₦airaland Forum

DAramis:
@OP, traditional marriage is more important, because you will need to fulfil traditions before any other civil marriage (Church marriage inclusive).

The best solution is to move the church wedding to the East then. Do a simple white wedding with 3 witnesses on both sides, and then proceed to the village to do elaborate traditional wedding.

The foods and drinks to be served on the traditional wedding will cover for both weddings. Remember, it could be same day or two days interval between both weddings.
The expenses should even be lesser... probably around 1 million or 1.5 million max.
My opinion.

CC Annoms

we dey complain sey the money too much na, him wan feed the whole South-east ni

Biglittlelois:
Your mistake is, you shouldn't have told her your mum suggested it, you would have said that it was your idea, you should have brought up the topic in a way that will make her see reasons why it is logical to cut cost, instead of calling her on phone saying bla bla your mum bla bla, and i can imagine you saying it in a bossy way sef, it is her wedding as she said, as it is yours too, make her feel like she's in charge but you're the one controlling things on the side, very simple

Most times it is you men that majorly cause unnecessary animosity between your mother and wives, you guys don't know how to present a case smoothly without bringing up issues.

Why will a girl be so useless not to contribute anything to her own wedding?

Why will a useless girl wana spend money any how when she can't generate anytin


Why wud a useless girl wana go against the mother of a man Dt made him who he is

Annoms:
I'll try to make this short.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my fiancée about my mum's suggestion about how to go about our wedding which is scheduled to take place Jan next year. My mum suggested that we do both trad and white wedding on the same day to cut cost. She opined that we do the white wedding in the morning and hold the traditional marriage as a reception in the afternoon. I pretty much see reasons from her perspective considering the harsh economic condition in Nigeria.

I was relating this to my fiancée yesterday in a phone call, when she flared up and said I should have consulted her to seek her opinion on this marriage arrangement before going to my family to seek theirs because I said my mum's advise seems okay.

What I deduce from her plight was that she wants the trad marriage at the village (south-east) while the white at the town where we base (South-West). That was what I initially wanted but due to high inflation in the land, I'm actually tilting towards my mum advise because I can't go bankruptcy just because I want to satisfy her. Why not use a stone to kill two birds?

She wants a cream-de-la-cream kind of wedding but she's not ready to assist financially to make that happen. (she's an awaiting corper)

I told her that the cost of transportation and lodging people from the village (hers and mine) to the city for our white marriage alone is gulping about 500/600k. That's transportation & lodging alone ooo.. I'll now spend if not x2 of what I spent on trad for white.. Why not just do everything in the village and move on with our lives? We can actually have it in the village and it will still be all nice and glamourous.

She said she wants to have a say in how her marriage will look like. Her imput is welcomed. But if she still insist on having the white wedding and not putting finances into consideration. I'm thinking that she want the white wedding on the city because of her friends who will attend which is not enough reason to go bankruptcy for.

It was a heated argument yesterday. We both went to bed angrily and not in talking terms till now

Pls advice accordingly. Thanks

Just call her tell her say if she makes up her mind she should tell you or if she needs some time, let her shift the date. No go bankrupt because of wedding oo, to train children no be beans, you need at least 20k daily. Better go invest 500k u plan use lodge friends make e dey mulitiply. Marriage no be award.

DenreleDave:
Why will a girl be so useless not to contribute anything to her own wedding?

Why will a useless girl wana spend money any how when she can't generate anytin


Why wud a useless girl wana go against the mother of a man Dt made him who he is

That's the scary red flag right there.

Annoms:
I'll try to make this short.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my fiancée about my mum's suggestion about how to go about our wedding which is scheduled to take place Jan next year. My mum suggested that we do both trad and white wedding on the same day to cut cost. She opined that we do the white wedding in the morning and hold the traditional marriage as a reception in the afternoon. I pretty much see reasons from her perspective considering the harsh economic condition in Nigeria.

I was relating this to my fiancée yesterday in a phone call, when she flared up and said I should have consulted her to seek her opinion on this marriage arrangement before going to my family to seek theirs because I said my mum's advise seems okay.

