This is a clear sign that she is not financially responsible/reasonable ...

Better think well sir...

A

Little children everywhere! My man na you dey spend the money, so put your feet firmly on the ground else the people your wife are trying to impress and show off to, won't be there when your account is red and can't even afford certain things. You know wetin 600k go do for you?m for this country now? Except you have more than enough!

At this age, any woman who still values the wedding more than the marriage should not be taken seriously. Put your feet down! If she won't accept, let get GO! Na why all these wokeness of consulting your woman first over certain issues, I don't buy into it.

sef.My wedding won't have more than 100 pipul

Having everything done in the village is actually not a bad idea. Traditional wedding is the most important ceremony every other thing is just paparazzi.

You should know by now that you should have broke the news to her like it was your suggestion and not your mother's. She feels your mother is dictating how her wedding will turn out. Wisdom bro , wisdom. It's a major change of plans and you telling her that your mother is responsible for the major change will definitely upset her ,even me ,make I nor lie ,I go vex say you nor first discuss am with me after all na me and you get wedding not you and your mama.


Anyway, I hope the village you are talking about is her village ,if yes, then I see nothing wrong,you both can do traditional wedding and registry there and come back for Thanksgiving in your church ,but that's just me.


If she insists ,tell her to be ready to fund half of the financial burden of the white wedding since she is not ready to compromise.


Tell her I said she should put her money where her mouth is.


But next time,use wisdom,must you tell her your mum suggested it? Now you don cause unnecessary storm.My people say " if ear nor hear matter,belle nor dey spoil".

The problem really isn't just about what she wants, but because she felt you consulted your mum before her..
Even if you explain from now till tomorrow she will still fell you decision was influenced by your mom without being reasonable to the fact and reasons behind your decision..
Bad women always see themselves as a competitor to their mother inlaw.
Your said to be wife will prove that in no time and will always disagree with your mom.
It takes wisdom to handle issues like this..
This is a red flag, trade carefully because your mom is about to have a competitor as a daughter in law...

@Annoms

Suggestions are always welcomed, but as a man when a suggestion makes sense to you and you can defend it, put it as a suggestion to her from your end, especially in matters that ladies take personally, kitchen stuff, how the house should look, marriage, children birthday, cooking amongst others.

Telling her your mum suggested it looks like you are a mummy's boy, especially in this context.

However this not an issue for you two to fuss about, there's a perception your lady has about things, may be your actions have informed such reactions or she has an impression to create to her circle, whatever be the case, dwell on what's right and always bring her to see reasons and how it benefits you both, as far as I'm concerned whatever will benefit me and my lady is what I should be doing, selfishness should be killed at all cost.

To your question, call her and tell her there's no need to be angry over the issue, you only value valid suggestions and it's in no way trying to relegate her, bkos the truth is your wife has superior Rights to any suggestions in the house above your family and so do you over hers. And her reaction is not appealing bkos you feel your mum is not respected and you are not siding with your mum bkos she can override, what you two decide or haven't discussed, and there's no need to create false impressions to the general public and stay in hunger.

Guy you are getting married learn to manage third party interference cautiously else, you may endure your marriage.

Please run for your life....that lady is trouble

Annoms:
I'll try to make this short.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my fiancée about my mum's suggestion about how to go about our wedding which is scheduled to take place Jan next year. My mum suggested that we do both trad and white wedding on the same day to cut cost. She opined that we do the white wedding in the morning and hold the traditional marriage as a reception in the afternoon. I pretty much see reasons from her perspective considering the harsh economic condition in Nigeria.

I was relating this to my fiancée yesterday in a phone call, when she flared up and said I should have consulted her to seek her opinion on this marriage arrangement before going to my family to seek theirs because I said my mum's advise seems okay.

What I deduce from her plight was that she wants the trad marriage at the village (south-east) while the white at the town where we base (South-West). That was what I initially wanted but due to high inflation in the land, I'm actually tilting towards my mum advise because I can't go bankruptcy just because I want to satisfy her. Why not use a stone to kill two birds?

She wants a cream-de-la-cream kind of wedding but she's not ready to assist financially to make that happen. (she's an awaiting corper)

I told her that the cost of transportation and lodging people from the village (hers and mine) to the city for our white marriage alone is gulping about 500/600k. That's transportation & lodging alone ooo.. I'll now spend if not x2 of what I spent on trad for white.. Why not just do everything in the village and move on with our lives? We can actually have it in the village and it will still be all nice and glamourous.

