₦airaland Forum

FalseProphet1:
If you go ahead with the marriage, I see you coming back to Nairaland to complain to us how your lazy wife who doesn't contribute a dime towards the upkeep of the family doesn't appreciate the little financial efforts you're making, I see you being very frustrated in the first six months of your marriage. This I have seen.

Annoms:
I'll try to make this short.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my fiancée about my mum's suggestion about how to go about our wedding which is scheduled to take place Jan next year. My mum suggested that we do both trad and white wedding on the same day to cut cost. She opined that we do the white wedding in the morning and hold the traditional marriage as a reception in the afternoon. I pretty much see reasons from her perspective considering the harsh economic condition in Nigeria.

I was relating this to my fiancée yesterday in a phone call, when she flared up and said I should have consulted her to seek her opinion on this marriage arrangement before going to my family to seek theirs because I said my mum's advise seems okay.

What I deduce from her plight was that she wants the trad marriage at the village (south-east) while the white at the town where we base (South-West). That was what I initially wanted but due to high inflation in the land, I'm actually tilting towards my mum advise because I can't go bankruptcy just because I want to satisfy her. Why not use a stone to kill two birds?

She wants a cream-de-la-cream kind of wedding but she's not ready to assist financially to make that happen. (she's an awaiting corper)

I told her that the cost of transportation and lodging people from the village (hers and mine) to the city for our white marriage alone is gulping about 500/600k. That's transportation & lodging alone ooo.. I'll now spend if not x2 of what I spent on trad for white.. Why not just do everything in the village and move on with our lives? We can actually have it in the village and it will still be all nice and glamourous.

She said she wants to have a say in how her marriage will look like. Her imput is welcomed. But if she still insist on having the white wedding and not putting finances into consideration. I'm thinking that she want the white wedding on the city because of her friends who will attend which is not enough reason to go bankruptcy for.

It was a heated argument yesterday. We both went to bed angrily and not in talking terms till now

Pls advice accordingly. Thanks

Annoms:
I was thinking I was the one that's not considerate when she was screaming on the phone yesterday. This harsh times, one needs to spend money judiciously. Imagine spending 3-4m over 2 sets wedding when I can do all in one day for 2m sef..

Thanks brother

Sanjemiga:
I will tell you what nobody is willing to say.....

Run oooooooooo



Run �‍♀️�‍♀️�‍♀️�‍♀️�‍♀️�‍♀️�‍♀️�‍♀️�‍♀️ ooooo

Kokaine:
You are the man. Always make it look like you're doing her a favour by marrying her even if you don't say it expressly. Let it be clear that you are aware that many women will give their fairy tooth to marry you in this period where marriages are hard. She should be grateful you are picking her from the millions of available women who will do all your biddings to be your wife.

DAramis:
OP is trying to cut cost. The suggestion might be comfortable to her wife to be than the issue of doing both in the city.

Every woman would like her traditional wedding to be done in her father's house or extended family compound. It shows were she is coming from, and put a stamp on her non-avaliability.

Summary of the whole statement of mine is that, both should come to a compromise before the event proper. It would be bad if their union is started on a bad note with hatred and acrimony of wedding issue.

Biglittlelois:
Your mistake is, you shouldn't have told her your mum suggested it, you would have said that it was your idea, you should have brought up the topic in a way that will make her see reasons why it is logical to cut cost, instead of calling her on phone saying black bla your mum bla bla, and i can imagine you saying it in a bossy way sef, it is her wedding as she said, as it is yours too, make her feel like she's in charge but you're the one controlling things on the side, very simple

Most times it is you men that majorly cause unnecessary animosity between your mother and wives, you guys don't know how to present a case smoothly without bringing up issues.

Annoms:
I'll try to make this short.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my fiancée about my mum's suggestion about how to go about our wedding which is scheduled to take place Jan next year. My mum suggested that we do both trad and white wedding on the same day to cut cost. She opined that we do the white wedding in the morning and hold the traditional marriage as a reception in the afternoon. I pretty much see reasons from her perspective considering the harsh economic condition in Nigeria.

I was relating this to my fiancée yesterday in a phone call, when she flared up and said I should have consulted her to seek her opinion on this marriage arrangement before going to my family to seek theirs because I said my mum's advise seems okay.

What I deduce from her plight was that she wants the trad marriage at the village (south-east) while the white at the town where we base (South-West). That was what I initially wanted but due to high inflation in the land, I'm actually tilting towards my mum advise because I can't go bankruptcy just because I want to satisfy her. Why not use a stone to kill two birds?

She wants a cream-de-la-cream kind of wedding but she's not ready to assist financially to make that happen. (she's an awaiting corper)

I told her that the cost of transportation and lodging people from the village (hers and mine) to the city for our white marriage alone is gulping about 500/600k. That's transportation & lodging alone ooo.. I'll now spend if not x2 of what I spent on trad for white.. Why not just do everything in the village and move on with our lives? We can actually have it in the village and it will still be all nice and glamourous.

She said she wants to have a say in how her marriage will look like. Her imput is welcomed. But if she still insist on having the white wedding and not putting finances into consideration. I'm thinking that she want the white wedding on the city because of her friends who will attend which is not enough reason to go bankruptcy for.

It was a heated argument yesterday. We both went to bed angrily and not in talking terms till now

Pls advice accordingly. Thanks

BruncleZuma:


[img]https://media1./images/35094ffd0223e145af0b235a8e0b9157/tenor.gif?itemid=15415824[/img]

And you think your solution lies in Nairaland?

domaya21:
Uncle leave her to do the white wedding in town alone

9jaRealist:
What would Nairaland be without CRUDE MISOGYNISTS....smh
>

duduade:
Red flags

Are you sure this one will hear word in the house like this... Marriage isnt about the wedding abeg.. And i suppose till now she hasnt called you to "lets sort this out" ... No communication... This one will bully you till you fall for her demands... Is this a wife material...



