it. i cant realise how i could live with someone in one house who would claim to be my husband - someone supposed to be my closest friend but in fact leading his own life outside the house, not even letting me know about it. i would have a feeling that im living with a stranger.

i would understand cheating if the wife is bad to the husband, she doesnt want to sleep with him or they dont get on well. but, its just not understadable for me that he can be doing such if we are so happy, not really having any problems with anything let alone sex. dont undesrtand why nigerians act like that. i wish i had a clue to his heart and could give him everything he needs so he doesnt look for it somewhere else,

Thanks guys. Well, your response turned out to be kind of a cold shower to me.  I think I was hoping that at least his homies could defend him.  Don’t know what to do know honestly. Just after his ex girl issue came up I was tryin to dump him, but he started crying (that was the only time I saw his tears) promising he would change and all that.  Should I tell him now that nairaland advised me to leave him?  Lol Or wait until I get another unbeatable evidence? Im not perfect too and do make mistakes so I thought  I should give people second chance since I cannot find a perfect man anywhere else.
@ Mrs. Chima Im pretty much aware of visa and green card system. Just called it a ‘visa’ in case someone wasn’t aware just to make them get rid of their hesitations. Cant believe im an ottoman.  I think my BF is fond of mixed race children. What do u think he might be using me for if its not papers?
@MOBO444 Im not fat at all just said im worried that he will mess up even more if im unattractive in 20 years time
@Moralistli Well, how do u think nagging could score in the future? That’s weird taking into account that you appear to be a male. From my experience nagging had always an opposite effect than intended, and a better technique was ignoring the man and appearing unavailable.

Hello everyone!

I need some advice from u guys. Im white going out with a Nigerian. We are very happy together. He is a really cute guy and treats me like a princess. Ive met his family and made good friends with some of them, Obviously we have some problems sometimes but most of the time we are enjoying ourselves.

He always tells me Im unlike all other white girls, cause im from a good, Christian Home, i dont cheat on him, i cook for him and treat him right i guess . (i dont think other white girls are bad though but thats what he thinks, probably cause of his previous experience) He is saying he wants to marry me and have children with me. (and its not the visa issue as hes already got it before  )
But it all got spoiled when his ex girlfriend came for a visit from Nigeria and they met after a very long time. He didnt tell me about that but then i got to know somehow after couple of months. After that i became obsessed and started checking everything, i even started going through his phone and came across some messages he sent to her  saying ‘i love you’, ‘i want to be with you forever’ … but when he was involved with her he was acting normally with me and i had no idea something like that was going on.

I confronted him about that and he said that it was over and that when they met some memories came back to him. And he was thinking that maybe it would be easier for him to have a black Nigerian wife and not me. And he said that after some time he realised im the one he loves not her and even though it might be difficult he will try to make us work. He also told me he spoke about that with his male friend and told him how bad he felt because of his lying to me and cheating, and the friend answered that he shouldnt be bothered cause im a white girl and that white girls want nigerian men only for sex so since im getting what i want he shouldnt have guilty conscience…

I have forgiven him, but its still in my mind. there are days i just stay in all by myself and cry causa ive been so hurt. I lost my trust to him.  I even found some condoms in the bag he takes to his workplace even though we dont use them. I dont know how long they ve been there for though. And i dont want to ask him about that cause hes gonna tell me they ve been tere for 3 years!  And hes a ladies girl so he receives millions of calls and texts from girls. I used to laugh it off but now everytime his phone rings im dying inside cause im thinking it must be her. I dont tell him about that though cause dont want to nag him.

Anyway I love him very much and would like to really marry him. But i want to have a peaceful, nice life, dont want to be worried everyday that hes cheating on me. And sometimes i think its impossible cause of the deregatory opinion Nigerians have on Whites and cause of their culture(hes from a polygamic home, hes Christian though) so I cant blame him for the way he is even though in my family adultery is not acceptable. And its high time now for us to decide if we want to move on or go our seperate ways as weve been together 2 years now.

if hes  messing around now, what is he going to do when im fat, ugly and not feeling like having sex after giving birth to a child?


What do u think? Can he be faithful??