₦airaland Forum

@op your wife is a@stingy and selfish human beign.see many girls today during courtship they.pretend as soon marry them wahala.don start.they dont believe in.contribution at home.They think marriage na business were the man do it all and carry all the finacial burden.including there family too.There favourite quote my money is mine why my husband money is our money.This bullshit.See ur wife dont love she takes you for a maga.Dont be surprise that guy is sending money they brush the living day light out of her wet pussy.truth been told take it or.leave it.you better shine ur eyes bf u get BP.See dont buy foodstuff at home again simple let everybody take care of themselve you go surprise that money when the ingrate they go hide for account she go bring the money out.Very confuse set of human beign.they dont no wat they want.The ingrate think he easy to feed another human beign for this hard country.who quote me for giving op the secret hug transformer.

Funny she came back this evening,and greeted me,I no reply. She is chasing me from one room to another. Am giving her cold silent treatment. She must knee down and apologize for raising her voice insulting me to the hearing of our neighbors. See me oo. I know many broke guys living in abject poverty that their wife respect and worship. I don't know why my wife talk loud when ever she is angry. I feel embarrassed. But when she is sober, she start calling me the d best man in d world, that she is happy she married a man like me that don't smoke, drink or womanize. That am d king of man she prayed for. But when ever she is angry she starte raising her voice and start calling me names. Ladies are confused.

igwebest23:
This is too much for me. I have had enough. I got married to my wife last year October 2020. I did both traditional wedding and white wedding, spent a million plus. I work with ministry of health.

My wife has been insisting that I disclose my salary to her from day 1 but I never, I just told her that am earning 100+. Before I met my wife, she already learn Fashion designing. Then while was rushing around, preparing for wedding, she was pestering me to open shop for her. I specifically told her that d money I have now is Solly for wedding and traditional rite, which cost me fortune.

Then after much pressure, her people contributed money and paid for d shop (Remember I have paid her bride price then). I have swallowed red pill. How can I open shop for a girl I have not finished marrying. Then when she opened d shop, I equally supporting her with other things like buying protector and chairs. Every day she is going to shop, I drop pocket of 1k. Some times she asks me money to buy tailor materials which I give.

Now within a space of 7 months my wife now has 14 apprentices. She collected like 30k from them. Then all the money she made in her shop, she put all in her account, she doesn't contribute anything at home. Infact decided not to apply for ATM card. Some time, I may go to. ATM to get money and d tell me no network, if I come to my wife to ask her for ordinary 1k, she will say she doesn't have it. I never asked her to help in our home finances before, and I don't really care about her money.

But now found out through her Facebook chat that she sent her male school friends 7k. She hid it from me, she said d guy needed d money to treat her father in d hospital. I was shock. Cos my wife always complained she does not have money. Now she is complaining that I don't support her in her shop. That she can do whatever she wants with her money.

This morning, she was raising her voice to the hearing our flat neighbors, that am a useless husband, I feel insulted. Am embarrased. That I don't support her. She said her shop rent has expired that I should give her d money but she have enough money in her account to pay it. While is asking me. Am d one that pays for house rent, I buy food stuff, I give her transport every day.

I have had enough. I will call her mum to come over and carry her daughter. I can never beat her. The last night I shouted at her she fainted not to talk of beating.

Its either this story is fake or if it's true then you are a true definition of ozuor!


You missed it right from.the onset.

That woman from what I can read does not really love you.

And she has just showed it.
It was all pretence all along.
May God not test with wives like these.

chatinent:
Dear oga,

You are your own problem.

1. It isn't a must to do a wedding with ₦1m if you aren't worth it. People should learn to avoid pleasing onlookers by feeding 6000 people. The wedding is supposed to be a day of joy for you both, not for people's stomachs.


2. I noticed you have a thingy with gender roles. You are a man. Your wife is still your responsibility. You refused declaring your salary to her but is quite inquisitive on what she earns. How na baba?


Your wife probably thinks you earn ₦600k when you earn a few thousands.

Coming to the part of she sending money to a male friend, I understand you are hurt because it's a male attached.

But have you tried to understand her?

Are you always seeing yourself as right?


What's the big deal if you pay the shop rent, then, you guys build your communication thingy well?


The communication flow is broken.

