Magnoliaa:


That's... for those who do it because it's trendy, what others are doing. To join the bandwagon. There is a true liberation. But at the same time, I agree with you, as there are so many things out there that gives an illusion of freedom.




Lol. Maybe hoping hers will be different. Or the guy will be different for her. Or things will just fall in place without any effort.
She just assume the guy is in for the same thing. Where she got the idea from baffles me. I can't understand it.

But what do I know.

Chi59:

Unku, i'm not claiming to be ahead of anyone. I just hold to a school of thought that reasons that it's impractical to be in a romantic relationship and at the same time have an intimate platonic friendship with someone of the opposite sex, who isn't your boyfriend or girlfriend.

bukatyne:


1. Thank you, I do not buy into the deception of opposite sex 'besties'. Can you define what having a life means?

2. Let's talk: what is the use of a male bestie for a lady who has a boyfriend? What is the place of the boyfriend? What is the place of the bestie?

3. We can flip it to 'why should she end a relationship for friendship that can end tomorrow?' Remember in my disclaimer, I am not talking of casual relationships.

4. What if your woman suddenly finds herself in a new crowd because she moved to a new environment or picked a new elective?

5. & 6. Until humans start moulding their spouses, there will always be something you don't like when you move closer or something they develop you have to nip in the bud. I call it a perfect template that needs tweaking once in a while.

Hope you found the tread useful.

Modified:

I see you updated your post.

The point of the thread is to enlighten younger girls to understand what boring is not.

I hear and see it all the time and when I ask why, they begin to list qualities that should make a guy a hot catch.

Magnoliaa:



Exactly. Nothing beats sharing your problems and frustrations with the person you're dating. If the sex is not satisfying, you tell him - because you have no one else. If you're not comfortable with a thing, you go to him/her and sort it out.

In the best, happy times, you share it together. And in low moments too, he knows about it. Complete transparency.

bukatyne:


There is a difference between male friends or buddies and male besties. The post talked of male besties.

And I tell you that even after you pick someone with same values (the template) you will still tweak once in a while. Humans change, nobody is static.

bukatyne:




Jara
Any man who is fine with everything you do or doesn't have a contrary opinion is either with you for the short term therefore not willing to invest in you OR pretending and waiting till after marriage to show his true colours

DeRay98:



Don't waste your energy trying to educate further of convince Romanoff.
Your piece is explicit enough for those willing to learn and know.
Her type is the ITK, who 'll deliberately explore what she knows has the capacity to derail her but she'll pretend until she ends up there only to resort to pointing fingers elsewhere.

bukatyne:
@Romanoff:

Welldone.

I award you the most quoted moniker on this thread.

Invite us to your wedding o!

Romanoff:


Are you saying that every man that is friends with a woman is going to sleep with her? I've had male friends that I could talk to about my relationship to get a man's perspective on things. I have male friends who are my movie friends or male friends who are my friends from school, mostly post graduate school. I have male friends from church who are even married and they help me pray and grow, especially now that my wedding is coming up.

A friendship can't just end tomorrow, you know this too. I'm sure you still have friends from your primary and secondary schools. Why haven't they ended?

A wise woman selects her crowd. If you have to keep pushing her to make better choices about the crowd she moves with, it's either she's not ready for where you're going, so look for another woman or that kind of crowd is exactly what she likes.

Choose someone who shares the same values as you do. Only God is the potter that can mould man. I've Seen people who try to "mould" their spouses into who they are not regret it terribly.

Pick someone whose values aligns with yours and who you can live with bases on their character or flaws, not based on how you would like them to be.

Romanoff:


Are you saying that every man that is friends with a woman is going to sleep with her? I've had male friends that I could talk to about my relationship to get a man's perspective on things. I have male friends who are my movie friends or male friends who are my friends from school, mostly post graduate school. I have male friends from church who are even married and they help me pray and grow, especially now that my wedding is coming up.

A friendship can't just end tomorrow, you know this too. I'm sure you still have friends from your primary and secondary schools. Why haven't they ended?

A wise woman selects her crowd. If you have to keep pushing her to make better choices about the crowd she moves with, it's either she's not ready for where you're going, so look for another woman or that kind of crowd is exactly what she likes.

Choose someone who shares the same values as you do. Only God is the potter that can mould man. I've Seen people who try to "mould" their spouses into who they are not regret it terribly.

Pick someone whose values aligns with yours and who you can live with bases on their character or flaws, not based on how you would like them to be.

Paxie55:

Please, shut up.
You don't just see someone on the net and draw out a baseless conclusion. I'm even into boring guys more. I have my man well reserved. All I'm saying is that she's on this habit of always telling women how to live their lives for nitwits and dumb idiots as if her life is perfect.

bukatyne:
Good evening my people, how quarantine?

This thread is primarily for young ladies in their late teens to early twenties who are in serious relationships.

Disclaimer:
1. This thread is suited for ladies who want to date/sleep with as little men as possible before marriage. If you are in a relationship for a 'good' or 'fun' time, you don't need this thread as you will naturally gravitate towards men/boys who can provide the 'excitement.'

2. This thread is not claiming that serious minded guys/men are not 'exciting.' They can and do provide excitement in their own way.

3. I am a firm believer of young girls finding a young husband material as quickly as possible. I call it investing your youth in a husband material. I am not a fan of huge age gaps; I rather the young catch the young. . Bar exceptions, I not think building a career and a relationship/marriage cannot go hand in hand.

To the thread proper:

I see a number of young ladies call a serious young man 'boring' because he is not into the fast life. He is more grounded, focused on things that betters the future of you too such as education, mental capacity, emotional development etc. He is that guy that would invite you for a career fair or marriage seminar. He doesn't care about the 'get together' happening in the house of the Yahoo guy that just hammered nor is he interested in clubbing everyday.

