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Can A Naija Man Can Ever Be Faithfull To An Oyinbo? - Romance - Nairaland

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Can A Naija Man Can Ever Be Faithfull To An Oyinbo? by oyinbo85: 5:09pm On Jan 14, 2011
Hello everyone!

I need some advice from u guys. Im white going out with a Nigerian. We are very happy together. He is a really cute guy and treats me like a princess. Ive met his family and made good friends with some of them, Obviously we have some problems sometimes but most of the time we are enjoying ourselves.

He always tells me Im unlike all other white girls, cause im from a good, Christian Home, i dont cheat on him, i cook for him and treat him right i guess . (i dont think other white girls are bad though but thats what he thinks, probably cause of his previous experience) He is saying he wants to marry me and have children with me. (and its not the visa issue as hes already got it before  wink )
But it all got spoiled when his ex girlfriend came for a visit from Nigeria and they met after a very long time. He didnt tell me about that but then i got to know somehow after couple of months. After that i became obsessed and started checking everything, i even started going through his phone and came across some messages he sent to her  saying ‘i love you’, ‘i want to be with you forever’ … but when he was involved with her he was acting normally with me and i had no idea something like that was going on.

I confronted him about that and he said that it was over and that when they met some memories came back to him. And he was thinking that maybe it would be easier for him to have a black Nigerian wife and not me. And he said that after some time he realised im the one he loves not her and even though it might be difficult he will try to make us work. He also told me he spoke about that with his male friend and told him how bad he felt because of his lying to me and cheating, and the friend answered that he shouldnt be bothered cause im a white girl and that white girls want nigerian men only for sex so since im getting what i want he shouldnt have guilty conscience…

I have forgiven him, but its still in my mind. there are days i just stay in all by myself and cry causa ive been so hurt. I lost my trust to him.  I even found some condoms in the bag he takes to his workplace even though we dont use them. I dont know how long they ve been there for though. And i dont want to ask him about that cause hes gonna tell me they ve been tere for 3 years!  And hes a ladies girl so he receives millions of calls and texts from girls. I used to laugh it off but now everytime his phone rings im dying inside cause im thinking it must be her. I dont tell him about that though cause dont want to nag him.

Anyway I love him very much and would like to really marry him. But i want to have a peaceful, nice life, dont want to be worried everyday that hes cheating on me. And sometimes i think its impossible cause of the deregatory opinion Nigerians have on Whites and cause of their culture(hes from a polygamic home, hes Christian though) so I cant blame him for the way he is even though in my family adultery is not acceptable. And its high time now for us to decide if we want to move on or go our seperate ways as weve been together 2 years now.

if hes  messing around now, what is he going to do when im fat, ugly and not feeling like having sex after giving birth to a child?


What do u think? Can he be faithful??
Re: Can A Naija Man Can Ever Be Faithfull To An Oyinbo? by jaybee3(m): 5:15pm On Jan 14, 2011
Wow wow wow . . . . What worries me is people actually do see signs but yet they close their eyes to the obvious truth. I do not know your guy but the kind of convenient reasons he has been coming up with disgusts me.

The chances of an average Nigerian man with strong African mentality returning back to naija to get his own black queen is relatively high. You have to weigh what you stand to loose if you do decide to stick around.
just remember things are a lot easier now that kids aren't involved. Whatever you decide just make sure you are properly convinced before having kids with the dude.

Good luck

1 Like

Re: Can A Naija Man Can Ever Be Faithfull To An Oyinbo? by obowunmi(m): 5:19pm On Jan 14, 2011
My sincere advice to you: Move on.
Re: Can A Naija Man Can Ever Be Faithfull To An Oyinbo? by Nobody: 5:24pm On Jan 14, 2011
oyinbo85:

Hello everyone!

I need some advice from u guys. Im white going out with a Nigerian. We are very happy together. He is a really cute guy and treats me like a princess. Ive met his family and made good friends with some of them, Obviously we have some problems sometimes but most of the time we are enjoying ourselves.

