wow u seem a very embittered woman Mrs. Chima

oyinbo85:

wow u seem a very embittered woman Mrs. Chima

I tend to agree with this. Her attack on Nigerian men is uncalled for.
Just like every other place, Nigeria has good and bad men as well as
women.
Try to make it work and don't forget to follow your heart not some faceless
home breakers on Nairaland.

@poster : you seem like a really nice girl, so nice and understanding that you would go way too far for that man. I am an oyinbo married to a nigerian man and I was a bit like you at the begining of our relationship (though nothing like cheating was involved). I wanted so much to prove him that I could accept and adapt to his culture that I forgot to ask him to do the same (after all, he knew very well he married an oyinbo ). Time passed and we found a good balance between our personalities and cultures. So I can honestly say that yes, it is possible for an oyinbo to be married to a nigerian man without him cheating ever (I am very sure my husband never cheated on me).

You are putting to much focus on the nigerian/oyinbo thing. The thing is that it is not a matter of culture, it is a matter of personnality. And sorry to say but your boyfriend has the cheating type. Definitely. Don't go in a marriage with such doubts. How would you feel when you stay home with big belly and he goes out? when you have to rest and nurse your baby while he hangs out with friends? It is not easy to handle in a marriage without problems, it must simply be unbearable if you have any doubts your husband might be cheating on you.

It has nothing to do with your appearance or the way you treat him. You guys are just dating, you are living the funniest and innocent times in a relatioship, if he goes out looking for girls and having doubts now, how are you going to rely on him when you face the daily married life and its struggles? My husband saw me tired, unwashed and grumpy after giving birth and he still looked at me as if I was the only beautiful woman on earth.

Please, think twice before you do anything. Don't let your love blinding you. I know of many nigerian men who are very faithful to their wives (nigerian or oyinbos), and I know some who keep on cheating (also married to nigerian or oyinbo wives). Choose carefully.

oyinbo85:

@queensmith
u r right but the truth is he has got a great respect for his mother unlike for his father. when i asked why he said because his dad didnt care about his mum. so u see even though hes been raised seeing such, still he doesnt approve of it. but thats probably the only type of behaviour he saw when he was a child so now he s acting the same way cause even if he wanted he doesnt know how to act otherwise

exactly, and i doubt he hates his father because of the cheating aspect, maybe the father maltreated the mom, its not uncommon. Chris brown witnessed his mother getting abused by his dad, but that didnt stop him. There are alot of factors when a man cheats. imo i dont really care- all I care about is that a man keeps his cock to himself when he's with me! if he cant good riddance!

Tough one.  I do not want to join the bandwagon of those clamoring for his head. Yes he is unreliable, and has cheated. While I do not condone cheating in any way, you have moved past that incidence or period. Although the first instint will be to tell you that you should move on from him, don't act based on a stereotype.
Like you mentioned earlier, 'maybe' he deserves a second chance. You should open up to him and let him know how you feel about him. Let him know that the moment he cheats one more time, you walk away. Walk away if he does it again. Don't get so snoopy and mistrusting. Let him do his thing but be more alert and knowledgeable.
He might not be using you but he is seriously misguided.

I guess some of you didnt really understand me. Im not wondering if he loves me or if he is using me. I know him better than u of course and I know for sure he does love me and I know he s not using me cause all I have to offer is just my company – not more than any other woman can give. But the advice im asking for is connected with the culture hes been brought up, which I do not know and which you do know. So my question is wether taking into account the way hes been behaving and the way Nigerian people think and act is there any chance for him adapting to my European vision of family and marriage
@Wislet
Well, it seems true that im defending him Lol it might be that ive been brainwashed already by him But the thing is I see some bad signals but still I don’t want to believe that I should finish it and am still hoping to find a solution, but if such doesn’t exist then I will have to finish the relationship. all im gonna do for now is just talk to him about how we are different and see how he is gonna react if I tell him what marrying a white woman means and ask if hes fine with it. Im not sure he wants his life to be hell neither. And he wasn’t trying to fool me with his tears. I know they were coming from his heart as he was trying to hide them . I wish I could be mature enough to make decisions based on facts not emotions.
@Miss Ife
Im really happy for you to have found such a man! I think im not putting too much focus on oyinbo /Nigerian . before he met me he thought all white girls are whores, his friends probably think we are just playing with each other. Ive already said before that his friend advised him not to be bothered cause whites don’t have feelings. So it is a serious issue.
That’s definitely not the life I want to have so I wont marry him before im sure he wont misbehave. But I cant wait too long! Im not getting any younger so I cant be testing him for 5 years more!

oyinbo85:

wow u seem a very embittered woman Mrs. Chima

I will be whatever you call me. You are the one dealing with your confusion and asking questions. I understand that not too many people can deal with the reality and want people to spoon feed them sugar. I don't do that.

