₦airaland Forum

FarahAideed:
I am an alpha male and polygamist

You don't need to conclude on something you don't have experience on

Divorce is a complex case
Every side will want sympathy .

Listen to the other side of the story you will be surprise .

berrystunn:
Please do read from the other side of the story too. You will be surprise

Story about divorce is complex when you listen to both side of the story.

Every party will want sympathy

I understand you bro. There are always 3 sides to his story ..

The husband’s side
The wife’s
And the truth


But what the op complained about is what is common in our society these days bro.. he might be trying to make his wife look bad and make himself holy , but the point is , what he posted is seen in marriage settings these days in naija

igwebest23:
This is too much for me. I have had enough. I got married to my wife last year October 2020. I did both traditional wedding and white wedding, spent a million plus. I work with ministry of health.

My wife has been insisting that I disclose my salary to her from day 1 but I never, I just told her that am earning 100+. Before I met my wife, she already learn Fashion designing. Then while was rushing around, preparing for wedding, she was pestering me to open shop for her. I specifically told her that d money I have now is Solly for wedding and traditional rite, which cost me fortune.

Then after much pressure, her people contributed money and paid for d shop (Remember I have paid her bride price then). I have swallowed red pill. How can I open shop for a girl I have not finished marrying. Then when she opened d shop, I equally supporting her with other things like buying protector and chairs. Every day she is going to shop, I drop pocket of 1k. Some times she asks me money to buy tailor materials which I give.

Now within a space of 7 months my wife now has 14 apprentices. She collected like 30k from them. Then all the money she made in her shop, she put all in her account, she doesn't contribute anything at home. Infact decided not to apply for ATM card. Some time, I may go to. ATM to get money and d tell me no network, if I come to my wife to ask her for ordinary 1k, she will say she doesn't have it. I never asked her to help in our home finances before, and I don't really care about her money.

But now found out through her Facebook chat that she sent her male school friends 7k. She hid it from me, she said d guy needed d money to treat her father in d hospital. I was shock. Cos my wife always complained she does not have money. Now she is complaining that I don't support her in her shop. That she can do whatever she wants with her money.

This morning, she was raising her voice to the hearing our flat neighbors, that am a useless husband, I feel insulted. Am embarrased. That I don't support her. She said her shop rent has expired that I should give her d money but she have enough money in her account to pay it. While is asking me. Am d one that pays for house rent, I buy food stuff, I give her transport every day.

I have had enough. I will call her mum to come over and carry her daughter. I can never beat her. The last night I shouted at her she fainted not to talk of beating.

I think your wife is stingy and selfish, but how come you didn’t know this before marrying her or you were blinded by love, there is no transparency and lack of trust is what I see in your marriage but it has not gotten to the point of chasing her out, try and work things out with her.

igwebest23:
This is too much for me. I have had enough. I got married to my wife last year October 2020. I did both traditional wedding and white wedding, spent a million plus. I work with ministry of health.

My wife has been insisting that I disclose my salary to her from day 1 but I never, I just told her that am earning 100+. Before I met my wife, she already learn Fashion designing. Then while was rushing around, preparing for wedding, she was pestering me to open shop for her. I specifically told her that d money I have now is Solly for wedding and traditional rite, which cost me fortune.

Then after much pressure, her people contributed money and paid for d shop (Remember I have paid her bride price then). I have swallowed red pill. How can I open shop for a girl I have not finished marrying. Then when she opened d shop, I equally supporting her with other things like buying protector and chairs. Every day she is going to shop, I drop pocket of 1k. Some times she asks me money to buy tailor materials which I give.

Now within a space of 7 months my wife now has 14 apprentices. She collected like 30k from them. Then all the money she made in her shop, she put all in her account, she doesn't contribute anything at home. Infact decided not to apply for ATM card. Some time, I may go to. ATM to get money and d tell me no network, if I come to my wife to ask her for ordinary 1k, she will say she doesn't have it. I never asked her to help in our home finances before, and I don't really care about her money.

But now found out through her Facebook chat that she sent her male school friends 7k. She hid it from me, she said d guy needed d money to treat her father in d hospital. I was shock. Cos my wife always complained she does not have money. Now she is complaining that I don't support her in her shop. That she can do whatever she wants with her money.

