Romanoff:


Are you saying that every man that is friends with a woman is going to sleep with her? I've had male friends that I could talk to about my relationship to get a man's perspective on things. I have male friends who are my movie friends or male friends who are my friends from school, mostly post graduate school. I have male friends from church who are even married and they help me pray and grow, especially now that my wedding is coming up.

A friendship can't just end tomorrow, you know this too. I'm sure you still have friends from your primary and secondary schools. Why haven't they ended?

A wise woman selects her crowd. If you have to keep pushing her to make better choices about the crowd she moves with, it's either she's not ready for where you're going, so look for another woman or that kind of crowd is exactly what she likes.

Choose someone who shares the same values as you do. Only God is the potter that can mould man. I've Seen people who try to "mould" their spouses into who they are not regret it terribly.

Pick someone whose values aligns with yours and who you can live with bases on their character or flaws, not based on how you would like them to be.

bukatyne:


There is a difference between male friends or buddies and male besties. The post talked of male besties.

And I tell you that even after you pick someone with same values (the template) you will still tweak once in a while. Humans change, nobody is static.

Romanoff:
I was okay with all you said until I saw the male bestie part and then, some of your comments made it look like a woman can't have a life just cause she's hoping to get married.

A woman can have a male bestie and it will be a pure friendship. Any man who can't handle a woman who has a male beat friend should just leave her alone and go for one who doesn't.

Why should a woman throw her friendship away because of relationship that might end tomorrow.

Instead of controlling the crowd she moves with, why not look around for a woman who flows with your kind of crowd?

This kind of thinking makes it looks like a man should change a woman to suit him.

How about you look for woman that suits you in the first place?

The happening guy verse boring guy part. See ehn, every woman has what she wants in a man. Some like the happening guys and some just want a quiet life.

I've seen these fast life girls marry a boring guy and still want to club why husband is home. I know one sef that left her baby at home while her husband travelled so she could go clubbing.

Just have the right qualities you want in a partner and date with a purpose. My two cents.

bukatyne:


Maybe our definitions of 'friendship' is different.

Like LordKO says often, friendliness is different from a friend.

Yes, every woman tweaks her man.

Tweaking people is not a bad thing , It is when you complain your guy calls you once a week and he changes to three times; he says he doesn't like fresh Titus and you start to fry it; he says he doesn't like you fixing 30in weave and you reduce it to 18; you don't short sleeve native and he starts to sew them long sleeve.

It is any change you accommodate or carry out to please your partner.

Your principles or template or cake is constant; you change the icing on it.

Chi59:

Generally, I avoid anyone who thinks it's relatively cool to have a bestie of the opposite sex whilst having a boyfriend /girlfriend /fiance(e) or spouse.
I'd rather watch to see how successful such a relationship is /will be. Because in relationships so many people talk, but very few people are very successful at it.

Romanoff:


Haven't you you heard of besties of the same sex who are sexually involved?

You do know that over time, priorities change, right?

I mean marriage makes people busy. Even besties of the same sex don't have the kind of time they do to hang out once one or both are married.

I just tire for this perverse world.

Chi59:

It's not the issue of perverse world. I'd like to know, "how is your relationship faring?"

Romanoff:


I'll be getting married in a few weeks.

Chi59:

OK. When you do get married, I'd like to know probably in a year's time if you still hold to your conviction. God will keep us till then.

Afriifa:
You know, until now, I have wondered if there could be any lady who could acknowledge my exact personality succinctly like you have done..
Please, permit me to appreciate you: "You're a valuable treasure".
I have referred my lady to this post.
I hope she assimilates all you have been trying to relay.

seanwilliam:
is your lady on nairaland before? If not, you've made the greatest mistake by doing that

Paxie55:
This op is always telling women how to live their lives through subjugation as her only means. When i saw this thread and the moniker, I've already envisaged the type of balderdash i was about to read.

Newmanluckyman:
...you are very safe my dear.

Just that I want to know you more. If possible we can discus aside this platform.

Just attracted by your level of intelligence, sense of humor .

Yes something good and big can come out of nairaland. Impossibility is nothing.

Romanoff:


Haven't you you heard of besties of the same sex who are sexually involved?

You do know that over time, priorities change, right?