What I deduce from her plight was that she wants the trad marriage at the village (south-east) while the white at the town where we base (South-West). That was what I initially wanted but due to high inflation in the land, I'm actually tilting towards my mum advise because I can't go bankruptcy just because I want to satisfy her. Why not use a stone to kill two birds?

She wants a cream-de-la-cream kind of wedding but she's not ready to assist financially to make that happen. (she's an awaiting corper)

I told her that the cost of transportation and lodging people from the village (hers and mine) to the city for our white marriage alone is gulping about 500/600k. That's transportation & lodging alone ooo.. I'll now spend if not x2 of what I spent on trad for white.. Why not just do everything in the village and move on with our lives? We can actually have it in the village and it will still be all nice and glamourous.

She said she wants to have a say in how her marriage will look like. Her imput is welcomed. But if she still insist on having the white wedding and not putting finances into consideration. I'm thinking that she want the white wedding on the city because of her friends who will attend which is not enough reason to go bankruptcy for.

It was a heated argument yesterday. We both went to bed angrily and not in talking terms till now

Pls advice accordingly. Thanks

Do not allow anyone here vilify your woman to you. It was the way you presented the issue that generated this rancour. From what you typed, you can afford to have two separate ceremonies like your wife wanted, you just feel the need to save. Find other areas to cut cost. For instance lodging village people because of your wedding is unnecessary. Who nor fit afford to come on e own, make e stay village.

babadee1:
My brother you never see wife o. Run for your life! Any woman who is more concerned about what her wedding will look like, than what her actual marriage will be like is not yet ready to be a wife.

You have said it all. The mistake op made herein, is presenting her mom as the one that brought up the idea. This will be a big problem in future if they settle and get married. The mother will be her worst enemy. For me, I'll not proceed and will take a walk.

My brother insist on what you can afford for a ceremony, women generally want elaborate weddings but at what cost?after that ceremony is where the real deal starts, secondly next time be sensitive,every woman wants to have a say in her marriage,so you telling her what ur mum said sounds as if you are a mummy's boy,women will resist dominance of ur family in the marriage,so next time use wisdom,it makes no sense spending dt much for a ceremony when u can use half of it to start biz for her n use half for a decent ceremony,if she wants elaborate let her fund it, insist on what you can afford comfortably if she doesn't like it,she can go n look for another moneybag to fund her fantasies, because after d wedding if you can't provide her needs u will also be called a useless man not minding you overstretched to make her happy on wedding day

Annoms:
I'll try to make this short.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my fiancée about my mum's suggestion about how to go about our wedding which is scheduled to take place Jan next year. My mum suggested that we do both trad and white wedding on the same day to cut cost. She opined that we do the white wedding in the morning and hold the traditional marriage as a reception in the afternoon. I pretty much see reasons from her perspective considering the harsh economic condition in Nigeria.

I was relating this to my fiancée yesterday in a phone call, when she flared up and said I should have consulted her to seek her opinion on this marriage arrangement before going to my family to seek theirs because I said my mum's advise seems okay.

What I deduce from her plight was that she wants the trad marriage at the village (south-east) while the white at the town where we base (South-West). That was what I initially wanted but due to high inflation in the land, I'm actually tilting towards my mum advise because I can't go bankruptcy just because I want to satisfy her. Why not use a stone to kill two birds?

She wants a cream-de-la-cream kind of wedding but she's not ready to assist financially to make that happen. (she's an awaiting corper)

I told her that the cost of transportation and lodging people from the village (hers and mine) to the city for our white marriage alone is gulping about 500/600k. That's transportation & lodging alone ooo.. I'll now spend if not x2 of what I spent on trad for white.. Why not just do everything in the village and move on with our lives? We can actually have it in the village and it will still be all nice and glamourous.

She said she wants to have a say in how her marriage will look like. Her imput is welcomed. But if she still insist on having the white wedding and not putting finances into consideration. I'm thinking that she want the white wedding on the city because of her friends who will attend which is not enough reason to go bankruptcy for.