He always tells me Im unlike all other white girls, cause im from a good, Christian Home, i dont cheat on him, i cook for him and treat him right i guess . (i dont think other white girls are bad though but thats what he thinks, probably cause of his previous experience) He is saying he wants to marry me and have children with me. (and its not the visa issue as hes already got it before  wink )
But it all got spoiled when his ex girlfriend came for a visit from Nigeria and they met after a very long time. He didnt tell me about that but then i got to know somehow after couple of months. After that i became obsessed and started checking everything, i even started going through his phone and came across some messages he sent to her  saying ‘i love you’, ‘i want to be with you forever’ … but when he was involved with her he was acting normally with me and i had no idea something like that was going on.

I confronted him about that and he said that it was over and that when they met some memories came back to him. And he was thinking that maybe it would be easier for him to have a black Nigerian wife and not me. And he said that after some time he realised im the one he loves not her and even though it might be difficult he will try to make us work. He also told me he spoke about that with his male friend and told him how bad he felt because of his lying to me and cheating, and the friend answered that he shouldnt be bothered cause im a white girl and that white girls want nigerian men only for sex so since im getting what i want he shouldnt have guilty conscience…

I have forgiven him, but its still in my mind. there are days i just stay in all by myself and cry causa ive been so hurt. I lost my trust to him.  I even found some condoms in the bag he takes to his workplace even though we dont use them. I dont know how long they ve been there for though. And i dont want to ask him about that cause hes gonna tell me they ve been tere for 3 years!  And hes a ladies girl so he receives millions of calls and texts from girls. I used to laugh it off but now everytime his phone rings im dying inside cause im thinking it must be her. I dont tell him about that though cause dont want to nag him.

Anyway I love him very much and would like to really marry him. But i want to have a peaceful, nice life, dont want to be worried everyday that hes cheating on me. And sometimes i think its impossible cause of the deregatory opinion Nigerians have on Whites and cause of their culture(hes from a polygamic home, hes Christian though) so I cant blame him for the way he is even though in my family adultery is not acceptable. And its high time now for us to decide if we want to move on or go our seperate ways as weve been together 2 years now.

if hes  messing around now, what is he going to do when im fat, ugly and not feeling like having sex after giving birth to a child?


What do u think? Can he be faithful??



Honey if you are going to marry a Nigerian, then you might as well resign yourself to the fact the he WILL cheat on you. Whether you like it or not . . . whether you find out or not! One of those trip he'll come to Nigeria without you, he's going to hook up with a lot of his ex GFs and tell them stories of how he's married to an 'oyinbo' woman who doesn't really understand him. He's going to cheat on you with them, maybe even have children and very possibly marry one of them! I'm sorry to break it to you, but it's the harsh reality!

Just 2 out of 10 men won't behave like that and I'm sorry your BF is in the other 8! embarassed embarassed
Re: Can A Naija Man Can Ever Be Faithfull To An Oyinbo? by queensmith: 5:32pm On Jan 14, 2011
Leave him!

dump his sceiving ass

dont look back!

Its nothing to do with you being white, he would cheat on you if u were white purple or yellow, its just that I think a Nigerian girl may have read the signs sooner. Or he will have acted a little different. He already has that common stereotype in his head and trust me you dont want to mix with a guy like that, he probably does think your a airhead and that all white women are whores. Of course that isnt true but try explaining that to the african man that jumped fresh off the boat!
He will always compare you to every nigerian girl he meets, and trust me when i tell you, a nigerian man has no reservations of promising marriage to ANY GIRL!!
He's infidelity has nothing to do with his background, if that was the case I dont think any nigerian woman will be bothered when her boyfriend cheats on her. Infidelity is never acceptable!
Dont invent excuses for him, just because hes black doesnt mean he cant understand the simple unwritten rules of relationships, He's probably using all his culture crap to twist your mind! DONT BELIEVE IT!!!!!
Treat him like you will treat any guy your dating, if your head is telling you something listen to it, 'being black' is never an excuse for anything. Your better with someone you can trust!

Gurl i know its gonna be tough because youve been with him for 2 years and its been a great experience for you, but when doubts like this arise i dont think its right for a woman to ignore.

good luck!

1 Like

Re: Can A Naija Man Can Ever Be Faithfull To An Oyinbo? by MrsChima(f): 5:55pm On Jan 14, 2011
Yall know Mrs. Chima keeps it real.

Oyindo,

There is a different between a VISA and a GREEN CARD.  I am not saying he wanting to marry you for a green card.  I am just saying that people are clueless about the Visa and Green Card systems.  (You may very well be aware)

For those who DOESN'T know a VISA is something that is stamped to your passport and a GREEN CARD is like a Social Security card for the citizens or permanent residents.  The visa runs out and you are to return back to your homeland and a green card is permanent. 