She said she wants to have a say in how her marriage will look like. Her imput is welcomed. But if she still insist on having the white wedding and not putting finances into consideration. I'm thinking that she want the white wedding on the city because of her friends who will attend which is not enough reason to go bankruptcy for.

It was a heated argument yesterday. We both went to bed angrily and not in talking terms till now

Pls advice accordingly. Thanks

You are the man. Always make it look like you're doing her a favour by marrying her even if you don't say it expressly. Let it be clear that you are aware that many women will give their fairy tooth to marry you in this period where marriages are hard. She should be grateful you are picking her from the millions of available women who will do all your biddings to be your wife.

Brotherly, Wedding is not meant to be a mega show.
As far as I am concerned, wedding is actually concluded the moment the parents agree to give her hands out in marriage to you. The rest Na feferiti. Its nice to have a memorable ceremony to mark wedding but its more important to have sense and cut your coat according to your size.

Me personally, I'll like to have a classy 50 guest wedding and not a battalion that won't be there while i am heading the cost of family running after the wedding. If my partner doesn't agree to this she can go to hell.

Imagine you saying 2million for a wedding, why don't you do a private 50 VIP guest wedding? In a nice location and colourful day. The rest should send their Prayers. Don't fall into debt because you're planning to please a possible liability.

Well, this is a test if you truly have balls or if you are a simp.
Your decision is final.
You pay the piper, dictate the tune.
If you yield, when you marry her, she will spit on your mum's face.
However, make her see reasons on why you have to tilt towards your mum and for my advise; stand on mumsie side. There is life after the ceremony.
Buhari's govt no get joy

Annoms:
I'll try to make this short.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my fiancée about my mum's suggestion about how to go about our wedding which is scheduled to take place Jan next year. My mum suggested that we do both trad and white wedding on the same day to cut cost. She opined that we do the white wedding in the morning and hold the traditional marriage as a reception in the afternoon. I pretty much see reasons from her perspective considering the harsh economic condition in Nigeria.

I was relating this to my fiancée yesterday in a phone call, when she flared up and said I should have consulted her to seek her opinion on this marriage arrangement before going to my family to seek theirs because I said my mum's advise seems okay.

What I deduce from her plight was that she wants the trad marriage at the village (south-east) while the white at the town where we base (South-West). That was what I initially wanted but due to high inflation in the land, I'm actually tilting towards my mum advise because I can't go bankruptcy just because I want to satisfy her. Why not use a stone to kill two birds?

She wants a cream-de-la-cream kind of wedding but she's not ready to assist financially to make that happen. (she's an awaiting corper)

I told her that the cost of transportation and lodging people from the village (hers and mine) to the city for our white marriage alone is gulping about 500/600k. That's transportation & lodging alone ooo.. I'll now spend if not x2 of what I spent on trad for white.. Why not just do everything in the village and move on with our lives? We can actually have it in the village and it will still be all nice and glamourous.

She said she wants to have a say in how her marriage will look like. Her imput is welcomed. But if she still insist on having the white wedding and not putting finances into consideration. I'm thinking that she want the white wedding on the city because of her friends who will attend which is not enough reason to go bankruptcy for.

It was a heated argument yesterday. We both went to bed angrily and not in talking terms till now

Pls advice accordingly. Thanks

Only mistake I think you made was telling her it was your mom that suggested it. One thing you will learn in marriage is that you have to own decisions no matter where you get the idea from.

Even you will be irritated with her ... "my mummy said... my mummy said", it makes that party look immature enough to make their own decision.

Next time, make it look as if it is your own idea, then you will not be entering marriage by already declaring a war between daughter and mother in law. We know say they go still fight for future but don't be the one to declare the war when ordinary wisdom could have solved it.

However, u have to still stand your ground because even 2M is too much to spend on a wedding if you do not have at least 50% of that in savings post wedding ceremony.

duduade:
Red flags

Are you sure this one will hear word in the house like this... Marriage isnt about the wedding abeg.. And i suppose till now she hasnt called you to "lets sort this out" ... No communication... This one will bully you till you fall for her demands... Is this a wife material...



She wants a dream wedding and isnt ready to contribute to it financially


The 500 to 600k is money that can be saved and diverted to something else better. Her priorities are different from yours... Obviously not well matured...


I were in your shoes... I will put ALL PLANS on hold until both parties come to the middle..


In short walk away why you can... Cancelling an engagement wont kill you...

God bless you for this.

