₦airaland Forum

Romanoff:
I was okay with all you said until I saw the male bestie part and then, some of your comments made it look like a woman can't have a life just cause she's hoping to get married.

A woman can have a male bestie and it will be a pure friendship. Any man who can't handle a woman who has a male beat friend should just leave her alone and go for one who doesn't.

Why should a woman throw her friendship away because of relationship that might end tomorrow.

Instead of controlling the crowd she moves with, why not look around for a woman who flows with your kind of crowd?

This kind of thinking makes it looks like a man should change a woman to suit him.

How about you look for woman that suits you in the first place?

The happening guy verse boring guy part. See ehn, every woman has what she wants in a man. Some like the happening guys and some just want a quiet life.

I've seen these fast life girls marry a boring guy and still want to club why husband is home. I know one sef that left her baby at home while her husband travelled so she could go clubbing.

Just have the right qualities you want in a partner and date with a purpose. My two cents.

Shugavee:
u speak base on ur asumptions , hv u had a male bestie b4 ? Nah definitely not. Stop telling people how to live their life , life is too short for all these fucjed up rules up n down ,,, why will I not hv a male bestie when he makes me happy as a friend,,,because u think I hv had sex with him ?, so I should live my life base on what u think ? When u hvnt even lived life enough? Not like ur life is perfect!

Take a sit, u won’t stop anyone from hving a male bestie if they wanna . N that won’t stop them from hving a man or getting married . Not like marriage is any achievement!! But base on it’s the only thing u think in ur life . I will conclude on that note ..

bukatyne:
Good evening my people, how quarantine?

This thread is primarily for young ladies in their late teens to early twenties who are in serious relationships.

Disclaimer:
1. This thread is suited for ladies who want to date/sleep with as little men as possible before marriage. If you are in a relationship for a 'good' or 'fun' time, you don't need this thread as you will naturally gravitate towards men/boys who can provide the 'excitement.'

2. This thread is not claiming that serious minded guys/men are not 'exciting.' They can and do provide excitement in their own way.

3. I am a firm believer of young girls finding a young husband material as quickly as possible. I call it investing your youth in a husband material. I am not a fan of huge age gaps; I rather the young catch the young. . Bar exceptions, I not think building a career and a relationship/marriage cannot go hand in hand.

To the thread proper:

I see a number of young ladies call a serious young man 'boring' because he is not into the fast life. He is more grounded, focused on things that betters the future of you too such as education, mental capacity, emotional development etc. He is that guy that would invite you for a career fair or marriage seminar. He doesn't care about the 'get together' happening in the house of the Yahoo guy that just hammered nor is he interested in clubbing everyday.

He is not seeking for a girl he just wants to sleep with; he has seen you as a wife material he wants to groom to be the best version of yourself. He is the guy that would rather help you with your coursework.

He is seen as boring because he is principled and expects same from you. He is not going to give you drama and would not expect drama from you either. Cheating, collecting contacts from guys, double-dating, hanging out with questionable friends, claiming bestie with guys etc. He expects loyalty and faithfulness. He is not a 'I am just passing or marking my own' guy so he needs you really invested in the relationship. This characteristic of principle is sometimes mistaken for 'strictness' or 'rigidity.'

He would most likely not be the fun seeking type. This doesn't mean you both cannot create the type of entertainment suited to you. He might suggest going for a book fair or GT Bank Food Fair over visiting the new club opening. If you want to dance, get music and dance together. His priorities would also be different; he would pick an future enhancing activity over fluff if he has to choose.

And nope, he is not going to accept the version of yourself you bring to the table just like that. He will encourage and require you to finetune it. He might point out some stuffs about you he doesn't like; your dressing, makeup, hair do, carriage, attitude to classes, interests,friends etc. He is not the anything goes guy because he is invested in your future and naturally wants to protect his interests.

He would be protective of you so don't be surprised if he doesn't want you mixing with a particular crowd or wearing certain clothes or conducting yourself in a certain way. He is not trying to stifle you or keep you from enjoying life; he just wants his woman to be the best version of herself for him.