This morning, she was raising her voice to the hearing our flat neighbors, that am a useless husband, I feel insulted. Am embarrased. That I don't support her. She said her shop rent has expired that I should give her d money but she have enough money in her account to pay it. While is asking me. Am d one that pays for house rent, I buy food stuff, I give her transport every day.

I have had enough. I will call her mum to come over and carry her daughter. I can never beat her. The last night I shouted at her she fainted not to talk of beating.

The only part I will comment on is her sending money to her male friend. Truly there's nothing bad in helping someone in need but if your wife cannot buy you common underwear even if it's out of money you do give her then she's a stingy. I don't like the type of women who loves to put all responsibilities on their man. Yes, it's man responsibility to cater for his wife but wife should also be supportive so that her husband will not die untimely because of excessive demand

Lots of men of marriage age now run away from it because they are afraid of the type of women we have. If not that I don't like immorality, I would have said guys going baby mama way are wiser than men that are getting married.

chatinent:
Dear oga,

You are your own problem.

1. It isn't a must to do a wedding with ₦1m if you aren't worth it. People should learn to avoid pleasing onlookers by feeding 6000 people. The wedding is supposed to be a day of joy for you both, not for people's stomachs.


2. I noticed you have a thingy with gender roles. You are a man. Your wife is still your responsibility. You refused declaring your salary to her but is quite inquisitive on what she earns. How na baba?

Coming to the part of she sending money to a male friend, I understand you are hurt because it's a male attached.

But have you tried to understand her?

Are you always seeing yourself as right?


What's the big deal if you pay the shop rent, then, you guys build your communication thingy well?


The communication flow is broken.

Marriage is not a football match you play for halftime and retire, or you get a small injury and decide to walk out because you feel you are the chief captain.


It's a forever course...and the moment you realize this, the better for you.


I see a good wife you have there trying to stand on her feet without your support!


Treat your wife well so she'll be more opened to you.


When you start keeping secrets, trust don yapa. Some men who don't want to disclose their actual salary still tell their wives sth.

If I have a fiancee I had already paid for her dowry, I wouldn't have minded setting up the shop for her.

Afterall, she is going to be my wife.

You let her family support her when she needed you.

You mah no know say any money you spend for wedding don go? You for small invest for her business na. People wey don chop plenti plenti food that day don shit your money finish.


To think your marriage isn't up to a year is quite disheartening too.

Build your beautiful marriage, bro.

Ignore these frustrated sets tagged as redpillers here trying to project their failed lives to you.


Marriage is a gift from God.

God bless you my brother you just speak my mind
God no go shame You
You will not run mad

This is what happens when you get married to someone you don't really know. If you had known her, you would have seen this character traits during courtship. If you are a born again believer, go to your Pastor for counseling. This is why most men don't like their wives to work so they can control them.

Obviously you lack comprehension skills...na shop rent be the matter
He didn't ask her for money to take care of his needs or responsibilities.
She has N250k in her account made 4rm the shop
Yes he didn't open the shop 4 her but he assisted in furnishing it.
Now why can't she pay for her shop rent of 90k from the N250k in her account.
This is a civil servant not a business man so his income is limited...also he is paying rent, feeding them & giving her money too.
Now as a man he also has to save for when babies start coming, school fees, building of his own home & Etc which are all his sole responsibility.
Why can't his wife pay 4 shop rent., when she obviously has the money...no b wickedness ?
Let me not forget....she dey send money to male friends buy can't pay her shop rent.

win2da:
Dear man,

You lack wisdom as a leader in your home...
1. You created distrust when she asked for money to start a shop. You didn't believe in her cos she's a woman but now things are turning around for her.... Imagine her family people had to assist her.

2. Know that even if your wife earns more than you, be reminded that you are the leader of your family and as such run your home within your limit. Every woman expects support from her man. Do you discus with her on how her business goes or you are just interested in her contributing money to the family....

Try and get involved in her business by giving her moral support genuinely and see things turn around for you... She will change....

But your kind sounds like a stingy who will not disclose his account to his wife but wants the same wife to be part of the family financially.... Do you share house chores as you want her to share her finances?
As regards her rent, let her pay it... The business should be able to do so.....

In summary, do unto your wife what you will want her to do unto you....Else sending her away , is the beginning of your rot......as that woman is a good woman in a stingy hand (you). Cheers...