Marriage is not a football match you play for halftime and retire, or you get a small injury and decide to walk out because you feel you are the chief captain.


It's a forever course...and the moment you realize this, the better for you.


I see a good wife you have there trying to stand on her feet without your support!


Treat your wife well so she'll be more opened to you.


When you start keeping secrets, trust don yapa. Some men who don't want to disclose their actual salary still tell their wives sth.

If I have a fiancee I had already paid for her dowry, I wouldn't have minded setting up the shop for her.

Afterall, she is going to be my wife.

You let her family support her when she needed you.

You mah no know say any money you spend for wedding don go? You for small invest for her business na. People wey don chop plenti plenti food that day don shit your money finish.


To think your marriage isn't up to a year is quite disheartening too.

Build your beautiful marriage, bro.

Ignore these frustrated sets tagged as redpillers here trying to project their failed lives to you.


Marriage is a gift from God.


PS: if I didn't respond your insults, take heart, I don't owe you an explanation.

Aboki. See the trash you dey give as advice.

My brother all this Ladies are the same. I am from the northern part of the country, but the way Our ( wife's) ladies behave is almost worst than all out u mentioned. And if you divorce her and marry another is just like from fried pan to fire.....

Me, get tied to one bitch with a hole? They never born you. If you like fine like mona lisa, I no do see your useless make up face. I bang any pussy that comes my way. No time for no bullshit marriage created for simps. fact check. Do you know that unmarried men live much longer than married men? Know this and know peace.

Bola146:
This is so deep, you saw the red lines but you ignored it. If you have told her to choose either to use money for the wedding or shop Why spent that much on a day or two days wedding when you still have many things to use money for You need to tell her siblings or parents how everything thsat happened, if she doesn't want to be submissive or abide with your earning, then let her go and learn more lessons from her parents house she should be able to afford the rent na!!!! Must wives put heavy loads on their husbands She shouldn't have shouted, she can do daily or weekly contributions to pay for the rent Please don't ever argue nor fight with her, just pick one of your dresses and find a place to cool your head. It's too early to have hypertension jare

Wow. I'm so happy this is coming from a fellow woman.
Nne, May God bless you.

DryMouth:
Dear Useless future wife,

If you try sh*t like dis for me, I will break your head.
I dnt have time for petting women. Also, jst knw i didn't marry you for love. I only married you to produce cute babies and the marriage is prone to be broken at any given moment.

DON'T TRY ME AT HOME

My Real Nigga One bo for you.

bigbossila:
My brother all this Ladies are the same. I am from the northern part of the country, but the way Our ( wife's) ladies behave is almost worst than all out u mentioned. And if you divorce her and marry another is just like from fried pan to fire.....

hahahahaha

GerogeI:
Bros, be truthful.
You started the whole thing, with your "it's my money attitude.

1. Your wife does not know how much you earn? How then will she size up or manage her expectations of you? At least if you do not what to tell her the truth , tell her what you want her to think.

2. You swallowed the red pill? Are you married or just dating her? You think marriage is about red pill. You have been acting quite stingy for a bred winner, not for what you did not give, but for the suspicion that accompanies everything you give.

3. So tell me, your wife, a tailor says she wants to open shop as a priority before getting married. Knowing she needs are career and to earn money. You said no no no, let's spend 1 millions plus on owambe. Effectively she got her people to open the shop. Probably with what you paid as bride price. Now you are going to Facebook and whatsapp snooping trying to control that income that you refused to help establish.


I think you are immature and not ready for marriage. Poor lady is responding to what you are moulding her to be. Money conscious. Money means a lot to you, and she is learning to match your attitude to survive Do you know how many men that pray for a wife that says give me money to start some work. Most ask for money for hair, dress, or even ask you for a house for her family, but yours asked for something that could feed both of you in hard times, yet you acted like a jerk.

She is not your responsibility till marriage, you said so bluntly and hurtful. "Very legal Bro." But now she responds in like manner telling you she is not the bread winner to spend on the family, "Very Legal too" you now come to nairaland to seek advice on the foundation you laid. I think you are a simpleton masquerading as intelligent.