It was a heated argument yesterday. We both went to bed angrily and not in talking terms till now

Pls advice accordingly. Thanks

Trust me on what I'm about to say. It might be harsh, but it's the honest truth.


You haven't yet seen a wife.

EndRape2:
You keep quite when you do not have sense to contribute to a post, he is wrong, to consult his mum on how to plan his own wedding, yes his mum can advice but his mum says can not be final, because it is not her wedding, you were not there on how it happened ,how the guy put it and said it, to her, just drawing conclusion from social media.


Every girl wants to have full control of her wedding , on her wedding day, even if he wants the traditional and white wedding together he does not need to tell the fiences that is mummy said so, he should have inform the fienace, that two of them should do it like this. Not saying mummy said

The sense of entitlement of a Nigerian woman is unbeatable. I do not know how someone with no job or financial capability could stamp a foot on how things involving money could be done. I have gone round the world - It will never happen elsewhere!

My brother,
my advice for you is that next time, dont say your mum suggested it even if the advice came from her. Present it to her as if it was your opinion and things like this shouldn't be discussed over the phone.

Make her feel she is in control of her own weeding by using wisdom. Dont disclose all your budget, only disclose like 50%. Ask her how she wants the money to be utilized to take care of everything.

If she insists the money is not enough, create a senerio that you are thinking of getting a loan or if you have a car tell her maybe you should sell off the car to meet up; then, her reaction will let you know who she really is.

Annoms:
I was thinking I was the one that's not considerate when she was screaming on the phone yesterday. This harsh times, one needs to spend money judiciously. Imagine spending 3-4m over 2 sets wedding when I can do all in one day for 2m sef..

Thanks brother

. Mr.man run for your life. This is a serious red flag. I won't allow any woman to use my destiny and finances to catch cruise with her friends in the name of impresing on wedding day. No do pass yourself. This type will abandon you and move in you go broke.

Annoms:
Don't get me started on what is on the marriage list.

Is she from the East?
I presume so. If so, the trad must be done in the village. You can also do the white wedding in same village too.
I understand you point in trying to cut cost. Times are hard and man must be ingenious in solving problems. Its not good to go bankrupt because of one ceremony.
If she doesn't see reasons with you, then let her foot some bills. Either way, she must do one or else you are walking.

Annoms:
Don't get me started on what is on the marriage list.

Another red flag spotted..

Biglittlelois:
Your mistake is, you shouldn't have told her your mum suggested it, you would have said that it was your idea, you should have brought up the topic in a way that will make her see reasons why it is logical to cut cost, instead of calling her on phone saying bla bla your mum bla bla, and i can imagine you saying it in a bossy way sef, it is her wedding as she said, as it is yours too, make her feel like she's in charge but you're the one controlling things on the side, very simple

Most times it is you men that majorly cause unnecessary animosity between your mother and wives, you guys don't know how to present a case smoothly without bringing up issues.

Censorship... A bro can't even express himself again. If he proceeds with the wedding, he's freedom of speech is gone forever.

babadee1:
My brother you never see wife o. Run for your life! Any woman who is more concerned about what her wedding will look like, than what her actual marriage will be like is not yet ready to be a wife.

True
I concur fully
She isn't ready at all

She is not ready for marriage if this is her mindset. You want a creme de la creme wedding but shishi you cannot contribute. Even if you no get money to contribute, at least get small sense to assist your husband to save hin money for your future. No be sey money you no get, sense you no get.

Op, I wish you well.

Corper wey wan make them spend more than 1m for wedding never gather sense

Leave her to graduate and job hunt for a while.. So she go see real sapa

Na she go by herself talk make una do only registry

Dfkm

Ishilove:
She is not ready for marriage if this is her mindset. You want a creme de la creme wedding but shishi you cannot contribute. Even if you no get money to contribute, at least get small sense to assist your husband to be save him money for your future.

