It is not uncommon for issues to surface at the eve of weddings.

Do not be so quick to judge your fiancee as the devil uses this opportunity to come between bride and groom.

Your mum will always suggest alternatives that will align and favor you. Such is the love of a mother.

Perhaps you already set expectations for the bride to do both weddings at different locations and decided to withdraw due to cost.

As long as your fiancee's behaviour is a one off and not a pattern, find a solution to work it out amicably and resolve.

Don't argue with her,as much as she doesn't contribute anything to know how hard is it to get money. Just say byebye, a lot of girls are out there to accept your 'one stone to kill two bird' pattern.

Your mum's advice is perfect. If your wife to be is against it and she has no financial support for the wedding, I am afraid you are still single and searching or be ready to come back here after marriage with stories that will touch the heart.Besides, why spend 2m for marriage in this Buhari economy? Bros wise up.

Annoms:
I'll try to make this short.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my fiancée about my mum's suggestion about how to go about our wedding which is scheduled to take place Jan next year. My mum suggested that we do both trad and white wedding on the same day to cut cost. She opined that we do the white wedding in the morning and hold the traditional marriage as a reception in the afternoon. I pretty much see reasons from her perspective considering the harsh economic condition in Nigeria.

I was relating this to my fiancée yesterday in a phone call, when she flared up and said I should have consulted her to seek her opinion on this marriage arrangement before going to my family to seek theirs because I said my mum's advise seems okay.

What I deduce from her plight was that she wants the trad marriage at the village (south-east) while the white at the town where we base (South-West). That was what I initially wanted but due to high inflation in the land, I'm actually tilting towards my mum advise because I can't go bankruptcy just because I want to satisfy her. Why not use a stone to kill two birds?

She wants a cream-de-la-cream kind of wedding but she's not ready to assist financially to make that happen. (she's an awaiting corper)

I told her that the cost of transportation and lodging people from the village (hers and mine) to the city for our white marriage alone is gulping about 500/600k. That's transportation & lodging alone ooo.. I'll now spend if not x2 of what I spent on trad for white.. Why not just do everything in the village and move on with our lives? We can actually have it in the village and it will still be all nice and glamourous.

She said she wants to have a say in how her marriage will look like. Her imput is welcomed. But if she still insist on having the white wedding and not putting finances into consideration. I'm thinking that she want the white wedding on the city because of her friends who will attend which is not enough reason to go bankruptcy for.

It was a heated argument yesterday. We both went to bed angrily and not in talking terms till now

Pls advice accordingly. Thanks

My son,there is a great assurance that your marriage may end up with regrets.

I speak from experience.

Going forward, request her financial input into the wedding.she must provide 40 percent of the cost.

You must sit down together and discuss very sailient point.

1.Especially how to run your homes,home keeps she must also contribute.
2.How many child (ren) you will both have
3.she must work and not be a house wife.
4.Ensure you make her know that you are the head of the house by being very very firm about your decisions.
5.Be prepared for the worse.once their likes work they tend to be very disrespectful not only to you but to your parents.
6.Your income or how much you are worth should never be revealed rather it should come as a surprise when the time arises.

I come in peace.

Bros use your head, no make your wedding become your marriage. Bros that woman no be better woman for you, she dey greedy and selfish i swear. Inside this country if you fit do the wedding as your mum talk u will have a better life ahead. Bros that is not your wife to be but if you want to go on. I beg no come here complain again before i go send some fire to you.

Bros listen to Mama's advice oo and discuss it with your woman.
Remember all the expenses will be on you. Women with this their white wedding sef.

The white shit only certisfy them alone because they don't always know how it is financially.

Wedding ceremony most times has always been a childhood fantasy for ladies and a form of accomplishment plus security...

If you really want her, talk some senses into her head.. Your mum is correct here and the sensible one...

If you compromise this sensible opinion of your mum to that of your woman's unnecessary fantasy, then you're a simp and not ready to handle a home!

iamDrRhymes:
Maybe you aren’t carrying her along the way you should. Your wife too be should have more say than your mother because it’s her wedding. You guys need to agree

Will The woman getting married contribute 1 million inside the 4 million of the wedding?

Some women wil nt understnd. Until after spending a whole fortune on an ordinary wedding. Dats where dia eyes wil finally open. Baaaa!

Uncle leave her to do the white wedding in town alone

Divide the cost into 2, and tell her to pay the half if she doesn't want to understand why you are trying to cut cost.