As I stated previously good luck.

untainted:

I tend to agree with this. Her attack on Nigerian men is uncalled for.
Just like every other place, Nigeria has good and bad men as well as
women.
Try to make it work and don't forget to follow your heart not some faceless
home breakers on Nairaland.

Believe me I haven't attack your species yet. Don't try me.

oyinbo85:

I guess some of you didnt really understand me. Im not wondering if he loves me or if he is using me. I know him better than u of course and I know for sure he does love me and I know he s not using me cause all I have to offer is just my company – not more than any other woman can give. But the advice im asking for is connected with the culture hes been brought up, which I do not know and which you do know. So my question is wether taking into account the way hes been behaving and the way Nigerian people think and act is there any chance for him adapting to my European vision of family and marriage
@Wislet
Well, it seems true that im defending him Lol it might be that ive been brainwashed already by him But the thing is I see some bad signals but still I don’t want to believe that I should finish it and am still hoping to find a solution, but if such doesn’t exist then I will have to finish the relationship. all im gonna do for now is just talk to him about how we are different and see how he is gonna react if I tell him what marrying a white woman means and ask if hes fine with it. Im not sure he wants his life to be hell neither. And he wasn’t trying to fool me with his tears. I know they were coming from his heart as he was trying to hide them . I wish I could be mature enough to make decisions based on facts not emotions.
@Miss Ife
Im really happy for you to have found such a man! I think im not putting too much focus on oyinbo /Nigerian . before he met me he thought all white girls are whores, his friends probably think we are just playing with each other. Ive already said before that his friend advised him not to be bothered  cause whites don’t have feelings.  So it is a serious issue.
That’s definitely not the life I want to have so I wont marry him before im sure he wont misbehave. But I cant wait too long! Im not getting any younger so I cant be testing him for 5 years more!

Quit blabbering and go mind your shit

Reality,

Why you been mean suga? Come here lay on my right side.

If you think he is cheating on you now, What makes you think he will stop when he is married? Once a cheat always a cheat, I had the same issue with my ex he cheated begged for me to forgive him which i did like a fool, Only for him to cheat again, So this time i kicked his ass to the kerb, He still wants to come back but hell no, So you need to look deep down and see if you want to live like this for the rest of your life,

Mrs.Chima:

Reality,

Why you been mean suga? Come here lay on my right side.

Sweetheart the oyinbo sound un-real with this whole thread n write up

Mrs.Chima:

I will be whatever you call me.  You are the one dealing with your confusion and asking questions.  I understand that not too many people can deal with the reality and want people to spoon feed them sugar.  I don't do that.  

As I stated previously good luck.  

I asked particular questions on purpose to get the answer on them. i didnt need a lecture on the difference between greencard and visa, as i didnt ask about that and believe me u r not the only one in the world that knows it.

plus u stated that im being used after i said its not the visa/greencard issue that is making us have problems. and when i asked in what way u think im being used u r saying you dont spoonfeed people. should i then accept everything you state just because u think its true even though you dont know how to justify it? please, spare me your opinions if you dont know how you concluded them.

REALITY101:

Sweetheart the oyinbo sound un-real with this whole thread n write up

I understand suga.  I smelt red poo when I walked in but I am trying to be nicer this year.   OOoh lawd!  It was interesting how she walked in asking questions and then defended him when we told her the real deal. What the point of defending someone that you put out on a limb?  Anyway, I am starting to get irritated let me log off for a few before I get reprimanded again by Jaybee.

oyinbo85:

I asked particular questions on purpose to get the answer on them. i didnt need a lecture on the difference between greencard and visa, as i didnt ask about that and believe me u r not the only one in the world that knows it.

plus u stated that im being used after i said its not the visa/greencard issue that is making us have problems. and when i asked in what way u think im being used u r saying you dont spoonfeed people. should i then accept everything you state just because u think its true even though you dont know how to justify it? please, spare me your opinions if you dont know how you concluded them.