Hmmmmmmm, sex; he might have enough self-control to abstain, he might not. If it happens, the sex is going to be with care. Even if he wants to be a ruff rider, it would still be with the consciousness that this is my baby till the end. The way you use aso ebi for one time is different from the way you use lace kept at the bottom of the box.


Jara:
Any man who is fine with everything you do or doesn't have a contrary opinion is either with you for the short term therefore not willing to invest in you OR pretending and waiting till after marriage to show his true colours.

Hence the popular 'men change in marriage'.

I hope this would be very useful to a baby girl about to 'end' that relationship because the bobo is boring or 'not a happening guy.'

nnamdiosu:
I actually was captivated by one of your replies in a thread a lady wrote on seeking a man, where you advised her to wait for her own.
Initially I was like, who is this and all.

I had to go through your threads/profile to understand your mind better and your personality. (I do that a lot to know who a person on this forum is/believes in, etc)
And the truth is, you're amazing.

I love your style of writing, honesty and realism. God bless you.

You just gained a follower. Cheers and wishing you a splendid week. Amen

OK. When you do get married, I'd like to know probably in a year's time if you still hold to your conviction. God will keep us till then.

bukatyne:
@Romanoff, do I like trouble if I ask about male besties now?

It is a year

Romanoff:
I don't get it.

bukatyne:
Do you still believe in opposite sex besties as a married woman?

Romanoff:
Yes I do.

My friendship is separate from my marriage.

My two besties are still my besties, male and female.

Female bestie getting married next weekend.

bukatyne:
Congratulations to her.

Maybe we have different interpretation to the word 'bestie'.

GeneralPula:
This OP is intelligent, not cuz her post, but the way she respond all critics..

Ever since the beginning of time, truth was never a women thing. That was why satan had to deceived EVE to chop the Apple..

OPs message was simple. She was referring to responsible girls / guys. But some irresponsible damaged old cargoes appeared from no where to bash her. Not cuz what she’s saying isn’t the truth, but because it’s like a woman’s thing that whenever they hear the truth, they do get bite by it..

From ma experience, set of girls that gets attached to you quickly are the ones you’re telling lies or faking things for...
Like baby, how much did you buy your ride? Maybe it’s 2m, tell her 4.5m completed it..
How much did you buy your wrist watch, maybe it’s 35k, tell her 175k..
Tell her that ever since you watched titanic, you understood love perfectly and you will surely give up your life for your woman..(I’m sure not many people knows that titanic love never existed, it was all a movie script)
Tell her how you’ve planned to travel to Fiji island in certain time to have a romantic moments with your woman. Next thing she will do is google search Fiji island and she will like it..

Pram pram! (Maybe the guys that are real to her messaged).. Baby(M), you have a message! Baby(F) will check and say don’t mind those disturbance...I already told them I got a man but they won’t let me be, then baby(M) will smile and say that’s my girl..

Movies like Zeeworld and all those Korean movies have brainwashed a lot of our girls - hence why they’re so easy to brainwash once you’ve got the necessary scope..

So if you want to get a naija girl easily, with much attention from her and without you stressing much with less spending...Lies, real deceiving words are the keys to it...She won’t detect you until you dump her!

If satan(F) can deceive her fellow woman to achieve what she wanted, how much more a man?

It may sound heartless, but women(Satan) introduced lies and deceit into the world..

Romanoff:
So why can't any of the guys I spoke of be besties?

I've got two male besties and two female besties. They are also engaged to be married and our friendship is pure.

So the woman also gets to "tweak" the man like she's calibrating medications?

flokii:
Well, from things we see and hear nowadays.. most ladies marry for the wrong reasons to the wrong people and end up having loveless marriages.

Then all of a sudden they remember that good guy they friend zoned and start looking for fun and intimacy with them after several years. This is 2020 for God sake, that rubbish has to stop.

@OP preach!. hope they listen

DCYP:
aunty you have been shouting since,
Ok let me ask how will you feel if your husband or man is more closer to his female bestie than he is to you, he vibes with her more, talks with her more, laughs aloud anytime they talk cause they just understand each other won’t you feel threatened in some way,
And I believe this bestie of a thing is something small kids brought up to disguise guys they want to either date in the future or keep having sex with or guys they naturally can’t let go of cause he fuels their ego
As a Married lady or someone that’s serious with his or her life there isint time for bestie what you can have is a male colleague or a class mate from school way back, if it turns out to be a bestie they probably banging each other, my 3 cents tho

bukatyne:
Thanks at the compliment.