I salute your submission,



You get the whole drift, he started it she is continuing it, some women don't let go of stuffs like this, they will now clearly define your roles for you. ' Sebi my family open shop for me shishi I no go contribute from that shop to the house ' sounds harsh but that's what she's doing . Is it wrong maybe maybe not but peeps forget what you give is what you take whether he bought fan/ furniture for that same shop she wont even remember again.

You don't tell her how much you earn and you are monitoring her account balance like a monitoring spirit? It doesn't make sense. He's busing whining about 7k wife dashed somebody

He doesn't even have any right to complain she's only giving him back in full measure abi is he not the head again? Is he not meant to provide again? Oya dey provide dey go naau.

Some peeps are harsh like that.


That aside its because of this small issue that he wants to send his wife packing, instead of sitting down with her and sorting the matter out. Loool. He doesn't even seem ready to get married. I also find it strange the OP mentioned ' my pastor pastor said' several times on this thread, is that how his pastor told him to be relating with his wife at home?

Instead of being open to his wife he's busy giving an example of his sister that bought jeep for her husband, if his sisters hubby was behaving like him will she buy a car as a gift for him? He should better go and learn from that his pastor how to be a better husband.

emmnprince:
What if her brain goes blank and couldn't remember the past due to slap they fainted her after she wake up?

A 3 round hot sex will reset her brain to the default setting

igwebest23:
This is too much for me. I have had enough. I got married to my wife last year October 2020. I did both traditional wedding and white wedding, spent a million plus. I work with ministry of health.

My wife has been insisting that I disclose my salary to her from day 1 but I never, I just told her that am earning 100+. Before I met my wife, she already learn Fashion designing. Then while was rushing around, preparing for wedding, she was pestering me to open shop for her. I specifically told her that d money I have now is Solly for wedding and traditional rite, which cost me fortune.

Then after much pressure, her people contributed money and paid for d shop (Remember I have paid her bride price then). I have swallowed red pill. How can I open shop for a girl I have not finished marrying. Then when she opened d shop, I equally supporting her with other things like buying protector and chairs. Every day she is going to shop, I drop pocket of 1k. Some times she asks me money to buy tailor materials which I give.

Now within a space of 7 months my wife now has 14 apprentices. She collected like 30k from them. Then all the money she made in her shop, she put all in her account, she doesn't contribute anything at home. Infact decided not to apply for ATM card. Some time, I may go to. ATM to get money and d tell me no network, if I come to my wife to ask her for ordinary 1k, she will say she doesn't have it. I never asked her to help in our home finances before, and I don't really care about her money.

But now found out through her Facebook chat that she sent her male school friends 7k. She hid it from me, she said d guy needed d money to treat her father in d hospital. I was shock. Cos my wife always complained she does not have money. Now she is complaining that I don't support her in her shop. That she can do whatever she wants with her money.

This morning, she was raising her voice to the hearing our flat neighbors, that am a useless husband, I feel insulted. Am embarrased. That I don't support her. She said her shop rent has expired that I should give her d money but she have enough money in her account to pay it. While is asking me. Am d one that pays for house rent, I buy food stuff, I give her transport every day.

I have had enough. I will call her mum to come over and carry her daughter. I can never beat her. The last night I shouted at her she fainted not to talk of beating.

How do you have 328 likes. Dude be a man and stop whining like a woman.

Nobody sent you to get married without being able to take care of your home.

Saicrumam:
I disagree with all you wrote there sir
I was born into married parents and believe you are too...
Now here are my points
In my family the responsibility was shared by my dad and late mom. My dad paid rent, our fees in school, hospital bills and also provide food.
My mom takes responsibility of our welfare, like buying most home appliances, our school transport fees, day to day home maintenance bills like snacks, bread, toiletries, kerosene, church offertories....
Now who takes the heaviest load? Maybe my dad maybe my mom, maybe equal.

That's how a family is run.. D load is not for the man alone.... It never was!

We are quick to remember that a man is meant to be the provider of the family but always forget women were meant to be of support and assist for the institution to work

Even in the olden days, our Forefathers allocated land for their wives to plant vegetables, maize, cassava etc
While themselves plant yams, rice, and other produce meant for men. Those who were hunters, native doctors, allocated larger parts of their land for their wives to farm

Never equate and compare your parents marriage to yours.

Every marriage has it's own dynamics because you are not your father and your wife is not your mother.

igwebest23:
This is too much for me. I have had enough. I got married to my wife last year October 2020. I did both traditional wedding and white wedding, spent a million plus. I work with ministry of health.