Now we got that out of the way. 

He doesn't want you, doesn't respect you, and using you for all he can get.

2 Likes

Re: Can A Naija Man Can Ever Be Faithfull To An Oyinbo? by MrsChima(f): 6:01pm On Jan 14, 2011
Mz Dark, please allow me to quote you.

Mz Dark stated in another thread that black men or African men have strong ties to their own and it highly likely they will seek in the same cesspool where they hence from. There are a few of the brothers that actually love and wants to be with the chicks that are not like "them".

So you have to determine if he IN LOVE WITH YOU regardless of your race or if he see you as an ottoman until he find a sister that he can marry.

1 Like

Re: Can A Naija Man Can Ever Be Faithfull To An Oyinbo? by MrCork17: 6:03pm On Jan 14, 2011
well am only faithful to white women. they dont give stress wink
Re: Can A Naija Man Can Ever Be Faithfull To An Oyinbo? by MrsChima(f): 6:05pm On Jan 14, 2011
I thought you like light skinned women?
Re: Can A Naija Man Can Ever Be Faithfull To An Oyinbo? by MrCork17: 6:08pm On Jan 14, 2011
Mrs.Chima:

I thought you like light skinned women? 

HELL YEEEEA: light skin, half cast, mixed race and white babes like Mrs Chima!! wink
Re: Can A Naija Man Can Ever Be Faithfull To An Oyinbo? by MrsChima(f): 6:10pm On Jan 14, 2011
Mr, Cork:

HELL YEEEEA: light skin, half cast, mixed race and white babes like Mrs Chima!! wink

My husband prefer his baby black. So do I.
Re: Can A Naija Man Can Ever Be Faithfull To An Oyinbo? by MrCork17: 6:11pm On Jan 14, 2011
Mrs.Chima:

My husband prefer his baby black.  So do I. 

you have a husband? how many? undecided
Re: Can A Naija Man Can Ever Be Faithfull To An Oyinbo? by MrsChima(f): 6:12pm On Jan 14, 2011
Mr, Cork:

has he got papers?  dont lie angry

What do you think?

By the way, he didn't go through the Visa Lottery like you did. He got a social security card, wink
Re: Can A Naija Man Can Ever Be Faithfull To An Oyinbo? by Moralistli(m): 6:13pm On Jan 14, 2011
Quite possible 4 a naija man 2 b faithful 2 his wife, but certainly not in dis case of urs, Nag if u can coz it 'll settle scores in time,

1 Like

Re: Can A Naija Man Can Ever Be Faithfull To An Oyinbo? by MrsChima(f): 6:16pm On Jan 14, 2011
Moralistli:

Quite possible 4 a naija man 2 b faithful 2 his wife, but certainly not in dis case of urs, Nag if u can coz it 'll settle scores in time,

Of course Naija men can be faithful to their wives. I am sure there are millions, okay thousands, okay hundreds, okay tens of Naija men being faithful regardless of color. As you stated in this case he is using her for all he can.

Women need to stop trying to close one eye looking at the elephant's arse.

1 Like

Re: Can A Naija Man Can Ever Be Faithfull To An Oyinbo? by MrCork17: 6:17pm On Jan 14, 2011
Mrs.Chima:

What do you think? 

By the way, he didn't go through the Visa Lottery like you did.   He got a social security card,  wink

Mrs.Chima, sweeery i bet yo husband marryed u to become a Somali Citizen, Dont lie wink
Re: Can A Naija Man Can Ever Be Faithfull To An Oyinbo? by MOBO444(f): 6:19pm On Jan 14, 2011
dd
Re: Can A Naija Man Can Ever Be Faithfull To An Oyinbo? by MrsChima(f): 6:19pm On Jan 14, 2011
Mr, Cork:

Mrs.Chima, sweeery i bet yo husband marryed u to become a Somali Citizen, Dont lie wink

If that was the case suga then he wasted his time.  American citizens and permies do not need to marry for a social security card.  But, I hear you there are dumb black/African men in this world.   Are you the President of not so smart Men, Inc.?
Re: Can A Naija Man Can Ever Be Faithfull To An Oyinbo? by MrCork17: 6:22pm On Jan 14, 2011
Mrs.Chima:

If that was the case suga then he wasted his time.  American citizens and permies do not need to marry for a social security card.  But, I hear you there are dumb black/African men in this world.   Are you the President of not so smart Men, Inc.?