Reex12:
no adjustment to make here the woman simply does not love him..let him disembark bfor kids enter

I don't think that's the case. Many have stayed in loveless marriages that worked.

I feel with communication, things can be remedied.

9jaRealist:
I see that you missed (or misunderstood) the premise...
It’s a decision that should be (mutually) made BEFORE marriage!
The reason it’s often not made (or discussed) is usually lies/misrepresentations about finances.
>

What if she changes in the long run and doesn’t comply to the agreement again ??


And don’t tell me this is not possible ..

What if she changes, what would u suggest ??


And don’t say “ have heart to heart talk with her “ cos we both know the husband would have done that Countless numbers of time.

I look forward to learning from your response .

Dujardin:
Man your marriage was built on a lie. Starting a supposed long term relationship on lies is like building house on a quick sand. Go and make amends by first giving your wife an exact figure of your salary, give a figure. Also remember that truth uncovers lies no matter how long.

Trust starts with a step of faith in the hop that it will be reciprocated.

There's nothing bad in open finances between you both.

guy no be everything woman suppose know..you make she dey count howmuch u don spend and remain on top ur own money..there are ppl working in construction, oilcompanies etc that dnt reveal thier salary to their wives but provide thier needs and theres still trust and peace..he truth be say the woman no love am and op is just a fall guy to answer married woman
(may it not be your portion IJN)

imagine sending 7k to a man on fb without consent of ur husband (no regard for her spouse)

Oga I doubt your age but when you have 4 kids in this economy and have rent ,school fees to pay, feeding kids upkeep and all then come back and quote"" total money is 2k nonsense""

If you have 2k and your better half and extension has 1m and the total money is 2k its better not to marry. It defeats the purpose of marriage � and its unbiblical to say the least

princewarri1985:
Bro am a guy, you are not matured enough for marriage. If you have 2k at home and your wife have 1 million naira, the total money you have at home is 2k. Secondly you are very wrong for not disclosing how much you earn to your wife, because you might be earning 150k and she will assume you earn 1million monthly, so show her your pay slip open up to her use wisdom and treat her right i promise you she will love you more and open up to you and tell you everything including her account balance, she will empty her account for you when she knows you need it even without you asking. Your wife can be an angel or a jezebel and it all depends on how you treat her

daddytime:
I'm certain her selfishness cum entitled feeling to her money stemmed from his initial refusal to set a shop up for her until her family did so.

If he had refused to swallow the red pill and cut down on the wedding expenses to set a shop up for her and she still turned out this selfish, my submission here would definitely had been different.

How about you assume that, a greater percentage of the expenses on the wedding wasn't spent on venue, decorations, make-up, photo book, souvenirs and entertainment.

This is because, in some cultures, requirements for sorting the entitlements of the bride's family (both maternal and paternal) would make an expenditure of funds in excess of a million naira look low-budget.

Though Op didn't say.

bigpicture001:
Ladies are really very senseless..how can someone outside your relationship,who doesnt know your guy or sacrifices and how deep u guyz are committed tell you he is a dupe and you will simply believe them...its very funny...my ex help me twice with finance,hundreds of it..i put it in a huzle which crashed alongbwith my money and monies from.loan..i was in deep shit..i continued to fight...she was even telling me to take it slowly..i wouldnt rest a bit..trying all my best to get the shit standing again.....

When ibfound the way forward..i was happy and a rival girl who has always admired me from afar gave me a two weeka financial lifeline to test my new formulae ....it worked..but befor e i could say jack..its two week, dou i made money with her finance...now granted i now know the secret..i went to freinds who as usual will hiv stories..i went back to my gf..but sh still refused...

Being convinced i now know the way,i begged and begged her, sh den accepted to to suport but wants out in the rrlationship same time if i collect the money...i beged her i couldnt break up beacuse of money..but babe was serious...i took the money...went back to friend ..and in a month av doubled the money cleared my debts except her..sent her evidences..ask her to return..but babes said friends adviced her that am after her money..i was schocked...

Main reason being this girl cantbeven trust what she knows and tested,she prefferes waht someone else who haven't met me told her about me...i was more dissapointed than heartbroken....she is a fool...everyone has gone their way two nd half years thrown away....we have alreadybstarted making pkans to settle down next year...

