₦airaland Forum

Sylverly:
We all are opinionated. No wahala.

Sylverly:
And you are fully aware about the stress he passes through each morning, as highlighted. Definitely, won't let him take such decision of divorcing. Well, will try though

decatalyst:
This is not about a lazy man.

What he woman did is fundamentally wrong. How could she go ahead to do such a fantastic gifting and not informing her husband. I thought two have become one.

The man need to correct this...though it is going to be very hard because most people will think he is not happy about his wife buying car for her mother and this could lead to an even bigger issue that may not get settled in years (family wahala).

Also, maybe the wife doesn't love the husband as much as she loved her mother.

Yoruba would say "bi ina ba jo eni to jo omo eni tara eni laa koko gbon " (If fire is burning you and burning your child, you will first put out the one on you).

Your husband doesn't have a car and you buy one for your mother first? The love is in question here.

Sylverly:
Thank you very much, little mind

Lhimeet:
Who wan share money?

deltateam:
You are not an active punter here.

I am trying to avoid an Alex situation.

ThisisIkemefuna:
We all nominate him

deltateam:
They have to nominate you.

Acmepreneur:
This my guy is not serious at all.
I used to tell myself change is the only permanent thing in life bla bla bla. And I really believe that once you take the right steps, you can be anything you want to be. This made me to be very soft with people.
When I started dating my Boyfriend, I really was not choosy or judgy. I accepted him without a second thought. I'm not the type of lady that actually do all those lady stuff, I'm a very serious person and I don't play games at all.
My BF is very cool, like not bad looking, normal behaviour etc and I like him a lot.

I'm a very ambitious person, with an extremely big dreams,my boyfriend is also hard working, but I'm not seeing any future at all with his career/prospects/life. When I say I'm with big dreams, it's means I'm working on discovering (new innovations), planning big business that would compete with top brands etc. I'm that big in dreams.
My children is also very important to me, I don't plan for their sufferings at all.
I'm an introvert, I find solace in my aspirations, dreams. I have books I work out those formulas (I mean how I would execute my business plans), I research a lot, think a lot etc

Our fight now
Since day 1, I do tell him to do this and that. I really hate company works, so I would tell him to have savings, and be building something sideways where he works. Also, I wanted him to do Masters, since he said he would love to travel out, he's always saying he hates Nigeria bla bla bla. His dad also wanted him to do Masters, but he's in the crew of Masters is a waste of time, and he can't do Masters in Nigeria bla bla bla

Baby try this business, he would say he doesn't have money, he needs 2million to start a business etc.
Meanwhile, he doesn't have money to travel out of the country to do Masters, nor 2m to start any business. So I would tell him to manage what he has first, and that would propelled him later, but he likes to talk like illiterates that Masters is meaningless.
Meanwhile, while that is true, those things are just like investment, you don't know when you will see an opportunity to use your Masters certificate, and since he studied computer science, I told him that it can even help him get a job outside Nigeria when he leaves, that it can be useful there. I understand the situation of the country, but not having masters doesn't mean you will get a job as well, so why don't you just have it
My bf would shut me off, and also his dad, the dad even asked him to take job at the federal university where he works, but my bf said he can't work in that place, this is a federal government job o, he would say the salary is too small and people there already knows him, because his dad is in a big office in the university.
So it won't seem like I'm disturbing him, I went quiet, but might chip it in in discussions, but I don't fight him on those things. He works in a small company, and he rose to the position of a Manager, he spent all his time in office, the little time to waste with his friends. Its a good thing but I'm not comfortable with that, the pay is about 90k, which is not enough for his expenses, also hes the first born.

Fast forward to last year, his dad died, it looks like a film trick to him, he now have to take care of his siblings and mum (mum is nurse, but retired long time ago, her pay is little because it wasn't normal retirement). Everything I was telling him finally came to pass.

He rented an apartment with His friends, he later hated it, and said he wants his own, he went to rent an apartment of 600k (he gathered it from different places and he borrowed), which I really hate and we fought on that as well. Because he could have used the money to secure his life in a better way, since his complain when I told him to start a business is that he doesn't have money bla bla bla

He will not apply for better jobs as well
He's practically doing nothing to grow, and would say he hates Nigeria and he would like to leave, but he can't even apply for scholarships or even google schools.

So this 2020, Jan 1, I started fighting him, that I'm not going to continue with him like that, that he should go apply for MSC, start a business or just do something. He now started saying that he has responsibilities which are his siblings, I told him this is the nonsense, he would do till the year ends, we will fight and later resolve it.

He won't even talk about it, or get reminded, he makes me feel Hus boss is using him. I have told him several times how he would be used and dumped, in fact, he makes me say negatives sometimes, and thats because I have seen people that get dumped while working with companies and they fall back to grass, my mum won't even accept him because he works in a company, small company, not cocacola or big companies. My mum hates company works like shits because we've heard and seen people falling to zero due to company jobs.

The problem
1. He says I'm disturbing his life, and not allowing him to rest

2. I'm not happy with him living that way, with no future, no investment, hes not building himself while working, hes not doing courses, not learning any skills, and I think its too risky.
His current salary is not enough for him, not to talk of me collecting part of it. But he gives me money though, has not been more than 1k, 2k and data subscription which I really appreciate.