Na ment dey worry the girl

Annoms:
I'll try to make this short.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my fiancée about my mum's suggestion about how to go about our wedding which is scheduled to take place Jan next year. My mum suggested that we do both trad and white wedding on the same day to cut cost. She opined that we do the white wedding in the morning and hold the traditional marriage as a reception in the afternoon. I pretty much see reasons from her perspective considering the harsh economic condition in Nigeria.

I was relating this to my fiancée yesterday in a phone call, when she flared up and said I should have consulted her to seek her opinion on this marriage arrangement before going to my family to seek theirs because I said my mum's advise seems okay.

What I deduce from her plight was that she wants the trad marriage at the village (south-east) while the white at the town where we base (South-West). That was what I initially wanted but due to high inflation in the land, I'm actually tilting towards my mum advise because I can't go bankruptcy just because I want to satisfy her. Why not use a stone to kill two birds?

She wants a cream-de-la-cream kind of wedding but she's not ready to assist financially to make that happen. (she's an awaiting corper)

I told her that the cost of transportation and lodging people from the village (hers and mine) to the city for our white marriage alone is gulping about 500/600k. That's transportation & lodging alone ooo.. I'll now spend if not x2 of what I spent on trad for white.. Why not just do everything in the village and move on with our lives? We can actually have it in the village and it will still be all nice and glamourous.

She said she wants to have a say in how her marriage will look like. Her imput is welcomed. But if she still insist on having the white wedding and not putting finances into consideration. I'm thinking that she want the white wedding on the city because of her friends who will attend which is not enough reason to go bankruptcy for.

It was a heated argument yesterday. We both went to bed angrily and not in talking terms till now

Pls advice accordingly. Thanks

You can do both in her village on same day if she wants a traditional wedding in her village.

Biglittlelois:
Your mistake is, you shouldn't have told her your mum suggested it, you would have said that it was your idea, you should have brought up the topic in a way that will make her see reasons why it is logical to cut cost, instead of calling her on phone saying bla bla your mum bla bla, and i can imagine you saying it in a bossy way sef, it is her wedding as she said, as it is yours too, make her feel like she's in charge but you're the one controlling things on the side, very simple

Most times it is you men that majorly cause unnecessary animosity between your mother and wives, you guys don't know how to present a case smoothly without bringing up issues.

Well said

But the girl too no get sense

Annoms:
I'll try to make this short.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my fiancée about my mum's suggestion about how to go about our wedding which is scheduled to take place Jan next year. My mum suggested that we do both trad and white wedding on the same day to cut cost. She opined that we do the white wedding in the morning and hold the traditional marriage as a reception in the afternoon. I pretty much see reasons from her perspective considering the harsh economic condition in Nigeria.

I was relating this to my fiancée yesterday in a phone call, when she flared up and said I should have consulted her to seek her opinion on this marriage arrangement before going to my family to seek theirs because I said my mum's advise seems okay.

What I deduce from her plight was that she wants the trad marriage at the village (south-east) while the white at the town where we base (South-West). That was what I initially wanted but due to high inflation in the land, I'm actually tilting towards my mum advise because I can't go bankruptcy just because I want to satisfy her. Why not use a stone to kill two birds?

She wants a cream-de-la-cream kind of wedding but she's not ready to assist financially to make that happen. (she's an awaiting corper)

I told her that the cost of transportation and lodging people from the village (hers and mine) to the city for our white marriage alone is gulping about 500/600k. That's transportation & lodging alone ooo.. I'll now spend if not x2 of what I spent on trad for white.. Why not just do everything in the village and move on with our lives? We can actually have it in the village and it will still be all nice and glamourous.

She said she wants to have a say in how her marriage will look like. Her imput is welcomed. But if she still insist on having the white wedding and not putting finances into consideration. I'm thinking that she want the white wedding on the city because of her friends who will attend which is not enough reason to go bankruptcy for.

It was a heated argument yesterday. We both went to bed angrily and not in talking terms till now

Pls advice accordingly. Thanks

Come and marry me we will only do small party. Same hall same day. Your girl is not serious. Ahahhahaha

See stand your ground tell her that's what you want or nothing. Or she brings money period. Note this: you can never please the whole guest no mater how much you spend so why go bankrupt? I hate nonsense.