I later realize that until a lady becomes old she will always think there is a better man better than even will smith till realiAtion hitbher at 35. Anyways good luck to her

Wow, very challenging bro.

I was this girl, she's a student of one of the top private unis.

When we were dating I was working as a teacher, a graphic designer, a web developer and designer and at some points I worked with INEC and in a company on night shift.

Early last year, I stopped the job because the management couldn't pay Degree holders ND above, that same period my system(PC) crashed, my house rent expired(with no option to renew it i.e quit notice).

I tried starting my biz in that city but the cost of getting and setting the premise up was on a very high side, so I decided to leave the city for a more affordable and conducive location.

Normally, I have to tell her about. So, I told her but her response was "never, don't even think of it.", she said if I take the move, I should forget about her.

Truth is I cherished her, that made me confused on what to do, but after a lot of pondering/thinking for months, I decided to move. That was the beginning of the end of the relationship.

Later that year, I started my business and to God be the glory I'm doing well now.
I tried reaching out to her few months ago but it seems she is not yet over the pain of the breakup.

We loved each other sincerely to the best of my knowledge but she was the one that initiated the breakup by telling me "if I relocate that I should forget about the relationship."

The broken relationship made me not to have interest in any thing relationship till date.


Bro, God's plan is the most important o.

igwebest23:
This is too much for me. I have had enough. I got married to my wife last year October 2020. I did both traditional wedding and white wedding, spent a million plus. I work with ministry of health.

My wife has been insisting that I disclose my salary to her from day 1 but I never, I just told her that am earning 100+. Before I met my wife, she already learn Fashion designing. Then while was rushing around, preparing for wedding, she was pestering me to open shop for her. I specifically told her that d money I have now is Solly for wedding and traditional rite, which cost me fortune.

Then after much pressure, her people contributed money and paid for d shop (Remember I have paid her bride price then). I have swallowed red pill. How can I open shop for a girl I have not finished marrying. Then when she opened d shop, I equally supporting her with other things like buying protector and chairs. Every day she is going to shop, I drop pocket of 1k. Some times she asks me money to buy tailor materials which I give.

Now within a space of 7 months my wife now has 14 apprentices. She collected like 30k from them. Then all the money she made in her shop, she put all in her account, she doesn't contribute anything at home. Infact decided not to apply for ATM card. Some time, I may go to. ATM to get money and d tell me no network, if I come to my wife to ask her for ordinary 1k, she will say she doesn't have it. I never asked her to help in our home finances before, and I don't really care about her money.

But now found out through her Facebook chat that she sent her male school friends 7k. She hid it from me, she said d guy needed d money to treat her father in d hospital. I was shock. Cos my wife always complained she does not have money. Now she is complaining that I don't support her in her shop. That she can do whatever she wants with her money.

This morning, she was raising her voice to the hearing our flat neighbors, that am a useless husband, I feel insulted. Am embarrased. That I don't support her. She said her shop rent has expired that I should give her d money but she have enough money in her account to pay it. While is asking me. Am d one that pays for house rent, I buy food stuff, I give her transport every day.

I have had enough. I will call her mum to come over and carry her daughter. I can never beat her. The last night I shouted at her she fainted not to talk of beating.

she called you a useless man? Send her to her family. They did not train her well

I didn't bother to read all d quot above
My guy it a red flag for u to know say she not a good person
Thk God say she never born for you let me tell you d truth she can never change no matter the kind advice and preaching she get
Most people giving u advice here are babies without expirence in marriage
Am not saying anything oooo but just follow yur heart
Hope u get to read this sha

Hopefully, if I decide to get married ooo....
I swear it, it would be agreement based like e get form wey my lawyer go prepare...
I go give her, she go even take ham go house, deliberate on ham if she can cope...
If she agree, we proceed... I don't mind agreeing to her own terms too if 'm okay with them....
It is called PEACE of MIND...

Godada:





This matter has not gotten to the point of sending her away. Do you have a marriage sponsor? It's time to get them involved. Also you need to call a meeting among the elders to iron out house keeping and management. It is usually a male ego thing as well as a societal responsibility forced on men but at this age, it's not out of place for a woman to contribute to the needs of the family.

It's imperative that she contributes to the family welfare or at least she takes care of herself alone this should include her clothing, needs and paying for her shop. If she cant afford to pay for herself it spells she doesn't know what she doing and the shop should be closed.