Bro do what's best for u, which is cutting cost... If u do a cream De la cream wedding and go bankrupt, people go still talk. Wedding is a one day thing while marriage is a long time....ask her 21 questions like 50 cent

Trouble ooo

Annoms:
I'll try to make this short.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my fiancée about my mum's suggestion about how to go about our wedding which is scheduled to take place Jan next year. My mum suggested that we do both trad and white wedding on the same day to cut cost. She opined that we do the white wedding in the morning and hold the traditional marriage as a reception in the afternoon. I pretty much see reasons from her perspective considering the harsh economic condition in Nigeria.

I was relating this to my fiancée yesterday in a phone call, when she flared up and said I should have consulted her to seek her opinion on this marriage arrangement before going to my family to seek theirs because I said my mum's advise seems okay.

What I deduce from her plight was that she wants the trad marriage at the village (south-east) while the white at the town where we base (South-West). That was what I initially wanted but due to high inflation in the land, I'm actually tilting towards my mum advise because I can't go bankruptcy just because I want to satisfy her. Why not use a stone to kill two birds?

She wants a cream-de-la-cream kind of wedding but she's not ready to assist financially to make that happen. (she's an awaiting corper)

I told her that the cost of transportation and lodging people from the village (hers and mine) to the city for our white marriage alone is gulping about 500/600k. That's transportation & lodging alone ooo.. I'll now spend if not x2 of what I spent on trad for white.. Why not just do everything in the village and move on with our lives? We can actually have it in the village and it will still be all nice and glamourous.

She said she wants to have a say in how her marriage will look like. Her imput is welcomed. But if she still insist on having the white wedding and not putting finances into consideration. I'm thinking that she want the white wedding on the city because of her friends who will attend which is not enough reason to go bankruptcy for.

It was a heated argument yesterday. We both went to bed angrily and not in talking terms till now

Pls advice accordingly. Thanks

Bros Alika leave that woman I don tell you leave that woman

Awaiting corper?

Best of luck guy

Bro i would advice you to cut off the wedding for now and deal with the character of your woman .. omo this woman na wahala sje go de give u oo .. things are hard ,she should be the one helping you to cut cost .. why are you blinded by love like this ..

You are even getting married to an awaiting corper you are going tk be far away from
I hail oo

Do not lIsten to all those teenagers shouting "you never see wife o", "run for you life o", etc. When you marry (no matter how disagreement free the wedding is), this kind of disagreement will be common. So will you start running away from the marriage every time?

You must accept that the venue of where the traditional wedding takes place is determined by the family of the bride because they are the one giving out their daughter in marriage. So if the family says come to the east and take your bride, east you should go.

However, the groom and his family determines whether there will be a church wedding immediately or not and where it will be.

Therefore, rather than anybody lording it over the other, it should be a discussion between both parties, looking at the pros and cons. If the bride wants the traditional in the east and you want the church in the west, make it clear you are not transporting anybody to the west for the church.

But a good compromise will be to do both wedding same day in the east. You mustn't do the church in the west.

Finally, avoid "my mother said", "my brother said", etc in your conversations with your spouse-to-be. It portrays you as "anywhere bele face" and dependent on others. It is not a character significant others find appealing at all. Infact, it generates resentment and instant opposition to something they would ordinarily go along with. Therefore, even if you get an idea from somewhere, discuss it like you thought it out yourself.

How much she dey contribute?

So after the traditional marriage in the village and white wedding in the city...you will run to World Bank and IMF for loan?

Brodaman use your head

Jan next year?
You still have time na

Maybe she wants surprise you with financial support.

In as much as na woman get wedding...omo na u dey sponsor am.
No let any lady empty ur pockets all in the name of wedding.
Stand your ground....she will come around.
If she refuses...baba abeg just dump her and move

Annoms:

I was thinking I was the one that's not considerate when she was screaming on the phone yesterday. This harsh times, one needs to spend money judiciously. Imagine spending 3-4m over 2 sets wedding when I can do all in one day for 2m sef..

Thanks brother

Bro if you use that wedding money to travel to Canada, you will get a finer young and richer girl. Don't be cheap. You are only doing her a favour here. Tell her you don't want to marry again that instead you want to travel abroad and marry a white rich girl with pointed nose so your kids will be very fine and rich. Let's see who calls back

babadee1:


My brother you never see wife o. Run for your life! Any woman who is more concerned about what her wedding will look like, than what her actual marriage will be like is not yet ready to be a wife.

God bless you. You are so on point.