What touched me was the Zee-World and Korean Drama reference...

Zee-World is about love trangles which are really not my thing; with a lot of nollywood type of sister-husband-motherinlaw-uncle scheming. (Zee-World Fans, wayo wayo abeg)

I discovered Korean drama recently and I love the series I have watched so far; short (one season with max 20 episodes) and their male leads are refreshing.

I notice something about them though; they don't have series of past relationships so they are able to give their all to their women. Their strength, drive and passion have not been wasted on other women in the past.

It is a wonder that the Korean lead actors are almost feminine (I suspect some of them share lipstick with their girlfriends) yet manage to simmer with masculine energy just waiting to burst.

Perhaps that's where they differ from 'Nigerian' men who has slept with too many women and no longer have any passion to give (I am shaking too many tables ).

The combo of nectar in their women with passion in their men is awesome! They can depict sexual passion and energy without touching themelves.

@lies:

Words are to women what appearances are to men. (Generalization)

The way women 'fall' for lies is the same way men fall for Amaka with bone straight and fake hips and start lamenting when she wants to update the bone straight to marrow curved.

I notice something about them though; they don't have series of past relationships so they are able to give their all to their women. Their strength, drive and passion have not been wasted on other women in the past.

It is a wonder that the Korean lead actors are almost feminine (I suspect some of them share lipstick with their girlfriends) yet manage to simmer with masculine energy just waiting to burst.

Perhaps that's where they differ from 'Nigerian' men who has slept with too many women and no longer have any passion to give (I am shaking too many tables ).

GeneralPula:
I notice something about them though; they don't have series of past relationships so they are able to give their all to their women. Their strength, drive and passion have not been wasted on other women in the past.

It is a wonder that the Korean lead actors are almost feminine (I suspect some of them share lipstick with their girlfriends) yet manage to simmer with masculine energy just waiting to burst.

Perhaps that's where they differ from 'Nigerian' men who has slept with too many women and no longer have any passion to give (I am shaking too many tables ).

You know just the way you've watched and noticed was the same exact way the movie producers are wanting it to be. It's their own unique style of entering competitive movie market. Their single motive for making movies is to make money..

But Korea reality lifestyle is different. Infact they're more dominant than Nigeria Men..

bukatyne:
Good evening my people, how quarantine?

This thread is primarily for young ladies in their late teens to early twenties who are in serious relationships.

Disclaimer:
1. This thread is suited for ladies who want to date/sleep with as little men as possible before marriage. If you are in a relationship for a 'good' or 'fun' time, you don't need this thread as you will naturally gravitate towards men/boys who can provide the 'excitement.'

2. This thread is not claiming that serious minded guys/men are not 'exciting.' They can and do provide excitement in their own way.

3. I am a firm believer of young girls finding a young husband material as quickly as possible. I call it investing your youth in a husband material. I am not a fan of huge age gaps; I rather the young catch the young. . Bar exceptions, I not think building a career and a relationship/marriage cannot go hand in hand.

To the thread proper:

I see a number of young ladies call a serious young man 'boring' because he is not into the fast life. He is more grounded, focused on things that betters the future of you too such as education, mental capacity, emotional development etc. He is that guy that would invite you for a career fair or marriage seminar. He doesn't care about the 'get together' happening in the house of the Yahoo guy that just hammered nor is he interested in clubbing everyday.

He is not seeking for a girl he just wants to sleep with; he has seen you as a wife material he wants to groom to be the best version of yourself. He is the guy that would rather help you with your coursework.

He is seen as boring because he is principled and expects same from you. He is not going to give you drama and would not expect drama from you either. Cheating, collecting contacts from guys, double-dating, hanging out with questionable friends, claiming bestie with guys etc. He expects loyalty and faithfulness. He is not a 'I am just passing or marking my own' guy so he needs you really invested in the relationship. This characteristic of principle is sometimes mistaken for 'strictness' or 'rigidity.'