I know I said I was leaving after the last post and I am!  First of all while you getting all salty, I never said he was using you for GREEN CARD OR VISA.  I EXPLAINED THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO because you said that YOU DIDN'T THINK HE WAS USING YOU because he has a visa.  I simply stated visa and green card are TWO DIFFERENT THING. IF YOU WERE actually reading the posts you would have seen that I said YOU MAY KNOW THE DIFFERENCE but just in case OTHERS WHO DOESN'T.

I said he was using you PERIOD and why you sitting up there being CONFUSED he with that trick you know about.  Whether you ASKED A SPECIFIC question doesn't mean you will get a specific answer.  On this site, you ask a question be prepared for answers otherwise unfriendly.  Keep chatting you will get the gist. 

Anyway, I am outtie.  Some people EXPECT TO BE SPOON FED SUGAR and salty as hell because they are going through sugar withdrawal.

A lot of fools on this thread yarning loads of stinking trash like a broken sewer.Who says a nigerian can't be faithful to a white woman.Will marrying a nigerian or any woman of black origin for that matter make him any more faithful than marrying a white woman?My closest pal down here is married to a white woman and i dare say he's the most faithful man on the face of this earth i.e. besides my dad of blessed memory.
So stop all that stupid over-generalisations that tend to paint everybody with the same brush.Akin to saying 'all women are whores'.How's that for starters?Once again; FOOLS!

^^^ No disrespect but you probably wouldn't know if your dad was cutting shows, esp when you were much younger.

@OP
Yes a nigerian man can be faithful. Depends on the individual, upbringing and experiences. I have never cheated on my gf and she is not nigerian.

oyinbo85:

I guess some of you didnt really understand me. Im not wondering if he loves me or if he is using me. I know him better than u of course and I know for sure he does love me and I know he s not using me cause all I have to offer is just my company – not more than any other woman can give. But the advice im asking for is connected with the culture hes been brought up, which I do not know and which you do know. So my question is wether taking into account the way hes been behaving and the way Nigerian people think and act is there any chance for him adapting to my European vision of family and marriage

ok,with this explanation im going to have to come a bit harsh.It seems to me that you dont know men can be very evil, talkless of Nigerian men.
Forget everything youve heard about Nigerian men and cheating, most nigerian women are insecure and tell themselves all men cheat so they can deal with the problems in their relationships THATS NOT TRUE.
DONT ASSUME because hes Nigerian he doesnt understand the average vision of a family, he does, hes a christian, christians in Nigeria are even more devout than those abroad. They know everything they need to, they pride themselves on having morals its just they never follow them!

oyinbo85:

Well, it seems true that im defending him Lol it might be that ive been brainwashed already by him But the thing is I see some bad signals but still I don’t want to believe that I should finish it and am still hoping to find a solution, but if such doesn’t exist then I will have to finish the relationship. all im gonna do for now is just talk to him about how we are different and see how he is gonna react if I tell him what marrying a white woman means and ask if hes fine with it. Im not sure he wants his life to be hell neither. And he wasn’t trying to fool me with his tears. I know they were coming from his heart as he was trying to hide them . I wish I could be mature enough to make decisions based on facts not emotions.

The worst thing you have ever heard any man do to a woman in your life,multiply that by 5 and you have your average Nigerian mans potential. They are lethal, they are poison, they are wicked. For all you know,he has wives and kids in Nigeria, they live double lives its all a game to them, and one you definitely dont want to play!
DONT EVER FORGET THAT!
So next time you watch a Nigerian man cry, or sweettalk in your ear or whisper sweet nothings, dont assume its coming from his heart.
If he really loves you and respects you, he wont be 2timing wit his ex, taking condoms to work (who does that?) or feeding you with stereotypical nonsense! since when was that an excuse for anything! (the things we will not hear!)

oyinbo85:

Im really happy for you to have found such a man! I think im not putting too much focus on oyinbo /Nigerian . before he met me he thought all white girls are whores, his friends probably think we are just playing with each other. Ive already said before that his friend advised him not to be bothered cause whites don’t have feelings. So it is a serious issue.
That’s definitely not the life I want to have so I wont marry him before im sure he wont misbehave. But I cant wait too long! Im not getting any younger so I cant be testing him for 5 years more!

