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Another Marriage About To Crash. - Family (7) - Nairaland

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Is It Proper For A Woman To Take A Child(ren) Along With Her To Another Marriage / My Wife Is A Thief & Greedy: My One-Month Marriage About To Crash / My Wife's Sister Is About To Crash My Marriage, Please Help (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Another Marriage About To Crash. by murphyibiam15(m): 10:57am On Jul 17, 2021
Worksunlimited:


Unfortunately they are many in this our society... Little wonder men no wan marry again...

I am a very patient and tolerant person but you see woman ehn.. the last woman I was with (girlfriend), tried this same thing with me, 1 night I couldn't take it anymore, the next day I threw her out of my apartment and deleted her number to avoid temptation..

They are like that. The first few weeks of courting they will pretend, the moment they start staying over at your place, their true colour comes out.

Very mean creatures.

This babe was even burning indomie, eating indomie from pot, very unsanitary behaviour but if you see this babe for outside, u no go believe say na like that she dey
Lmao grin cheesy
Re: Another Marriage About To Crash. by mygem: 10:57am On Jul 17, 2021
Honestly Men are becoming the victims of domestic violence and verbal abuse…Most young ladies enter marriage with the entitlement mentality and with unrealistic expectations from what they see on social media.A man needs peace in his home and if a woman fails to achieve this the marriage is likely to go under as modern men don’t have the patience anymore.My Case is not different from yours ,my marriage is a burden on me presently,I hope I won’t get to my elastic limit soon.

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Re: Another Marriage About To Crash. by Samcent: 10:59am On Jul 17, 2021
libertyfather:


If only divorce will work,lucky you....such women won't leave cause you are not the one beating her, talking frm experience
If the op was replying the verbal and emotional abuse with physical abuse, the equation would have been balanced and we would be having a different narration.

For me, verbal and emotional abuse is as bad as physical abuse. But because physical abuse, most times, have easily verifiable evidence more than verbal/emotional abuse, the society tend to frown more at the former while making excuses for the later.

While I am reluctant to subscribe divorce as a solution to any marital problem, I strongly condemn both physical and verbal abuse in marriage.
Nobody, husband or wife, should be repeatedly subjected to these kind of abuses in a marriage.

I pray every day to God, that there will never be an occasion that will make me hit my wife or abuse her in any way.
My wife is also sufficiently aware, that any form of verbal or emotional abuse from her, will have consequences.

On a general note, I think the limits of what is allowed in a marriage relationship is set during courtship and in the first 3 to 5 years of marriage. But unfortunately, many young men and women, are carried away by 'romantic hollywood/bollywood's fantasy movies' that they become detached from the realities of marriage and the hard work that is needed for it to succeed.

For the op, never you resort to physical assault neither should you take the abuse any further.
Seek for outside help from trusted family members and friends.
Take legitimate steps to keep your sanity intact- take the easy way if possible or the hard way if necessary.

2 Likes

Re: Another Marriage About To Crash. by UDUJ(m): 10:59am On Jul 17, 2021
dacblogger:

You're quite rude,I only asked a simple question which you might have lied about in your post.
No wonder your wife is always abusing you.learn how to talk to people,I was only trying to help out

Just imagine your summation: No wonder your wife is always abusing you.

I don't need to know you physically but from your write up I can easily decipher your level of IQ.

3 Likes

Re: Another Marriage About To Crash. by Onlinebar: 11:00am On Jul 17, 2021
chatinent:
Oga,


Inasmuch as I understand some women are very annoying, I must remind you the only ground that's christian for divorce: adultery.


If she's not committed one, you need to work things out.

I have once being in a situation when a girl hit me first repeatedly and still ran telling people I attack and beat her.

BTW, didn't you notice this while courting?
F*ck the Christian ground of adultery

Once my peace is threatened, I'm calling it quits. Adultery or not.

1 Like

Re: Another Marriage About To Crash. by BREYZ: 11:00am On Jul 17, 2021
chatinent:
Oga,


Inasmuch as I understand some women are very annoying, I must remind you the only ground that's christian for divorce: adultery.


If she's not committed one, you need to work things out.

I have once being in a situation when a girl hit me first repeatedly and still ran telling people I attack and beat her.

BTW, didn't you notice this while courting?

This guy no normal.
Re: Another Marriage About To Crash. by alizma: 11:01am On Jul 17, 2021
Adlac:
Lastly men please avoid women raised by single mother they come with venom and naturally demage psychological...they will take revenge on you for their father's sins.