He is not seeking for a girl he just wants to sleep with; he has seen you as a wife material he wants to groom to be the best version of yourself. He is the guy that would rather help you with your coursework.

He is seen as boring because he is principled and expects same from you. He is not going to give you drama and would not expect drama from you either. Cheating, collecting contacts from guys, double-dating, hanging out with questionable friends, claiming bestie with guys etc. He expects loyalty and faithfulness. He is not a 'I am just passing or marking my own' guy so he needs you really invested in the relationship. This characteristic of principle is sometimes mistaken for 'strictness' or 'rigidity.'

He would most likely not be the fun seeking type. This doesn't mean you both cannot create the type of entertainment suited to you. He might suggest going for a book fair or GT Bank Food Fair over visiting the new club opening. If you want to dance, get music and dance together. His priorities would also be different; he would pick an future enhancing activity over fluff if he has to choose.

And nope, he is not going to accept the version of yourself you bring to the table just like that. He will encourage and require you to finetune it. He might point out some stuffs about you he doesn't like; your dressing, makeup, hair do, carriage, attitude to classes, interests,friends etc. He is not the anything goes guy because he is invested in your future and naturally wants to protect his interests.

He would be protective of you so don't be surprised if he doesn't want you mixing with a particular crowd or wearing certain clothes or conducting yourself in a certain way. He is not trying to stifle you or keep you from enjoying life; he just wants his woman to be the best version of herself for him.

Hmmmmmmm, sex; he might have enough self-control to abstain, he might not. If it happens, the sex is going to be with care. Even if he wants to be a ruff rider, it would still be with the consciousness that this is my baby till the end. The way you use aso ebi for one time is different from the way you use lace kept at the bottom of the box.


Jara:
Any man who is fine with everything you do or doesn't have a contrary opinion is either with you for the short term therefore not willing to invest in you OR pretending and waiting till after marriage to show his true colours.

Hence the popular 'men change in marriage'.

I hope this would be very useful to a baby girl about to 'end' that relationship because the bobo is boring or 'not a happening guy.'

princessofpeace:


This is a good read for me. I have a question, are you in any way related to lord.ko?

bukatyne:


Thank you princess, what was your major takeaway?

No, we aren't related.

Any reason why?

princessofpeace:


Thanks ma'am. I agree with everything you said. I have learned a lot.

Two of you reason alike. Honestly before now I used to think that maybe he is your husband.

drealcivilceno:
A woman chooses to be with a man.

My 1000Naira

Romanoff:
I was okay with all you said until I saw the male bestie part and then, some of your comments made it look like a woman can't have a life just cause she's hoping to get married.

A woman can have a male bestie and it will be a pure friendship. Any man who can't handle a woman who has a male beat friend should just leave her alone and go for one who doesn't.

Why should a woman throw her friendship away because of relationship that might end tomorrow.

Instead of controlling the crowd she moves with, why not look around for a woman who flows with your kind of crowd?

This kind of thinking makes it looks like a man should change a woman to suit him.

How about you look for woman that suits you in the first place?

The happening guy verse boring guy part. See ehn, every woman has what she wants in a man. Some like the happening guys and some just want a quiet life.

I've seen these fast life girls marry a boring guy and still want to club why husband is home. I know one sef that left her baby at home while her husband travelled so she could go clubbing.

Just have the right qualities you want in a partner and date with a purpose. My two cents.

Amumaigwe:


Read the disclaimer please. This thread is not for your type. Wasn't it written in black and white?

Romanoff:


So what kind of a woman will is open legs for a man that she's not married to?

I am trying to not bring scriptures here. But I guess I'll have to. Me I'm a Christian and I do Christian relationships. It means I don't entertain any appearance of evil.

So I guess my pedestal of measuring platonic relationships is different from yours.

bukatyne:


Why do I keep getting 'like my life is perfect' upandan?

Have I ever mentioned that my life is perfect?

Or are my threads an indication of a perfect life?

If your male bestie makes you 'happy', what do you need a boyfriend for?

Shugavee:
that’s non of ur business,,, don’t feel u hv to tell people what to do with their lives. Ur life isn’t perfect , everyone is trying to be happy, while u do what u think is right, allow others to do what they think is right .

bukatyne:


Did I at any point force you to read this thread or prescribe a way to leave your life?

Am I stopping you from doing whatever you like right now?

My dear, whatever you like, carry go.

biz2get:



A lady below 30 CAN NOT understand this line....

they think excitement/free hand is love , but that is when they will get heart broken.

bukatyne:


Just saw this mention.

I disagree with you.

It is not by age.

Jeboy:
I took my time to go through this thread and read everybody's comment.
Firstly I want to say I will pay to have this conversation for my niece and future daughters in form of seminar.

Secondly people will always have their opinions. Some people have sworn in their hearts to learn by experience at the cost of having scars but a wise man or woman learns from other peoples experiences and knowledge.
Finally, the bible says there is a way that seemeth right (exciting, fulfilled, attractive, enjoyable) unto a man but the end is destruction.
I will send this link to my nieces and nephews in the varsity and in their early twenties.

Alexaonfleek:
Thanks @ bukatyne for this interesting thread.
Just took my time and went through it, including the comments.
I totally agree with your thoughts on this and the bestie part.
The only problem is to get the diff between a serious minded guy and the one who wants to take you for a ride and dump you.

Alexaonfleek:
Thanks @ bukatyne for this interesting thread.
Just took my time and went through it, including the comments.
I totally agree with your thoughts on this and the bestie part.
The only problem is to get the diff between a serious minded guy and the one who wants to take you for a ride and dump you.