3. I can't introduce him to my family because I want him respected. Truth is I don't know what he would say to impress my parents because I'm not even impressed with him. And I want him to be superloved and respected. I believe in first impression would last very long. He has introduced me to his family and all friends

4. He never ask me about my own life, aspirations, advice me etc, I'm always the one to do that. Yesterday he had the gut to tell me I'm not caring because of just two days of not showing care

5. Corona has turned his company outside down and he's highly affected. Just like all what I was telling him finally happened, and he has nothing to fall back at. He has a car,

6. I can't marry him or anyone this way, and I'm getting old, though and I want marriage next year. He said he wants too, but I can't marry him like this. And I don't want to get to late twenties, and he breaks up and I start looking for husband, people would be thinking maybe I have a problem that is why I'm yet to marry, they won't know that its him that caused my delay. Plus I have a very high esteem, so I would hate to be desperate for marriage with a man or be the one to be wanting marriage so much in a relationship


7. Right now, we have temporarily break up, so I'm asking if I should break up or make up? Because he was saying rubbish last night

Note: I'm not a fan of dating and rubbish, I love him very much and I don't want to leave him at all. I don't think there's any man I can date as I do not like dishonesty at all and 95% of men are dishonest. My BF is very honest and good I'm every other aspect

funmisticqueen2:
lol. I am proudly selfish. Thank you.

I don't want to be poor nor end up with a poor man, Is it your poor?

ademidedavid:
I pray she adheres to this

seanwilliam:
wa gbayi jare... if you see the way I dey vex reading some dumb comments on here ehn.. I wish I was the mod here, I go give atleast 50 years of ban to many sissy monikers here

funmisticqueen2:
Of course no man owes me anything, but the moment he chooses to start a family with a woman, he has put her in a vulnerable position. Most times Automatically, her priorites realign, she becomes more vulnerable, she has to tolerate bullshit because she is married and has a family, she has to quit work when she gets pregnant, she has to experience the worse pain of her life and tangle with death in the labor room.


She has to readjust to putting another human being's (a newborn) needs before her own. She has to put her career on hold to nuture this man's children, and allow them to bite her breasts for at least 6 months. Do you even know how painful and uncomfortable exclusive breastfeeding is? I always wonder why women still come to the labor room more than twice.

You do all this for a child that will still leave one day. That may or may not be grateful. Afterall, it isn't their obligation to look after you in old age. Isn't that how millennials think?


I worked in the labor room for a year and i saw many traumatic things that has shifted my mind about starting a family. I came to the conclusion that motherhood is not worth it. Especially if the man has a bad character(a good number) is not in the picture, or cannot afford to provide for his family.

That i ask that a man should simply provide so that his family is comfortable and can get the best of what is out there, is not not too much, but the minimal requirement.

I'm not a poor person, I can take care of myself. I'm just starting my career but chose to stay at home because of the epidemic. I am asthmatic and nigerians are not worth dying for.

But i will rather adopt children and understand that they are my cross to bear alone than to be saddled with a man who thinks that the bare necessities is too much for him to accomplish. When i do end up finacing the simple things I want like yearly trips abroad which i am already doing as a single person instead of the man that wants me to go through the hoops and hurdles of selflessly raising his family as a gesture of goodwill and 'love'. Then he will know what disrespect truly means.


Sorry for the rant, but It truly gets me angry whenever i see men bullying women to accept their mediocrity.

Tyriq:
You've being on point man.. Thanks for the update.

funmisticqueen2:
when i say afford. I mean that you cant afford to be in their presence.


I take no responsibility if you choose to misinterpret my statement.

mblarry1:
Send u a mail... Please get bck to mi

Kingrefreshed:
HOW CAN I LIKE YOUR COMMENT TWICE?

m140:
Cus of the bolded am always ready

m140:
One can if you one got some to spare, not last kobo or money not in excess

funmisticqueen2:
coming from the monicker called poorboy.

You can't even afford hungry girls. I'll stop giving you attention now as i mind the business that pays me.

m140:
Money ke, my brother no one knows sef.
People wey get money their wife still dey collect outside, no one knows joor, Bezos no divorce

funmisticqueen2:
while you have a point, any man that wants to start a family with me, should promise to provide for and protect him while i nuture him and the family.

Part of provision is at least yearly trips abroad and enough funds to ensure a lasting legacy for his children.

That's not too much to ask for, or are you that mediocre.

osazsky:
it was a reply to that foolish lady..my wife is a reputable caterer in Benin...I day crase way I go marry liability guys don outgrow that shit..it was very common in d 90s then not this our generation God forbid

osazsky:
the thing weak me .d president of Germany and Bolivia are women...I wish I could date a Yahoo girl..I go just sit down for house they cash out everyday see enjoyment then offer her sex finish nothing more

nahzyla:
Neither do women owe you anything

funmisticqueen2:
what exactly does 100+k mean, below 150k or almost 200k??

The op seems like a mediocre man to me. He doesn't want to advance further. If his wife doesn't push him to hustle, who else will.

Please what is wrong with a flamboyant lifestyle? Does her husband have two heads. Let him go and make money so that she can be proud of him

Zdoh:
God bless ypu for that bold step