My wife has been insisting that I disclose my salary to her from day 1 but I never, I just told her that am earning 100+. Before I met my wife, she already learn Fashion designing. Then while was rushing around, preparing for wedding, she was pestering me to open shop for her. I specifically told her that d money I have now is Solly for wedding and traditional rite, which cost me fortune.

Then after much pressure, her people contributed money and paid for d shop (Remember I have paid her bride price then). I have swallowed red pill. How can I open shop for a girl I have not finished marrying. Then when she opened d shop, I equally supporting her with other things like buying protector and chairs. Every day she is going to shop, I drop pocket of 1k. Some times she asks me money to buy tailor materials which I give.

Now within a space of 7 months my wife now has 14 apprentices. She collected like 30k from them. Then all the money she made in her shop, she put all in her account, she doesn't contribute anything at home. Infact decided not to apply for ATM card. Some time, I may go to. ATM to get money and d tell me no network, if I come to my wife to ask her for ordinary 1k, she will say she doesn't have it. I never asked her to help in our home finances before, and I don't really care about her money.

But now found out through her Facebook chat that she sent her male school friends 7k. She hid it from me, she said d guy needed d money to treat her father in d hospital. I was shock. Cos my wife always complained she does not have money. Now she is complaining that I don't support her in her shop. That she can do whatever she wants with her money.

This morning, she was raising her voice to the hearing our flat neighbors, that am a useless husband, I feel insulted. Am embarrased. That I don't support her. She said her shop rent has expired that I should give her d money but she have enough money in her account to pay it. While is asking me. Am d one that pays for house rent, I buy food stuff, I give her transport every day.

I have had enough. I will call her mum to come over and carry her daughter. I can never beat her. The last night I shouted at her she fainted not to talk of beating.

Just travel with her yo her family and hand her over to her parents

Go and have some rest, after that, request for your bride price and move on, even if they refuse to return it, just move on

They will return it

bigbossila:
My brother all this Ladies are the same. I am from the northern part of the country, but the way Our ( wife's) ladies behave is almost worst than all out u mentioned. And if you divorce her and marry another is just like from fried pan to fire.....

Can you throw more light on why women from Nothern Nigeria could be worse?

I thought women from Northern Nigeria are the Utopia for what a submissive housewife could ever be?


Thinking of looking for a partner up North too, a word of advise would be great.

Ishilove:
He is upset. He married a selfish wife

not even selfish, d woman is senseless

Bro this matter,if it is just the way you you have stated it here, then there is no big issue here. Its just proper understanding and lack of submission by both parties that is the main issue here. Your marriage is still very young, and its not out of place to be rough at the beginning. All that is needed is sincerity to each other .

oluwaseyi0:
I don't know why people argue like this

What the wife is running is called a business entity, and if she is so selfish to her business I wonder how selfish and unreasonable she will be to her husband and children

So you are saying when she expand her shop to 3,4 or 5 the husband should be paying for all the expansion while she does nothing with her money?

I'm not saying that what she's doing is a good thing. I just suggested what her thought process could be.

igwebest23:
My brother I know my wife is my responsibility. But d issue now is that she is making money. She has like 250k saving In her account. Her shop rent is just 90k. And she wants me to pay it. D money she is making, is it ordinary paper. The issue is that ladies of this generation is different from our mum. I live in well furnished two bedroom apartment, paid by me. People are passing my wife shop seeing d level of customer going in and out, d think she is contributing to d family. Is better I marry a girl that is not doing anything that will be submissive to me. I noticed d little money she is making is entering her head.

This "ladies of this generation are not like our mothers" is becoming tiring.

Why are you hiding your salary from someone you are supposed to be building with?

What's with that? I tell my friends my salary why not my spouse that's my teammate so that we can plan accordingly.

Now you are getting upset when you already laid a foundation of secrecy, mistrust and alpha male attitude.

Sit her down, tell her how much you earn have a joint account if possible. Share your responsibilities.
Don't understand how people in marriage keep saying my money her money. It should be our money.

frozen70:
Just travel with her yo her family and hand her over to her parents

Go and have some rest, after that, request for your bride price and move on, even if they refuse to return it, just move on

They will return it

In marriage some issues like this are easy fix. Not everything should end in divorce.