Your Last Line Says it All.
Those raised by both parents are not totally excluded. You need to add that men should observe the spread of authority in their prospective in-laws house before they say I do.
If the woman is in charge, the young lady is likely going to see it as a normal thing for her to be in charge.

8 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Another Marriage About To Crash. by skj1377(m): 11:01am On Jul 17, 2021
Chairman Dont tell us about your problems even roses have thorns. Tell us how you met what made you marry her because I know you had other options including the one that worshiped you but you preferred this particular devil. There are many marriages made in hell these days
Pecoleee345:
Why does the society see men hitting women as bad thing but women cursing and abusive as normal.

A woman who curses and abuses you will still have the nerve to ask you for money.

Am not a perfect man..... I have my flaws but I am careful with words because I know what bad words can do to people.

Should a man be forced to stay with a woman who curses, abuses and threatens to get him arrested if he touch her despite you have never lay a finger on her in 3yrs of marriage.

People are telling me she is doing it due to anger that she doesn't mean it......am told to avoid making her angry and is that possible.
She gets me angry most times but I just leave the house and go cool off...
I have tried to teach her the act of keeping quiet in moment of anger but she never learns

She is permitted to rain curses and abuses on me because she is a woman and am expected not to react because that's how most women behave.

At this junction have made up my mind to divorce her.....I never wished for this but I can't take this ...... many people see this character of most women as normal (am told there power is in the mouth) but I can't.

Lastly men please avoid women raised by single mother they come with venom and naturally demage psychological...they will take revenge on you for their father's sins.

1 Like

Re: Another Marriage About To Crash. by MummyD2020(f): 11:01am On Jul 17, 2021
Tajbol4splend:



Most primitive and crude people who lack exposure will tell you you are not man enough if you can't absorb the excesses of your wife, that every woman is like that

They think say marriage na by muscle. Just yesterday i was discussing with hubby and said, soldier don tire u? Macho man, u don tire for wahala. E say e really don tire na calmness level now oh. Its not by gra gra. Even me sef d same thing. You will be doing i dont take shit, this one that one. Na u go tire. Im not excusing terrible behaviour.


Op single people that still depend on mummy thank u plenty for here oh

1 Like

Re: Another Marriage About To Crash. by lordally(m): 11:01am On Jul 17, 2021
Yusufisraelj:



Hmmm you made us believe your wife is the problem, but from this little fracas with dacblogger, it leaves a lot on the table.

I think you should learn to see things from another perspective and more importantly be accommodating and stop being offensive and throwing words at people bkos you don't like their opinion. I'm no counsellor I'm just stating the obvious.

What you're stating is not the obvious bro!! Lemme ask you are you married?? And if you are have you ever been in an abusive Marriage?? Did you grow up in one?? If you ever experienced any of that then you would understand that this is a man speaking out of Compressed frustration!!! Guy e no easy!!!

2 Likes

Re: Another Marriage About To Crash. by BelieveAfrica: 11:02am On Jul 17, 2021
You are lucky you have never raised your finger on her. Please, whatever she does, don't hit her. Take your stand and make your decision.

1 Like

Re: Another Marriage About To Crash. by alizma: 11:02am On Jul 17, 2021
BREYZ:


This guy no normal.
Most of those typing rubbish re not married.
Re: Another Marriage About To Crash. by Baltimore22(m): 11:03am On Jul 17, 2021
I once dated one... She almost gave me high blood pressure
Pecoleee345:
Why does the society see men hitting women as bad thing but women cursing and abusive as normal.

A woman who curses and abuses you will still have the nerve to ask you for money.

Am not a perfect man..... I have my flaws but I am careful with words because I know what bad words can do to people.

Should a man be forced to stay with a woman who curses, abuses and threatens to get him arrested if he touch her despite you have never lay a finger on her in 3yrs of marriage.

People are telling me she is doing it due to anger that she doesn't mean it......am told to avoid making her angry and is that possible.
She gets me angry most times but I just leave the house and go cool off...
I have tried to teach her the act of keeping quiet in moment of anger but she never learns

She is permitted to rain curses and abuses on me because she is a woman and am expected not to react because that's how most women behave.

At this junction have made up my mind to divorce her.....I never wished for this but I can't take this ...... many people see this character of most women as normal (am told there power is in the mouth) but I can't.

Lastly men please avoid women raised by single mother they come with venom and naturally demage psychological...they will take revenge on you for their father's sins.
Re: Another Marriage About To Crash. by LagbajaTheBEREAN: 11:03am On Jul 17, 2021
SpruceMediaNG:

[/b]Lastly men please avoid women raised by single mother they come with venom and naturally demage psychological...they will take revenge on you for there father sins.[b]

Redpill Manual, Chapter 3 verse 16
Re: Another Marriage About To Crash. by UDUJ(m): 11:03am On Jul 17, 2021
alizma:

Those raised by both parents are not totally excluded. You need to add that men should observe the spread of authority in their prospective in-laws house before they say I do.
If the woman is in charge, the young lady is likely going to see it as a normal thing for her to be in charge.