Again, he probably does think your just a LovePeddler- and its highly likely he's using you. I wont be surprised if you were the one footing all the bills in the house you both live in.
Because men dont go out to get serious with women who they think are whores, and when one does there's a high likelyhood hes getting something from it!
Again I hate to say it but your bf is hella ignorant, wtf! why will he say those kind of things to you? How do you even listen to all that gibberish? You should send him here so I can slap him! bloody idiot! what gives him the right to spew nonsense! fool!
(forgive me there, I just hate it when Nigerians chat such rubbish! it boils my blood)


where is your bf from btw?? Is he yoruba?

@queensmith

Whats your own with Yoruba guys Were you Oshofreed by a Yoruba guy Stay on your IBO lane abeg.

.

I hate it any time I see a post like this
[size=14pt]Re: Can A Naija Man Ever Be Faithfull To An Oyinbo?[/size]

Show me a country where there is no unfaithful man and I will show a country where there is no man. The truth is that from Africa to Europe down to Asia, Middle East, All America countries(Both North and South), there is no country where all men are perfect.

I'm not trying to defend the guy but I'm not happy with the way most folks here think. Mrs POSTER, what you are experiencing in your relationship happens everywhere. It doesn't matter the race, country or continent. Though I will admit that some guys do some silly things.

Coming to answer your question, I want you to understand that a guy might love you but his character will be the problem. Just like the disease of Kleptomania, a guy that loves too much of sex and ladies will find it difficult to stay with one lady even when he loves the lady with all his heart. Your guy might be one of them. I'm sorry.

roymary:

@queensmith

Whats your own with Yoruba guys Were you Oshofreed by a Yoruba guy Stay on your IBO lane abeg.

your a big fool!

tpia*:

i think some black nigerian men are on this site masquerading as white women.


and so on and so forth.


vice versa, etc etc.



[img]http://www.tribute.ca/tribute_objects/images/movies/white_chicks/whitechicks1.jpg[/img]

you might be right, the english im hearing from some 'oyibo's' is questionable!

@queensmith
Well, u r right with it, he keeps on boasting about african, Nigerian, Christian values and so on but he doesnt seem to follow them. He keeps on telling me how Nigerian women are good how they don’t cheat and never get divorced. Im not saying they are bad but even in his family I know some marriages with such problems. He is not Yoruba. And we are not staying together. He s got more money with me so its even him who helps me in financial issues sometimes. Im listening to this rubbish although I know its just shit cause I m stupid and I believe he is the only one who is different from all the other bad men. well I don’t think he thinks im a LovePeddler cause then why would he be going out with me? Anyway that’s what he thought cause of his experience with English people and im not English.
@deco2come
I understand you, there are no perfect man in any country. But when I was going out with guys of my race it was completely different. Im not saying they were good. They were bad sometimes too, but they weren’t lying like that, if I had cought them in flagranti they would have admitted that they had actually cheated on me, they wouldn’t be telling me it was just their family friend who they were hugging… and I have observed that this way of behaving is quite common for Nigerian men and I just want to get to know how they think and why they behave like that.

oyinbo85:

@queensmith
Well, u r right with it, he keeps on boasting about african, Nigerian, Christian values and so on but he doesnt seem to follow them. He keeps on telling me how Nigerian women are good how they don’t cheat and never get divorced. Im not saying they are bad but even in his family I know some marriages with such problems. He is not Yoruba. And we are not staying together. He s got more money with me so its even him who helps me in financial issues sometimes. Im listening to this rubbish although I know its just poo cause I m silly and I believe he is the only one who is different from all the other bad men. well I don’t think he thinks im a LovePeddler cause then why would he be going out with me? Anyway that’s what he thought cause of his experience with English people and im not English.

ok I was just making sure, because he sounds yoruba!
I will like to know the part of Nigeria he comes from where all the women are good, dont cheat and never get divorced? maybe in the 1700s!
lol, your not silly, at least your taking notice of these things rather than turning a blind eye- which is what most women will do!
Im sure you will solve things eventually

@Ujujoan

What made you think that ALL Nigerian men cheat? You must have tasted all of them to reach that conclusion.