I mean marriage makes people busy. Even besties of the same sex don't have the kind of time they do to hang out once one or both are married.

I just tire for this perverse world.

pryme:


if the one you want to setle with is not your best friend, then it will be hard for you to remain faithful when your relationship goes through hard times, cos you will only confide in your bestie, if he is a male it will only be a matter of time before you become very comfortable and alive around him, next sex comes naturally.
CHI59 is way ahead of you about this. if your future partner is not your best friend, do him a favor - QUIT.

pryme:


if the one you want to setle with is not your best friend, then it will be hard for you to remain faithful when your relationship goes through hard times, cos you will only confide in your bestie, if he is a male it will only be a matter of time before you become very comfortable and alive around him, next sex comes naturally.
CHI59 is way ahead of you about this. if your future partner is not your best friend, do him a favor - QUIT.

Designerdollars:
I'm telling you bro
The guys they really want end up using them as cum rags.
I have one in my house now, in her mind she thinks she has found husband.
Me wey no even dey reason marriage now.
I'm just enjoying the sex she provides.
I'm sure if I no propose in the next two years,
She will get the hint and quit the relationship.
Girl's can be so dumb.
Chasing men that don't really want them because he is "exciting"
They think it's every guy with money that will sacrifice bachelorhood to be with them.

I love my current lifestyle and I'm not ready to sacrifice it for any woman.
Make we dey dey Bleep ourselves dey go.
Shebi nah 'excitement' you want

Kekereekun123:
so teach people how to make. Money or their lives better. No hoodwinking a guy into a potential loveless and lonely marriage

aytuns:
....and this piece was written by a woman! Wow..

bukatyne How long did it take you before you realised all these though?

JONNYSPUTE:
... Your maturity here is of topnotch

crackkhaus:

Buka, that's the alternate of someone "popular".. put in quotes because she likes to think of herself like that.

Be careful who you engage.

Cheers...

Preshieben:

bukatyne:


Which is why I directed the thread to a certain type of young ladies.

Shugavee:
u speak base on ur asumptions , hv u had a male bestie b4 ? Nah definitely not. Stop telling people how to live their life , life is too short for all these fucjed up rules up n down ,,, why will I not hv a male bestie when he makes me happy as a friend,,,because u think I hv had sex with him ?, so I should live my life base on what u think ? When u hvnt even lived life enough? Not like ur life is perfect!

Take a sit, u won’t stop anyone from hving a male bestie if they wanna . N that won’t stop them from hving a man or getting married . Not like marriage is any achievement!! But base on it’s the only thing u think in ur life . I will conclude on that note ..

bukatyne:

Don't mind them joor.

I have moved on.

Chi59:

Hanty, you're not a newcomer on this forum. Once I saw your moniker, I became interested You've said it all actually. This is what distinguished the relationship of our parents from ours the reason many are failing and falling.
Change is painful, that's why many hide under "if you love me, accept me the way I am" but then end up biting their fingers in the secret. Whoever loves you will accept the things that CAN'T be changed about you, and will also work on the things that can, to leave you better than when you first met them.

Never mind these Disney themed ladies who think love is a fantasy. You are dragging boyfriend and dragging male bestfriend. Lol. You've said it all.

Magnoliaa:


This is why women should 'own their sexuality.' There's nothing wrong with this as long as it's what the lady wants in return. But she wants commitment, and she's trying to use sex to get that... ?? They place marriage above everything. The end of all... and any means to achieve that...

Magnoliaa:


I think they'll find it though.
And 'take' it in. The type of young ladies you're talking about. Because they are inclined towards a path, then they'll come across things linked to the same path... Someone who wants to be a doctor will gravitate towards things that'll aid that desire...

crackkhaus:

Good one

Very nice topic though...

lefulefu:
she can have distant male friends or colleagues of which she can draw the line if they dare get close but having a bestie of which she tells him about her disapointing sex life with her husband omo thats inviting danger into ur married life.and having long night chats with a male friend when u supposed to be in bed with ur husband thats dangerious.

bukatyne:


You know,

This wokeness and 'freedom' will break much more people.

If someone told the girl to be sure of the guy before committing or signs of guys who are serious, she will laugh it off.