Phate07's Posts
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 Jokes Etc › Re: Jokes Factory by Phate07(op): 11:24pm On Jun 17, 2011 |
^^^lol  “Doctor, doctor, I’m so worried,” said the anxious man. “Both my wife and I have black hair, but our son’s just been born with red hair. Do you think something funny has been going on?” “Not necessarily,” replied the doctor. “How many times do , you have sex?” “About 5 times a year.” “Well, there’s your answer then, you’re just a little rusty.” |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Jokes Factory by Phate07(op): 11:21pm On Jun 17, 2011 |
Only few are mine. Most are compilations from different sources.  Enjoy all the same.  |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Jokes Factory by Phate07(op): 11:18pm On Jun 17, 2011 |
Funny Nigeria Interpretations Of Some Proverbs(from my Waffi friend) He who fights & runs away , Na fear catch am. Pikin wey no sabi em mama boyfriend, Dey call am brother. A rolling stone no just dey roll, Na person push am. He who lives in a glass house, Na im pepe rest. A stitch intime, dey prevent further tear tear. Birds of d same feather, na d same mama born dem. One good turn, na correct power steering be that. A bird in hand, wetin e wan be again if no be barbeque. Half bread, is better than buns or puff puff. D journey of a thousand miles, O' boy e beta make u carry your car go enter aeroplane. The patient dog, Na hunger go kill am. All work & no play, Na Banker be dat. He who laughs last, na mumu, y im no catch d joke d 1st time & laugh when others dey laff!! |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Jokes Factory by Phate07(op): 11:17pm On Jun 17, 2011 |
Have you ever wondered why A,B,C,D,DD,E,F,G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed! {A} Almost Boobs.? {B} Barely there. {C} Can't Complain. {D} Dang! {DD} Double dang! {E} Enormous! {F} Fake. {G} Get a Reduction. {H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up!!!. |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Jokes Factory by Phate07(op): 11:16pm On Jun 17, 2011 |
Goldieluks:Aight, enjoy. And do feel free to contribute jokes of your own anytime. |
| Nairaland General › Re: Why are NAIRALANDERs not using their real pictures on their profiles by Phate07(m): 11:14pm On Jun 17, 2011 |
Now, why would i want to put up my pic?  |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Jokes Factory by Phate07(op): 11:12pm On Jun 17, 2011 |
Goldieluks:Welcome Goldie, to my Jokes factory. You like? |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Jokes Factory by Phate07(op): 11:10pm On Jun 17, 2011 |
A husband and wife meet again in Heaven. The wife says " We're together again!" The husband says "Oh, heck no! That document said only till death do you part!" |
| Nairaland General › Re: Seun, You Need Lightpd by Phate07(m): 11:09pm On Jun 17, 2011 |
Experienced it too this evening. Got "Service not available, server under load" message. |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Jokes Factory by Phate07(op): 11:03pm On Jun 17, 2011 |
One day Lil johnny came back home 4rm school and told his dad that he got suspended for 2 weeks, His dad angrily asked why and Johnny said "Dad, what's 2+3", Dad: 5 of cos, Johnny: And what's 3+2, Dad: What's da fuckin difference, Johnny: EXACTLY dad, dat's what I also said. |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Jokes Factory by Phate07(op): 11:01pm On Jun 17, 2011 |
A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Harry what is your problem?” Harry answered, “I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!” Ms Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Brooks he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. Principal: “What is 3 x 3?” Harry: “9”. Principal: “What is 6 x 6?” Harry: “36”. And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Brooks and tells her, “I think Harry can go to the third-grade.” Ms Brooks says to the principal, “Let me ask him some questions?” The principal and Harry both agree. Ms. Brooks asks, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of? Harry, after a moment: “Legs.” Ms. Brooks: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?” The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question! Harry replied: “Pockets.” Ms. Brooks: “What does a dog do that a man steps into?” Harry: “Pants” Ms. Brooks: "What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?" Harry: "Coconut" The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry was taking charge. Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?" Harry: "Bubblegum." Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?” The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer. Harry: "Shake hands." Ms. Brooks: "Now I will ask some “Who am I” sort of questions, okay?" Harry: "Yep." Ms. Brooks: "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do. Who am I?" Harry: "You are a tent." Ms. Brooks: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. Then best man always has me first." The Principal was looking restless and bit tense. Harry: "You are a Wedding Ring." Ms. Brooks: "I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good." Harry: "Nose." Ms. Brooks: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver." Harry: "Arrow." Ms Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?" Harry: "Fire truck." The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, “Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last three questions wrong myself! |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Jokes Factory by Phate07(op): 10:53pm On Jun 17, 2011 |
There arer 4 Kinds of men African--->>>Has Wife and GFs but Loves Sister in law or mum the Most, Asian--->>>>Has Wife and GFs but Loves Wife the Most, American->>>Has Wife and GFs but Loves GF the Most, Arab---->>>>Has 14 Wives and 9 GFs but Loves his Camel the Most!!! |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Jokes Factory by Phate07(op): 10:51pm On Jun 17, 2011 |
A baby mosquito came back after its 1st flight, Dad asked: How did U feel? He replied: Dad it was wonderful, Everyone was clapping for me |
| Romance › Re: Romance Section Chat Room IV by Phate07(m): 10:50pm On Jun 17, 2011 |
[color=#550000][/color] |
| Romance › Re: Pls Advice Me by Phate07(m): 10:46pm On Jun 17, 2011 |
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| Romance › Re: Romance Section Chat Room IV by Phate07(m): 10:40pm On Jun 17, 2011 |
i officially hate nairaland word censor  |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Jokes Factory by Phate07(op): 10:38pm On Jun 17, 2011 |
While in China, an Australian man was very sexually promiscuous and did not use a condom at all. A week after arriving back home in Sydney, he woke one morning to find his penis covered with purple spots. Horrified, he immediately went to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, ordered some tests and told the man to return in two days for the results. The man returned a couple of days later and the doctor said, 'I've got bad news for you - you've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it.' The man looked a little perplexed and said: 'Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc.' The doctor answered: 'I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis.' The man screamed in horror, 'Absolutely not! I want a second opinion.' The doctor replied: 'Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only option.' The next day the man found a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'd know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examined his penis and proclaimed, 'Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Very rare disease.' The guy said to the doctor, 'Yeah, yeah, I already know that but what can we do? My Australian doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!' The Chinese doctor shook his head and laughed. 'Stupid Australian doctor, always want to operate. Make more money that way. No need to operate!' 'Oh, Thank God!' the man replied. 'Yes,' says the Chinese doctor, 'You no worry! Wait two weeks. Fall off by itself!' |
| Romance › Re: Romance Section Chat Room IV by Phate07(m): 10:35pm On Jun 17, 2011 |
Goldieluks:Its called pre-intimacy. Have you not heard of it before! [quote author=won-90 link=topic=679557.msg8539957#msg8539957 date=1308346198]Goldie- DYT is pregnant test her if she really is  [/quote] no, she's not preggers. She's jus missing her period, Kabiru stole it. |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Jokes Factory by Phate07(op): 10:30pm On Jun 17, 2011 |
A young police officer was taking his final exam at Police College in Lagos. Here is one of the questions: You are on patrol in the outskirts of lagos when an explosion occurs in the township. On investigation you find a large hole has been blown in the footpath and there is an overturned van lying nearby. Inside the van there is a strong smell of alcohol. Both occupants - a man and woman - are injured. You recognise the woman as the wife of your Divisional Inspector, who is at present away on a Peace Making Mission In Sudan. A passing motorist stops to offer you assistance and you realise that he is a man who is wanted for armed robbery. Suddenly a man runs out of a nearby house, shouting that his wife is expecting a baby and that the shock of the explosion has made the birth imminent. Another man is crying for help, having been blown into an adjacent Canal by the explosion, and he cannot swim. Describe in a few words what action you would take?"The officer thought for a moment, picked up his pen, and wrote: "I would take off my uniform and mingle with the crowd!!!! |