Annoms:
I'll try to make this short.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my fiancée about my mum's suggestion about how to go about our wedding which is scheduled to take place Jan next year. My mum suggested that we do both trad and white wedding on the same day to cut cost. She opined that we do the white wedding in the morning and hold the traditional marriage as a reception in the afternoon. I pretty much see reasons from her perspective considering the harsh economic condition in Nigeria.

I was relating this to my fiancée yesterday in a phone call, when she flared up and said I should have consulted her to seek her opinion on this marriage arrangement before going to my family to seek theirs because I said my mum's advise seems okay.

What I deduce from her plight was that she wants the trad marriage at the village (south-east) while the white at the town where we base (South-West). That was what I initially wanted but due to high inflation in the land, I'm actually tilting towards my mum advise because I can't go bankruptcy just because I want to satisfy her. Why not use a stone to kill two birds?

She wants a cream-de-la-cream kind of wedding but she's not ready to assist financially to make that happen. (she's an awaiting corper)

I told her that the cost of transportation and lodging people from the village (hers and mine) to the city for our white marriage alone is gulping about 500/600k. That's transportation & lodging alone ooo.. I'll now spend if not x2 of what I spent on trad for white.. Why not just do everything in the village and move on with our lives? We can actually have it in the village and it will still be all nice and glamourous.

She said she wants to have a say in how her marriage will look like. Her imput is welcomed. But if she still insist on having the white wedding and not putting finances into consideration. I'm thinking that she want the white wedding on the city because of her friends who will attend which is not enough reason to go bankruptcy for.

It was a heated argument yesterday. We both went to bed angrily and not in talking terms till now

Pls advice accordingly. Thanks

I'm more concerned about why you wanna marry an waiting corper abi what did you call her?? She hasn't even served What's rushing you oga?? You wanna marry a jobless human being in this economy And one wey her eyes don tear

Annoms:
I was thinking I was the one that's not considerate when she was screaming on the phone yesterday. This harsh times, one needs to spend money judiciously. Imagine spending 3-4m over 2 sets wedding when I can do all in one day for 2m sef..

Thanks brother

Or 200K when you goto registry and use the rest to goto another sensible country

Biglittlelois:
Your mistake is, you shouldn't have told her your mum suggested it, you would have said that it was your idea, you should have brought up the topic in a way that will make her see reasons why it is logical to cut cost, instead of calling her on phone saying bla bla your mum bla bla, and i can imagine you saying it in a bossy way sef, it is her wedding as she said, as it is yours too, make her feel like she's in charge but you're the one controlling things on the side, very simple

Most times it is you men that majorly cause unnecessary animosity between your mother and wives, you guys don't know how to present a case smoothly without bringing up issues.

Shut up, it's only a foolish man will do that, when your mom or anybody bring up a suggestion that will favor you please say it as it's , if he start now to fear her when will it stop

Annoms:
I'm sure I'll even be the one to pay for her wedding gown and accessories.

Yet she needs to be in control of 'her wedding' according to her friends here

Annoms:
I was thinking I was the one that's not considerate when she was screaming on the phone yesterday. This harsh times, one needs to spend money judiciously. Imagine spending 3-4m over 2 sets wedding when I can do all in one day for 2m sef..

Thanks brother

The elders have told you what to do,just go and implement and wait for result.
If you do otherwise, its your problem oooo

Annoms:
I'll try to make this short.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my fiancée about my mum's suggestion about how to go about our wedding which is scheduled to take place Jan next year. My mum suggested that we do both trad and white wedding on the same day to cut cost. She opined that we do the white wedding in the morning and hold the traditional marriage as a reception in the afternoon. I pretty much see reasons from her perspective considering the harsh economic condition in Nigeria.

I was relating this to my fiancée yesterday in a phone call, when she flared up and said I should have consulted her to seek her opinion on this marriage arrangement before going to my family to seek theirs because I said my mum's advise seems okay.