Africans, creating unnecessary problems for themselves all the time

Ok

There are ways you can talk to her and get her consent. You need not tell her it's your mom's idea.

Annoms:
I'll try to make this short.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my fiancée about my mum's suggestion about how to go about our wedding which is scheduled to take place Jan next year. My mum suggested that we do both trad and white wedding on the same day to cut cost. She opined that we do the white wedding in the morning and hold the traditional marriage as a reception in the afternoon. I pretty much see reasons from her perspective considering the harsh economic condition in Nigeria.

I was relating this to my fiancée yesterday in a phone call, when she flared up and said I should have consulted her to seek her opinion on this marriage arrangement before going to my family to seek theirs because I said my mum's advise seems okay.

What I deduce from her plight was that she wants the trad marriage at the village (south-east) while the white at the town where we base (South-West). That was what I initially wanted but due to high inflation in the land, I'm actually tilting towards my mum advise because I can't go bankruptcy just because I want to satisfy her. Why not use a stone to kill two birds?

She wants a cream-de-la-cream kind of wedding but she's not ready to assist financially to make that happen. (she's an awaiting corper)

I told her that the cost of transportation and lodging people from the village (hers and mine) to the city for our white marriage alone is gulping about 500/600k. That's transportation & lodging alone ooo.. I'll now spend if not x2 of what I spent on trad for white.. Why not just do everything in the village and move on with our lives? We can actually have it in the village and it will still be all nice and glamourous.

She said she wants to have a say in how her marriage will look like. Her imput is welcomed. But if she still insist on having the white wedding and not putting finances into consideration. I'm thinking that she want the white wedding on the city because of her friends who will attend which is not enough reason to go bankruptcy for.

It was a heated argument yesterday. We both went to bed angrily and not in talking terms till now

Pls advice accordingly. Thanks

Yea well, sha know small boys will fvck her in camp sha.

Annoms:

I was thinking I was the one that's not considerate when she was screaming on the phone yesterday. This harsh times, one needs to spend money judiciously. Imagine spending 3-4m over 2 sets wedding when I can do all in one day for 2m sef..

Thanks brother

Na millions you dey take do wedding?

@OP, traditional marriage is more important, because you will need to fulfil traditions before any other civil marriage (Church marriage inclusive).

The best solution is to move the church wedding to the East then. Do a simple white wedding with 3 witnesses on both sides, and then proceed to the village to do elaborate traditional wedding.

The foods and drinks to be served on the traditional wedding will cover for both weddings. Remember, it could be same day or two days interval between both weddings.
The expenses should even be lesser... probably around 1 million or 1.5 million max.
My opinion.

CC Annoms

Annoms:
I'll try to make this short.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my fiancée about my mum's suggestion about how to go about our wedding which is scheduled to take place Jan next year. My mum suggested that we do both trad and white wedding on the same day to cut cost. She opined that we do the white wedding in the morning and hold the traditional marriage as a reception in the afternoon. I pretty much see reasons from her perspective considering the harsh economic condition in Nigeria.

I was relating this to my fiancée yesterday in a phone call, when she flared up and said I should have consulted her to seek her opinion on this marriage arrangement before going to my family to seek theirs because I said my mum's advise seems okay.

What I deduce from her plight was that she wants the trad marriage at the village (south-east) while the white at the town where we base (South-West). That was what I initially wanted but due to high inflation in the land, I'm actually tilting towards my mum advise because I can't go bankruptcy just because I want to satisfy her. Why not use a stone to kill two birds?

She wants a cream-de-la-cream kind of wedding but she's not ready to assist financially to make that happen. (she's an awaiting corper)

I told her that the cost of transportation and lodging people from the village (hers and mine) to the city for our white marriage alone is gulping about 500/600k. That's transportation & lodging alone ooo.. I'll now spend if not x2 of what I spent on trad for white.. Why not just do everything in the village and move on with our lives? We can actually have it in the village and it will still be all nice and glamourous.

She said she wants to have a say in how her marriage will look like. Her imput is welcomed. But if she still insist on having the white wedding and not putting finances into consideration. I'm thinking that she want the white wedding on the city because of her friends who will attend which is not enough reason to go bankruptcy for.

It was a heated argument yesterday. We both went to bed angrily and not in talking terms till now

Pls advice accordingly. Thanks

It’s HER wedding, NOT your mom’s...
If you can’t afford it, tell her, and not that you mom said so.

PS: Congrats. Hope everything works out.
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