| Romance › Re: Romance Section Chat Room IV by Phate07(m): 10:27pm On Jun 17, 2011 |
Goldieluks:Okay, can we kiss and make up? Dyt:Maybe he might. He once stole periods from 7 girls in his village and had to run away to Egypt. True! |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Jokes Factory by Phate07(op): 10:23pm On Jun 17, 2011 |
Johny walked into clas every Morning with a black eye. Teacher:- what's wrong? Johny :- our house is very small. Me, my mum, my dad, we sleep on the same bed. Every night my dad asks, 'Johny r u sleepin?' Then I say No & then he slaps my face & gives me a Black eye" Teacher:- 2nite when ur dad asks again, keep dead quiet & don't answer. The folowing morning Johny comes back with a severe black eye again. Teacehr:- My goodness why the black eye again? Johny:- Dad asked me again, Johny äre u sleeping? & I shut up & kept dead still. Then my dad & my mom started moving, u know, at the same time Mum was breathing eratically, kicking her legs up frantically & squealing like a hyena on the bed. Then my dad asked my mum, are u coming? Mum said, Yes I'm coming, are u coming too? Dad answered:- Yes. They don't usually go anywhere without me so I said, wait for me, I'm also coming.:O X_X. And he gave me a black eye again. |
| Romance › Re: Romance Section Chat Room IV by Phate07(m): 10:22pm On Jun 17, 2011 |
Goldieluks:story! |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Jokes Factory by Phate07(op): 10:20pm On Jun 17, 2011 |
From A Mother With Love Dear Child, I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they left so that they wouldn't have to change their address. This place is real nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure if it works too well though. Last week I put a load in, pulled the chain, and haven't seen them since. The weather isn't too bad here., it only rained twice last week, The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Steve said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got another bill from the funeral home. They said if we don't make the last payment on Grandma's grave, up she comes. John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were worried because it took him two hours to get me and Shelby out. Your sister had a baby this morning but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle. If the baby is a girl, your sister is going to name it after me, she's going to call it Mom. Uncle Pete fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some man tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days. Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down. There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened. Your loving Mum. PS, I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed. |
| Romance › Re: Romance Section Chat Room IV by Phate07(m): 10:15pm On Jun 17, 2011 |
Dyt:Ask Dsense, he should know about it. |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Jokes Factory by Phate07(op): 10:11pm On Jun 17, 2011 |
An American dude, a English fella, and a 9ja man were on a ship. Suddenly the devil appeared and said: "Drop anything into the sea and if I find it I will eat you but if I can't I will be your slave!", The American dropped a pin, the devil found it and ate him. The English man dropped a coin, the devil found it and ate him too. The 9ja man opened a bottle of water, poured it into the sea and said "Na Today! Find am na?" |
| Romance › Re: Romance Section Chat Room IV by Phate07(m): 10:10pm On Jun 17, 2011 |
So, are we through with 'the spirit of God is in me' Goldie? Which Goldie is this now? |
| Romance › Re: Husband, Wife And Mother-in-law Game. by Phate07(m): 10:08pm On Jun 17, 2011 |
**long hiss** |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Jokes Factory by Phate07(op): 10:07pm On Jun 17, 2011 |
Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed. He shoots his friend and kills him. Wife says : "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends" |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Jokes Factory by Phate07(op): 10:03pm On Jun 17, 2011 |
Boy: Hello ? Girl: Hi ! Boy: How are you ? Girl: Fine ,and you ? Boy: Whats your name ? . . . Girl : I cant speak with low class sorry ! Boy : Ok I'm rich ! Girl : Really ?, hmmm I'm Sarah ! Boy : Nooo , my name is Rich, !!! |
| Romance › Re: Romance Section Chat Room IV by Phate07(m): 10:01pm On Jun 17, 2011 |
Goldieluks:Last 2 weeks. You want me to use it one you down there? |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Jokes Factory by Phate07(op): 9:59pm On Jun 17, 2011 |
You must think with a CLEAN mind: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down, a dog does with it's leg lifted? |
| Nairaland General › Re: A Long Fight With My Friend Recently by Phate07(m): 9:57pm On Jun 17, 2011 |
OP, is this your idea of a piece of poetry? |
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