You are very very very correct. This your statement sums it up. Respect cool

2 Likes

Re: Another Marriage About To Crash. by EyeTaspirant(m): 11:04am On Jul 17, 2021
Thank God I am still single and not considering searching. This marriage thing be like say na women e pay pass
Pecoleee345:
Why does the society see men hitting women as bad thing but women cursing and abusive as normal.

A woman who curses and abuses you will still have the nerve to ask you for money.

Am not a perfect man..... I have my flaws but I am careful with words because I know what bad words can do to people.

Should a man be forced to stay with a woman who curses, abuses and threatens to get him arrested if he touch her despite you have never lay a finger on her in 3yrs of marriage.

People are telling me she is doing it due to anger that she doesn't mean it......am told to avoid making her angry and is that possible.
She gets me angry most times but I just leave the house and go cool off...
I have tried to teach her the act of keeping quiet in moment of anger but she never learns

She is permitted to rain curses and abuses on me because she is a woman and am expected not to react because that's how most women behave.

At this junction have made up my mind to divorce her.....I never wished for this but I can't take this ...... many people see this character of most women as normal (am told there power is in the mouth) but I can't.

Lastly men please avoid women raised by single mother they come with venom and naturally demage psychological...they will take revenge on you for their father's sins.
Re: Another Marriage About To Crash. by Kzinne: 11:04am On Jul 17, 2021
Pecoleee345:


Good question

She showed flashes but most times to are colleagues at work.....we courted for two years but we never really stayed together so I didn't get to really know that part of her.
you should stay together with a woman for like 2 months before marriage to avoid stories that touch
Re: Another Marriage About To Crash. by Born2winnx: 11:05am On Jul 17, 2021
chatinent:
Oga,


Inasmuch as I understand some women are very annoying, I must remind you the only ground that's christian for divorce: adultery.


If she's not committed one, you need to work things out.

I have once being in a situation when a girl hit me first repeatedly and still ran telling people I attack and beat her.

BTW, didn't you notice this while courting?
Your a simp assx nigga.

A weakling, he should continue taking the psychologically abuse from her?

Weak asz niga you are.
Re: Another Marriage About To Crash. by Lotusgoddess(f): 11:05am On Jul 17, 2021
Pecoleee345:
Why does the society see men hitting women as bad thing but women cursing and abusive as normal.

A woman who curses and abuses you will still have the nerve to ask you for money.

Am not a perfect man..... I have my flaws but I am careful with words because I know what bad words can do to people.

Should a man be forced to stay with a woman who curses, abuses and threatens to get him arrested if he touch her despite you have never lay a finger on her in 3yrs of marriage.

People are telling me she is doing it due to anger that she doesn't mean it......am told to avoid making her angry and is that possible.
She gets me angry most times but I just leave the house and go cool off...
I have tried to teach her the act of keeping quiet in moment of anger but she never learns

She is permitted to rain curses and abuses on me because she is a woman and am expected not to react because that's how most women behave.

At this junction have made up my mind to divorce her.....I never wished for this but I can't take this ...... many people see this character of most women as normal (am told there power is in the mouth) but I can't.

Lastly men please avoid women raised by single mother they come with venom and naturally demage psychological...they will take revenge on you for their father's sins.

Please you made sense until when you mentioned a single mom. I was raised by one and I've never insulted anyone before or reacted out of anger. My mom thought us to love our dad regardless, even when he didn't provide for us. So please, that single mom part wasn't necessary. I couldn't have asked for a better mom than mine

6 Likes

Re: Another Marriage About To Crash. by UltimateSpice: 11:06am On Jul 17, 2021
Interesting times we are.

Re: Another Marriage About To Crash. by INCREDIBLE007(m): 11:06am On Jul 17, 2021
bros
did you noticed these traits in her or not
Re: Another Marriage About To Crash. by lordally(m): 11:06am On Jul 17, 2021
dacblogger:

I'm telling you.i was actually feeling for him until he lashed out on me...
I am married so I know how it goes,I was only trying to help him resolve the issue rather than advice him to divorce. He might have withheld some useful info in this post.
I loved your last reply to him,it shows you're mature n learned.kudos

You say he might have withheld some useful information... Wait do you expect him to Wash his whole family issues online? Habah nau and you say you are married! Please you should know better nau

2 Likes

Re: Another Marriage About To Crash. by Goldbw122(m): 11:06am On Jul 17, 2021
You already know her character and thr way she feel and makes you feel during dating, and if you don't want the relationship just talk to your partner because when it gets to marriage there is no tolerance because that is when your real characters comes out,
Re: Another Marriage About To Crash. by blueheart(m): 11:07am On Jul 17, 2021
Eyah

Sorry Op. That's toxic. Always best to do due diligence in a quest to choose a partner. You learnt the hard way.