Imagine 7k to her male friend bro something is fishy out der, omo I can't marry a wife who will still be chatting with her male frnd o she must definitely cut ties with them, I mean all

Hmmm.

More to come my dear. Bath a pig, coat a pig, a pig is still a pig! Marriage is not meant to be endured by enjoyed.

The lady can never change. Discard her immediately.

Meanwhile contact me if u are searching for something to do

Run from any girl who can't buy you 50naira biscuit without asking you for a favour within 3days.
So your wife get money send give man, have 14 apprentice of 30k each 30000 x 14 =420k and she can't or don't want to pay her rent herself?
Get her pregnant to deliver a baby for you, and get her out of your house so her parent will not use her collect more bride price and your marraige money will not be in vein.

Godada:





This matter has not gotten to the point of sending her away. Do you have a marriage sponsor? It's time to get them involved. Also you need to call a meeting among the elders to iron out house keeping and management. It is usually a male ego thing as well as a societal responsibility forced on men but at this age, it's not out of place for a woman to contribute to the needs of the family.

It's imperative that she contributes to the family welfare or at least she takes care of herself alone this should include her clothing, needs and paying for her shop. If she cant afford to pay for herself it spells she doesn't know what she doing and the shop should be closed.

About her insulting you, she should be warned in the strictest manner possible that a repeat cannot be tolerated.

On a final note, It's obvious you didn't know what you were getting into. Her asking about your salary and demanding for a shop should have raised red flags. But I can guess you got carried away.

It's not wise to spend so lavishly on a wedding when you could have had her choose between wedding and a shop.
Your wife is a selfish woman.

I hope the elders from both family can resolve this matter. Your marriage is too young for such misunderstanding

Well done bro. You made some really really valid points.

Romanoff:
This Red pill you people are swallowing, I hope you know the side effects?

People spend so much time during courtship or dating doing irrelevant things like having sex and galavanting all over the place, leaving aside important things that should be discussed like Finances, number of children, splitting of bills and chores, child care, faith, goals and ambitions, etc.

Your wife is earning enough to pay her own rent and as a fellow tailor, there is a maths to how much you charge customers which includes materials, operations cost and profit.

If you know you can't handle the financial burden on marriage, you should have discussed splitting bills with her, how much to save for projects etc.

You didn't discuss it, now she feels it's your right to pay rent for her shop while she pockets her profits and still claims you don't support her.

First error is not letting her know your salary. The positives of a woman knowing your salary outweighs the negatives if you shined your eyes and married a prudent woman.

A woman can better plan her life if she knows how much you earn factoring in your yearly rent, monthly feeding allowance, child care, savings and upkeep for both of you. You earn 100k but refused to tell her. She prolly thinks you earn over 500k and she prolly even earns more than you but since you're both not open about your finances, you're playing the blame game.

Una never know wetin marriage be, if not, you'd both be open about your finances. It's not about having joint account or she submitting her profits to you, it's about planning the little you both earn to benefit your family.

Make adjustments sir.

(@Bolded)

They can still discuss it after settling this present issues..
This is not something that must be discussed only during Courtship.

igwebest23:
My pastor warned me during counseling to be careful when ever I have issue with my wife, that if I go to her mum(I.e my Wife mum to warn her daughter, most parents will always side their daughter, d may not see any thing wrong with what their daughter is doing. Then if I go back to my parents, d will support me and conclude I married a Jezebel and for me to send her home. I need to go and report her to my pastors if she doesn't change, then I will have no option than to do d needful

My Pastor Say.... My Pastor Say....


You're not even ready for this your marriage sef, and you rushed and enter into it

Depressed101:
person like me will wipe her account, and have her come and tell me if I saw the money in her account, that it's no where to be found. I will reply her I thought you said you don't have money, she explain tire... Nonsensical selfish beings

What of she poisons you or try to blackmail you know that gender na

zidek:
Get her pregnant, before sending her packing, so that you don't loss all

Good advice but what of if she later turn to love peddler and she is the mother of your children?

You don marry

Women are too stingy with money yet they enjoy when you as a man is spending yours on them.

Selfish beings

Someone7:
Remove your eye from your wife's money

Then the wife should also remove eye from my money.