@Poster. . .there are a lot of opinions here of which you must sift and make-up your mind as you are the one who knows this guy. I will speak for myself and the generality of "normal" (subjective) guys: We make VERY good husbands and NOT all of us cheat on our women whether black, white, yellow, etc! Like someone said, this is not something that can be used to judge "Nigerian" men like some ladies are suggesting here because for every BAD man you find, a woman made him what he is by their actions/inactions!

A lot of ladies here can not claim to be perfect and never cheated! An average Nigerian guys is uber-sharp and we know the ways of women and when they cheat, we may pretend to overlook it but that woman is "gone" while the man is now "changed" and will more than likely have a "back-up" plan in most cases. This is what is generally called "cheating" by Nigerian ladies which MOST of the time is caused by ONE of them of them in the first place.

I can relate with what the friend of your BF told him about white women because I have personally seen it myself. But again, people will always be different and because one white girl did it does not mean all of them do it however, if on a scale of 100, any score that is > 51%, is in the majority and is generally representative of the entire set. This is why his friend told him what he did and it is something that can hardly be argued. You may be in the other 49% but who knows?

For the Nigerian ladies giving advise here, you have no idea if any of them have any moral standing to condemn a relationship and even call guys names. How many ex-gfs have cheated and when they get caught, they cry and beg but a Naija man is a Naija man! In the end, she has to move on and out of the bitterness will do anything to impugn the character of the millions of Nigerian guys because of something she did (or her fellow sister did) to permanently change innocent, God-fearing men to wild devils in sheep clothing of which you might now have met one? Well, a lot of the commentators here have it worse than you anyway, they are single, unhappy, lonely and getting old and they need you to be like them so think about that!

(This might be hard but it is very frank and true opinion!)

Don't close ur legs after giving birth o. . never!never!
D rest no concern me. , . . . . . . . .

Pls Nigerian men are wonderful and make great husbands. Just find yourself a good one. . And pls pay no mind to some of de rants and stereotyping going on here. A bitter heart can do wonders.

Change the title of your post to "can my nigerian boyfriend ever be faithful to me"
your current title is pretty stereotypical and offensive to say nigerian men can't ever be faithful to an oyinbo.
just because your bf is cheating on you don't mean all nigerian men are cheating on their oyinbo gf.


btw does he have his greencard? how old is he?



lol@tpia's post.

he's in his late twenties, older than me a few years. and he has got his permanent residence

that's good. because otherwise I would have suggested you be careful since many foreigners are looking for greencard and use marriage solely to obtain it.

I have forgiven him, but its still in my mind. there are days i just stay in all by myself and cry causa ive been so hurt. I lost my trust to him. I even found some condoms in the bag he takes to his workplace even though we dont use them. I dont know how long they ve been there for though. And i dont want to ask him about that cause hes gonna tell me they ve been tere for 3 years!  And hes a ladies girl so he receives millions of calls and texts from girls. I used to laugh it off but now everytime his phone rings im dying inside cause im thinking it must be her. I dont tell him about that though cause dont want to nag him.

Anyway I love him very much and would like to really marry him. But i want to have a peaceful, nice life, dont want to be worried everyday that hes cheating on me.

he cheated on you with his "ex-girlfriend" when she came to visit him from nigeria.
and you find condoms in the bag he takes to work everyday.
obviously he is cheating on you and most likely will continue to cheat on you in the future.

so what is your question again?  if you should marry him?
do what suits you. but this is not a "nigerian" issue. cheating is not a nigerian issue and lots of whites commit adultery.
what the point of this topic again? 
we should decide for you if you should stay with a cheating bf?  how old are you?

well i dont know if he slept with her when she came or whatever. i only said i found two texts he sent to her. and he denied sleeping with her, he only said that when they met again he felt for her again and that it was only for a while and that its gone now.

and for the condoms i saw them in his bag and when i checked again after some weeks they were still there - same quantity. so its like im not sure, maybe they were there even since we started having sex and we were using condoms at the beginning or he just collected them for the gp as they give them for free.
im 24 and dont know whats the point of this topic anymore lol