She wants a dream wedding and isnt ready to contribute to it financially


The 500 to 600k is money that can be saved and diverted to something else better. Her priorities are different from yours... Obviously not well matured...


I were in your shoes... I will put ALL PLANS on hold until both parties come to the middle..


In short walk away why you can... Cancelling an engagement wont kill you...

Vicas2000:
Dude. Stop telling her what your mum said. Next time....never mention your mum.

Also...whatever you do...do not agree to a two day wedding in two different places. If she wants it...then she can pay for it herself.

If she can't pay. Then she must do whatever she wants to do within the 2m budget you have.

If you allow it to happen Ehn....you go hear am. She will see you as a easy ride and will want her way all the time.

Stick to your guns if she bring this issue up again and simply say you are suspending all wedding plans. Let her know there are many people who did wedding with less than 1 million and they didn't die.if she wants it.. She must contribute to it.



Take this from someone who has been married for a decade!

Ipisi:
You might be right.... The guy is not man enough... How can a man seek advice from his mother ontop wedding arrangements ooo

Annoms:
I'll try to make this short.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my fiancée about my mum's suggestion about how to go about our wedding which is scheduled to take place Jan next year. My mum suggested that we do both trad and white wedding on the same day to cut cost. She opined that we do the white wedding in the morning and hold the traditional marriage as a reception in the afternoon. I pretty much see reasons from her perspective considering the harsh economic condition in Nigeria.

I was relating this to my fiancée yesterday in a phone call, when she flared up and said I should have consulted her to seek her opinion on this marriage arrangement before going to my family to seek theirs because I said my mum's advise seems okay.

What I deduce from her plight was that she wants the trad marriage at the village (south-east) while the white at the town where we base (South-West). That was what I initially wanted but due to high inflation in the land, I'm actually tilting towards my mum advise because I can't go bankruptcy just because I want to satisfy her. Why not use a stone to kill two birds?

She wants a cream-de-la-cream kind of wedding but she's not ready to assist financially to make that happen. (she's an awaiting corper)

I told her that the cost of transportation and lodging people from the village (hers and mine) to the city for our white marriage alone is gulping about 500/600k. That's transportation & lodging alone ooo.. I'll now spend if not x2 of what I spent on trad for white.. Why not just do everything in the village and move on with our lives? We can actually have it in the village and it will still be all nice and glamourous.

She said she wants to have a say in how her marriage will look like. Her imput is welcomed. But if she still insist on having the white wedding and not putting finances into consideration. I'm thinking that she want the white wedding on the city because of her friends who will attend which is not enough reason to go bankruptcy for.

It was a heated argument yesterday. We both went to bed angrily and not in talking terms till now

Pls advice accordingly. Thanks

sunbreaker:
Bro,base on your first sentence above, if the wife to be can't respect the opinion of her in-law while outside,she will never value the family of her husband when she enter the family

9jaRealist:
You sound like someone whose husband/man walks all over her...smh

It’s HER life, HER wedding and HER marriage too (not just HIS)...
Two people in a relationship should be able to MUTUALLY compromise
>

Chris2863:
2 million for wedding. Ha, you get money oo

Jirehz:


My cousin had exactly same issues with his now wife 2 years ago
Girl wey no dey bring any kind of financial support to the wedding oo

My bro just called her 2 days after the argument and told her to put the phone on loudspeaker and give her mom the phone.

“Mama I’ll be coming with with my elder brother to apologize for all inconsistencies. I no longer want to proceed with the wedding. I no get money!”

Nah there area scatter
Nah she come dey beg las las
She turn to Yes sir Yes sir girl till wedding and trad finish

9jaRealist:
You sound like someone whose husband/man walks all over her...smh

It’s HER life, HER wedding and HER marriage too (not just HIS)...
Two people in a relationship should be able to MUTUALLY compromise
>

Biglittlelois:
Your mistake is, you shouldn't have told her your mum suggested it, you would have said that it was your idea, you should have brought up the topic in a way that will make her see reasons why it is logical to cut cost, instead of calling her on phone saying black bla your mum bla bla, and i can imagine you saying it in a bossy way sef, it is her wedding as she said, as it is yours too, make her feel like she's in charge but you're the one controlling things on the side, very simple

Most times it is you men that majorly cause unnecessary animosity between your mother and wives, you guys don't know how to present a case smoothly without bringing up issues.

Kingsbridge:
The problem really isn't just about what she wants, but because she felt you consulted your mum before her..
Even if you explain from now till tomorrow she will still fell you decision was influenced by your mom without being reasonable to the fact and reasons behind your decision..
Bad women always see themselves as a competitor to their mother inlaw.
Your said to be wife will prove that in no time and will always disagree with your mom.
It takes wisdom to handle issues like this..
This is a red flag, trade carefully because your mom is about to have a competitor as a daughter in law...

Jirehz:


My cousin had exactly same issues with his now wife 2 years ago
Girl wey no dey bring any kind of financial support to the wedding oo

My bro just called her 2 days after the argument and told her to put the phone on loudspeaker and give her mom the phone.

“Mama I’ll be coming with with my elder brother to apologize for all inconsistencies. I no longer want to proceed with the wedding. I no get money!”

Nah there area scatter
Nah she come dey beg las las
She turn to Yes sir Yes sir girl till wedding and trad finish