Kingk47:
I am not a relationship expert neither am I good in keeping one. But standing as a neutral I can only tell you that If you don't grow up as a man you would end up having issues in your marriage. You have already planted the seed that you can't make your own decisions and you will always need your wife to make good decisions or else na yawa. You have made your wife to think or to know that you are mummy's boy, it is better to be a daddy's boy than a mummy's boy. No woman want to share the love of her man, no matter who, some women even jealous the love of there husbands to there children. Even if your mum gave that super advice , you should have told your fiancee in such a way that she will feel it's your idea. She may even think when you have issues later in your marriage that you will bring third party.

what are you trying to say.....wife over mother abi!

SweetCuntess:
Yea well, sha know small boys will fvck her in camp sha.

What would Nairaland be without CRUDE MISOGYNISTS....smh
>

Chris2863:

2 million for wedding. Ha, you get money oo

Maybe na the whole village and the whole city people go come for the wedding sha

9jaRealist:


There are some spectacularly-DUMB folks on Nairaland...
>

guy I dey vex abeg I no mean am

I'm particularly angry because of how naija girls take wedding.

My guy in America didn't do a big wedding

Annoms:
I'll try to make this short.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my fiancée about my mum's suggestion about how to go about our wedding which is scheduled to take place Jan next year. My mum suggested that we do both trad and white wedding on the same day to cut cost. She opined that we do the white wedding in the morning and hold the traditional marriage as a reception in the afternoon. I pretty much see reasons from her perspective considering the harsh economic condition in Nigeria.

I was relating this to my fiancée yesterday in a phone call, when she flared up and said I should have consulted her to seek her opinion on this marriage arrangement before going to my family to seek theirs because I said my mum's advise seems okay.

What I deduce from her plight was that she wants the trad marriage at the village (south-east) while the white at the town where we base (South-West). That was what I initially wanted but due to high inflation in the land, I'm actually tilting towards my mum advise because I can't go bankruptcy just because I want to satisfy her. Why not use a stone to kill two birds?

She wants a cream-de-la-cream kind of wedding but she's not ready to assist financially to make that happen. (she's an awaiting corper)

I told her that the cost of transportation and lodging people from the village (hers and mine) to the city for our white marriage alone is gulping about 500/600k. That's transportation & lodging alone ooo.. I'll now spend if not x2 of what I spent on trad for white.. Why not just do everything in the village and move on with our lives? We can actually have it in the village and it will still be all nice and glamourous.

She said she wants to have a say in how her marriage will look like. Her imput is welcomed. But if she still insist on having the white wedding and not putting finances into consideration. I'm thinking that she want the white wedding on the city because of her friends who will attend which is not enough reason to go bankruptcy for.

It was a heated argument yesterday. We both went to bed angrily and not in talking terms till now

Pls advice accordingly. Thanks

what she wants for your wedding is normal for girls. My worry is her approach to it; it's an indication of what you will be facing if you eventually marry without working on your communication and sense of understanding. Married life is quite challenging these days with the economic demands it places on the family especially where one partner is the sole provider

mojojojo:
It is not uncommon for issues to surface at the eve of weddings.

Do not be so quick to judge your fiancee as the devil uses this opportunity to come between bride and groom.

Your mum will always suggest alternatives that will align and favor you. Such is the love of a mother.

Perhaps you already set expectations for the bride to do both weddings at different locations and decided to withdraw due to cost.

As long as your fiancee's behaviour is a one off and not a pattern, find a solution to work it out amicably and resolve.

if she stand on doing it at two location,let finance one side while the other location finances will belong to the man

I'd take it that you knew she was the high end type of girl before you decided to marry her, so you shouldn't blame her for wanting what she wants because you can't foot the bill now. However, I think if you have looked very well and sure you were marrying a reasonable person, you should have asked her opinion first because the marriage involves the both of you even if you claim now she is not willing to contribute which I find strange. If the both of you couldn't come up with a reasonable means of cutting cost at the time and you discussed it with your mum and she gave the good suggestion, then you should have presented it as your own suggestion instead of another person's idea. The need to put the story here for jobless people who don't know the story to bash and call her names is irrelevant. You must have dated her and know her character and still decided to marry her so I don't see the need for complaints here because she did not just present the attitude because of wedding

Stand ur ground man....if u go bankrupt she go sleep around for money. One babe tried that with me in 2009. Insisting i budget 2.5 mill for white wefding alone as her laeyer friends n judges shall be present. She no know when i cancel the damn wedding...she begged for 3 months! Na police i take frighten her away!
She made it clear her family will not drop anything! Laughter wan kill me!lol.

Annoms:
I'll try to make this short.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my fiancée about my mum's suggestion about how to go about our wedding which is scheduled to take place Jan next year. My mum suggested that we do both trad and white wedding on the same day to cut cost. She opined that we do the white wedding in the morning and hold the traditional marriage as a reception in the afternoon. I pretty much see reasons from her perspective considering the harsh economic condition in Nigeria.