About her insulting you, she should be warned in the strictest manner possible that a repeat cannot be tolerated.

On a final note, It's obvious you didn't know what you were getting into. Her asking about your salary and demanding for a shop should have raised red flags. But I can guess you got carried away.

It's not wise to spend so lavishly on a wedding when you could have had her choose between wedding and a shop.
Your wife is a selfish woman.

I hope the elders from both family can resolve this matter. Your marriage is too young for such misunderstanding

She should pay her shop rent and any expenses concerning the running of her shop since she's not contributing anything to the house or close the shop and be a full house wife na.
I can't be footing such bills when you are to me as a wife without a job. kukuma stay home.

win2da:
Dear man,

You lack wisdom as a leader in your home...
1. You created distrust when she asked for money to start a shop. You didn't believe in her cos she's a woman but now things are turning around for her.... Imagine her family people had to assist her.

2. Know that even if your wife earns more than you, be reminded that you are the leader of your family and as such run your home within your limit. Every woman expects support from her man. Do you discus with her on how her business goes or you are just interested in her contributing money to the family....

Try and get involved in her business by giving her moral support genuinely and see things turn around for you... She will change....

But your kind sounds like a stingy who will not disclose his account to his wife but wants the same wife to be part of the family financially.... Do you share house chores as you want her to share her finances?
As regards her rent, let her pay it... The business should be able to do so.....

In summary, do unto your wife what you will want her to do unto you....Else sending her away , is the beginning of your rot......as that woman is a good woman in a stingy hand (you). Cheers...[color=#770077][/color]

I am sure this was written by a woman, birds of a feather flocks together. You think alike and a true representation of the wife, have you asked your self how long it took that guy to raise money for the marriage, what percentage of his savings went with the marriage and to make things clear, he contributed what he had to the store. A woman who can not assist her hubby with 1k but an old male friend with 7k is not a wife but a prey. Reverse the scenario, consider the husband to be the wife and let the card play out the same way, where will she be ? .....Her father's house

Divorce that ingrate with immediate effect

God will continue to bless you. Don't beat her, don't send her away. Assist her with anything you have but please don't rely on her for anything.
The way they are created they are not ready to assist at home with their money

Some men eh....sissies & lily livered...person wey u marry with your 1M+ wey no contribute shishi.

E better make you carry am dash ur parents nah

eeewise:
Oga I doubt your age but when you have 4 kids in this economy and have rent ,school fees to pay, feeding kids upkeep and all then come back and quote"" total money is 2k nonsense""

If you have 2k and your better half and extension has 1m and the total money is 2k its better not to marry. It defeats the purpose of marriage � and its unbiblical to say the least

Truth is, we overlook some signals during dating which will later come bk hard on us....... from she asking to know ur salary to she wanting u to open a shop despite d wedding plans in progress.... but it's not too late to make amends..... call her to order, involve her pple for mutual settlement but know that she's d type who won't share her money with u...... tnx to God u earn well just perform ur duties as a man of the house and also have savings for ur life..... don't try to impress with monetary stuffs

CharisEleos:
Lol... I don't know why this story is making me laugh out so loud.
Wait... You shouted at her and she fainted hahahahaaaa.... Are you odeyssey or a lion? Lol..

Well, first and foremost, you need to vomit that red pill you swallowed because that is the number one cause of your problems.

Then, if you have the money, renew the rent for her. You're her husband for crying out loud. Or why would you go and bring a lady out of her parents house and be maltreating her with your redpill baldadash?

Remember that pills have side effects. So this might just be one of them which could have a very bad outcome in your marriage if you don't spill it out now.

Oyen Redpill.

Modified:

All of you mentioning me to say spew trash, Im not surprised because its typical of most nairaland men to want a woman who will be sharing responsibilities with them. While out there, it's a different ball game.

If you know you can't cater for a woman,
leave her alone. You can't stay without a woman yet you are not willing to do what it entails to keep a woman.

For all of you, it's better to remain single than coming here to sound like a broken record. Minus OP though because OP is even still better than some of you.

Redpill kor, green pill ni. Yet they won't let my DM rest.

Tkor!

fowl

igwebest23:
This is too much for me. I have had enough. I got married to my wife last year October 2020. I did both traditional wedding and white wedding, spent a million plus. I work with ministry of health.