1 Like

Re: Another Marriage About To Crash. by INCREDIBLE007(m): 11:07am On Jul 17, 2021
Lotusgoddess:


Please you made sense until when you mentioned a single mom. I was raised by one and I've never insulted anyone before a reacted out of anger. My mom thought us to live our dad regardless, even when he didn't provide for us. And I've been married for five years to a husband I love and respect daily. So please, that single mom part wasn't necessary. I couldn't have asked for a better mom than mine

gbamsolutely

3 Likes

Re: Another Marriage About To Crash. by BluntTheApostle(m): 11:08am On Jul 17, 2021
Romanoff:
I recently attended a marriage seminar that made me understand why some people react the way they do in times of conflict.

The Rhino and Hedgehog scenario and qualities were compared.

A woman can react like a Rhino while a man like a hedgehog, a man can react like a Rhino and the woman a hedgehog or both can be Rhinos or hedgehogs.

It's good to understand how your partner reacts to situations so you can talk things through in a saner manner, as long as there is no physical abuse.

In all, you both should go for counselling, you are obviously the Hedgehog of the marriage and she a Rhino.

I know verbal and emotional abuse is as bad as physical abuse but once you take divorce out of the table, you'd be able to find other ways to resolve you're conflicts. You both need counselling and you need to express how you both feel in your counselling sessions.

All the best.

Great advice. However, there is a problem with this type of advice.

The problem is that it takes two to tango in a marriage.

Advising one person may not be enough.

Like I used to advise, the two people in the relationship must be willing to meet each other half way.

When I was pastoring, there was a seminar that I attended for pastors and their spouses (or fiancees and fiances). The main speaker was trying to advise men.

His advise was that men should always be mature because women are created to nag. That once a man understands this, then he won't have any problems.

This is foolish advice.

First of all, if a man is willing to meet a woman half way by controlling his anger while being debased by her tongue, what stops a woman from meeting her man half way by controlling her tongue?

You expect one adult to be mature at all times while encouraging the other adult in the union to be rude all in the name of "women are created that way; their power is in their tongue".

When we encourage women to nag while telling men to walk away, we are not helping any marriage. Because nagging is as much a bad behavior as physical abuse.

Which is why when I counseled, I used to ensure that the couple is present. If a wife comes to me, I always insist on seeing her husband and giving a joint counseling.

9 Likes

Re: Another Marriage About To Crash. by kushme: 11:09am On Jul 17, 2021
dacblogger:

Marriage is not all about sex...companionship is the main purpose.Dnt forget that.

what kind of psychologist wouldn't know that the mind of the average man in a relationship or marriage desires more sex than companion with a woman.

Have you asked yourself why most men could easily be with attractive but dull/toxic women?

companionship is the main purpose my arse.. companionship na later thing. Sex na first thought.

You know nothing about the mind of the average man. If not for sex, you think most men will tolerate the slightest provocation from a female.

You better start observing people and your immediate environment for your own professional good while you apply those book theories only when necessary.

5 Likes

Re: Another Marriage About To Crash. by Yusufisraelj(m): 11:09am On Jul 17, 2021
lordally:


What you're stating is not the obvious bro!! Lemme ask you are you married?? And if you are have you ever been in an abusive Marriage?? Did you grow up in one?? If you ever experienced any of that then you would understand that this is a man speaking out of Compressed frustration!!! Guy e no easy!!!

It is well. Thanks for your observations. God will help him.

1 Like

Re: Another Marriage About To Crash. by crossfire47(m): 11:10am On Jul 17, 2021
Worksunlimited:


Unfortunately they are many in this our society... Little wonder men no wan marry again...

I am a very patient and tolerant person but you see woman ehn.. the last woman I was with (girlfriend), tried this same thing with me, 1 night I couldn't take it anymore, the next day I threw her out of my apartment and deleted her number to avoid temptation..

They are like that. The first few weeks of courting they will pretend, the moment they start staying over at your place, their true colour comes out.

Very mean creatures.