I . Thanks

Negative

Stand ur ground man....if u go bankrupt she go sleep around for money. One babe tried that with me in 2009. Insisting i budget 2.5 mill for white wefding alone as her laeyer friends n judges shall be present. She no know when i cancel the damn wedding...she begged for 3 months! Na police i take frighten her away!
She made it clear her family will not drop anything! Laughter wan kill me!lol.





She wants a cream-de-la-cream kind of wedding but she's not ready to assist financially to make that happen. (she's an awaiting corper)

I told her that the cost of transportation and lodging people from the village (hers and mine) to the city for our white marriage alone is gulping about 500/600k. That's transportation & lodging alone ooo.. I'll now spend if not x2 of what I spent on trad for white.. Why not just do everything in the village and move on with our lives? We can actually have it in the village and it will still be all nice and glamourous.

She said she wants to have a say in how her marriage will look like. Her imput is welcomed. But if she still insist on having the white wedding and not putting finances into consideration. I'm thinking that she want the white wedding on the city because of her friends who will attend which is not enough reason to go bankruptcy for.

It was a heated argument yesterday. We both went to bed angrily and not in talking terms till now

Pls advice accordingly. Thanks[/quote]

Nobody can come and stress me for something of just 2days or even a day sef... Me I can't go into borrowing for anybody ooo

Stefenijoan002:
Can't really say anything coz I don't know how you both started the ship!maybe you alway lavish on her and this has made her have the impression of my man is capable of anything .
secondly just make her see reasons as to why you obliged to ur mum's opinion besides it for u both good !lastly give her time to think !don't worry she'll come around .

think about what....who owns the money!

Jonathan39:
Divide the cost into 2, and tell her to pay the half if she doesn't want to understand why you are trying to cut cost.

O boi!
The op said the wedding cost him #4 million!
How much he Lexus jeep 330

If you follow her rather than being THE MAN, you'd be committing the same blunder Adam committed. And like Adam, the ground of your marriage would be cursed for your sake as you'd be handing over the reins to her. I thought a poor girl shouldn't be dictating, but should be humble to follow your guidance. With all due respect, you don't have a fiancee yet! Quote me daily till you remember these words if you go ahead with her.

baralatie:

She wants the wedding in the city according to op

OP is trying to cut cost. The suggestion might be comfortable to her wife to be than the issue of doing both in the city.

Every woman would like her traditional wedding to be done in her father's house or extended family compound. It shows where she is coming from, and put a stamp on her non-avaliability.

Summary of the whole statement of mine is that, both should come to a compromise before the event proper. It would be bad if their union is started on a bad note with hatred and acrimony of wedding issue.

Why not go to her village and do the traditional rites without making too loud. Pay for the stuff without calling any party, then come back to lagos and do the white wedding according to your pocket size? Never allow a woman to pressurize you into plugging yourself into debt, that you'll later regret. I know it's her wedding, but wisdom demands that you wise in decision making. Take few people with you to her village, and carry someone from that zone along with you, in order for it to be easy for you during negotiation of traditional list stuff.

Biglittlelois:
Your mistake is, you shouldn't have told her your mum suggested it, you would have said that it was your idea, you should have brought up the topic in a way that will make her see reasons why it is logical to cut cost, instead of calling her on phone saying black bla your mum bla bla, and i can imagine you saying it in a bossy way sef, it is her wedding as she said, as it is yours too, make her feel like she's in charge but you're the one controlling things on the side, very simple

Most times it is you men that majorly cause unnecessary animosity between your mother and wives, you guys don't know how to present a case smoothly without bringing up issues.

Well said and shared!.

Annoms:

I was thinking I was the one that's not considerate when she was screaming on the phone yesterday. This harsh times, one needs to spend money judiciously. Imagine spending 3-4m over 2 sets wedding when I can do all in one day for 2m sef..

Thanks brother

na classy music video una dey shoot?

fatymore:
Use that 500k/600k do cryp.to you go dey happy.

During the planning of my wedding,

We both discussed everything before telling anyone.

I contributed but he did the most. Where we have clashes I let his own prevail.

You correct jare.

Annoms:

I was thinking I was the one that's not considerate when she was screaming on the phone yesterday. This harsh times, one needs to spend money judiciously. Imagine spending 3-4m over 2 sets wedding when I can do all in one day for 2m sef..

Thanks brother

2million wedding??

Well if you think she's the right woman for you make her see reasons why you two should go with your mums advice, if she refuses then I guess you know the kind of woman she is...