My wife has been insisting that I disclose my salary to her from day 1 but I never, I just told her that am earning 100+. Before I met my wife, she already learn Fashion designing. Then while was rushing around, preparing for wedding, she was pestering me to open shop for her. I specifically told her that d money I have now is Solly for wedding and traditional rite, which cost me fortune.

Then after much pressure, her people contributed money and paid for d shop (Remember I have paid her bride price then). I have swallowed red pill. How can I open shop for a girl I have not finished marrying. Then when she opened d shop, I equally supporting her with other things like buying protector and chairs. Every day she is going to shop, I drop pocket of 1k. Some times she asks me money to buy tailor materials which I give.

Now within a space of 7 months my wife now has 14 apprentices. She collected like 30k from them. Then all the money she made in her shop, she put all in her account, she doesn't contribute anything at home. Infact decided not to apply for ATM card. Some time, I may go to. ATM to get money and d tell me no network, if I come to my wife to ask her for ordinary 1k, she will say she doesn't have it. I never asked her to help in our home finances before, and I don't really care about her money.

But now found out through her Facebook chat that she sent her male school friends 7k. She hid it from me, she said d guy needed d money to treat her father in d hospital. I was shock. Cos my wife always complained she does not have money. Now she is complaining that I don't support her in her shop. That she can do whatever she wants with her money.

This morning, she was raising her voice to the hearing our flat neighbors, that am a useless husband, I feel insulted. Am embarrased. That I don't support her. She said her shop rent has expired that I should give her d money but she have enough money in her account to pay it. While is asking me. Am d one that pays for house rent, I buy food stuff, I give her transport every day.

I have had enough. I will call her mum to come over and carry her daughter. I can never beat her. The last night I shouted at her she fainted not to talk of beating.

Lol, oga relax.

I will advice you both accept jesus christ as your LORD and personal saviour. It will really help your marriage.

You have made her to see you as her meal ticket,she does not want to be responsible..how on earth does she wants you to pay for her shop rent when business is moving for her? I beg teach her how to be responsible . Give her upkeep alone and withdraw from doing any other things ...until she sees the man In you ,she won't turn over a new leaf.. don't let her provoke you to physical confrontation...if she gets worse.. use wisdom to pack your clothings and look for a small place to cool your head.. till she excuse herself from your life.. life is too short to allow any woman to take away your peace.

igwebest23:
My brother I know my wife is my responsibility. But d issue now is that she is making money. She has like 250k saving In her account. Her shop rent is just 90k. And she wants me to pay it. D money she is making, is it ordinary paper. The issue is that ladies of this generation is different from our mum. I live in well furnished two bedroom apartment, paid by me. People are passing my wife shop seeing d level of customer going in and out, d think she is contributing to d family. Is better I marry a girl that is not doing anything that will be submissive to me. I noticed d little money she is making is entering her head.

Please sir, don't get jealous of your wife's earnings. Remember she is your wife, and you both will build a home. I think you need to be open to her--- tell her your real remuneration. There is one thing you still have to always remember: she is your wife.

Don't let hate consume you like jealousy(you talked about her earnings getting over her head);reporting her to your pastor because of her antics; and planing to dissolve the marriage.


Marriage is all about understanding and tolerance. Always remember that.

Sounds like you have entered one chance. It is not like I trust you as well but she is responsible for her shop's rent

mmadu4:
how can you see those red flags and still went ahead to marry her. is she the only woman in Nigeria? i wonder why men prefer to suffer in the name of marriage . if a woman is not willing to support you likewise then dump her ass and move on .life is too too short for all these dramas . this is how my uncle is suffering now . after marrying a liability that called her self a wife. now that he has lost his job . his eyes have open . the woman no longer respect him . she insults him even go to the extent of calling him a lazy fool . brothers there is nothing like for better for worse. its either for BETTER or you lose her . may God help us

Hmmmm. Nah their way bi that........... It's well my broda.

Goalnaldo:
I have been seeing your counsel for a while and it seems we have another ahithophel in Nigeria. You are wise Sir.

Thanks. You are far too kind

The Vision you support will definitely works for you.You don't risked her vision with her. I pray she forgives you,but note you don't behave as a husband in the first place.thanks