What I deduce from her plight was that she wants the trad marriage at the village (south-east) while the white at the town where we base (South-West). That was what I initially wanted but due to high inflation in the land, I'm actually tilting towards my mum advise because I can't go bankruptcy just because I want to satisfy her. Why not use a stone to kill two birds?

She wants a cream-de-la-cream kind of wedding but she's not ready to assist financially to make that happen. (she's an awaiting corper)

I told her that the cost of transportation and lodging people from the village (hers and mine) to the city for our white marriage alone is gulping about 500/600k. That's transportation & lodging alone ooo.. I'll now spend if not x2 of what I spent on trad for white.. Why not just do everything in the village and move on with our lives? We can actually have it in the village and it will still be all nice and glamourous.

She said she wants to have a say in how her marriage will look like. Her imput is welcomed. But if she still insist on having the white wedding and not putting finances into consideration. I'm thinking that she want the white wedding on the city because of her friends who will attend which is not enough reason to go bankruptcy for.

It was a heated argument yesterday. We both went to bed angrily and not in talking terms till now

Pls advice accordingly. Thanks

Okay. I wish you good luck with the marriage. What you are talking of is wedding not marriage.

You are in for it

This one na confirm red flag .... If she's ready to take some financial responsibilities, fine but if not .. baba, this one is for the streets.

hustla:
Na ment dey worry the girl

Single sense she no get. After we come to dance and eat their life savings at their flamboyant wedding, we will clean our buttocks, bid them adieu and leave them alone with the debts. Wetin be my own

EndRape2:
You keep quite when you do not have sense to contribute to a post, he is wrong, to consult his mum on how to plan his own wedding, yes his mum can advice but his mum says can not be final, because it is not her wedding, you were not there on how it happened ,how the guy put it and said it, to her, just drawing conclusion from social media.


Every girl wants to have full control of her wedding , on her wedding day, even if he wants the traditional and white wedding together he does not need to tell the fiences that is mummy said so, he should have inform the fienace, that two of them should do it like this. Not saying mummy said

The op said the wedding is costing him #4 million!
Can the fiancee contribute #2 million?

Annoms:
I'll try to make this short.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my fiancée about my mum's suggestion about how to go about our wedding which is scheduled to take place Jan next year. My mum suggested that we do both trad and white wedding on the same day to cut cost. She opined that we do the white wedding in the morning and hold the traditional marriage as a reception in the afternoon. I pretty much see reasons from her perspective considering the harsh economic condition in Nigeria.

I was relating this to my fiancée yesterday in a phone call, when she flared up and said I should have consulted her to seek her opinion on this marriage arrangement before going to my family to seek theirs because I said my mum's advise seems okay.

What I deduce from her plight was that she wants the trad marriage at the village (south-east) while the white at the town where we base (South-West). That was what I initially wanted but due to high inflation in the land, I'm actually tilting towards my mum advise because I can't go bankruptcy just because I want to satisfy her. Why not use a stone to kill two birds?

She wants a cream-de-la-cream kind of wedding but she's not ready to assist financially to make that happen. (she's an awaiting corper)

I told her that the cost of transportation and lodging people from the village (hers and mine) to the city for our white marriage alone is gulping about 500/600k. That's transportation & lodging alone ooo.. I'll now spend if not x2 of what I spent on trad for white.. Why not just do everything in the village and move on with our lives? We can actually have it in the village and it will still be all nice and glamourous.

She said she wants to have a say in how her marriage will look like. Her imput is welcomed. But if she still insist on having the white wedding and not putting finances into consideration. I'm thinking that she want the white wedding on the city because of her friends who will attend which is not enough reason to go bankruptcy for.

It was a heated argument yesterday. We both went to bed angrily and not in talking terms till now

Pls advice accordingly. Thanks

OP I understand you quite well, but as tradition demands the traditional marriage must hold in her own town and the libations must be poured in her ancestoral land.

It may not be that kind of flamboyant
But be as it may be very small