He would most likely not be the fun seeking type. This doesn't mean you both cannot create the type of entertainment suited to you. He might suggest going for a book fair or GT Bank Food Fair over visiting the new club opening. If you want to dance, get music and dance together. His priorities would also be different; he would pick an future enhancing activity over fluff if he has to choose.

And nope, he is not going to accept the version of yourself you bring to the table just like that. He will encourage and require you to finetune it. He might point out some stuffs about you he doesn't like; your dressing, makeup, hair do, carriage, attitude to classes, interests,friends etc. He is not the anything goes guy because he is invested in your future and naturally wants to protect his interests.

He would be protective of you so don't be surprised if he doesn't want you mixing with a particular crowd or wearing certain clothes or conducting yourself in a certain way. He is not trying to stifle you or keep you from enjoying life; he just wants his woman to be the best version of herself for him.

Hmmmmmmm, sex; he might have enough self-control to abstain, he might not. If it happens, the sex is going to be with care. Even if he wants to be a ruff rider, it would still be with the consciousness that this is my baby till the end. The way you use aso ebi for one time is different from the way you use lace kept at the bottom of the box.


Jara:
Any man who is fine with everything you do or doesn't have a contrary opinion is either with you for the short term therefore not willing to invest in you OR pretending and waiting till after marriage to show his true colours.

Hence the popular 'men change in marriage'.

I hope this would be very useful to a baby girl about to 'end' that relationship because the bobo is boring or 'not a happening guy.'

Konquest:
Hi Bukatyne, you indicated in the
post that you are not a fan of huge
age gaps. What "huge age gaps" are
you talking about here?

What happened to attraction and real love without society putting
labels on age gaps between a man
of 47 and a younger woman of 27/28?

... Or like the ones in the pic below.

Cheers.

bukatyne:
Everyone as they like it.

As for Bukatyne, she is not a fan of huge age gaps.

Konquest:
@Bukatyne
You're dodging the specifics that I wanted you to give me here... LOL.

What's your "ideal age gap?" 5 to 10 years?... Give me the specifics about your ideal age gap. I'm simply curious about your own female logic behind the "man/mate selection" process.

By the way, you've got insightful
posts on your threads. I've been
reading them for some years
now.

Enjoy your day!

Ciao.

bukatyne:
Female logic kwa?

Five years max is okay for me.

Thanks on the BTW.

Romanoff:
I was okay with all you said until I saw the male bestie part and then, some of your comments made it look like a woman can't have a life just cause she's hoping to get married.

A woman can have a male bestie and it will be a pure friendship. Any man who can't handle a woman who has a male beat friend should just leave her alone and go for one who doesn't.

Why should a woman throw her friendship away because of relationship that might end tomorrow.

Instead of controlling the crowd she moves with, why not look around for a woman who flows with your kind of crowd?

This kind of thinking makes it looks like a man should change a woman to suit him.

How about you look for woman that suits you in the first place?

The happening guy verse boring guy part. See ehn, every woman has what she wants in a man. Some like the happening guys and some just want a quiet life.

I've seen these fast life girls marry a boring guy and still want to club why husband is home. I know one sef that left her baby at home while her husband travelled so she could go clubbing.

Just have the right qualities you want in a partner and date with a purpose. My two cents.

Konquest:
Aha! Alright then... Lol. 5 years
max is consistent with females
who got married in their 20s...
That "strong desire" for different
aspects of youthfulness.

Ladies in their late 20s to 30s
would most def choose an age
gap of 5 to 20 years for men
who they respect, men who
are adventurous, and who
they are attracted to!

Hand on! You used "kwa" up
there. Are you Ibo-speaking?
I've seen you chip in a couple
of Yoruba words over the
years in your posts, so I kinda assumed you're from the
S/West.

Signing off.

bukatyne:
I am a Nigerian

Some young girls like them old.

You're "just" a Nigerian? Is that all you're gonna say?

I'm sure you're mixed ethnicity and/or an introvert.

Okay then... I'll def uncover the mystery in due course.

Indeed! Your last sentence is spot on.

Take care.