Mrs.Chima, so u claimin to be american citizen? yea right. I bet u from Lagos!! undecided
Re: Can A Naija Man Can Ever Be Faithfull To An Oyinbo? by MrsChima(f): 6:23pm On Jan 14, 2011
Okay. IF it make you feel any better. I will play along just for the sake of peace.
Re: Can A Naija Man Can Ever Be Faithfull To An Oyinbo? by oyinbo85: 6:36pm On Jan 14, 2011
Thanks guys. Well, your response turned out to be kind of a cold shower to me.  I think I was hoping that at least his homies could defend him.  Don’t know what to do know honestly. Just after his ex girl issue came up I was tryin to dump him, but he started crying (that was the only time I saw his tears) promising he would change and all that.  Should I tell him now that nairaland advised me to leave him?  Lol Or wait until I get another unbeatable evidence? Im not perfect too and do make mistakes so I thought  I should give people second chance since I cannot find a perfect man anywhere else.
@ Mrs. Chima Im pretty much aware of visa and green card system. Just called it a ‘visa’ in case someone wasn’t aware just to make them get rid of their hesitations. Cant believe im an ottoman.  cheesy I think my BF is fond of mixed race children. What do u think he might be using me for if its not papers?
@MOBO444 Im not fat at all cheesy just said im worried that he will mess up even more if im unattractive in 20 years time
@Moralistli Well, how do u think nagging could score in the future? That’s weird taking into account that you appear to be a male. From my experience nagging had always an opposite effect than intended, and a better technique was ignoring the man and appearing unavailable.
Re: Can A Naija Man Can Ever Be Faithfull To An Oyinbo? by queensmith: 7:00pm On Jan 14, 2011
No dont tell him you got it from nl,

sit down and think about the whole situation yourself

get a pen and paper and write pros and cons

mark down your insecurities and at the end of the list ask yourself

CAN YOU LIVE WITH THIS

if the answer is no, then you dont need hard evidence, long explanations so on so on

once youve convinced yourself, you can just tell him the relationship doesnt sit right with you and you want to move on so you can be happy

trust not all african men are like this, Nigerian men are not the best in the world, they dont even treat their own kind right, so dont feel bad and try not to develop a racial stereotype. there are still plenty of good men out there

1 Like

Re: Can A Naija Man Can Ever Be Faithfull To An Oyinbo? by oyinbo85: 7:13pm On Jan 14, 2011
@queensmith dont worry i dont think all nigerians are bad wink
the thing is I CANNOT live with it. i cant realise how i could live with someone in one house who would claim to be my husband - someone supposed to be my closest friend but in fact leading his own life outside the house, not even letting me know about it. i would have a feeling that im living with a stranger.

i would understand cheating if the wife is bad to the husband, she doesnt want to sleep with him or they dont get on well. but, its just not understadable for me that he can be doing such if we are so happy, not really having any problems with anything let alone sex. dont undesrtand why nigerians act like that. i wish i had a clue to his heart and could give him everything he needs so he doesnt look for it somewhere else,

1 Like

Re: Can A Naija Man Can Ever Be Faithfull To An Oyinbo? by sistajay(f): 7:17pm On Jan 14, 2011
Any woman that dates a naija man deserves a medal!! Yep I got mine!!
@ Poster. . . . . . less of the snoopin, cuz you'll surely find whatever clues you're lookin for, less of the nag nag it only pushes them further into another woman's arms!! One ting is for sure he aint never gonna change!! He'll be dedicated to you and several others!! Only you can make that decision whether to stay or leave!

1 Like

Re: Can A Naija Man Can Ever Be Faithfull To An Oyinbo? by Moralistli(m): 7:44pm On Jan 14, 2011
@ OP; what i meant is dat you 're bound to either be nagging or be silent, and the latter is to ''endure all d bullshit'',,,,, When u nagg, probe or protest it will as a matter of fact creats an avenue for him to listen to you in no time thereby makin it easy to resolve the issue b4 it gets out of hand.