This babe was even burning indomie, eating indomie from pot, very unsanitary behaviour but if you see this babe for outside, u no go believe say na like that she dey
My brother, mean is an understatement and the way I see it, most of them share this trait in common. Ever wondered why the serpent had to approach the woman in the bible to Disobey God's orders?? That's the reason why we all are in this mess today in life.

1 Like

Re: Another Marriage About To Crash. by MansoryMX(m): 11:10am On Jul 17, 2021
pansophist:
If you will be honest with yourself, you will admit that you are responsible for the situation that you are in. There is possibly no way she didn't show these behaviours before marriage, but you ignored and ringed her fingers. So why the shock? Marrying her was you implicitly acknowledging that her behaviours were acceptable. But there is a solution, and it is to divorce her. It is even easier since you do not have a child together.

Women from an existential perspective are weaker vessels, and the characteristic of the weak is exploitation, which she is doing perfectly well. Tolerating, ignoring, and leaving the house, etc won't make her stop her disgusting behaviours, instead, she would double up to determine the extent of the abuse she can get away with, while assured that you will tolerate it from her. It also seems that she does not have any fear of losing you, which is a problem in itself. For example, my spouse may decide that she would torment my life henceforth, but she knows I won't accept it, and that would instantly end our relationship. The fear of losing me is enough deterrent to keep her in check. And for a woman to fear losing you, she needs to see the value you hold.

The battle is usually won before the war, and if you lay your mat right, you won't be passing through these problems at all, since it's a foundational problem by nature. You know your situation better, so go and iron it out. You need to look at things honestly and be sure you want real changes. If there are any bad behaviours that you do to her, and you know to be genuinely wrong, stop it. You can not point fingers at her, while immune yourself from your wrong deeds. And do not relent in those qualities that made you attractive to her, that is what will bring respect, keep her in check, and makes you infinitely attractive. Stay strong.


I respect you bro. I needed this advice right now ah swear. Op they learn for wetin I dey go through. These can bring out the beast in a man if one isn’t careful

3 Likes

Re: Another Marriage About To Crash. by Awoleesu(m): 11:11am On Jul 17, 2021
My dear,
If I say I don't understand you, I'll be lying.

But like someone noted in the comments section; you should have seen the signs she's abusive while courting. I however understand also that when young people fall in love, they tend to overlook and forgive things easily hence the maxim; Love is blind...(and Marriage cures the blindness!)

Now, things are bad and you're thinking of ending it, huh?
So, let's look at some indices here;

* I don't know your background and how you two got hooked, but I want to assume there is at least one person whom she respects (be it family, cleric, elder, friend etc), it is in our native wisdom to get such a person to prevail on her to see reasons.

* There is the psychological angle to resolving marital issues too!
I remember one funny episode in mine. When she started frustrating me, I had woken up in the middle of the night and started soliloquizing... I started saying things like I was going nuts! (It was deliberate tho)...she got up and panicked! She started shouting "Jesus! Jesus! Not my portion!" She blew tongues as much as she could grin
When I saw that she had lost all the 'madness' in her to fear, I came back and quietly went to sleep. She didn't sleep all through the night - practically kept watch over me! grin. At the wake of the morning, she demanded to know what happened, and I simply told her I don't know. I said all I remembered was that I wanted to commit suicide, but for some reasons I lost the determined strength to do so ( playing on her psyche to think her prayers stopped whatever went wrong!) After that episode, we talked and resolved some issues... My point is,; desperate problems require desperate solutions! Do anything, anything at all (dramatic, crazy etc) to bring her to a serious deliberation... If you succeed, you'll be proud of yourself. If not, you'd still be glad you went the extra mile to save your marriage!

* Then the spiritual angle. I do not know your spiritual orientation, but I do know that praying together works in settling marital disputes. Thankfully, you're the Man here.
My Dad told me during one of my visits to him when we had one of our squabbles, that I am the Priest of my family!
Now, if you'll borrow this philosophy, see yourself as the priest of your home. Pray for her, preach to her, be a good example to her, lead her spiritually, provide guidance and support as much as you can, and love her.
Lastly, like I once advised a fellow here; know that the pains of divorce is very excruciating to the heart - are you prepared to go through it?

May God save your marriage!

4 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Another Marriage About To Crash. by UDUJ(m): 11:11am On Jul 17, 2021
crossfire47:

My brother, mean is an understatement and the way I see it, most of them share this trait in common. Ever wondered why the serpent had to approach the woman in the bible to Disobey God's orders?? That's the reason we all are in this mess today in life.

cheesy grin cheesy Because the serpent and that gender share similar traits cheesy

1 Like

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