Got it?
Re: Can A Naija Man Can Ever Be Faithfull To An Oyinbo? by menachem: 7:53pm On Jan 14, 2011
It depends.
If he loves her. . .
Re: Can A Naija Man Can Ever Be Faithfull To An Oyinbo? by queensmith: 8:04pm On Jan 14, 2011
oyinbo85:

dont undesrtand why nigerians act like that. i wish i had a clue to his heart and could give him everything he needs so he doesnt look for it somewhere else,

Lol trust me, if anyone found the answer to that the person will win a nobel prize!

A cheat is always a cheat, it doesnt matter what you do, its the way alot of them were raised, what theyve seen, a reflection on the respect he has for women
dont over bother yourself over him, since he cant do the same for you. There are plenty of wonderful men out there

2 Likes

Re: Can A Naija Man Can Ever Be Faithfull To An Oyinbo? by oyinbo85: 8:07pm On Jan 14, 2011
@ Moralistli
i did get it. of course i cant be silent when i dont approve of what hes doing. i have to tell him about it but im not sure if nagging is the best way. if i complain he begins sick of me and is trying to avoid me = looking for another women's company. but if i tell him in the way he doesnt feel attacked then i might make him feel sorry for what hes doing
Re: Can A Naija Man Can Ever Be Faithfull To An Oyinbo? by oyinbo85: 8:15pm On Jan 14, 2011
@queensmith
u r right but the truth is he has got a great respect for his mother unlike for his father. when i asked why he said because his dad didnt care about his mum. so u see even though hes been raised seeing such, still he doesnt approve of it. but thats probably the only type of behaviour he saw when he was a child so now he s acting the same way cause even if he wanted he doesnt know how to act otherwise
Re: Can A Naija Man Can Ever Be Faithfull To An Oyinbo? by MrsChima(f): 8:17pm On Jan 14, 2011
oyinbo85:

Thanks guys. Well, your response turned out to be kind of a cold shower to me.  I think I was hoping that at least his homies could defend him.  Don’t know what to do know honestly. Just after his ex girl issue came up I was tryin to dump him, but he started crying (that was the only time I saw his tears) promising he would change and all that.  Should I tell him now that nairaland advised me to leave him?  Lol Or wait until I get another unbeatable evidence? Im not perfect too and do make mistakes so I thought  I should give people second chance since I cannot find a perfect man anywhere else.
@ Mrs. Chima Im pretty much aware of visa and green card system. Just called it a ‘visa’ in case someone wasn’t aware just to make them get rid of their hesitations. Cant believe im an ottoman.  cheesy I think my BF is fond of mixed race children. What do u think he might be using me for if its not papers?
@MOBO444 Im not fat at all cheesy just said im worried that he will mess up even more if im unattractive in 20 years time
@Moralistli Well, how do u think nagging could score in the future? That’s weird taking into account that you appear to be a male. From my experience nagging had always an opposite effect than intended, and a better technique was ignoring the man and appearing unavailable.


You stated in the thread that he wsn't using you for a visa so from that alone tell me he has s visa and not a green card.  I don't care what else he could be using you for but he is.  

According to you, he did all of the stuff you mentioned and based on that ALONE I said what I said.  I can repeat it again, but what the point?  You going to do what you want anyways.  

Good luck on that ottoman.
Re: Can A Naija Man Can Ever Be Faithfull To An Oyinbo? by Wislet(f): 8:27pm On Jan 14, 2011
@OP, So after all des arguments, wat u gonna do?? Looks to me like u re seriously defending de guy.lol. Dont know wat to tel ya, really. . . U're an adult so i guess u should be able to sit yourself down & ask yourself some questions: Can u live wit this in de long run? Do u want happiness & peace of mind, or do u wanna test drive i.e try & see if it!s gonna work? Whatever decision u take, try not to be fooled by dem tears. Those come easy. De difference between love struck adolescents & adults is de adult's edge in de field of experience, & maturity bestowed on him by age. So quit de confusion.

2 Likes

Re: Can A Naija Man Can Ever Be Faithfull To An Oyinbo? by Nobody: 8:29pm On Jan 14, 2011
Yes, my uncle married one they have 3 children 2 girls and a boy 19, 18,17, happy family with African culture. When you have open mind knowing in your heart that you are getting married to the white woman for love and not for green card, everything goes good. You all know what I'm talking bout

1 Like

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